爸爸好尴尬（2021）

I know it's not doing well.
我知道公♥司♥处境艰难
Why you rubbin' this in my face? What're you sayin'?
干嘛哪壶不开提哪壶 你想说什么
Look, I'm being serious, okay?
听着 我是认真的 好吗
I want you to consider me for head of marketing position.
我希望你考虑让我担任营销总监
Head of marketing? Yeah.
-营销总监 -是的
Look, we've been struggling with that. I mean...
听着 我们一直在纠结这件事 我是说...
Okay.
好吧
Since you turned off the king...
既然你不让我看王者
give me a king's pitch.
那就用王者的话术说服我
All right. Well, I'm perfect for this job
好吧 我是这个职位的最佳人选
because I studied marketing at Emory,
我在埃默里大学学过市场营销
and for the past five years, I have gotten to know Bay from the inside out.
这五年来 我对贝杨公♥司♥有了透彻的了解
I know all of your goals, your strategies, your secrets.
我了解你的各项目标 战略和秘密
Secrets?
秘密
You mean I didn't delete my search history?
你是说我没有删除我的搜索记录吗
You know, I was trying to look up StubHub.
你知道 我是想查查票务网站
Right.
才怪
Anyway, you signed a non-disclosure agreement, so...
反正你签过保密协议 所以...
It was just a piece of paper that said,
只是有一张纸上写着
"Please don't tell anyone anything," written in red lipstick.
"请不要告诉任何人" 用口红写的
But it was on company letterhead.
对 是写在公♥司♥信笺上的
From the Hampton Inn at Dulles airport.
杜勒斯机场汉普顿酒店的信笺
That's still a company.
那也是公♥司♥
Brian, I know that Bay is a family business, okay?
布莱恩 我知道贝杨公♥司♥是家族企业
But I care about it like I'm part of the family.
但我就像家庭成员一样关心公♥司♥
And I promise, if you trust me
我保证 只要你相信我
and let me run with this, I am going to kill it.
让我负责 我保证大杀四方
Okay. Okay.
好吧 好吧
That was a king pitch.
确实是王者的话术
You know what?
这样吧
Because you did that...
既然你做了这个...
and your other qualifications...
再加上你的其他资质...
It's yours.
这个职位给你了
My God. Thank you. Thank you so much.
天啊 谢谢 万分感谢
Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
好了 谢谢
Thank you so...
谢谢你如此...
Brian...
布莱恩
Why is Chelsea taking out Pops' car battery?
切尔西为什么把老爹车里的电瓶取出来
Nipples or nuts, Stace.
咪♥咪♥还是蛋蛋 史黛西
Nipples or nuts.
咪♥咪♥还是蛋蛋
How crazy is it,
真是不可思议
when we were in high school, dads were telling us
上高中的时候 女生的老爸要我们
to stay away from their daughters,
离他们的女儿远点
and now we're doing the same thing.
现在我们在做同样的事
Come on, man. You didn't have no girls.
得了吧 那时候你又没有女朋友
Really? Really.
-是吗 -是的
What do you call that fine-ass girl I took to the prom?
我带去参加毕业舞会的那个美女算什么
A hostage.
人♥质♥
She was a fine-ass hostage, though, right?
但她是个漂亮的人♥质♥ 对吧
Dude, I can't believe you!
老兄 你太过分了
Baby, I am your father.
宝贝 我是你的爸爸
Trust me. Fifteen years of child support receipts to prove it.
相信我 我有抚养孩子15年的收据为证
Well, 14 years, 'cause that first year she didn't look like me.
好吧 是14年 因为第一年她长得不像我
You actually went to Brodie's house?
你真的去了布罗迪家吗
Watch this. I can get out of anything.
看着 我可以赖掉任何事
I am the David Blaine of lies.
我是撒谎界的大卫·布莱恩[魔术师]
Why aren't there any Black magicians?
怎么就没有黑人魔术师呢
Brodie? Brodie who?
布罗迪 谁是布罗迪
See? David Blaine.
你瞧 魔术大♥师♥
He ain't gettin' out of this one.
这次他休想赖掉
He's about to fall apart like a bootleg Louis bag.
他即将像假冒名牌包一样崩掉
Well, Brodie just sent me this.
这是布罗迪刚刚发给我的
It's video from his Ring doorbell.
是他家的门铃摄像头拍的视频
Video? That's not good.
视频 大事不妙
See, what had happened was I was... We were out.
其实是这样的 我... 我们出去了
We're getting into Jehovah's Witnesses,
我们打算加入耶♥和♥华♥见证人教派
and we rolled by his place.
当时正好路过他家
But you gotta understand. You can't hear what we're...
但是你要明白 你听不到我们...
We're testifying to him but there's no audio.
我们在向他布道 但是没有声音
It has audio.
有声音
Audio?
有声音
That's not good.
大事不妙
Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me?
你知道这让我多丢脸吗
No, you don't. Because you always embarrass me.
不 你不知道 因为你总是让我丢脸
I can't believe you went behind my back and threatened Brodie.
我不敢相信 你竟然瞒着我威胁布罗迪
I can't believe you went behind my back
我也不敢相信
and went out with him in the first place.
你竟然瞒着我跟他出去
Okay? Now, this is my house. It's my rules.
好吗 这是我的家 我说了算
You'll abide by it 'cause I pay the bills here.
你必须守我的规矩 因为是我在付账单
So I have to follow all your rules around here,
所以我必须遵守你的各种规矩
no matter how stupid they are?
不管这些规矩有多么荒谬
First of all, you watch your tone, your delivery and your neck.
首先 注意你的语气 说话方式和你的脖子
Whatever this is, all this...
不管这是干什么 这些...
I need still-necktedness in this house.
在这个家 脖子不许晃来晃去的
Good talk.
聊得很开心
That's the thing. You never let me talk.
问题就在这里 你从来不许我说话
You just lay down your rules without listening to my point of view.
你只会立规矩 从来不听我的观点
I'm a teenage girl. I'm gonna talk to boys.
我是个十几岁的女生 我要和男生说话
And I am a grown black man and I'mma whip them boys' asses.
我是个成年黑人 我要用鞭子抽那些男生的屁♥股♥
God. Do you even listen to yourself?
天啊 你知道你在说什么吗
Look, I'm sorry I went behind your back.
听着 抱歉 我不该瞒着你
But what choice did I have?
但我有什么办法呢
Okay, well, I accept your apology.
好 我接受你的道歉
So you don't think you did anything wrong?
你不觉得你也有错吗
You know what? Hell to the no.
知道吗 没有
On the bright side, we didn't fry Brodie's nipples.
往好的方面想 我们没有烧焦布罗迪的咪♥咪♥
You know what really sucks?
知道最烦人的是什么吗
I thought Brodie didn't like me because of me.
我以为布罗迪不喜欢我 是我的原因
But it turns out he didn't like me because of you.
结果他不喜欢我 是因为你
Thanks, Dad.
谢了 老爸
You know what? I was protecting you.
知道吗 我是在保护你
Okay? I got video proof of your perfect little Brodie right here.
懂吗 关于你完美的小布罗迪 我这里有视频证据
He's right here with...
他在这里跟...
Hell...
见鬼
did I just delete it?
刚刚被我删除了吗
Delete what?
删了什么
Deleted the video...
删了那段视频...
Well, anyway. Brodie ain't shit.
总之 布罗迪不是好人
Okay? He is a wolf in skinny jeans clothing,
好吗 他是一头穿着紧身牛仔服的狼
and he is playing you like a upright bass.
他在玩弄你 当你是低音大提琴
Look at this. I don't need you to protect me.
听着 我不需要你保护我
I've been taking care of myself for 15 years just fine.
这15年来 我把自己照顾得好好的
That's how you're gonna talk to me?
你就这样跟我说话吗
I was there for you three weeks every summer and the holidays.
每个夏天和假期 我都会陪你三个礼拜
Well, maybe I should've just stayed in Chicago!
也许我应该留在芝加哥
Well, you ain't!
但你没有
You're here!
你在这里
You're in my house!
你在我家里
And it's my rules. Okay.
-我说了算 -好吧
There's my Nubian queen.
我的努比亚女王
There's my soon-to-be-celibate king.
我即将打光棍的国王
Don't even talk to me.
别跟我说话 切尔西
Why would you do that? Why would you delete the video?
为什么这么做 为什么把视频删掉
You know what I was trying to do.
你明知我想做什么
You deleted that video.
你把视频删掉了
You also deleted my "Twerking While Working" video.
你还删掉了 我的"工作时跳电臀舞"视频
Okay. Guess what? It wasn't me.
好吧 你猜怎么着 不是我删的
That was Stacy.
是史黛西
But I deleted "Twerking While Working."
不过"工作时跳电臀舞"是我删的
Anyway, Brian, listen. I got some great news.
总之 布莱恩 听着 我有好消息