崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S01E03

Part 1 July 15, 2020, 11:20 a.m.

这人谁你怎么认识他的
Who is this guy? How did you even meet this guy?
他是我同事教艺术的
We work together. He's the art teacher.
他是个才华横溢的艺术家
He's a really talented artist.
他们把艺术大♥师♥都安排教三年级了
They give all the master artists third grade.
你怎么教课手上画火鸡吗
What's your fucking medium, hand turkeys?
《浮生若寄》前情提要
我要去奥尔巴尼我有个演出
I'm going to Albany. I got a gig.
你是赶我走吗
You saying you want me to leave?
不我是说我需要找人开车送我
No, what I'm saying is I need a ride.
想暖好场就得能喝
Part of being an opener is being a good hang.
-干杯 -干杯
- Cheers. - Cheers.
快掌声有请无与伦比的阿迪·兰格
Let's start clapping for the amazing Artie Lange!
来一杯
Take a shot!
不行我开来这里了等会得回市里
I can't. I drove here. I'm driving back to the city.
具体哪里
Where in the city?
问题就是我无家可归
That's the thing. I don't have anywhere to stay.
载我回曼哈顿就让你住我那
If you drive me to Manhattan, you can crash at my place.
炖起来吧
Let's stew it!
喜剧
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
TJ·米勒
T.J. Miller!
怎么了
What's up, man?
怎...怎么回事
What... what's going on?
大家今晚嗨吗
How we all doing tonight?
我有张大♥麻♥的处方
You know, I have a prescription for marijuana.
是治疗焦虑用的
It's for anxiety.
主要是在焦虑会因为吸大♥麻♥而被捕
Primarily anxiety about getting arrested for marijuana.
那是什么
What is that?
玩具麦克风吗
Is that like, a fake toy microphone?
这里有位先生
Here's somebody right here.
欢迎他上台
Let's give it up for this guy.
掌声有请
Let's give him a hand.
鼓掌
I said a hand.
鼓掌呀
I said a hand.
你...没事吧
Are you... are you okay, man?
浮生若寄
第一季第三集
谢谢詹妮弗希望你一切都好
Thank you, Jennifer. And I hope you're doing great
好人有好报
because you deserve to be doing great.
-你是个大好人 -谢谢
- You're a great person. - Thank you.
能不能... 不过分吧
Can I? Is it too much?
我给你续了一瓶
I got you another one.
我一瓶都不想喝
I didn't want the first one.
为什么不喝
Why not?
-大清早的喝什么酒 -没错
- Because it's morning time. - Yeah.
某个地方是11点
It's 11:00 a.m. Somewhere.
是啊这就是
Yeah, here.
你一般出差多久
So how many days have you been out on the road?
这是我第一次路演
That was my first road gig, actually, ever.
我还从来没...出城演过呢
I've never... I've never performed outside of the city before.
-是吗 -是的
- Really? - Yeah.
天啊那我可是老司机了
Oh, god, that was the tail end of it for me.
-什么意思 -我有次四周跑了24个城市
- What do you mean? - I've done 24 cities in four weeks.
你想想 24场一小时的表演
I mean, imagine that. 24 hour-long sets.
也就是说我路演了
That's a full day of comedy that I've been doing
-整整一天 -太扯了
- on the road. - That is crazy.
不过也有烦心事是这样的
It really fries you. That's the thing,
上台轮演时就像派对一样
is that when you're open mic-ing, it's like a party.
天天晚上说笑话见到的人
Comedy every single night. You're meeting the people
都是每周想混在一起的朋友
that you want to hang out with every week.
那些是你的朋友
Those are your friends.
等后来闯出一点名堂
Then, as you become more successful,
每次演出只剩下你一个
You start having to do all of it alone.
我出名以后再也没有
When I bomb, there's no, like,
能在下台后一块儿喝酒的朋友了
shots afterwards with all of your friends.
非常孤独
It's very lonely.
那你为什么要干这行...
So, why do you do it? I mean...
因为我们必须如此
'Cause we have to, man.
-为了钱吗 -不
- For money? - No.
因为喜剧已经是一种新信仰了
We do it because comedy is kind of a new religion.
你到处跑向人们布道
You're traveling, you're preaching to people
告诉大家要带着微笑看待一切
This ideology of seeing everything with a smile.
懂吗人们需要这个
You know? People need it.
你觉得巡回喜剧演员就像牧师吗
You think touring comedians are like preachers?
没错
Yeah, exactly.
可比那些牧师强因为我们不说谎
Except we're better than priests because we're not lying.
喂
Hello?
是我
It's me.
皮特你去哪儿了我一直在找你
Peter? Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you.
是吗我也在找你...
Yeah. I've been trying to reach you. I...
我手♥机♥丢了你还好吗
I lost my phone. Are you okay?
还好跟以前一样
No, yeah. Things are the same.
找我什么事
So what's up?
要你帮个忙
I have a favor to ask.
你能不能过来
I was wondering if you could
把你的东西带走
come over here and get some of your stuff.
你要我去拿东西吗好吧
You want me to get my stuff? Of course.
抱歉但是没办法
I'm sorry, but this is happening, you know?
我要搬去坦帕了
I'm moving to Tampa.
我不能带走所有东西
I can't take all this stuff with me,
也不能待在这里
and I can't stay here.
很抱歉我们间的爱之回忆
Oh, well, I'm sorry our house
把房♥子给玷污了
is tainted with memories of our love.
你肯定受不了了
That must be really hard for you.
没错皮特所以你明早能过来的话
Pete, it is hard for me. So, if you could just come by
那就太好了
tomorrow morning, that would be great.
为什么
What? Why?
我要弄个庭院市场
I'm having a yard sale.
什么你竟然...
What?! I can't...
你竟然不跟我说一声就卖♥♥
I can't believe you would even think about doing that
那可是我的东西
without talking to me! That's my stuff!
我一直在联♥系♥你但你不接电♥话♥
I've been trying to reach you, but you never answer your phone.
我被抢了所以才没有手♥机♥的好吗
Well, I don't have a phone because I got mugged, okay?
都是你害的
That's where you sent me.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
我被人捅了杰茜
I got stabbed, Jess.
-你还好吗 -你会在乎吗
- Are you okay? - What do you care?
沙发你打算卖♥♥多少钱
What are you selling the couch for?
大概150块吧
I don't know, like 150?
150块你在开玩笑吗
One-fifty? A hundred and fif... are you shitting me?!
杰茜那不是CB2 那是箱桶之家的啊
Jess, that's not CB2, that's Crate & Barrel.
来自美国本土的高端家居品牌
那可是CB1 好吗组装好的家具呢
That's CB1, okay? It came assembled.
但我不需要它了皮特很抱歉
Well, I don't want it, Pete. I'm sorry.
抱歉有什么用那是我的东西
You're sorry? That's my stuff.
你不能随便卖♥♥了
You can't just sell my stuff!
别动我的东西
Don't touch my shit!
天啊
Jesus.
想象一下你丈夫买♥♥了一条金项链
Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace
但却在圣诞节时送给了别人
and come Christmas gave it to somebody else.
我深表遗憾他真混♥蛋♥
I am so in the wrong. What classic fool!
是啊但你也同样愚弄了我
Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me,
你也让我变得愚笨不堪
and you've made the life I lead foolish, too.
亲爱的亲爱的
Darling! Darling!
你太棒了
Oh, you were wonderful!
早上好小兄弟
Good morning, little fella!
快起来你个笨蛋
Get on up here! Come on, you old coot!
几点了
What time is it?
你以为我会知道的对吗
You'd think I'd know, right?
钟表的小把戏
Clock gag.
-全都是不准的 -差不多吧
- They're all wrong. - Yeah, sort of.
但我认为人类恣意定义时间
I think what's actually wrong is that
才是真正的错误