爸爸好尴尬（2021）

Or as they say in Spanish, I call it...
用西班牙语说 就是...
Look out. Look out. Look out.
看好了 看好了 看好了
I know I was a little off, but...
我知道刚才表现不佳 不过...
No. You guys, I can get you either...
-没有啊 -两位 我可以给你们...
Another drink or some straws down here?
再拿一杯喝的 或者拿点吸管从地上吸
No, no. We're all right.
-不用了 -不必了
Excuse me?
请问
I'm Melba. Are you Willie?
我是梅尔巴 你是威利吗
No. No, I am not Willie. You know what? Willie's...
不 我不是威利 知道吗 威利...
He's in the bathroom. Yeah. Across the street.
他在卫生间 没错 街对面
Go straight. Keep walking. Keeping walking. Striaght.
一直向前 继续走 直着走
Turn right!
右转
That ought to do it. Pop! That was your date?
-应该搞定了 -老爹 那是你的约会对象
Yeah, but she didn't look nothing like her profile picture.
是的 但她一点也不像照片上的样子
I think I just got catfished by a real catfish.
我想我被一条真正的鲇鱼 当作鲇鱼骗了
I'm gonna have you guys lock up.
你们来锁门吧
I'm going fishing in that pool.
我要去钓那条美人鱼了
Let me tell you something.
告诉你们
It's gonna be like shooting fish in a toilet.
肯定手到擒来 就像开枪打马桶里的鱼
My gosh.
天啊
This is fun, hanging out with you.
跟你一起玩真有意思
We never really got to talk like this before.
以前我们从没像这样聊过天
I don't know what advice I can give you.
我不知道我能给你什么建议
I don't need advice.
我不需要建议
Just being here right now with you is enough.
现在和你坐在这里 我就很满足了
Toast?
干杯
Hi. Are you Chelsea?
嗨 你是切尔西吧
No, that's my evil twin.
不 她是我邪恶的双胞胎妹妹
That girl got felonies. Run!
她是重案犯 快逃
Far away.
逃得远远的
You just ran off another man?
你又拒绝了一个男人
I don't need a sugar daddy.
我不需要干爹
I got my real daddy. All right.
-我有真正的老爹 -好吧
I'm gonna tell you something. I went fishing in that pond
跟你们说 我去钓那条美人鱼
and that fish wasn't fresh.
结果那条鱼不好惹
Took my bait, broke my pole.
她吞了我的鱼饵 折断了我的鱼竿
He really did those pepper wings right. Funny.
-他做的胡椒鸡翅真好吃 -有趣
Right? He got that, okay? He did that. Right?
-对吧 他有一手 他做得不错 -对吧
That's what I'm saying. And buffalos do have wings.
-我就是这个意思 -还有 水牛是有翅膀的
They don't. I googled it. They don't. What?
-没有 我谷歌♥过了 -没有翅膀 什么
Why are they pulling in my driveway?
他们干嘛把车停在我家的车道上
Yeah, 'cause they don't live here,
对啊 他们又不住在这里
they live at the police station.
他们住在警局
Hold it right there.
不许动
Officers, can I help you? I live here.
警官 有事吗 我住在这里
What's the problem here?
这是怎么回事
Yeah, 'cause the donut shop is two miles that way, so...
对啊 甜甜圈店在那边三公里 所以...
I get it. Driving while Black?
我知道了 是因为我是黑人 而且开豪车
This is private property, so why don't y'all get out of here?
这里是私宅 请你们离开
Come on. Let's go inside. Yeah.
-算了 我们进屋吧 -好
Freeze. Nobody move, nobody gets hurt.
不许动 只要别动 就不会有人受伤
Yeah, 'cause we didn't do nothing.
是的 因为我们什么都没做
Just stay calm, Rahim.
冷静点 拉希姆
I'm gonna get this all on video. Do it.
-我要用手♥机♥拍下来 -拍吧
Why don't y'all leave us alone? Shut your mouth, boy.
-请不要打扰我们 -闭嘴 小子
We got a call about a luxury car that fits this description
我们接到报♥警♥电♥话♥ 说有一辆豪车在这一带踩点
casing the neighborhood.
你的车符合描述
You steal this car? It's my father's car.
-这车是你偷的吧 -这是我爸的车
And who you calling boy, boy?
你管谁叫"小子" 小子
Is all that necessary?
有这个必要吗
You done messed up now, man. My pops is a judge.
你们要倒霉了 伙计 我爸是法官
What are you guys doing?
你们干什么
He didn't even do anything!
他什么都没做
Young lady, put the phone down.
小姐 把手♥机♥放下
No. I know my rights.
不 我知道我的权利
I'm filming this whole thing. No, I'm going live.
我要全都拍下来 算了 我要现场直播
So you got a problem with authority?
你对政♥府♥有意见吗
You're under arrest. ACAB. What about it? What?
-你被捕了 -警♥察♥全是混♥蛋♥ 怎么样 干嘛
Come on, man! Under arrest for what?
-别这样 伙计 -以什么罪名逮捕我
Obstruction of justice. What justice?
-妨碍司法公正 -什么司法公正
Are you serious?
你们认真的吗
Let's see here.
我看看
Okay, who is this going live on Instagram?
好吧 在直播的这个人是谁
Whoever it is, is in my driveway.
不管是谁 这是我家的车道
Shit. It's Sasha.
糟了 是萨莎
It's Sasha. Gotta go. My God.
-是萨莎 我们得走了 -天啊
Call you later. Gotta go. I'll meet you at the house!
-改天给你打电♥话♥ 我得走了 -我们家里见
Wait. Hold on, Pops.
等一下 老爹
Sasha's on Instagram Live, so let's see what she doin'.
萨莎开直播了 我们来看看她在干什么
All right.
好吧
My God. What?
-天啊 -怎么了
There's cops all around our house. We gotta go.
我们家有好多警♥察♥ 我们得走了
Nah. No, you gotta go. I got warrants.
不 你走吧 我还有出庭传票要处理
Pops! I'll pay for your warrants.
老爹 我会帮你交罚金的
Come on. Man. I can't...
-快点 -伙计 我不能...
My God.
天啊
Who's gonna pay for all this shit?
谁来买♥♥单
What's going on? That's my daughter.
怎么回事 那是我女儿
Back away! This is a police matter!
退后 警♥察♥办案
I am the police, asshole!
我就是警♥察♥ 混♥蛋♥
What are you doing?
你们干什么
Dad! You're hurting him! Why the hell are you doing this?
-爸爸 你们会把他弄伤的 -你们这是干什么
We got a call about a suspicious vehicle.
有人报♥警♥ 说有一辆可疑车辆
Was the vehicle suspicious,
是车辆可疑
or the fact that a Black kid was driving it?
还是开车的黑人孩子可疑
Wait a minute. I know you.
等一下 我认识你
You're the Cowardly Cop from the news!
你是新闻里那个"胆小的警♥察♥"
Can I get your autograph? Seriously?
-可以为我签个名吗 -真的假的
This is my house. What is going on? Dad! That's my dad!
-这是我家 发生什么事了 -爸爸 那是我爸
Why is my daughter handcuffed on the ground here?
为什么我女儿戴着手铐躺在地上
I tried to film it, but they took my phone.
我想拍下来 但他们抢了我的手♥机♥
This suffice?
这个行吗
Checks out.
没事了
Finally. Take off the handcuffs.
-终于 -给他们解开手铐
Hurry up. Yeah.
-快点 -对
Me next, please.
下一个给我解 谢谢
Get these things off of me.
给我解开
What's going on? Yeah, what's going on?
-怎么回事 -是啊 怎么回事
I am Attorney Dr. Charles Weldon Ezekiel Fitzgerald Johnson III, Esq.,
我是律师查尔斯·韦尔登·以西结·菲茨杰拉德·约翰逊三世博士
and I am a legal, no-warrant-having tenant here.
我是这里的合法租客 没有对我的法庭传票
Sir, there's been a mistake.
先生 这是个误会
Sorry for the inconvenience.
抱歉给你们带来不便
Guess I'll be seeing you at the Policeman's Ball.
那我们就在警♥察♥舞会上见了
No, you won't...
不 你见不到我了
because I'm no longer a cop.
因为我已经不是警♥察♥了
I'm leaving the force.
我要离开警队
I took an oath to serve and protect,
当初我发誓要服务和保护市民
but all I see here are a bunch of bullies with badges and guns,
但我看到的却是一群 带着警徽和枪的恶霸
and I'm not about that.
我不想成为这种人
That's right, Dad. Tell 'em.
说得对 爸爸 告诉他们
Now, get the hell off my friend's lawn.
现在 离开我朋友的草坪
Well, in this case it's a deck. Semantics!
好吧 是露台 意思差不多
Get...
赶紧...
Everybody all right? Yeah.
-大家都没事吧 -没事
Yeah. I was so scared, Dad. Yeah.
-刚才我吓坏了 爸爸 -嗯
Like, I mean, you see it on TV,
平时在电视上见到还不觉得
but it's crazy when it happens to you.
自己遇到真是太吓人了
Yeah, I know. Shoot.
-对 我知道 -哎
Back in the old days, Black folks couldn't get mad.
这种事要是放在从前 黑人根本就无权生气
All they could do was sing about it. You right, Pops.
-他们只能把它编成歌♥ -没错 老爹