差不多得了（2020）

You know, you can't just take things that don't belong to y--
其实也可以哈
I mean, maybe you can?
我不想惹麻烦
I don't want any trouble!
不 求你了 先生 再骂我们几句吧
No, please, good sir. Scold us some more.
你们是孩子吗 你们父母呢
You guys are just kids? Wh-Where are your parents?
这是我们唯一的父母
These are the only parents we got!
请欣赏世界一流的缝制工艺 先生
Mind the world-class stitchwork, sir!
我爷爷出事了
Grandad just got into an accident.
他被马踩死了 真的
He got trampled by horses, he did!
天啊
Oh, my God.
你们真的很擅长缝制吗
So...you guys are really good at sewing?
乔什 你找到快餐店的积分卡了吗
Josh, you find that Togo's punch card?
-妈妈 -是妈妈
- Mummy! - It's Mummy!
是的 她来了
Yep, here she is!
为什么这些可爱的英国街头顽童要叫我妈妈
Why are these adorable British street urchins calling me Mummy?
他们要帮我们做家庭缝制♥作♥业
They're gonna make the family quilt for us!
乔什 他们偷了你的钱包 他们是坏孩子
Josh, they stole your wallet. They're bad kids.
女士 我们不是坏孩子
Please, miss, we're not bad kids.
我叫鱿鱼
My name is Calamari.
这些是我的朋友 玻璃梭鲈 罗非鱼
And these are my friends -- Walleye, Tilapia,
鳟鱼脸和鳕鱼
Troutface, and Scrode.
我叫"斯劳德"
It's pronounced "Scrawd"!
你们真的能帮我们缝制吗
Can you really make a quilt for us?
是的
Yes, we can!
我们只求
And all we ask for in exchange
你们能暂时关心我们一下
is some sweet, sweet parenting.
*我们在为坎蒂斯缝制*
*We're making a quilt for Candice*
*缝制坎蒂斯的家谱*
*A family tree quilt for Candice*
*这些孤儿带我们去了一家工厂*
*These orphans took us to this factory*
*危险的机器 让人眼花缭乱*
*Dangerous machines, so much to see*
*闻起来有点像老鼠尿*
*It kinda all smells like rat piss*
*但我们这么做都是为了坎蒂斯*
*But we're doing it all for Candice*
*天啊 那孩子掉进了一个桶里*
*Oh, my God, that kid just fell in a vat*
*有人发现了吗*
*Did anybody else notice that?*
*那孩子好像没有手*
*And I think that kid is hand-less*
*但我们这么做都是为了坎蒂斯*
*But we're doing it all for Candice*
*在山洞里 一只大老鼠袭击了我们*
*In a cave, a giant rat attacked us*
*但我们这么做都是为了坎蒂斯*
*But we're doing it all for Candice*
等等 这不是血汗工厂吧
Wait, this totally isn't a sweatshop, right?
也许吧
Maybe?
*但我们这么做都是为了坎蒂斯*
*But we're doing it all for Candice*
大家肯定觉得我们
Everyone's gonna see that we're totally
是学校里最棒的家长
the best parents at that school!
给你们之前 我们能求你们一件事吗
Can we ask one thing before we give you the quilt?
-什么事 -你能帮我们盖被子吗
- What? - Could you tuck us in?
当然
Of course!
抱歉我把钱都花在了阻特装和油条上了
Sorry I spent all our money on zoot suits and churros.
抱歉我太沉迷砍价了
Sorry I got too obsessed with bargaining.
不知道是月光透过烟雾
I don't know if it's the moonlight through the smog
还是小巷的有毒气体
or the toxic fumes in this alley,
但你当好爸爸的样子好帅气
but you look so sexy when you're being a good parent.
鳕鱼很喜欢
Scrode likey.
-你好啊 -你好啊
- Hey, you. - Hey, you.
-昨晚太棒了 -真的很棒
- Last night was so great. - Really great night.
真的 真的很棒
Really, really great.
英国孩子们呢
What happened to the British kids?
怎么变得这么恶心
How'd they get so gross?
我们不恶心
We're not gross,
我们不是孩子 也不是英国人
and we're not kids, and we're not British!
-我们都做了什么 -八点了
- What have we done? - It's 8:00!
我们得在上学前把缝制♥作♥业交给坎蒂斯
We've gotta get this quilt to Candice before school!
-妈妈 -爸爸
- Mummy. - Daddy.
-我们不是你们的父母 -当然是了
- We're not your parents! - Of course you are.
这是缝制♥作♥业的代价 记得吗
That was the price for the quilt, remember?
记得吗
Remember?
-妈妈 -爸爸
- Mummy. - Daddy.
快跑
Run!
乔什
Josh!
抓住他们
Get 'em!
乔什鸟 你回来了
Bird Josh, you came back!
乔什鸟
Bird Josh!
不
No!
乔什 上车
Josh, get in the car!
它是只好鸟
He was a good bird.
它是一只非常好的鸟
He was a great bird.
帮我报空手道课
Sign me up for karate classes!
日历出了告诉我啊 伙计们
Let me know when the calendar comes out, boys!
你们这些小可爱
All your sweet little asses.
我的天啊 没事吧
Oh, my God! Is everything okay?
大家都没事
Well, everybody's fine,
他们把坎蒂斯送去了学校
and they managed to get Candice off to school,
但是肯定惨兮兮的
but it certainly wasn't pretty.
亚历克斯像金枪鱼罐头一样被人家从通风口弄了出来
Had to cut Alex out of the vent like he was a can of tuna.
亚历克斯卡在通风口了
Alex was stuck in the vent?!
随便吧 她说了大家都没事
Yeah, yeah, whatever. She said everybody's fine!
傻♥逼♥白人
Dumbass white people.
傻♥逼♥外国佬
这是我自己缝的
I made my quilt patch all by myself!
太棒了 坎蒂斯
That's really great, Candice.
抱歉 伙计们 谢谢你们
I'm so sorry guys. Thank you.
我们学到了很多
We learned a lot.
关于坎蒂斯 关于彼此
About Candice. About each other.
但最主要的是我们永远也不想要孩子了
But mainly we learned we never want to have kids.
还好我们生孩子之前就离婚了
So glad we got divorced before that happened.
你们的孩子拿了个F
Gotta say, you get a solid "F" in my book.
意思是"终于做对了一件事"
Which stands for "Finally doing something right."
这所学校的大多数家长
Most parents at this school
甚至不让孩子自己做作业
don't even let their kids do their own projects.
快扔掉
Get rid of it!
洛杉矶市区
出♥售♥
开放日
艾希勒
梁柱结构
开放日
金姆和萨斯顿
工匠艺术 公园般的院子
开放日
有黑霉 但我们有饼干
开放日
根据协议由第三者暂为保管
格伦·科荣
开放日
这真是
This is so...
无聊
Boring.
我们能在泳池里游泳吗
Can we at least swim in the pool?
不行 别毁了我的好事
No. Look, don't ruin this for me.
我光明正大地赢了拇指大战
I won thumb war fair and square,
所以我们必须来看♥房♥♥子
so we're looking at open houses.
这些垃圾扔哪呢
I don't know where to throw this garbage.
等等 变变变
Oh, wait -- shazam!
想想洛杉矶有多拥挤
Just contemplating how overcrowded L.A. is...
而我有两英亩的后院
in my two-acre backya-a-a-ard!
茶叶
对 就是这个
Ah, yeah, that's the stuff.
你都不喝茶
You don't even drink tea.
是的 因为我一直找不到啊
Yeah, because I can never find it.
有了这些罐子 我肯定整天喝茶 儿子
If I had these tins, I would drink tea all day, son.
-丈夫 -一整天 老公
- Husband. - All day, husband!
*我在厨房♥*
*I'm in the kitchen*
*我在客厅*
*I'm in the living room*
*我在厨房♥*
*I'm in the kitchen*
*我在客厅*
*I'm in the living room*
我能试试吗
Can I try?
看到没 开放日并不无聊
See? Open houses aren't boring.
*我在厨房♥*
*I'm in the kitchen*
*我在客厅*
*I'm in the living room*
*我在厨房♥*
*I'm in the kitchen*
*我在泳池*