离婚

Can't complain. 11-0 record!
是啊 不过你让12个可爱的孩子
Yeah, except for the part where you turned
变成了反♥社♥会♥分子
12 sweet kids into sociopaths.
但谁不喜欢赢呢
But who doesn't like to win?
抱歉 杰尔叔叔 我知道 挡拆
Sorry, Uncle Jer. I know, pick and roll!
-我真是个蠢货 -是的 你是蠢货
- I'm a fucking idiot! - Yes, you are an idiot.
把你的眼睛盯在球上 别盯着那边的鼻环
Just keep your eye on the ball and off of nose ring over there.
鲍比·耐特大教练
Hey, Bobby Knight,
你开始扔椅子之前
before you start throwing chairs,
最好记住她们是高中女孩
you might wanna remember these are high school girls.
她们压力已经很大了
They're kind of dangling off the edge as it is.
抱歉 罗伯特
Sorry, Robert.
你说得对
You're absolutely right.
记得一直提醒我 我很感激
Keep reminding me. I appreciate it.
-莱拉 -嘿
- Lila! - Hey.
比赛很棒 你表现很精彩
Great game, you killed it. Great game.
还有
And...
你很高尚 做得好
you stayed golden in here. Good job.
好 女孩们 过来吧
All right, girls, let's bring it in.
听好了
Listen up.
赢比赛 很酷
Winning, totally cool.
增加大脑中的多巴胺什么的
Increases the dopamine in the brain and what not,
但是我们要记住 这是比赛
but let's try to remember this is a game.
玩得开心哦 偶尔可以咯咯笑
Have fun. You can chuckle now and then.
甚至展颜微笑
Maybe even crack a smile.
你们怎么觉得
What do you think?
好吧 记在心里就行
All right, just keep it in mind.
-谁想喊口号♥ -我
- Who wants to take us out? - I do.
好 你想说什么
All right, what do you got?
杰森·坎贝尔是个混♥蛋♥
Jason Campbell's an asshole.
数到三说混♥蛋♥
"Asshole" On three?
不
No.
也许说团队合作
Maybe "Teamwork"?
好吧
Fine.
好 一二三
Okay. One, two, three...
-团队合作 -对了
- Teamwork! - Yeah.
怎么说 去吃点晚餐吗
So what do you say? Grab some dinner?
下一站 亚区
Next stop, sub-regionals!
不行
I can't.
都不想编个谎吗
Ouch. Don't even rate a good lie?
好吧
Well...
我未婚妻怀孕了
my fiancée is pregnant,
有好多事
and there's a lot going on.
太棒了
Whoa-ho! Fantastic!
恭喜了 老兄
Congratulations, man, yeah!
我还没告诉我孩子们
Well, I haven't told my kids yet.
或者是前妻
Or my ex.
莱拉
And Lila's...
就站在那里 所以
standing right there, so...
-小声点 -知道了
- Keep it on the down-low. - Got it, got it.
我会守口如瓶
Won't say a word.
这次的秘密和逃避
You know, this time of secrets and avoidance
是一段快乐的时光 但是
has been a happy one, but...
所有美好的事情总有一个终点
all good things must come to an end.
-黛安 -签名
- Diane. - Sign it.
婚姻解除证书
黛安 我好想你
Diane, I've missed you so...
少叫我黛安 签名
Don't "Diane" Me, sign it.
我只是觉得我们不该草率行事
Look, I just don't think we should do anything rash.
告诉你一声
Just so you know...
每天的每个小时里
every hour of every single day,
我都想象拿着你的高尔夫球杆
I have imagined taking one of your golf clubs
打爆你的狗头
and bashing your fucking brains in!
黛安 别给他们主意
Diane, don't give them any ideas.
听我说 坐下 坐下
Listen to me. Sit down, sit down.
我改过自新了 真的
I'm a changed man, really.
请别告诉我你找到了上帝
Please don't tell me you found God.
才没有 但我找到了谦卑
Fuck no, but I found humility.
少来了 你穿着连体裤
Give me a break. You're in a jumpsuit!
睡在小床上 尼克
You sleep on a cot, Nick!
我不觉得厉害 好吗
I'm not impressed, okay?
我甚至给你做了一些礼物
Look, I even made you some presents.
-这是什么 -动物雕刻
- What is this? - Animal figurines.
我用厕纸和眼线笔做的
I made them from toilet paper and eyeliner.
你就想这样赢回我吗
This is how you're trying to win me back?
不 不仅如此
No, no, not just that.
我还做了这个
I also made-made these.
我用口红和唇膏
I-I-I painted these with, uh...
画了这些
with rouge and, and lipstick.
黛安
Diane!
黛安 那花了我好几个月时间
Diane, those took me months to make!
你知道你毁了我吗 尼克
Do you understand that you destroyed me, Nick?
你的肥头大脑能想明白吗
Can you get that through your fat skull?
你毁了我
You destroyed me!
在厕纸上画画也没法赢回我
And painted toilet paper is not gonna win me back.
我还给你弄了一袋金枪鱼
I also got you a pouch of tuna.
签名 签名
Sign it, sign it, sign it, sigh it!
我们不能带钢笔
We're not allowed pens.
因为几个害群之马
A few bad apples.
阿尔瓦雷斯
Alvarez.
别惹我
Do not fuck with me.
马上给我拿只钢笔来
I want you to get me a goddamn pen right now.
现在 快去拿
Right now. Get it, get it, get it!
把钢笔给他
Give him the goddamn pen.
签名吧 尼克
Sign it, Nick.
-亲爱的 我知道我们在吵架 -妈妈
- Honey, I-I know we've been fighting... - Mom...
但我认为这是我们重归于好的好时机
but I thought that this would be a good time for us to reconnect.
你回家时 我们可以直接去奶昔小站
So when you get home, we can go straight to Shake Shack, right?
-加入日历吧 -妈妈 我不来
- Put it in your iCal. - Mom, I'm not coming.
但我已经给你买♥♥了票
But I already-- I already bought you a ticket.
我从没说过我要回家
I never said I was coming home.
你当然要回家
Of course you're coming home.
你又不是孤儿
You're not an orphan.
我不想回家
I don't want to come home.
我不想每次做出伤害你感情的决定时
And I don't want to worry every time I make a decision
都得担心
that it's gonna hurt your feelings.
这当然会伤害我的感情
Well, of course it's gonna hurt my feelings,
我不觉得
and I don't think there's
你感同身受有什么不妥
anything wrong with you being empathetic to that.
妈妈 我一直在避免
Mom, I have been avoiding it,
因为恨自己的妈妈真的是陈词滥调
because hating your mother is such a cliché,
但是 我做不到
but... I can't do this.
科尔
Cole!
你没事吧 度假怎么样
You okay? How's the vacation?
像是有褥疮的毛伊岛
Like Maui with bed sores.
我开始要疯了
I'm starting to lose my mind.
海盗战利品
Pirate Booty!
我知道是谁
I know who this is.
-罗伯特·迪弗雷纳 -对
- Uh, Robert DuFresne? - Yeah.
时间刚好
Not a moment too soon.
-猜猜你今天赢得了什么 -什么
- Guess what you won today. - What?
-一张新床 -什么
- A new bed! - What?
我买♥♥了张新床
I got a new bed.
这边 伙计们
This way, fellas.
这个月的日历
Um, the calendar for the month.
你说你需要坐下来聊聊
You said you needed to sit down with it
看看能否行得通
to see if it makes sense.
-是的 -可以吗
- Yeah, yeah, yeah! - It's okay?
嗯 看起来
Yeah, yeah, it looks, uh... Yeah, it looks, uh...
挺好的 找工作怎么样了
Pretty good. How's the... How's the job hunting going?
很糟糕
It sucks.