离婚

这他妈就是勒索
It's a fucking shakedown!
我对不对 拉里
Am I right or am I wrong, Larry?
别把他扯进来
Leave him out of it!
你知道从索尼克冰淇淋店给他买♥♥奥利奥冰淇淋
Do you know the gas, time, and effort that goes into
之后再用水管清洁他
bringing him an Oreo Blast from Sonic
所需要的油钱 时间和精力吗
and hosing him down afterwards?
牛奶会让他爆发性腹泻
Dairy gives him explosive diarrhea.
-我知道 -我该报♥警♥逮捕你
- I know! - I should have you fucking arrested!
罗伯特
Robert?
他走了
Oh, he goes. He goes!
罗伯特
Robert?
出什么事了
Hey. What's going on?
我有点好奇 你的手♥机♥呢
Hey, mildly curious-- where's your cell phone?
我不知道 就在这附近
Um, I don't know. It's around somewhere.
真完美
Oh, that's perfect.
你能过来一会儿吗 这样你和我...
Okay, well, can you step in here for a second, so you and--
这是我以为的人吗
Is that who I think it is?
乐队开始演奏 芭比来了
Well, strike up the band, Barbie's here!
这是埋伏 你该先打电♥话♥的
It was an ambush. You should've called first.
波尼·马罗尼 我想要抱抱 能抱一下吗
Hey Boney Maroney, I want a hug. Can I get a hug?
来吧
Come on!
凯茜 凯茜
Cathy. Oh, Cathy, Cathy.
真是闹心的惊喜
What a-- what a-- what a disturbing surprise.
你说呢 我还以为我们甩掉你了
You're telling me. I thought we got rid of you.
但是俗话说得好
But like they say,
眼瞎的狗也能找到回家的路 对吧
even a blind dog finds its way home, right?
是的 并深情地回忆起当初它离开的原因
Yes, yes. And recalls fondly why it left in the first place.
你说得对 收获碗真好吃
You are right, these Harvest Bowls are so good!
但是不是热量超高
But aren't they like a million calories?
不吃米饭就不会
Not if you get it without the rice.
你真是个天才 我爱你
You're a genius, and I love you.
谢谢
Thank you.
你们点了沙拉吗
Damn, you got Sweetgreen?
可以用对讲机联♥系♥我啊
I'm on the walkie, you know.
我不知道该说什么了 泰勒
I don't know what to say anymore, Taylor.
我累坏了
I'm worn out.
这老头是谁
Who is this old man?
我祖父
My grandfather.
但你不能跟我一起住了
But you can't live with me anymore.
你得去盖尔和安迪家
You're gonna have to go to Gail and Andy's.
-如果他们要你 -去哈里斯堡吗
- If they'll take you. - In Harrisburg?
太刻薄了 我不能搬过去
That is so mean! I can't move there!
抱歉 你有足够多的警告了
Well, I'm sorry. You had enough warnings.
不 方法错了 祖父
No. Wrong approach, Grandpa.
这是个好姑娘
This is a good girl here.
她需要的是指导 不是警告
She needs guidance, not warnings.
看见了吗
See this?
瞧
Voila!
赦免了
Absolved.
她是无辜的
She's innocent.
你要向她道歉 因为你说的盖尔和安迪的话
Now, you apologize to her about that Gail and Andy shit.
然后你知道你要做什么吗
And then you know what you're gonna do?
你要带她去三楼
You are gonna take her to the third floor,
然后给她买♥♥
and you're gonna buy her
她想偷的那件皮外套
that leather jacket that she tried to steal.
这就叫交流
It's called communication.
有她的尺码吗
You have it in her size?
总之 我告诉那个警♥察♥
So anyway, I told that cop.
-我说好吧 给我开罚单 -好啊 弗朗西丝
- I said, "Fine, come on, give me the ticket." - Hey, Frances.
你好 杰姬
Oh, hey, Jackie.
但我会抗争
"But I'm gonna fight it,
我会告诉法官
"And I'm gonna tell the judge
你盯着我的胯部看
that you were staring at my crotch."
凯茜很风趣吧
Isn't Cathy fun?
天啊 凯茜有很多特点
Gosh, Cathy is so many things.
很难缩减到一个不精确的词
It's-- it's hard to whittle it down to just one imprecise word.
你终于抛弃了那款臭烘烘的洗发水了
Wow, you finally ditched that smelly Lustre-Creme?
他们1953年就停止生产了
I think they stopped making Lustre-Creme in 1953.
那是你年代的东西
Much more your era.
只有我这么觉得吗 还是你矮了一两英寸
Say, is it me, or did you shrink an inch or two?
不 是因为你穿的
Nah, it's just those flashy,
浮夸的 用来赚钱的细高跟鞋
money-maker stilettos you're wearing.
我们都得出♥卖♥♥♥自己 对吧
We all gotta sell our ass somehow, right?
她们较量了一下
Just their little dance.
拉里 那是垃圾 扔去路边啊
Larry, it's garbage! Drag it to the curb!
你拿进来干嘛 表演秀吗
What'd you bring it in here for, show and tell?
天啊 拉里 你好吗
Jeez. Hi, Larry. How you doin'?
但我想这是个蠢问题
But I guess I assume that's sort of a dumb question.
他听不见 金属乐队 最大音量
He can't hear you. Metallica, full blast.
好吧 你能过来单独和我说几句吗
Okay, okay. Can I grab you for a few minutes?
-我吗 -不是
- Me? - No.
凯茜 你跟杰姬讲讲那个有趣的故事吧
But you know what, Cathy? Tell Jackie that fun story
你因为跟踪汤姆·沃帕特
about how you got kicked out of the dinner theater
被赶出了晚餐剧院
for stalking Tom Wopat.
总之 中场休息时灯灭了
Oh, anyway, the lights had gone out during halftime, right?
她没有权利和他分享她的观点
She has no business sharing her opinions with him.
这对我们很不尊重 特别是我 他的妈妈
It's disrespectful to us, but especially me, his mother.
我觉得这很难相信
Just find this hard to believe.
他说的她的原话是什么
What does he claim she said exactly?
杰姬说上大学是浪费时间
Oh, um, you know, "Well, Jackie says college is a waste of time.
杰姬没上过大学 赚了超多钱
Jackie never went to college, and Jackie makes crazy money."
他为什么要瞎编
Why would he make it up?
显然她说了一些话
Okay, so clearly something was said,
我们不知道
and we don't know...
等等
Wait a second.
这段对话是怎么开始的
How did this conversation even happen?
你在逼他吗
Are you winding him up?
我们同意了缓一缓的
Yeah, we-we agreed to lay off.
我不
Well, I don't...
我不知道我们"同意"了缓一缓
I don't know that we necessarily agreed to lay off.
我们说了是短期 我缓了一缓
We said briefly, so I was-- I was brief.
那是胡扯 你知道的
That's bullshit and you know it.
你和我对涉及到孩子的事
You and I have a clear understanding
都很了解 弗朗西斯
when it comes to these kids, Frances.
我们是联盟 而你在乱来
It's an alliance, and you're fucking around with that.
好吧 知道吗 这事需要处理
All right, well, you know what? It needs to be dealt with,
我们想办法吧
so let's figure it out.
别担心
Just don't worry about it.
-他秋天会去上大学的 -当然了
- He's going to college in the fall. - You bet.
让我跟杰姬谈谈
Let me talk to Jackie.
她全归你了 等我先说完
She's all yours... as soon as I finish.
杰姬 你在忙吗
Um, Jackie, are you in the middle of something?
是的 我在订奇亚籽 怎么了
Yes, I'm ordering Chia seeds. What's up?
我有个问题
Just a question, um...
你记得跟汤姆建议
Do you recall ever suggesting to Tom
他不该上大学吗
that he shouldn't go to college?
没有 我为什么要那样做
No. Why would I do that?
你没有告诉他上大学是浪费时间吗
You didn't tell him that college was a waste of time?
我们也许聊过大学
Uh, we may have talked about college,
但那只是一次普通的谈话
but it was just a general conversation.
好吧 所以你没有试图说服他
Okay, so you didn't try to persuade him
他不该上大学
that he shouldn't go?
我没有鼓励他怎么样 我
I didn't push him either way. I--
我也许说过大学不适合所有人 那不适合我
I may have said it's not for everybody, and it wasn't for me.
没错
A-ha! Exactly!
在他看来 这就是鼓励
Well, see, for him that was a push.
现在他说他不上大学了
And now he says he's not going,
这对我 罗伯特或者汤姆来说都没什么帮助
which was not particularly helpful to me, to Robert, or to Tom.
我都不能在我自己家里
So I'm not allowed to have a conversation
跟我继子聊天了吗
with my stepson in my own home