差不多得了（2020）

我受够了
Okay. I'm done.
我宁愿不要激♥情♥了
No spark is worth this.
我应该可以把那个性♥爱♥枕头退了
I guess I can get a refund on that sex pillow.
我勒个去
What the hell?
艾米丽 艾米丽
Emily! Emily!
你的手好软
Your hands are so soft.
谢谢
Thank you!
和我在马丘比丘徒步时遇到的美洲驼一样软
Almost as soft as the llama I met hiking Machu Picchu.
再说一次 我不太喜欢徒步
Again, I'm not so into hiking.
我觉得就是在一直走啊走
I feel like it's just hard walking.
你最喜欢的维京情♥色♥小说呢
Okay. Your favorite Viking erotica?
《闪闪发光的剑鞘》
"The Glistening Scabbard."
-没错 -没错
- Yes! - Yes!
这顿晚餐我请吧
You know what? Dinner's on me.
艾米丽
Emily!
乔什
Josh?
有人吗
Anybody?
那是脖子还是屁♥眼♥
Is that its neck or its butthole?
都是
It's both!
乔什
Josh?
你永远也找不到真实的我
You'll never find the right me.
永远 永远
Never! Never!
你从没带我来跳过舞啊
You never took me dancing.
我可能需要一点快乐来释放真实的我吧
I guess I just needed a little Joy in my life to unlock the real me.
太棒了
Ooh, yeah!
真的很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
大自然呼唤 我说的不是马丘比丘哦
Nature calls, and I'm not talking about Machu Picchu.
这倒是挺新鲜的
That'd be a first.
哪儿也别去 我的小小鸟
Don't go anywhere, my little birdie.
你可以用你的嘴喂我呀
Feed me from your mouth to my mouth.
叽叽喳喳
Chirp-a, chirp-a, chirp!
你的僚机任务完成了
Okay. Your wingman job is done.
-我们可以走了 -什么 为什么
- We can go. - What? Why?
因为我的约会对象和他的前任缝合了
Because my date is sewn to his ex
而且一直在吹嘘麻丘派克的经历
and won't stop bragging about Macho Pecho.
看来他和乔伊有一段转变性的经历
Well, it sounds like he and Joy had a transformative experience.
既然你这么喜欢乔依
If you like Joy so much,
你为什么不直接和她缝合呢
why don't you just conjoin with her?
是啊 有何不可
Yes, why don't I?
男厕
缝合
永远不会后悔的
这个不错啊
This one looks nice.
经典手式
这张可以证明我们真的相爱了
Oh, this one will really show we're in love.
嘴唇
必须是真爱
你居然让他和你们缝合
I can't believe you're letting him conjoin with you guys.
他连《老友记》主题曲都不知道
He barely knows the "Friends" theme song.
如果她想坐在"生活"这架飞机的中间
If she wants to sit middle seat in this flight called life,
那就随她吧
then so be it.
有人吃饱啦
Somebody is full.
吻我
Kiss me!
舌吻
More tongue, yeah.
看看这个肚肚
Just look at this tum-tum.
我们做点其他的事吧
Now, let's do other sex stuff.
我原来和乔依做♥爱♥的时候 自创了一个帕尼尼式
When Joy and I used to have sex, we'd call it the panini press,
但我们必须缝合才可以
but we'd have to be conjoined to do that.
那就说定了 我们也缝合吧
That's it! We're conjoining too!
-什么玩意 -啥
- What's that now? - I'm sorry?
乔什
Josh!
艾米丽
Emily!
放弃吧 毕竟过去更美好
Give up now. It was better in the past anyway.
我不会放弃的
I'm not giving up!
现在坎蒂斯要成为孤儿了
And now Candice will be an orphan,
都是因为你们失去了激♥情♥
all because you lost your spark.
孤儿 什么
An orphan, what?
你还不明白吗
Don't you get it?
你死在鬼屋里了
You died in the haunted house.
-我们 -死了
- We're... - ...Dead?
我们不能死 不可能
We can't be dead. No way!
真的
It's true.
还记得墓地里的那棵树吗
Remember that tree in the graveyard?
不 不可能
No! It's not true!
-艾米丽 -乔什
- Emily! - Josh!
别动 我马上过去
Don't move. I'll be right there.
乔什
Josh!
恶魔追杀我的时候
When that demon was chasing me,
我满脑子想的都是再也见不到你了
all I could think about was that I'd never see you again.
我也以为再也见不到你了
I thought I'd never see you again either.
很遗憾我们死了
I'm sorry we're dead.
我只是想和你重新燃起激♥情♥
I just wanted to reconnect with you.
我也是
Me too.
虽然我的肉体已死 但你知道还有什么没死吗
I may be physically dead, but you know what's not dead?
我知道
Oh, I know.
别亲热了
You can stop making out now.
你们没有真死
You're not really dead, and we've got to bring
我们要对另一对夫妇进行精神折磨了
in another couple to psychologically torture.
听到了吗 拜托
Hello? Please!
天啊 不是吧 你吃醋了
Oh, my-God-isn't-real, you're jealous.
什么 吃谁的醋啊
Wha...? What, of who?
你无法眼睁睁地看着我放下了你
Oh, you can't stand to see me finally over you.
-直说吧 -不可能
- Just say it. - Never!
罗恩 我们去缝合
Come on, Ron. We're getting sewn together.
我们先缝
Not if we do it first!
住手
Stop!
布里奇特 我不能和你缝合
Bridgette, I can't attach myself
你还没有真正放下前任
to someone who's clearly not detached from their ex.
我没放下
I'm not detached?
你和你前任还缝在一起呢
You're literally sewn to your ex.
但我们可以切割开
But we can cut ourselves apart.
感情是无法割舍的
You can't cut apart feelings.
真棒 你说话终于有点意思了
Oh, great, now you say something interesting.
亚历克斯 我们很来电 但是
Alex, what we have is nice, but...
不不不 行了 拜托
No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. Come on. What?
我又没有开始写
It's not like I've already written a part of my memoir
描述她牙齿的回忆录
where I described her teeth or anything.
你知道我的牙齿长什么样吗
You know what my teeth look like?
当然了
Of course I do.
它们都是你微笑的组成部分
They're all the pieces that make up your smile.
-我也想要 -嗯
- Oh, I want that. - Yeah...
我还想一个人打飞机呢
And I want to masturbate alone.
中奖了
Jackpot!
教授 帮个忙
Professor, a little help!
好的 稍等 我得接个电♥话♥
Uh, yeah, just hang on. I gotta take this call.
什么
What?!
你就不该活过来 发霉的贱♥人♥
Should have stayed dead, moldy bitch!
教授
Professor!
抱歉 你能再说一遍吗
I'm sorry. Can you say that one more time?
谢谢你 妈妈 你触发了所有的陷阱
Thanks a lot, Mom. You set off all the booby traps.
好的 索尔特先生 我现在就给项目经理发邮件
Yes, Mr. Salt, I'll e-mail the project managers right now.
该睡觉啦
Time for bed!
我妈妈也不跟我玩桌游
My mom won't play board games with me, either.
妈妈
Mom!
我们还没玩完昨晚的《掘墓人》呢
We never finished Grave Rollers from last night.
你知道我喜欢玩《掘墓人》 但我得去上班了
You know I love Grave Rollers, but I have to go to work.
你因为工作错过了很多东西
You're missing a lot of stuff 'cause of work.
坎蒂斯说得对
Candice is right.
你有点像索尔特先生的受气包
You have kind of been being a doormat for Mr. Salt.
我是很听他的话 但我不能丢了工作啊
Maybe I do say yes a lot, but I can't lose my job.
工作能给我们提供重要的东西 比如健康保险
It gets us important stuff, like health insurance.
我的工作也能提供重要的东西啊
My job gets us important stuff, too.
比如没人用的以太网电缆能打个八折
More like 20% off Ethernet cables that no one uses.