崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S01E05

Part 1 July 15, 2020, 11:20 a.m.

如果我真的爱你
I'd be able to support you more
就能更支持你
if I were really in love with you.
好吧
Okay.
《浮生若寄》前情提要
你很难过
You're upset.
我当然难过
Yes, I'm upset.
你抢走了我老婆
You stole my wife.
我来还你自♥由♥ 让你不再受束缚
I'm setting you free. I'm shaking your cage.
这里已经不是你的地方了
You don't belong here anymore.
今晚有场超棒的现场喜剧秀纽约西村区
Great live comedy tonight. West Village.
瞧
Look at that.
追逐我们的梦想我们一直在努力
Following the dream. We're grinding it out.
真高兴能与你们同路
I'm happy to be with you guys.
-他在表演呢 -就是
- Oh, he's doing a bit. - It's a bit.
看爵士演出的朋友
My jazz friends.
你们看了爵士演出现在来看单口相声
You saw jazz, now you're seeing stand-up comedy.
这两项是美国主要出口商品
These are our two major American exports.
如果待会再看到连环杀手那你们就三样看全了
Yeah. If you see a serial killer later, you'll have seen all three.
你其实没那么差劲
You're not un-funny.
明晚再来我会让你更早上台
Come back tomorrow night, I'll put you on even earlier.
-我想和你们建立联♥系♥ -太恶心了
- I want to make a connection with you guys. - That's really gross.
-太诡异了 -特别诡异
- That was very creepy. - Very creepy.
爱死你了
I love you so much.
我才醒还在床上
I just woke up. I'm still in bed, actually.
还是去年那个位子一定会很棒的
I got the same table as last year. It's gonna be perfect.
我知道我也好想见到你
I know. I can't wait to see you.
我知道我也爱你
I know. I love you too.
真是爱死你了
I love you so much.
能拥有你对我的爱
I just carry it around in my heart all day,
我每天心中都无比激动
knowing that you love me.
我真是太开心了
Makes me so happy.
现在不行旁边有人
People are here. I can't do that for you right now.
我也爱你亲爱的
I love you too, Schbeebs.
好再见
Okay. Bye-bye.
爱你
I love you.
-不好意思 -没事
- Sorry, man. - No, it's cool, man.
-我没地方可去 -用不着客气
- I have nowhere to go. - Hey, nothing to be sorry about.
你真是个浪♥逼♥
You a ho.
你这话什么意思
What are you talking about?
你整天哭天喊地想找回老婆
You've been crying about your wife this entire time
结果还有小蜜
when you had a side chick?
还说得那么肉麻
Giving her that bedroom voice.
她刚才在手♥淫♥吗把自己捅嗨了没
Was she touching herself? She diddle the griddles?
不那是我妈
No, that was my mom.
-我♥操♥ -她挺特别的
- Fuck. - She's a special lady,
我是他的小男子汉
and I'm her little gentleman.
浮生若寄
第一季第五集
这是什么
So, what are these, exactly?
-金士顿精选熏鸡 -是人工饲养的吗
- Oh, they're Kingston Selects. - Are they farm-raised?
无激素全天然
They're hormone-free, 100% natural.
我觉得熏鸡更好吃
I think smoky chicken might be the winner.
这个烟熏味不是很重
It's not too smoky, you know?
我觉得熏味会毁了口感
I think they can ruin a lot with that smoke taste.
烟熏...对身体不好
The smoke is not... smoke isn't good for you.
明白吗你觉得熏味很好
You know what I mean? You think it is.
虽然口感不错但烟熏就是烟熏
It tastes fine, but smoke is smoke.
真的很好吃谢谢你让我们...
They're really, really good. Thank you for letting u...
让我们品尝
thanks for letting us have 'em.
喜欢的话可以买♥♥
If you like 'em, they're available for purchase
冰柜那儿有
on the freezer aisle.
-是吗 -我经过的话
- Yeah. Yeah? - You know, if I'm over that way,
我肯定会买♥♥点
we'll... I'm... I'm gonna get some.
你道什么歉啊
Hey, you don't have to apologize, man.
我们来这就是蹭吃的
This is what we do, all right?
就是为了白吃午餐的
We're just here for the free lunch.
冰柜那里还有奶酪
They have cheese out in aisle too.
太谢谢了
Yeah. Oh, thank you so much.
我待会儿回来
We'll be back. My man!
你喜欢哪种
Which one do you like?
我吃素哪种都没吃过
I'm vegetarian. I've never tried them.
-你叫什么 -没事的
- What's your name? - Don't worry about it.
皮特我可以把每天的开支缩减到八块
See, Pete, I got my cost of living down to about $8 a day,
还包括交通费
that includes subway fare
偶尔还能吃上全价披萨
and the occasional slice of full-priced pizza.
前提是知道哪儿有免费的东西
All you gotta do is figure out where the free shit is, man.
听着挺惨的
It's kinda sad, though.
我们的午饭是免费奶酪
Like, we're eating free cheese for lunch,
我刚知道凯特·威廉姆斯有私人飞机
and I just read about how Katt Williams has a private jet,
-还有三处房♥产 -闭嘴吧
- and he has three houses. - Oh, dude, stop.
那是后话了我们还没出人头地呢
That... no, that's later. We ain't shit yet.
凯特·威廉姆斯是个实干的人
Katt Williams put in the work.
他会在私人飞机上
He's supposed to be on a private jet,
用蟹脚吸大♥麻♥ 按下服务按钮
smoking weed out of a crab leg, pressing the call button
让空姐过来给他打飞机
so the stewardess can give him a handjob
这边还看着《海底总动员》
while he watches Finding Nemo.
抱歉我接个电♥话♥
Sorry, hold on.
要是你♥妈♥的♥电♥话♥就走开点接
If that's your mom, man, just get away from here.
你怎么样
How are you?
不错还挺好的
Good. Things are good.
-你呢 -我也还好
- How are you? - Good. I'm good too.
看见你的未接来电什么事
I saw you called. What do you want?
杰西我妈要过生日了
Jess, it's my mom's birthday,
我希望你能陪我一起去吃个饭
and I was really hoping maybe you would come down for dinner.
我去干什么
Why would I do that?
老实说咱们离婚的事我还没告诉他们
I'll be honest. I haven't told them yet, about us.
真的吗皮特
Peter, really?
我总是觉得时机不对
I mean, when's a good time?
我第二天就告诉我爸妈了
I told my parents the next day.
真的吗你是不是挺迫不及待的
Seriously? Were you looking forward to that?
杰茜我妈不该受这份罪
Jess, my mom doesn't deserve this.
不该在生日听到这种消息
She doesn't deserve this on her birthday, okay?
她会难过一个月的
It's gonna ruin her month.
拜托了给我点时间
Please, just buy me some time.
再帮我一晚
Do this for me one more night.
给我点斡旋空间
Just give me a little wiggle room.
-你要我撒谎吗 -这不是撒谎
- You want me to lie? - I don't want you to lie.
只是求你装一下明白吗
I'm asking you to pretend. You know what I'm saying?
发生的事情就是发生了
Like, what happened happened...
你我心知肚明
and you and I will both know that,
但是请你装作
but you're gonna pretend
我们是在我妈过完生日一周后才离婚的
that it happened a week after my mother's birthday.
-听着很复杂 -不复杂
- That sounds really complicated. - It's not complicated.
我们去吃晚饭然后再假装
We just go to dinner, and we pretend that what happened
几天前发生的事是在过完生日五天后发生的
just a little while ago will happen in about five days.
到最后目前的既定事实
So eventually, that present reality
就会符合假装后的时间线
will catch up to the now,
我就可以告诉他们了
and then I'll tell them.
这怎么会很复杂呢
How is that complicated?
喂
Hello?
好吧我去
Fine. I'll do it.
真的吗
Really?
说实话这真是太好了
I'm not gonna lie. That is fantastic news.
我都觉得有点欣喜若狂
I have been kinda freaking out about this.
我这就好
I'll be right out.
好的
Okay.
对不起
Sorry.
你能帮我捡一下吗麻烦了
Could you help me with this? Sorry.
谢谢
Thank you.
-不客气 -天啊
- You're welcome. - God!
你是第二... 很抱歉我叫出声了
You're the se-- I'm sorry to yelp.
你是除了我老婆以外第二个见过我裸体的人