离婚

分享一张家庭床
You know, still, there's something really sweet
感觉挺有爱的
about sharing a family bed.
让你们感觉很亲密
It makes you all feel really close.
亨利 你有孩子吗
So, Henry, do you have kids?
有继子 厄苏拉和我认识时
Uh, step-kids. When Ursula and I met,
她有八岁和十岁的孩子 那就够了
they were 8 and 10, so that was enough.
-厄苏拉是你前妻吗 -是的
- So, Ursula was your ex? - Yep.
-她也是白人吗 -罗比
- Is she white, too? - Robby!
-天啊 -你什么毛病啊
- Oh, my God! - What is wrong with you?
-天啊 -该死 我是不是微挑衅你了
- Jesus Christ! - Ah, fuck, did I just micro-aggress you, man?
-你觉得呢 -真抱歉 我刚做了什么
- You think? - So sorry, the fuck did I just do?
我刚才才明白那是什么意思
I didn't even know what that meant until just now.
快闭嘴
Stop talking right now.
-亨利 别杀了他 -没事
- Henry, do not kill him. - It's-it's... It's fine.
别担心 说真的 这话有点过分
No worries. Seriously, uh... It's a little fucked up,
-但我们没事 -天啊
- but we're cool, we're cool. - Oh, my God.
你真大度 谢谢你 亨利
You're a very forgiving man. Thank you, Henry.
这人
This guy.
这人比杰里米好多了
This guy's head and shoulders above Jeremy.
嗯
Yeah.
杰里米怎么了
What about Jeremy?
天啊 亨利
God, Henry.
杰里米是我的助理教练
This guy, Jeremy, is my assistant coach.
他征求我的许可
He asks my permission
想约弗朗西丝出去
to ask Frances out on a date.
-这很混♥蛋♥吧 -是吗
- Is that a dick move? - He did?
是啊 他在比赛时突然问的我
Yeah, he dry-gulched me at the game.
他完全越过了兄弟线
Yeah, I mean, he completely crossed the bro line.
他约你出去了 对吧
He asked you out, right?
差不多吧 我想是的
I mean... sort of, yeah, I guess so.
我什么都没说
I mean, I didn't... I didn't say anything
因为我拒绝了
because it just, you know, I said no.
就这样 那并没有
So that was that, it didn't...
这讲得通
Yeah, yeah. And that makes sense.
你为什么要说呢
Like, why would you say anything?
为什么想让别人尴尬
Why would you make anyone feel bad?
所以罗伯特才没告诉我
I'm sure that's why Robert didn't tell me.
当然了 为什么会有人约我出去呢
Of course, why would anyone ask me out?
我的屁♥股♥和一辆大众一样大
My ass is currently the size of a Volkswagen,
我目前还被软禁了
and I'm under house arrest.
我得闭上我的嘴了
I need to keep my fucking mouth shut.
亨利 我们是不是该
Uh, Henry, is it time, like, is it
去看看你的猫小偷♥窥♥了
nearing time for us to check on your cat, Peepers.
是花生 花生
Peanuts! Peanuts!
你想做什么都行
No, you're free to do whatever you want.
-什么 -你是成年女人了
- What? - You're a grown woman.
他不是那意思
No, he doesn't mean that.
你不希望弗朗西丝去约会吧
You don't actually want Frances to go on a date.
不 我希望弗朗西丝做她喜欢做的事
No, I want Frances to do whatever she likes.
我讨厌弗朗西丝跟杰里米约会
I hate the idea of Frances going on a date with Jeremy,
我都没跟她结婚了
and I'm not even married to her anymore.
弗朗西丝 我也许给你在海斯廷斯的房♥子
Frances, I may have found a buyer
找到了买♥♥家
for your Hastings home.
你不告诉我就要卖♥♥♥房♥♥子吗
You put the house on the market without telling me?
不 我没有卖♥♥♥房♥♥子
No. I didn't put the house on the market.
杰姬带一只尖叫的母牛布伦达·赛克斯
Jackie showed it to this screeching cow
看了房♥
named Brenda Sykes,
她想买♥♥
and she just ran with it.
我不确定我想卖♥♥掉那栋房♥子
Well, I don't know if I want to sell the house.
我们现在
I mean, is this something
就要聊这件事吗
that we have to talk about like right now?
不
No.
你还好吗
Is everything... are you okay?
是的 只有一点刺痛
Uh, yeah, I think it's just, just like a little twinge.
-也许我们该 -不 绝对的
- Maybe we should... - Yeah, no, definitely.
我们不烦你了 你也许该
We'll get out of your hair. You should probably be...
把脚抬起来
have your feet up, and...
真刻薄
Well, that was mean.
-真尴尬 -我不喜欢被蒙在鼓里
- And embarrassing. - I don't like being blindsided.
被蒙在鼓里
Blindsided?
是啊 你居然没提这件事 真有趣
Yeah, interesting how you failed to mention it.
你真的希望我告诉你
You really wanted me to tell you
一个我几乎不认识的男人
that a man I barely know,
我对他没有任何浪漫的兴趣
for whom I have zero romantic interest,
他笨拙地约我出去 然后我拒绝了吗
sort of fumbled asking me out, and I said no?
这样总比你前夫在晚餐时告诉我好
Better that way than your ex telling me at dinner.
他太没礼貌了
Well, that... that's just bad manners.
我不知道你为什么觉得你得告诉他们
And I don't know why you felt you had to tell them
我想做什么都可以
that, you know, I can do whatever I want.
你为什么得在他们面前说
Why did you have to say that in front of them?
你本可以 你本可以
You could've... you could've...
你本可以等我们上车后再说
You could've waited till we got to the car.
你本可以一言不发
You could've said nothing.
-真伤人 -我就是那意思
- It was just hurtful. - Because that's what I meant.
知道吗 我打算选择相信
You know what? I'm gonna choose to believe
-你不是那意思 -弗朗西丝 我说过了
- that you don't mean that. - Frances, like I said,
你想做什么都可以
you can do what you want.
我不会阻拦你 这是一条规则
I will not stop you. As a rule.
你真会让女人觉得自己被需要
You really know how to make a lady feel wanted.
还有什么我要知道的规则吗
So, are there any other rules that I should know about?
其实这是规则的对立
Actually, it's the opposite of rules.
知道吗 随你怎么说
Well, you know what? You can call it whatever you want.
不管你用什么词
Whatever word you choose,
你在定义我们的关系
you are defining our relationship.
你不肯离婚
You won't get divorced.
我解释过了 那是为了生意
I explained that. That's just for business.
好吧
Well...
我们回城里吧
Let's just go back to the city.
今晚说了那么多可怕的话
You know, of all the horrible things that were said tonight,
我的种族主义言论甚至没有进入前三名
my racist remark didn't even make the top three.
你为什么要提起房♥子的事
Why would you bring up the house?
我不知道 那很糟糕 好吗
I don't know. It was shitty, okay?
罗伯特 我不知道发生了什么
Robert, I don't know what is happening.
我就说出来了
It just... it fell out of my mouth.
我很嫉妒你在乎
I was jealous that you cared
有人约了弗朗西丝 所以
that Frances was asked out, so...
我是个贱♥人♥ 但我不是贱♥人♥
I was a bitch. But I'm not a bitch!
但是你希望今晚很顺利的
But you're the one that wanted this evening to go oh-so-well,
然后你就提起了房♥子的事
and then you bring up the house.
-搞什么 杰姬 -我从未有过一个
- What the fuck, Jackie? - I have never had a husband
有前妻的老公
with an ex before.
我之前都没有过老公
I've never even had a husband before.
所以这一切对我来说都很疯狂
So, this is all some crazy Martian shit to me.
你真的有刺痛吗
Was there even a twinge?
我想我们都知道刺痛是因为什么
I think we all know what that twinge was about.
等等 我不明白了 结局是什么
Wait, so I don't understand. How did you leave it?
谁知道呢
Oh, who knows?
但显然 我想做什么都可以
But, apparently, I'm at liberty to do whatever I want.
有意思
Hmmm, interesting.
我得告诉你们两位女士
Well, I have to tell you two ladies
昨晚一个80岁的老头约我出去了
that an 80-year-old man asked me out last night.
真的吗 他真是个自大的混♥蛋♥
Oh, really? Well, he's a cocky asshole.
我答应了
I said yes.
谁不喜欢免费的午餐呢
Well, you know, who doesn't... who doesn't love a free meal?
弗朗西丝 这是什么来着
Frances, what's this again?
木薯
Uh, cassava.
我觉得你和亨利是天生一对
Well, I think that you and Henry are perfect together.
不是天生一对
I don't think "Perfect."
差不多了
Well, close enough.
好了姑娘们 我要去找山药了
All right, girls, I'm gonna go look for some yams.