差不多得了（2020）

周五晚上到啦
Friday night!
准备好洛杉矶市区参加硬核音乐节了吗
Who's ready for the DTLA Hot and Hard Festival?
当然
Yeah!
我不会再找移♥动♥厕所里的家伙加钱买♥♥药了
I am not overpaying for pills from a dude in a porta-potty again.
这里有兴♥奋♥剂♥ 镇静剂 大笑剂 尖叫剂
We've got uppers, downers, laughers, screamers,
在伏特加浸过的卫生棉条 还有你最喜欢的
tampons soaked in vodka, and your favorite --
樱桃味摇♥头♥丸♥
Cherry MDMA bites!
我被解雇前 从加州大学偷了我最喜欢的东西
And for me -- I stole this from UCLA before I got fired.
加州大学生物学院
蟾蜍标本
你们有适合父亲嗑的药吗
You got anything more Dad speed?
荧光棒吗
A glow stick, maybe?
对啊 荧光棒
Yeah, a glow stick.
乔什 等等 你喝了吗
Josh! W-W-Wait, you're drinking it?
是啊
Yeah.
我以为你们说的是生活小技巧呢
I thought you guys were telling me about a life hack.
太棒了
That's awesome!
又烫又硬 又烫又硬
Hot and Hard! Hot and Hard!
谢谢你们让我假装
Thanks for letting me pretend like
有空闲时间去听演唱会
I have enough free time to go to a concert.
真刺♥激♥
What a rush.
差不多得了
第一季 第三集
这是什么
What do we have here?
看起来像塑料片
It looks like a piece of plastic?
形状和玩具很像
It's a similar shape as the toy...
早上好 坎蒂斯 我给你做了
Morning, Candice. May I present to you...
兔兔煎蛋
Eggs Bunny-dict!
又在看拆箱视频吗 坎蒂斯
Hey, you watching an unboxing video, Candice?
这是一个旋转玩具
We have this sort of, uh, spinner toy.
看看这个怎么弄
Let's see what this is all about.
坎蒂斯 你把这个拆了呗
Candice, why don't you just unbox this one?
这个更好
This is better.
我有个主意
I got an idea.
我们做点咱俩都喜欢的事吧
Let's do something we can both enjoy?
乔什童年玩具
坎蒂斯 这位是泰迪·华斯比
All right Candice, this guy right here is Teddy Ruxpin.
你好 咱俩可以
Hi. Can you and I be frieeeeennnnn...
我靠
Oh, dude!
神奇八号♥球 我们现在开心吗
Magic Eight Ball, are we having a great time right now?
我们
又一条扎带
Yes, another twist tie!
他们的选择很有意思
Interesting choice they made on that one.
泰迪 我怎么才能和女儿建立感情
Teddy, how am I gonna bond with my daughter?
让我死吧
Let me die.
把这个邪恶机器人扔了吧
Let's get rid of this evil robot.
也行吧
Might as well.
坎蒂斯不喜欢我小时候喜欢的东西
Candice doesn't want to do anything I liked as a kid.
我的旧滑板
My old skateboard!
我以前很喜欢滑冰的
I used to love skating.
人体滑板
A body rollerskate!
快看 我是一只脚
Look, look! I'm a foot!
自从那只土狼咬了她 她以为自己会变成狼人以后
I haven't seen her this happy since that coyote bit her
我还没见她这么开心过
and she thought she was gonna turn into a werewolf.
坎蒂斯 你想让我教你滑冰吗
Candice, you want me to teach you how to skate?
好啊 好啊
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
滑板老爹
Skate Dad.
今天值得纪念 坎蒂斯
Big day, Candice!
我还记得我爸带我去第一家滑板店
I remember when my dad took me to my first skate shop.
虽然里面有点邋遢 有点乱
Sure, they're a little grungy, a little cluttered,
但我会全程指导你的
but I'll be there to guide you the whole way,
你好啊 你好啊
What up, what up, what up!
这家伙知道现在几点了
This guy knows what time it is!
天啊 爸爸 那是鲍勃·琼斯沃斯 爸爸
Oh my God, Dad, that's Bob Jonesworth! Dad?
坎蒂斯 可以进去了吗
All right, Candice, you ready to go in?
嗯呐
Yeah!
爸 你为什么带我来苹果店
Dad, why did you take me to the Apple Store?
搞什么 看看这个
What the... Oh, check this out.
守旧派
鲍勃·琼斯沃斯在炸巴克斯特街
Bob Jonesworth bombing Baxter Street.
真是一个传奇
What a legend.
总有一天 你也会像你♥爸♥以前那样炸山的
Someday, you'll be bombing hills just like your dad used to.
鲍勃·琼斯沃斯是我爸爸吗
Bob Jonesworth is my dad?
不 我是你♥爸♥爸 那个 算了
No. I'm your dad. That's... never mind.
你好啊 你好啊
What up, what up, what up!
这家伙知道现在几点了
This dude knows what time it is!
你们的表有什么问题吗
Can I help you with some watches?
什么 我们是滑冰的
What? We're here to shred.
我想买♥♥正义板
I'm looking for some righteous decks!
正义鸡♥巴♥
Righteous dicks?
不 一块板 我想要个滑板
No, man, a deck. I want a skateboard.
你们找嗖嗖啊
You're gonna want The Goosh.
嗖嗖
Yo, Goosh!
马上就来 伙计们
Be right with ya, folks!
天啊
Oh, my God, wow.
我也可以的
I could do that.
我是嗖嗖 有什么可以帮忙吗
Hey, I'm The Goosh. Can I help you?
毫无疑问 毫无疑问 毫无疑问
No doubt. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt.
你说什么 先生
Pardon me, sir?
我们想给女儿买♥♥滑板
We're looking for a skateboard for our daughter.
漂亮 你叫什么名字 小美女
Nice! What's your name, shorty?
坎蒂斯 他们为什么叫你"嗖嗖"
Candice. Why do they call you "The Goosh"?
因为我滑冰时的声音
Because when I skate it sounds like...
嗖嗖
Goooooosh!
要我帮你选块板吗
So, can I help you pick a deck, here?
不用了 我们自己选
No! We're good. We'll do the picking.
你负责卖♥♥板和记账就行了
You can just do the selling or ringing up or whatever.
我们不需要帮助
No help needed.
坎蒂斯 好好选
All right, Candice. Choose wisely.
那块
That one!
天啊 乔什 那块板一百啊
Oh my God, Josh, that board is $100.
这块在打折
Well, this one's on sale.
这是你吗
Is that you?
不是 这是我的照片
Yeah! Well, no, it's a picture of me.
真正的我在这里
The real me is right here!
妈呀 嗖嗖
Oh, hello, Goosh!
这对孩子来说有点不合适吧
That's a little inappropriate for children.
我们要撒旦滑板
We'll take the Satan board.
爸爸 你能教我怎么像嗖嗖一样翱骊吗
Daddy, can you teach me how to ollie like "The Goosh?"
那个收银员 他根本不会玩滑板
The cashier? Nah. He doesn't know what he's doing.
-你会翱骊吗 -不知道
- Can you Ollie? - Oh, I dunno.
试试吧 试试吧
Show us! Show us! Show us!
好吧
Okay, fine.
学着点
Watch and learn.
长记性了吗 托尼·霍克[美国滑板运动员]
Taking notes, Tony Hawk?
那家伙被屁♥股♥刀了
that dude just got ass knifed!
我没事 我还没滑完呢
I'm fine. I'm not done shredding yet.
爸爸 屁♥股♥刀是什么
Daddy, what's an ass knife?
这是另一课的内容
That's a different lesson!
我靠 乔什
Dang, Josh.
他们居然在你的鸡鸡上放了块金属板
I can't believe they put a metal plate on your taint.
滑板老爹很伤心
Skate Dad is skate sad.
不像我爸 至少我尽力了
At least I'm trying my best, unlike my dad.
他只会愤怒地指着手表
All he ever did was point at his watch angrily.
我知道你这么努力对坎蒂斯很有意义
I know it means a lot to Candice that you're trying so hard.
这家伙被屁♥股♥刀了
"This guy got ass-knifed.
我们得送他去医院
We have to take him to the hospital."
我去教她怎么滑下斜坡
I'm gonna go show her how to roll down that ramp.
你知道吗 你的金属板还挺酷的
You know what? Your metal plate is kind of cool.
-疼吗 -现在最疼的是我的心
- Does it hurt, though? - The only thing that's hurting is my heart,
因为我不能出去
because I can't be out there
帮助坎蒂斯发掘她滑冰的潜力
helping Candice realize her skate potential.
别管我了 止痛药应该很快就会起效
Now, let me be. These pain pills should be kicking in any min--
滑板老爹