崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S01E01

Part 6 July 15, 2020, 11:19 a.m.

我是你你是我
I am you, and you are me.
我们俩一起上你老婆
And we are making love to your wife.
她就是我们我们都在做♥爱♥
And she is us, and we, we're making love,
-你和我都在 -好吧
- you and me. - Okay.
我要走了
I'm gonna go.
好吧伙计
Okay. Hey, man.
我和杰茜要搬去坦帕了
Jess and I are moving to Tampa.
祝你们在那耍得愉快
Well, have fun in Tampa.
坦帕没什么好玩的
You can't have fun in Tampa.
但我姨母去世了
But, you know, my aunt passed,
所以我们白捡到了一套公♥寓♥
and so we get a condo and stuff.
操你有钥匙吗
Shit, you got the keys? Because I'm pretty sure
我好像把自己锁在外面了
that I, uh, locked myself out.
后面的纱门不锁的
The back screen door doesn't lock.
好极了全世界都知道了
Great. Everybody knows.
喂
Hello?
-皮特 -阿迪
- Pete! - Artie?
兄弟怎么样了
Hey, man, what happened?
你把她哄回来了吗
You win her back or what?
-没... -天啊
- It didn't... - Oh, Jeez.
这样我们见一面吧
All right, you know what? Let's just meet up.
他们汗如雨下气喘吁吁
It was sweaty, they were breathing.
还在计数太操蛋了
And counting, it was horrible.
女人一旦尝到点偷腥的甜头
Once a chick gets fucked like sting,
就不会回头了伙计
she ain't coming back from that, man.
回去哄她这点子简直糟透了
It was bad advice. Go back?
对不起喽那你干嘛问我意见
Oh, sorry, what are you asking me advice for anyway?
我又不擅长处理情感纠纷
I'm not used to that.
我又不是菲尔医生
Who am I, Dr. Phil?
《菲尔医生脱口秀》主要向大众提供健康和情感等方面的心理咨♥询♥
别人又不会来我这说
People don't come up to me all the time and say,
"阿迪我要怎么做才能像你这般成功"
"Hey, art, how do I get your great life?"
他还谈论爱情...
And he's talking about love...
退后退后
Back up! Back up!
把你的手♥机♥给我死胖子
Give me your phone, fat man.
你还怼上我了是吗
Oh, we gotta get personal, now, huh?
-你也是 -你不说他胖吗
- You, too! - No fat joke for him?
-闭嘴 -想拿我的手♥机♥是吗
- Shut up. - You want the phone, huh?
还说我胖
Mr. Fat-Joke?
想要这台手♥机♥是吗罗德尼·丹泽菲尔德
You want the phone, Rodney Dangerfield, huh?
喜剧演员电影中常说口头禅"我觉得自己没有受到尊重"
你想我帮你上基达看看附近有没有对象吗
You want me to check Grindr for you, see if anybody's close by?
同志社交软件
看看这个打劫我们的家伙活脱脱一个甘道夫
Look who's mugging us, Gandalf the Grey.
《魔戒》角色
快跑
Run!
-你♥他♥妈♥是个傻♥逼♥吗 -好的
- What, are you fucking stupid? - Okay.
-把东西给我 -抱歉
- Give me your shit! - I'm sorry.
-好 -把钱包给我
- Okay, okay. - Give me your wallet!
把手♥机♥给我
Give me your phone.
快点
Come on.
你还有什么
What else you got?
我的段子笔记本
It's my joke notebook.
你不需要段子但我需要
You don't need my jokes, I need my jokes.
你不需要段子
You don't need my jokes!
住手你♥他♥妈♥找死啊
Stop! You're fucking dead, man!
抢劫是不对的
Don't mug people!
操♥你♥妈♥
Fuck you!
阿迪阿迪你跑哪去了
Artie! Artie, where the hell are you?
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
怎么啦
What? What happened?
怎么啦你一个人跑了
What happened? You ran.
我护着你你却一个人跑了
I protected you and you ran.
你这是在干嘛
What are you doing?
你这话什么意思我说了"我们快跑"
What do you mean, I said "Let's run!"
你干嘛要去和那家伙干仗
You know, what are you trying to fight the guy for?
别跟他干啊跑就行了
You don't do that, you run.
是个人都应该那么做啊你当时很危险
No, that's what you do. You were in danger.
你直接把手♥机♥给他就好嘛
What you do is you just give him your phone.
手♥机♥算个啥
Who gives a shit about your phone?
你没打算给他手♥机♥ 你在嘲讽他
You weren't gonna give him your phone. You were taunting him.
我损他两句都不行吗
I gave the guy a little shit. I can't give the guy shit?
他要抢我手♥机♥ 我不能逼逼一下吗
He's gonna take my phone, I can't bust his chops a little?
然后我就跑了
And then I ran.
挖苦他两句然后走人
You bust his balls, you run.
他们也不介意差不多跟剧本似的
They're fine with that. It's like almost a play you do.
他划了我一刀
He cut me! He slashed at me.
天啊
Oh, my god!
看起来好严重
Yeah! That looks serious.
真的很疼
It really hurts.
你还疼
Oh, sure, you hurt?
这是我上八年级以后第一次跑步
That's the first time I ran since the eighth grade.
你知道吗这会磨砺你的意志
You know what? It's gonna build more character.
你是个好人第一次被划伤
Now you're a good man. You got cut for the first time.
我是为了救你
I was trying to save you.
救我救我♥干♥嘛
Save me. What do you want to save me for?
救我可能会小命不保
You could have got killed trying to save me.
我知道上帝会保佑我
I knew god would protect me.
-真的吗 -没错
- Oh, really? - Yes.
那你知道他也会保佑我吗
You knew he'd protect me, too?
对啊你完好无损
Yes. You're here.
上帝干嘛保佑我凭啥
Why would god protect me? What do I do?
你让人们开怀大笑人们喜欢你
You make people laugh. People love you.
-上帝也喜欢你 -说得不错
- He loves you! - Not a bad point.
但是通常我那么做是为了搞妹子
But usually-- I mean, listen, I do that for pussy.
简直像上帝一样
That's god-like.
你应该再试一次就一次
You should try one more of those. Just one more.
我在流血阿迪
I'm bleeding, Artie.
好了老兄别管了
All right, man. You know what? Fuck it.
我们先去包扎这才是当前的要紧事
Let's get you patched up. That's what we gotta do right now.
我们去医院急诊室
Let's go wait in the emergency room
等上八小时这样你能缝两针
at the hospital for eight hours so you can get two stitches.
天啊坚强点老兄
Jesus. Toughen up a little bit, man.
我被捅了怎么还是走得比你快
How is it that I'm stabbed and I still walk faster than you?
枕头被子都拿来了没事的
Hey, man, got you set up here, all right? You'll be all right.
别睡这个枕头
No, no. Don't sleep on that pillow.
别把脸靠近这个枕头
Don't put your face in this pillow.
这枕头不干净
Bad shit happened to this pillow.
扔掉用这个
Over there. Use this, here.
可以吗
Right? Okay?
-谢谢 -没事
- Thanks, man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine.
我的天
Oh, my god.
你的毯子
Got your blanket.
盖好
Here, take that.
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
舒服吗
All right, comfortable?
非常舒服
Oh, I'm perfect.
太感谢你了阿迪
Yeah, thank you so much, Artie.
听着
Listen, man.
只在这睡一个晚上一个晚上
One night of this, man, one night.
-别养成习惯 -好的
- Don't get used to this. - Yeah.
你得先去拿你的车
You know, you gotta get your car.
我查了查大概要150美元
Yeah, I looked it up. It's like 150 bucks, so...
-是150美元一天一天 -什么
- No, it's 150 bucks a day! A day! - What?
你得搞清楚这里是纽约
You gotta stay on top of that, this is New York.
罚款会累积的
Yeah, it adds up, man.
什么都要花钱烧钱啊
Everything costs money, it's expensive.
靠
Shit.
你可真是天真无知啊
Babe in the woods, man.
在这你得坚强起来
You gotta...gotta toughen up here.
还有我进浴室不关门
Listen, I keep the door open when I go to the bathroom.
并非恶意我有幽闭恐惧症
It's not anything hostile, I'm just claustrophobic.