崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S01E01

Part 4 July 15, 2020, 11:19 a.m.

有火吗
Hey, you got a light?
抱歉没有
Sorry, no.
等等我找到了
Wait. I got it, I got it.
我放这了
I just keep it right here now.
我是阿迪·兰格[谐星]
Hey, Artie Lange.
我认识你
Yeah. I know.
-我是皮特 -幸会
- I'm Pete. - Nice to meet you.
我特别喜欢你
I... I'm a big fan.
谢谢非常感谢
Oh, thanks. I appreciate it.
你没事吧
You all right?
没事我只是...
Yeah, I just...
那个...
Uh, you know.
我看了你的演出
I... look, I saw your set.
你不能太在意这些
You gotta... you can't let that get to you, man.
我知道你年轻但是我们都经历过这种事
I know you're younger, but we all go through it.
演出确实非常烂
Yeah. Really, it was a terrible set.
最烂的表演之一吧
It was really one of the worst sets.
-太烂了 -我...
- Extraordinarily bad. - Yeah, I...
这能排到我看过的倒数前五了
Like top five worst I've ever seen.
其实吧我表弟
Matter of fact, my cousin was giving
在婚礼上作为伴郎致过辞
a best man speech at a wedding, once,
期间他无意间承认了
and during the speech he accidentally admitted
自己在青少年时期性骚扰过一个小孩
that he molested a kid when he was a teenager.
这都没你刚才的演出尴尬呢
That was less awkward than your set was there.
-我胡说八道呢开玩笑的 -我知道
- I'm fucking around, it's a joke. - I know.
-开心点 -我知道
- Cheer up. - I know.
开心点没事的
Cheer up, man. You'll be all right.
不只是... 不只是这件事
It's not... it's not just that.
什么
What?
你听见我刚才说的话了吧
You heard what I said, right?
-什么话 -我老婆出轨了
- About what? - My wife is having an affair.
等等那是真事
Wait. That was real?
-是的 -你刚才在台上说的是真事
- Yes! - The shit you said on stage was real, just now?
-是的 -天啊哥们
- Yes. - Oh, dude.
你搞什么呢
What are you doing?
-我以为我到这来... -然后呢
- I thought I could come here... - Yeah.
就能好过一点我也说不清
And feel better, I don't know.
很明显你想错了
Apparently you were wrong.
然后格里尔过来告诉我说我应该退出演艺圈
Well, then Greer came over and told me I should quit showbiz.
格里尔拜托格里尔说的话你都能信
Greer? Come on, you're listening to Greer?
凯文·哈特[谐星]以前特别信任他
Kevin Hart used to open for Greer,
可后来呢
what happened?
你看他现在颓的
Life happened, okay?
别听格里尔的鬼话
Don't listen to Greer.
他像被冲洗过的唐·钱德尔[演员]
He looks like someone power-washed Don Cheadle.
我不知道自己该做什么
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
照顾好自己
Just take care of yourself.
我希望我能帮上忙
I wish I could help you, man.
我能不能跟你一起住...
Is there anyway I... could I stay with you just for...
那可不行跟我住
Dude, fuck no! Stay with me?
-抱歉 -你想干嘛睡沙发吗
- Sorry. - What, do you want? The couch?
我如果让你睡沙发的话别人会看见的
I let you sleep on the couch, people are gonna see.
然后所有喜剧演员都想来睡我家沙发了
Every fucking comedian will want to sleep on my couch.
好吧抱歉了
Okay, sorry.
我给你买♥♥块披萨吧
Let me buy you a slice of pizza.
你想来块披萨吗
Wanna get a slice of pizza?
我来给你买♥♥块披萨来吧这我能做到
I'll buy you a slice of pizza. Come on, I'll do that.
-我喜欢披萨 -我也喜欢听着
- I like pizza. - Me too. I mean, hey, listen,
我要是能一天跑十英里的话
I didn't get this body
可不是现在这副身材
running ten miles a day.
-然后我们上了教会学院 -好吧
- And then we went to a Christian College. - Of course.
毕业时大家都是成双成对的
Everybody pairs off when you graduate.
-是吗 -大家都这样
- Really? - It's just what you do.
没有她的话我什么事都做不了
I've literally never done anything without her.
我们现在的公♥寓♥是她找的她很支持我
She found our apartment, she supports me.
等等她很支持你感情上支持吗
Wait. She supports you, you mean emotionally?
不她给我钱
No, money.
她在经济上资助你你老婆
She supports you financially, your wife?
是的
Yeah.
这真是我听过最愚蠢的事情了
That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.
不这就像太太支持先生读医学院
No, it's like a wife supporting a guy in medical school.
这两件事有啥共同点吗
How is it like that?
-就好像 -医学院毕业后就能当医生
- It's like... - At the end of medical school you're a doctor.
起始年薪大概90万美元
You start at about 900 grand a year.
这结束后我将成为一名喜剧演员
At the end of this, I'll be a comedian.
-对吧我正在训练呢 -或许吧
- Right? I'm in training. - Maybe!
这可不一定
There's no guarantee.
什么意思你做到了啊
What do you mean? You did it.
这就是梦想你梦想着某事...
That's the dream. You think of something--
-你的梦想是成为我这样 -对啊
- I'm your dream? - You're my dream.
-你别逗我啊 -你想成为我这样吗
- Are you kidding me? - You're dreaming of this?
-你可是阿迪·兰格 -是对啊
- You're Artie Lange. - Right, exactly.
-什么意思 -你说得像我是杰西卡·兰格
- What do you mean? - You said that like I was Jessica Lange.
知名女演员
你就像个传奇
You're like, a legend, man.
但那是因为操蛋的事
Yeah, but for fucked up shit.
而不是因为生活美满
Not for having a good life.
我是因为在联合航♥空♥吸可♥卡♥因♥
I mean, you know, I'm a legend for, you know,
拉在自己裤子上才成为了传奇
shitting my pants on coke on a United Flight.
你当时是在经济舱吗
Were you in coach?
我只在头等舱拉屎
I only shit in first-class.
你不想在经济舱拉屎的
You don't want to shit in coach,
那太...太不礼貌了
that's...that's rude.
瞧
See?
我们聊得很开心
See, we're having fun now.
我的意思是事情并不总是命中注定的
All I'm saying is, it's not all it's cut out to be.
也并不总是你看上去那么风光
It's not all the good shit you think it is.
重点不是在永远台上
It's not about being on stage all the time.
而是台下怎么打发时间像这样的时间
It's about killing the time. It's about times like this.
我的故事很扯我走运罢了
My story's crazy. I... I got lucky.
我是一个电视节目的常驻
I got on a TV show. I'm a regular on a TV show,
一星期赚八千美元
making like eight grand a week.
-我的天 -我将其兑现寄四千给我妈
- Oh, my god. - I would cash it, send my mother four grand.
我不会给我经纪人一分钱就一直欠着
I wouldn't send my agent any money, so that piled up.
我拿上剩下的四千美元
I would take the other four thousand bucks,
带着钱在洛杉矶厮混
I would put it in my pocket and I'd roll around LA
像是凯文·费德林[歌♥手]啥的
like I was Kevin Federloin or something.
那时候有人脉有姑娘玩得很开心
I was like, the connections, broads, it was fun.
那时很开心太爽了
That's when it was fun, it was great.
但接着我就碰了钉子
But then I hit a mountain.
像那样生活节奏太快就会坠入谷底
You live like that, you live fast, I hit a mountain.
最后被关进了洛杉矶县的监狱
And I ended up in LA county jail.
-你被关起来了 -我因为私藏可♥卡♥因♥
- You went to jail? - I went to la county jail for two months
被关了两个月
for possession of coke,
然后我还打了一个洛杉矶的警♥察♥
And I took a swing at a Los Angeles cop.
太不明智了兄弟
Not a good idea, man.
洛杉矶县太烂了
LA county is bad.
你想谈自尊
You wanna talk about self-esteem,
试试站在互相憎恨的血帮和蓝帮的人
try showering in between a Blood and a Crip
洛杉矶的两大黑帮
中间淋浴
who are mad at each other.
我这辈子里从未如此庆幸我是个丑胖子
I was never so happy to be fat and ugly in my fucking life.
我的重点是你得挽回局面
You turn this around, is my point.
你需要那个女人兄弟
And you need the woman, man.
我懂你生她气她被别人上了
I know you're mad at her, she fucked a guy,
这很操蛋
that's a bad thing.
不就是一个男人如果她就是你的依靠呢
But one guy? If she's your rock?
她和别人睡了
She slept with another person.
这是很严重的事情
That's a big...that's a big thing.
严重个屁一个男人算什么
Big fucking deal. One guy is nothing.
以前我也有个小妞出轨过一次
I had a chick cheat on me once.