崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S01E08

Part 2 July 15, 2020, 11:21 a.m.

Your friend ordered...
特殊服务
off menu.
-你叫什么名字 -皮特
- What's your name? - My name's Peter.
彼特也行
Short for Pete.
-别别别 -别死撑了皮特
- Okay. No, no, no. - Give it up, Pete.
-喜欢吗 -我很怕痒
- Do you like that? - It's just I'm a ticklish boy.
-好玩吗喜欢吗 -喜欢
- Isn't this fun? You having fun? - Yeah.
是吗
Yeah?
-皮特 -皮特对不起
- Pete. - Pete. I'm sorry.
抱歉抱歉停一下
Sorry. Sorry. Hold on.
抱歉这有失身份
Sorry. This is... this is degrading.
-有失身份 -只是...
- Degrading? - Just...
-谁有失身份 -你啊
- For who? - For you.
-我吗 -你的行为举止有失身份
- For me? - You are... you're being degraded, right?
-你说什么 -你是为了钱才蹭我的对吗
- Excuse me? - You're grinding on me for-- for cash.
那你是干什么的
What the fuck do you do for a living?
我是个单口相声演员我做喜剧
I'm a... I'm a stand-up. I do comedy.
-妈的你是喜剧演员吗 -对
- Oh shit. A fucking comedian? - Yeah.
好吧你站在酒吧舞台上
Oh. Okay, so you-you... you stand up on stage
跟陌生人卖♥♥笑
at a bar and show your comedy titties to strangers,
这样就很体面吗
and that's okay?
这是我的爱好所在
It's my passion.
没人比喜剧演员更堕落了
No one's a fucking bigger degenerate than a comic!
我以前和吉姆·诺顿在一起他还欠我四千块呢
I used to date Jim Norton. He owes me fucking $4,000.
他连曼哈顿的车位
He can't even afford to get
都买♥♥不起
his own parking spot in Manhattan.
-你有停车位吗 -没
- You got a parking spot? - No.
我一个晚上能赚1400块你呢
I make $1,400 a night. How much do you make?
那到60岁时你打算干什么
What are you gonna do when you're 60?
在卡尔加里市的哈哈俱乐部说笑话吗
Tell jokes at fucking Yuk Yuk's in Calgary?
-什么 -你觉得自己很有趣吗
- What? - You think you're funny?
你觉得你比凯特·威廉姆斯还有趣吗
You think you're funnier than Katt Williams?
我不玩那种类型的幽默我...
I don't do that kind of humor. I'm...
哪个混♥蛋♥不他妈意淫自己妈
Every motherfucker and their mother has a one-hour special.
会有更多需求的
There's more demand, because people have
因为人们喜欢这种艺术形式
an appreciation for the art form.
并没有什么卵用
It don't mean dick!
理查德·普莱尔死后喜剧已不复存在
Comedy died with Richard Pryor.
我不想和你废话了
You know what? I'm done talking to your ass.
我们还有三首歌♥的时间
We got three more songs,
我不想再听到你说一句废话
and I don't wanna hear nothing else no more.
-好吧对不起 -再听三首歌♥
- Okay. I'm sorry. - Three more songs.
扇我啊你个冒牌吉姆·加菲根
Spank it, you Jim Gaffigan rip-off!
什么
What?
在你离开前我要给你壮壮胆
I'm gonna give you some balls before you leave here.
好吧感觉不太好
Okay, that didn't feel good.
天啊
God.
全♥裸♥女郎
操
Shit.
接下来去哪
So, where to now?
感觉更糟了你喜欢这玩意吗
I feel worse. You liked that?
"这玩意"是什么意思我当然喜欢啊
What are you talking about, "Liked that"? Of course.
你不喜欢吗
You don't like that?
太让人沮丧了她吼我
It was depressing. She yelled at me.
你♥他♥妈♥到底从哪来的我真是不敢相信
Where the fuck are you from? I mean, I can't believe it.
你从没去过色情场所
You never been to a legs and eggs before.
我这个朋友真糟糕阿迪
I'm a bad friend, Artie.
我今天应该去找我朋友的
I should be with my friend today.
我应该去洗礼的
I should be at the baptism.
好吧我和你去洗礼
Fine! I'll go to the baptism with you.
你愿意去参加洗礼吗
You want to go to a baptism?
我是个喜剧演员每晚工作45分钟
I'm a comedian. I work 45 minutes a night.
白天有大把光阴可供挥霍
I got tons of hours to kill during the day.
- 阿迪 -你好啊吉米·诺顿
- Hey, Artie. - Yeah, gimme the-- Hey! Jimmy Norton.
-近来如何 -很高兴见到你
- How you doing? - Good to see you, man.
很高兴见到你
Good to see you, buddy.
你来这干什么吃早餐吗
What are you doing? Are you going for the breakfast?
现在来是最好的了要在中午前来这里
It's the best time to come. Always come before noon.
这些女的如狼似虎
The girls need you more than you need them.
中午前你可以狠狠地讲一下价
You really fucking drive down prices before noon.
好消息我们要去参加洗礼了
Good news. We're on our way to a baptism.
-可以为我祈祷吗 -当然
- Pray for me, will ya? - Of course.
-很高兴见到你 -我也是
- Nice meeting you. - Nice to meet you.
那帐篷里有空调吗
Is there air conditioning under that tent?
没是在外面举♥行♥的像婚礼那样
No, it's outside. It's like a wedding.
认真点可能你会有所收获
Pay attention. You might get something out of it, you know?
我还要认真点吗
I gotta pay attention?
我已经觉得自己不该来这里了
I'm beginning to feel like I'm on the opposing team's court.
感谢主赐予我们...
Thank you, Lord, for this...
老兄我有点吓到了
Dude, I'm freaking out.
他们什么时候把耐克鞋和酷爱饮料拿出来
When do they bring out the Nikes and Kool-Aid?
仪式前还是仪式后
After the service or before?
这些都是好人很友爱
These are good people. They're loving people.
他们会对你很好的试着融入进去就行
They'll be very nice to you. Just try to blend in.
-皮特 -斯科威
- Pete? - Hey. Hey, Skowie.
最近怎么样哥们你能赶来真是太好了
What's up, man? I'm so glad you could make it.
-很高兴见到你 -我也是
- Nice to see you. - You too.
艾伦
Ellen.
-很高兴见到你 -见到你实在太好了
- Nice to see you. - So good to see you.
你好吗我是阿迪·兰格
Hey, how you doing? Artie Lange.
-你好我先过去 -很高兴见到你
- How you doing? All right? Yeah, okay. - Nice to meet you.
小心点好的小心
Take care of yourself. All right, take care.
配《圣诞精灵》的那位吗
Elf?
就是他我哥们阿迪
That's my friend Artie, yeah.
他为《圣诞精灵》配音了我们超爱那部电影
He's in Elf. We love that movie.
确实是部很棒的电影
It's a great film.
我们每周五会租一部电影
We rent a movie every Friday.
我称之为"电影之夜"
We call it "Movie night."
这个小可爱是谁
And who's this?
能打个招呼吗佩妮
Can you say hi, Penny?
"皮特我是佩妮"
"Hi, Petey. I'm Penny."
我能抱抱她吗
Hey. Can I hold her?
-行啊 -当然可以小心她的头
- Yeah. - Yeah, of course. Watch the head.
我的天啊太可爱了
Oh my goodness.
是吧
I know.
-是啊 -现在就做个小宝贝
- Yeah. - It's time to be a baby.
*抱着可爱的小宝贝*
*Holding baby*
-把她背后的裙子往下拉一点 -好的
- Just pull her dress down, Peter, in the back. - Yeah.
这太棒了我太为你们俩高兴了
This is amazing. I'm so happy for you.
能被洗礼这可是件大事
Getting baptized. This is huge.
今年有很多大事发生
It's been an eventful year.
我觉得现在从头来过挺好的
I just think this is a really good time to hit reset
重新把自己奉献给上帝
and just rededicate myself to the Lord.
-好了 -好吧...
- Okay. - All right, just...
-就用手托住她后脑勺 -小屁♥股♥要托住
- just behind-- behind her head. - You always want the butt.
-托住头和屁♥股♥ 好的 -好的就这样
- The butt and the head. Okay, okay. - Okay. Okay.
-好的就这样皮特 -好的瞧
- Okay, all right, Peter. - Okay, look at that.
-好了把宝宝给我们吧 -对
- Okay, we'll take her back. - Yeah.
-好的谢谢 -好吧
- Okay. Thank you. - Okay. All right.
-我的小宝贝哦 -轻点抱好了
- My God. My God. Okay. - There we go.
-抱歉 -瞧瞧谁来了皮特
- Okay, sorry. - There he is. Peter.
说曹操曹操到很高兴见到你
Speaking of. Nice to see you.
很高兴见到你
Good to see you.
很高兴见到你们史蒂文艾伦
Nice to see you, Steven, Ellen.
-感谢您的到来 -今天是个大日子
- Thanks so much. - Big day today.
我非常兴奋
I'm so excited.
这不是新裙子吧
I hope that's not a new dress.
-这才是喜剧演员 -他真的太有趣了
- Now that is a comedian. - He's so funny.
皮特我们应该叙叙旧
Pete, we should catch up.
我很乐意你想...
I would love to. You wanna...?
是的我们走去我办公室吧
Yeah, let's walk over to our office.