爸爸好尴尬（2021）

Really?
是吗
And she was talking to this really cute boy.
刚才她跟一个超帅的男生聊天
His waves made us seasick.
他的波浪发型让我们都晕船了
Girl, if you don't shut up...
妹子 如果你不闭嘴...
Well, I better go.
好吧 我该走了
See you tomorrow, Sash.
明天见 萨莎
Look, Dad, I know you're probably gonna
老爸 我知道你很可能
put me on punishment again,
又要惩罚我了
but here's my phone,
这是我的手♥机♥
I'll go get my Mac, my iPad, whatever you want.
我这就去拿笔记本电脑 iPad 还有你要的一切东西
You know what, Sash? Come on.
-知道吗 萨莎 -别这样
Normally I would have went James Evans on you.
通常我会像詹姆斯·埃文斯那样给你上课
Florida, now, I'm tired now!
佛罗里达 我累了
But instead... I'mma do Floyd.
但这次... 我要学弗洛伊德
First of all, I'm just happy you here.
首先 我很高兴你回来了
I'm happy... I'm happy you safe.
我很高兴... 你平安无事
I'm glad you made it home.
我很高兴你平安到家
So just go upstairs and we'll discuss it in the morning.
所以上楼去吧 我们明天早上再谈
Okay. Good night, Dad. Good night, loved one.
-好的 晚安 爸爸 -晚安 我爱你
Night, Pops. Good night.
-晚安 老爹 -晚安
What kind of punk-ass parenting is that?
哪有你这样教育子女的
Got it.
对了
Sash, you forgot your...
萨莎 你忘了你的...
Am I the type of daddy that will go through his daughter's backpack?
我是那种搜查女儿背包的老爸吗
No, but I'm the type of granddaddy that would.
不是 但我是那种爷爷
A fake ID.
假身份证
Fake ID? Who in the hell is Tori Mitchell?
假身份证 托莉·米切尔是谁
Your daughter got a fake ID?
你女儿有一张假身份证
That girl is into some shit.
那姑娘肯定没干好事
I hope Floyd wrote a chapter on that.
真希望弗洛伊德写过这方面的章节
Stick and move!
见招拆招
You know what? Maybe she was just trying to get a beer or something.
知道吗 也许她只是为了买♥♥啤酒什么的
She's a good girl.
她是个好姑娘
Bullshit. Now, this is one of two things.
胡扯 只可能是为了买♥♥两样东西
It's either guns or drugs. Come on.
-不是枪就是毒品 -别这样说
Now, she's either shooting or shooting up,
她要么在开枪 要么在吸毒
or she's on that pole.
要么正挂在钢管上
Pole? You know what I'm talking about.
-钢管 -你知道我在说什么
She's riding that pole. Come on, man.
-她在跳钢管舞 -得了吧 伙计
She's gonna hear us.
会被她听到的
You know they get paranoid on that shit.
你知道 吸了毒的人很多疑
Listen. Guys, you... All of y'all are trippin'.
听着 伙计们 你们... 全都反应过度了
It's not like she's ever done anything illegal.
她从没干过犯法的事
Well, if she comes down these stairs looking for snacks,
要是她下来找零食
you got yourself a real problem.
你就有大♥麻♥烦了
Good morning, everyone.
大家早上好
Actually, it's not morning. It's 2:00 p.m.
不是早上 已经下午2点了
You're just waking up?
你刚睡醒吗
Yeah, I know. I'm just headed to the store.
对 我知道 我打算去趟商店
Nice. For what?
很好 去买♥♥什么
Chili Cheese Fritos, Ding Dongs, pretzels and a pickle.
辣芝士玉米片 巧克力蛋糕 椒盐卷饼和腌黄瓜
Snacks!
零食
Looks like you got a classic case of the munchies.
看来你得了典型的饥饿症
What are you gonna wash it down with?
你想搭配什么饮料
I was thinking maybe an iced tea.
我在考虑冰茶
It wouldn't happen to be from Long Island, would it?
不会碰巧是"长岛"冰茶吧
No, I think it's from Arizona.
不 我想买♥♥"亚利桑那"冰茶
Okay. Bye.
好吧 再见
No, you guys got it all wrong.
不 你们都猜错了
No, we got it all right.
不 我们猜对了
I know when somebody's hooked on that booger sugar.
要是有人吸白粉 休想瞒过我的法眼
Guys, turn on FOX 5.
伙计们 打开福克斯5台
Why?
为什么
It's the worst moment of my life, on national TV.
这是我这辈子最悲催的时刻 我上全国电视了
Actually, FOX 5 is a local channel.
其实福克斯5台是本地频道
We've heard about the Cowardly Lion,
我们都听说过"胆小的狮子"
but what about the Cowardly Cop?
但你们听说过"胆小的警♥察♥"吗
The community of Norcross is shaken up
诺克罗斯社区炸锅了
after a convenience store was robbed last night,
因为一家便利店昨晚被劫
where it was revealed that an off-duty cop
一位下班后的警♥察♥
failed to stop the suspect.
未能阻止嫌犯
At first, I was like, "Cool, cool, cool!
一开始我心想 "太好了
There's an off-duty cop in here!"
这里有一位下了班的警♥察♥"
But then I was like, "Snap! He's a bigger bitch than I am!"
但紧接着就变成了 "见鬼 他比我还胆小"
Special shout-out to my mama.
顺便跟我妈说一声
I'mma call you later, okay?
一会儿我就给你打电♥话♥
Can you believe this?
你们能相信吗
How am I the only cop in trouble for not shooting someone?
怎么只有我这个警♥察♥ 因为没开枪而惹上麻烦呢
Listen, you're gonna be all right, but we got other trouble.
听着 你会没事的 但我们还有一个麻烦
Take a look at this.
看看这个
Who's Tori Mitchell?
谁是托莉·米切尔
"Who's Tori Mitchell?" Exactly, Paul Blart.
"谁是托莉·米切尔" 问得好 保罗·布拉特
It's a fake ID. And if Sasha has a fake ID,
这是一张假身份证 既然萨莎有假身份证
that means Zia has one as well.
齐娅肯定也有
This could be really bad.
情况可能很严重
We gotta find out what's going on with her.
我们必须搞清楚她在干什么
There's only one way to find out what's going on with Sasha...
想知道萨莎在干什么 以及这是否是她的真名...
if that even is her real name.
办法只有一个
Waterboarding? No.
-动用水刑 -不
A full-panel drug test.
全套药物检测
Get me some of her hair, I'll get it to my guy in the lab.
给我找几根她的头发来 我拿给我在实验室的同事
You better do it quick 'cause...
你最好速度快点 因为...
You about to lose your job.
你就快丢掉工作了
What the freak?
什么鬼
That's too much.
这太过分了
Jaden Smith, you so smooth.
贾登·史密斯 你真酷
Ain't this a bitch?
真是讽刺啊
I got good news and bad news. What do you want first?
我有好消息和坏消息 你想先听哪个
What's up?
什么消息
The bad news is the whole Cowardly Cop thing
坏消息是 "胆小的警♥察♥"这件事
has really blown up. Okay.
-在网上传开了 -好吧
The Shade Room picked up the story.
八卦媒体报道了这件事
Man, look, I'm sorry about that,
伙计 听着 对此我很遗憾
but could you forward that to me?
但你可以转发给我吗
I'm just messing with you, J.
跟你开玩笑的
How you feeling? You okay?
你感觉怎么样 没事吧
Actually... yeah.
说真的... 没事
You know, I'm glad I didn't shoot that guy.
我很高兴我没有朝那家伙开枪
I've been on the force for ten years,
我加入警队十年了
but I'm basically a desk cop.
但我基本上只做些文职
I've never discharged my weapon, except for at the firing range.
我从未开过枪 除了在靶场
Well, maybe you haven't fired your weapon,
也许你没开过枪
but they sure gonna fire your ass.
但他们肯定会开除你
They're not gonna fire me,
他们不会开除我
but they are investigating the incident.
但他们正在调查这起事件
You want the good news? What's the good news?
-想听好消息吗 -什么好消息
We got Sasha's test results back.
萨莎的检测报告拿到了
I knew it! She's not Brian's.
我就知道 她不是布莱恩亲生的
They got the same big-ass head, but she's way smarter than him.
虽然他们的脑袋都很大 但是她比他聪明多了
No! We got back the hair toxicology report.
不 我们拿到了头发毒理学报告
She tested positive!
她的结果是阳性
Johnny, that's not good.
约翰尼 这不是好事
Positive ain't good.
阳性不是好事
Then I guess it's two bad newseses.
那就是两个坏消息
So, what did they find?
他们发现了什么
Cocaine? Heroin? MDMA? Marijuana?
可♥卡♥因♥ 海♥洛♥因♥ 摇♥头♥丸♥ 大♥麻♥
Vicodin? And wine coolers?
氢可酮 还有葡萄酒酷乐
My baby's a junkie!
我的宝贝是条毒虫
Yeah, them wine coolers will kill you.
没错 葡萄酒酷乐会害死你
Listen. Because you know what she's gonna do.
听着 你们知道她会怎么做