崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S01E02

Part 2 July 15, 2020, 11:20 a.m.

Imagine getting up and you work here.
你穿上那个围裙
You gotta put that apron on.
这就是工作这是服务行业
It's a-- it's a job. It's service industry.
-职业使命 -太遗憾了
- It's a calling. - I'm sorry.
看上去像抑郁感大爆发
Looks like an avalanche of the blues.
我不知道我能不能行
I don't know if I can do this.
今晚你得帮我哥们
I need your help tonight, man.
-什么意思 -我从没清醒着去过奥尔巴尼
- What do you mean? - I've never been to Albany... sober.
你上次来的时候嗑药了
You were using the last time you were here?
我想想是的是的
Let me think. Yeah. Yeah.
我非常严肃地跟你说虽然听着有点奇怪
Listen. I'm being dead serious. This is gonna sound odd.
但你今晚要救我
You gotta save my life tonight.
好吗别有压力
All right? No pressure.
你得保证不能让我嗨了
You gotta keep me from gettin' high.
-好的 -你觉得你能做到吗
- Okay. - You think you can do that?
-当然能 -好的说实话
- Yeah, of course. - All right. Honestly.
这可不容易你得拦着毒品
It's not easy. You gotta intercept drugs.
我能做到我能拦住
I can do that. I can intercept.
这跟我们买♥♥毒品不一样
It not like we're buying drugs either.
会有人给我毒品
People give me drugs.
-我从来没碰过毒品 -你从来没嗑过药
- I've never done drugs. - You've never done any drugs?
连点大♥麻♥都没吸过
Smoke a little weed, nothing?
我十岁那年经历过一阵
When I was 10, I went through a phase
没有扑热息痛就睡不着觉的日子
where I couldn't fall asleep without a Tylenol PM.
那个阶段过去了吗
Is that phase over?
-是的我挺过去了 -那挺好的
- Yeah, I got through it. - Oh, that's great.
这个餐厅跟《破产姐妹》里的挺像
This diner feels like 2 Broke Girls.
《两破产女一杯》
2 Broke Girls, One Cup.
顶好剧场
阿迪·兰格和TJ·米勒喜剧秀
我有个玩笑
I have this joke about
你觉得吸血鬼会害怕小写字母t吗
do you think vampires are afraid of lowercase T's.
吸血鬼害怕木钉银钉大写字母T就是钉子的形状
你觉得这玩笑在奥尔巴尼管用吗
Do you think that'll work in Albany?
我觉得在哪里都不好使
I don't think that would work anywhere.
我不敢相信我又回到了这个鬼地方哥们
I can't believe I'm back in this fucking shithole, man.
多压抑看看这地方
How depressing. Look at this place.
我忍♥不了了哥们
I can't take this, man.
你们要来点什么吗
Hey, you guys need anything?
-给我个可乐 -给他碳酸饮料就行
- Let me get a Coke. - He'll have soda.
Coke既是可乐也有可♥卡♥因♥的意思
-可乐饮料 -碳酸的
- Coke soda. - Soda.
红色罐子的
In the red can, you know?
好的马上就来
Yeah. Okay, be right back.
阿迪还是喝健怡可乐吧
Artie, I'm gonna get a Diet Coke actually.
-行 -好的
- All right. - Okay.
-也行的 -是的
- Yeah, that'll work. - Yeah.
无糖的
A Diet, yeah.
演员休息室里喝这个挺好的
Yeah, it's good to be... green room.
劳驾抱歉
Excuse me. Sorry.
能麻烦把这个拿走吗
Um, would you mind taking this?
我就是想确保休息室里没有酒
Uh, I want to make sure there's no booze in the green room.
可我的工作就是确保
It's literally my job to make sure
休息室里有酒
there's booze in the green room.
当然但是阿迪戒酒呢
Uh, sure, um, but Artie is sober,
我不想给他任何酒精的诱惑
so I don't want to tempt him with alcohol.
你知道休息室不是只给他一个人的吧
You realize he's not the only one on the bill, right?
不行我们是联合演出
No, we're co-headlining,
所以我们上台的时间应该是一样的
so we should be doing the same amount of time.
不能你演一个钟头我只演半个
You don't do an hour and I do 30 minutes.
那我就成你的绿叶了咱俩每人四十五分钟
Then I'm just featuring for you. Let's both do 45 minutes.
你真想给这帮蠢货演一个小时
Do you really want to do an hour for these schmucks?
-当然了 -是吗
- Yeah, I do! - Oh, you do?
你猜怎么着我就演一个小时
Okay, guess what? I'm doing an hour.
你演半小时你暖场懂了吗
You do 30 minutes. You're the opener. Get it?
不行我他妈才不是暖场的呢
No, I'm not the fucking opener.
-你就是 -非常感谢凯蒂
- Yes, you are. - Thank-- thank you very much, Katie.
-抱歉 -阿迪如果你站在我的角度
- Sorry. - Artie, if you were in my position,
你是不会上去讲半小时然后就闭嘴的
you would not just do a half an hour and shut up.
抱歉打搅了
Um, sorry.
我是皮特
I'm-- I'm Pete.
我和阿迪一起开车来的我是暖场人
I drove up with Artie. I'm the opener.
皮特等一下
Hey, Pete, hold on one second.
什么鬼阿迪你带了个暖场的来吗
What the fuck, Artie? You brought a opener?
我觉得我们没必要争吵
I don't think we need to fight.
我们可以... 我上台
We can just-- I'll go up,
就讲个五分钟
I'll do just five minutes,
我来引出TJ
I'll bring TJ up.
TJ 你有什么想让我说的吗
TJ, is there something you want me to say?
就报下我的大名以及《瑜伽熊》
Just say my name and Yogi Bear 3D.
他们就知道我是谁了
They know who I am.
-好了现在别碰 -你给瑜伽熊配的音
- Right, now, don't touch-- - You're Yogi Bear?
不我是琼斯护林员
No, I'm Ranger Jones, okay?
好吧抱歉
Okay, I'm sorry.
我很喜欢那部电影
I like that movie.
贾斯汀·汀布莱克[歌♥手]给波波熊配的音
Justin Timberlake was Boo-Boo.
哥们我们俩是今晚表演的共同主角
Look, man, we're co-headlining, okay?
我要讲一个小时所以你先来
I'm doin' an hour, so it's you,
然后我上就这样
then me, and that's it.
他妈的我不在乎你想讲多久随便你
Fuck it. I don't give a shit. You can do whatever time you want.
知道自己永远不会比你的外表
How does it feel knowing you'll
更有趣是什么样的感觉
never be as funny as your outfit?
你出场和结束语
You should open and close
-都用这句吧 -或许我会的
- your hour with that. - I might.
你是在取笑我吗
You're making fun of me?
你看起来就像是在为一个流浪汉工作
You look like you work for a homeless person.
-其实 -你在穷街乐队实习吗
- Uh, well-- - You interning on Skid Row?
你的工装裤里装的是什么货物啊
What cargo are you carrying in cargo pants?
我穿衣没有固定风格
Um, I don't have a style.
你走的是90年代怀旧风吗
Are you carrying nostalgia for the '90s?
顶好剧场
阿迪带了个主持人来
Artie brought an emcee.
让他上台我们现在得开场了
Bring him up. We gotta start now.
收到
Copy that.
女士们先生们请掌声欢迎
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage
今晚登台的第一位表演者
your first performer of the evening...
-他叫什么名字 -我不知道
- What's his name? - I don't know.
瞧他来了
Here he is!
奥尔巴尼的朋友们大家今晚过得怎么样
Hey, Albany, how you doing tonight?
让我们来为出门看这场表演鼓个掌吧
Let's give it up for ourselves for coming out!
能麻烦把麦打开吗能把麦...
Can we get this on, please? Can we get the mic...
声音来了
There we go. Hey!
好了
Hey! All right!
奥尔巴尼的朋友们
Albany!
谢谢大家今晚为了美好的理由
Uh, thanks for comin' out, everybody,
来看这场表演
and, uh, for a great cause.
大伙们来为乳腺癌义演鼓个掌
You guys, give it up for Haha's for Tatas.
这就是今晚的主题
That's what tonight is all about.
我很喜欢奥尔巴尼这里全是"美女"
I like Albany. It's all of the "Bany."
不止一些我喜欢
It's not some of the "Bany." I like that.
我并不是种族主义者
Uh, I'm not racist,
但你们觉不觉得在三K党的首次会议上
but do you think at the very first meeting of the KKK,
有人试图争取过把"Klan"改为正确的拼法
anyone there pushed for the correct spelling of "Klan"?
当时有个家伙
I like to think there was one guy there,
穿着背带裤没穿衬衫举着个火炬
overalls, no shirt, holding a torch,
这错误的拼写让他在后排简直抓狂就好像
it's just driving him crazy in the back. Just like...
"应该是KKC" 然后他们就把他干掉了
"It's K-K-C." And then they get him.
他们肯定会把他干掉的
There's no way they're not gonna get him for that.
很少有人讨厌错误拼写
It's a rare person who hates bad spelling
又讨厌异类
and people who are different.
好吧
Well, okay.
他们并没有全部经过实际测试
They're not all... road-tested.
我爱中餐你们有没有...
I love Chinese food. Do you guys ha--