差不多得了（2020）

Uh, we'll go to the cemetery later.
他们要放《七宝奇谋》 对吧
Um, they're playing that movie "Goonies," right?
这样我们就能在我奶奶的坟墓上亲热了
So we can hook up on my nana's grave.
肯定很浪漫
It'll be so romantic.
李 我说了 课堂不能打电♥话♥
Lee, I told you -- you can't be on the phone!
这叫坟墓悸动
It's called grave throbbing.
-李 -等等 妹子
- Lee! - Wait, hold up, girl.
怎么了 呆子
Yo, what's up, Dorp?
我是多潘伯格教授
It's "Professor Dorpenberger."
抱歉 呆子
Oh, sorry, Dorp.
你能帮我把这个扔进垃圾桶吗
Hey, can you throw this in the trash for me?
我现在硬了
I got a boner right now,
我不想让其他人看到
so it's, like...I don't want anybody to see it --
还是你想让我秀一下
unless you want me to.
李 打你的犯法的
Lee, I am legally not allowed to hit you.
好吧 我的心已死
Okay. I am dead inside.
全世界的人都在挨饿
People are starving all over the world,
这家伙还要在游艇上装电视
and this dude is getting a TV installed on his yacht?
美国太酷了
America is so cool.
上来吧 伙计们
Hey, just come on up, guys!
乔什·辛格尔顿
Josh Singleton?!
是我
Yeah?
哥们 乔什 是我 基思·纳什
Dude, Josh! It's me -- Keith Nash!
纳什人游戏
Nash Man Games?
纳什人
不是吧
No way!
自从你把你的游戏《直升机侠》卖♥♥了 买♥♥了直升机
I haven't seen you since you sold your game "Heli Man"
我就没见过你了
and became heli-rich.
我们刚刚卖♥♥出了一亿份最新应用
We just sold 100 million copies of our latest app,
被选为年度最佳电子游戏公♥司♥
got voted best video game company of the year,
看看是谁登上了封面
and check out who made the cover!
黄金玩家
完全没有修图
No retouching at all.
以前 我们都很崇拜这家伙
Back in the day, we used to worship this guy.
谁啊 这家伙吗
What guy? This guy?
他的《纯爷们》游戏太屌♥了
His game "Dudeman" was the shizz!
你卖♥♥了多少钱
How much you sell that baby for?
我还没完成
You know, it's not finished.
也许永远也完成不了了
It might never be finished.
艺术家啊 我喜欢
Artist! Dude, I love it!
我走了
Look, I better take off.
我E3展会主题演讲的票都卖♥♥完了
I'm doing this sold-out keynote speech at E3.
去年就卖♥♥完了
Did it last year.
总之谢谢你们帮我装电视
Well, anyway, thanks for plugging in my TV!
完事后记得锁门哦
Just make sure to lock up when you're done!
我觉得这图应该修过了
I think this is actually pretty retouched.
这些九十度角
And these 90-degree angles
应该能让你们记住勾股定理了
should get you to remember the Pythagorean theorem!
天啊 我好喜欢上她的课
Oh, my God. She just makes me want to learn.
太酷了吧
That was amazing.
我的胳膊没知觉了
Yeah, I can't feel my arms,
但至少我的学生在努力学数学
but at least my students are learning math.
我的学生一个字都听不进去
I can't get my students to pay attention to a word I say.
现在的孩子需要噱头
Kids today need a gimmick,
否则他们根本不买♥♥账
or you won't break through to them.
代数马戏团
我在加州大学洛杉矶分校教书的时候
I guess when I taught at UCLA,
学生们很喜欢我
the students loved my special lecture
扮成波拉特的特别演讲
as Professor Dorpen-Borat.
圣女贞德好热辣
Joan of Arc was hot.
她被烧死在火刑柱上了
She burned at stake.
我朋友是耶鲁大学的教授
My buddy's a professor at Yale,
他把他的课改成了历史特技
and he changed his class to Stunting Through History --
他为了特技放弃了所有课程
ditched his whole curriculum for stunts.
你就按照你的想法来吧
You do what you got to do.
伊卡洛斯戴上手工制♥作♥的翅膀
So, Icarus took the handmade wings
无视他父亲的忠告
and, ignoring his father's sound advice,
飞向了太阳
flew towards the sun --
正如我现在要飞过这两栋大楼一样
just as I will now fly across these two buildings.
这距离挺远啊 呆子
Hey, that's a pretty long jump, Dorp.
你有保险吧
I hope you have insurance.
我不需要保险
I don't need insurance.
但是要有保险就好了
But I kind of wish I had it.
磨蹭什么呢 呆子 你到底跳不跳啊
Hey, what's the holdup, Dorp? Are you doing this or not?
必须的
Oh, I'm doing this.
必须跳
I'm so doing this.
等着瞧吧
And you will be engaaaaaaaged!
没事的
It's okay.
呆子 你的图享账号♥是什么 我加个标签
Yo, Dorp, what's your Instagram, so I can tag you?
纯爷们
他的 《纯爷们》游戏太屌♥了
His game "Dudeman" was the shizz! Shizz!
软件狗
编译中
纯爷们
D-- D-- Dudeman!
纯爷们
文件损坏
猜到了
Of course.
纯爷
D-- D-- Dude--
纯爷
D-- D-- Dude--
错误
纯爷们
Dudeman.
兄弟 好久不见
Hey, bro. Long time, no see.
搞什么
What the...
你去哪了 伙计 你为什么放我鸽子
Where you been, bud? Why'd you bail on me?
我没有啊
I didn't bail!
伙计 就差一点了
Dude! You were so close!
合同
是啊 但你不记得展示会了吗
Yeah, but don't you remember the presentation?
准备好了吗
纯爷们
请欣赏《纯爷们》
I give you "Dudeman"!
纯爷们
D-- D-- Dudeman!
这游戏还没完成吗
This game isn't even finished?
不应该啊
That's not supposed to --
等等
Hang on.
不是吧
Oh, man! Boo!
我们去看看《直升机侠》
Let's go check out "Helicopter Man"
也不知道是不是叫这个
or whatever that one game was called.
那是我人生中最糟糕的时刻
It was the worst moment of my life.
拜托 兄弟
Come on, bro!
是时候完成这个游戏了
It's time you finally finished this game!
但我不知道最后一关该怎么设置
Yeah, but I don't know what to do for the last level.
那是因为你们都老了
That's because you're all old now.
如果你想有更好的主意
If you want to come up with better ideas,
你得联♥系♥二十岁的自己
you got to get in touch with your 20-year-old self.
纯爷们
太酷炫了
Bodacious!
击碎者
洛杉矶一流特技者酒吧
谢谢你把我介绍给你的朋友
Thanks for introducing me to your friend.
我的学生在图享上发了这个视频
One of my students posted this video on Instagram,
真是太丢人了
and it's humiliating.
废物伯格教授
最垃圾的教授
傻♥逼♥呆子
互联网让我们变成了残忍♥的动物
The Internet has made us all ruthless animals.
-等等 -对了
- Hold up! - Oh, right.
可以了
Good to go.
太刺♥激♥了
What a rush!
她在那里
There she is.
她嫁给了有史以来最伟大的特技演员
She was married to the greatest stuntman of all time.
吉纳维芙
Genevieve?
瞧瞧
Well, well, well.
你扣了我们的保证金
You got a lot of nerve showing up here
还敢来这里 胆子不小啊
after keeping our security deposit.
天啊
Oh, my God!
我们以前在公♥寓♥经常这样
We used to do that bit all the time at the apartment.
我好怀念那些日子
I miss those days.
你是亚历克斯阿爸
You must be Alex.
是的