崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S01E02

Part 5 July 15, 2020, 11:20 a.m.

- Don't! - Oh, God!
天啊
Oh, God!
我他妈就操了
Fuck! Oh, fuck, fuck!
-妈的 -等等
- Holy shit! - No, no, hold on!
我不是想非礼你不是的
I'm not attacking you. I'm not attacking you.
我只是要让你远离阿迪
I just had to keep you away from Artie!
什么
What?
他戒毒了我答应过我会帮他的
He's sober. I promised I would help him.
他是我的朋友我不能让你再带坏他
He's my friend! I couldn't let you corrupt him!
这是绑♥架♥
This is a kidnapping!
-你绑♥架♥了我 -不不是的
- You've kidnapped me! - No! No, no, no!
这只是调虎离山而已
It's a switcheroo.
调虎离山
It was the old switcheroo.
天啊
Oh, God.
感觉像魔鬼钻进我眼睛里了
It's like the Devil came in my eyes.
太恶心了
Oh, that's so gross.
简直是个恶魔不经允许就自己射进来了
He's the Devil. He doesn't ask where to-- where he can cum.
我们需要一条毛巾你有毛巾吗
We have to get a towel. Do you have a towel?
-有擦的东西吗 -抱歉我没有湿巾
- Do you have something? - I'm sorry, I don't have any wet wipes.
通常我会在车里放湿巾但是我刚用完了
I usually keep wet wipes in my car. I just ran out.
今晚很抱歉我...
Sorry about tonight. I...
我慌了
I panicked.
我不知道如果你和他一起离开的话
I-- I don't know what would have happened
会发生什么事情我...
if you had gone with him, and I...
天啊
Oh, my God.
我到底是怎么了
What is wrong with me?
你是在哭吗还是...
Are you crying or is...
因为防狼喷雾
is this pepper spray?
我今晚给自己放了个假
Tonight was my big night out.
好吗你看啊...
Okay? I mean, it was just...
我下了班
I got off work.
把孩子们送到我姐家
I took my kids to my sister's house.
我还去做了喷雾晒肤
I got this fucking spray tan.
真挺好的
It's very nice.
几乎以乱为真
Very believable.
这一切都太可悲了
It's just kind of pathetic.
我...
I just...
我就是个失败者
I'm kind of a loser.
-我觉得自己一无是处 -不是的
- I just-- I feel like a piece of shit. - No!
不是很明显你是个...
No, no, you're cle--
你显然是个很可爱的人
You're clearly a lovely person.
这是...我们这就是个误会
It's just it was... it was a misunderstanding.
你防着我不让我见我的朋友
You're literally hiding me from your friend
因为你觉得我会带坏他
because you think I'm a bad influence.
你想错了
You're misreading me.
我只是... 他是个瘾君子
I just-- He's an addict.
这跟你无关
It has nothing to do with you.
别让这件事毁了你的夜晚现在还不算太晚
Don't let this ruin your night. It's not that late.
你人很好啊我们相处很愉快
You seem great, we're having fun.
我们我们...
We-- we-- we--
对呀我们玩得真"开心"
Oh, yeah, we're having so much fun.
我们都被防狼喷雾袭击了
We were assaulted together by an aerosol contaminant,
这拉近了我们的关系
and I think that's bonded us.
老实说我会愿意
And honestly, I would give you
花大价钱只求你借我洗把脸
a thousand dollars just to use your sink.
说一个明星
Name a celebrity.
什么意思
What do you mean? What?
任何名人都可以
Name any celebrity.
-谢谢 -不用谢
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
-干杯 -干杯
- Cheers. - Cheers.
-随便一个明星 -你说出一个明星
- Any celebrity? - You name a celebrity,
我来告诉你我对这个人的第一印象
I'll do a three-second impression of that person.
那你试试马克·沃尔伯格[演员]
Okay, do Mark Wahlberg.
"最近怎么样是我马克
"How's it going? It's me, Mark.
在《不羁夜》里我鸡♥巴♥很大
In Boogie Nights, I had a big ol' dick.
瞅瞅这个尺寸"
Look at the size of my dick."
阿诺·施瓦辛格[演员]
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
-搞定 -你其实挺搞笑的
- Nailed it. - You know what? You're funny.
这比你那些文字游戏搞笑多了
You're so much funnier than that-- that wordplay shit you do.
等等你见过霍华德·斯特恩[演员]吗
Wait. Have you ever met Howard Stern?
没有其实我和阿迪也是刚认识
Uh, no, actually. I-- I just met Artie.
我觉得他是可怜我
I think he feels bad for me.
我最近在闹离婚
I'm going through a bit of a-- a divorce.
太抱歉了
I'm so sorry.
谢谢
Thank you.
还好有你在
I'm really glad you're here.
还好你陪着我我感觉我一个人
I'm glad you came in. I don't think I could have...
熬不过今晚
watched another sunrise alone.
真有劲
Spicy.
离婚很操蛋
Divorce sucks.
-同感 -懂你
- Tell me about it. - I know.
但俗话说得好
But, you know, you know what they say.
忘掉一个女人的最好办法
The best way to get over a woman
就是再找一个女人
is to get under another one.
没错
Yeah.
等等等会
Hold... hold on. Hold on one--
慢着拜托
Hold on. Please.
-这个我那个 -我会帮你的
- This-- I'm on-- It's really-- - I'm gonna help you.
你很可爱
You're a lovely woman.
我也很高兴来你家做客
And I'm honored to be in your home--
慢着停下来
Hold on. Just full stop.
停下来
Full stop.
怎么了
What's wrong? It--
请别摸我的蛋了
Please stop touching my balls.
-好 -抱歉
- Okay. - I'm sorry.
我还没有准备好
I'm not ready.
那你干嘛来我家
What-- what did you come in for?
你当时很难过
You were so sad.
我不忍♥心看你一个人消沉
I didn't want to leave you on such a low note.
等会
Wait. Hold on.
所以你只是进来聊天的吗
Wait. So you just came in to hang out?
我以为我们可以放松一下
I-- I thought we could relax
等帮你冷静下来后
and I could help you wind down
我就默默离开
and then I would slip out into the night
你再说声"谢谢你的好意"
and you'd go, "Thank you. Thank you for that kindness."
抱歉你♥他♥妈♥说什么玩意呢
I'm sorry, what the fuck are you saying?
别急想想汤姆·汉克斯[演员]
Hold on, hold on. Picture Tom Hanks.
他也会这么干
This is what he would do.
要是汤姆·汉克斯在这
If Tom Hanks were here,
他早就跟我滚床单了
he'd be going down on me by now.
汤姆·汉克斯吗
Tom Hanks?
你只是想进来
You just think you just come in here
-然后 -别激动
- and-- and-- and-- - Hold on, hold on.
我只是想有点绅士风度
I'm trying to be a gentleman.
我不想滚床单
I don't want sex.
我只想确认你没事了
I just want to make sure you're okay.
你觉得你有绅士风度
You think you're being a gentleman?
这才不是绅士所为
This is not being a gentleman.
绅士才不会晚上十一点
A gentleman does not come into a lady's home
到一个女人家里喝酒
at 11 o'clock at night, have a drink,
喝完还不用他的鸡♥巴♥草她
and then not fuck her with his gentleman dick!
真的很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我以为我这样做比较合适
I thought this was the right thing.
你有毛病吧
What is wrong with you?
我受不了这样
You know what? This is not happening.
你给我滚
This is not ha-- You gotta go.
你赶紧滚
You seriously have to go.
天大的误会
This was a big misunderstanding.
我以为你会高兴
I thought you would be happy--
我不高兴你让我很不爽
I'm not happy! You make me feel bad!
我现在超级不爽