差不多得了（2020）

- Each other! - I don't know.
你们都太瘦了
You're all too bony for my taste.
找到了
Found it!
-交给我吧 -什么 不行
- I'll take care of that! - What? No!
你需要休息
You need a break.
今天不要有任何压力
Let me give you a stress-free day.
这主意太烂了
This is a bad idea.
不 我保证我会全神贯注的
No, I promise I'll put 100% of my mind to it.
我上一个幸运饼干的确让我"多相信乔什"来着
My last fortune cookie did tell me to "Trust Josh more."
跟我来 你该放松一下了
Come with me. It's time for you to loosen up.
没有压力就是我的中间名
No Stress is my middle name.
我合法改的
I had it legally changed.
我当时嗑嗨了
I was high.
食品店
天呐 小艾肯定很高兴
Man! Em is gonna be so stoked
我们这么快就把待办事项完成了
that we're breezing through this list.
最后一个是地震备用火腿
Last thing. "Earthquake ham."
肉类
下一个
Next!
我要十块钱最好的火腿 老兄
I'll take your finest $10 worth of ham, my good man.
你在耍我吗
You busting my balls, man?
你没听说南加州火腿短缺吗
Haven't you heard about the SoCal ham shortage?
现在只剩这个本地肉商
This local meat artisan runs the only business in town
还有火腿了
that still has ham.
你们怎么还有火腿
How are you still hamming it up?
我们一般会多存一些 以防缺货
Oh, we always keep some around in case of a shortage.
但涨价肯定是难免的了
But then uh-oh! We have to jack up our prices!
不是偷来的火腿
不是偷来的火腿
"Not stolen hams"?
不 上面写的是"诺施特伦"
Uh, no, it's Notschstolen.
德国进口的
From -- from Germany.
那些家伙就是在趁火打劫
Those guys are ripping everybody off!
我们要去那家工厂买♥♥一个火腿
We're gonna go to that factory, and we're gonna get a ham.
他们找到我了
They found me!
我不知道他们怎么做到的 但他们找到我了
I don't know how, but they found me!
-谁啊 -小丑们
- Who? - The clowns!
今晚有马戏团秀
马戏团上周进城了
Okay, so the circus was in town last week,
我遇到了几个嗜赌如命的小丑
and I met some clowns who never back down from a bet.
所以我说
So, I told them,
我打赌你们弄不出长颈鹿
"I bet you can't make a giraffe."
我就说"那是条狗"
I was like, "Ha! That's just a dog."
他说"等着瞧"
And he said, "Wait for it."
长话短说
Long story short...
-我欠他们三千块 -伙计
- I owe them 3 grand. - Dude!
去肉类工厂吧
Meat factory it is.
我把优♥惠♥券都整理好了
I have all my coupons organized,
结账应该很快的
so check-out should be fast.
百分百无压力日
100% no-stress day.
我的妈
Holy sh--
-多久起效 -快了吧
- How long till this hits? - Soon-ish?
这都取决于你的耐药性
It all depends on your... tolerance.
布里奇特
Bridgette!
宠物店
艾米丽
Whoops, Emily.
我女儿的老师
Me daughter teacher?
真恶心
Aw, sick!
看看他们往肉里放了什么
Look at what they're putting in the meat.
太恶心了
That is...so gross.
伙计 看上面
Dude, look up there.
不是偷来的火腿
里面肯定有火腿
I bet there's hams in there.
周四才能参观工厂
Factory tour's on Thursdays.
你好 亲爱的
Hello, sweetie.
我知道有个地方你肯定喜欢
I have the perfect place for you.
什么 坎蒂斯呢 她在哪
Wha-- W-where's Candice? Where is she?!
小姑娘吗 她在一个好地方呢
Lil' Missy? She's in a better place now.
米其林认证的托儿所
Our Michelin-rated daycare center.
托儿所
你们就是南加州火腿短缺的幕后黑手
So you're the ones behind the SoCal ham shortage.
你们这些嬉皮汉堡神偷
You freakin' hipster hamburglers.
汉堡神偷是另一♥码♥事
Hamburglers are an entirely different
而且其实那是比较卡♥通♥化的偷肉贼 好吗
and, frankly, rather cartoonish kind of meat thief, okay?
这是专业行动
This is a professional operation.
拿火腿 拿火腿
Get the ham! Get the ham!
下一个骗局 屁♥眼♥
Our next scam -- buttholes!
我们不用让它们看起来像热狗
And we're not even trying to make them look like hot dogs.
猜猜下一批肉里有谁的屁♥眼♥呢
And guess whose buttholes are going in the next batch?
两个爱管闲事的呆子
Two nosey nerds!
拜托 呆子
Ah, come on, man! Nerd?
这个词的意思是狂热者
That word means enthusiast,
根本不算侮辱
and it's not derogatory!
天呐
Aw, man.
待办事项上只剩一个了
There was only one item left on the list.
该死的火腿
Damn you, ham!
谢谢你 大脑
Thank you, brain.
超越无限
I'm limitless!
走起 兄弟
Let's roll, bitch.
你是谁
Who are you?
我们居然碰到了坎蒂斯的老师
I can't believe we ran into Candice's teacher.
他肯定知道我嗑药了
He totally knows I'm high.
放松 他一无所知
Relax. He has no idea.
-喝酒吗 -不用了 谢谢
- Wine? - No, thanks.
谢谢
Please.
大♥麻♥
Weed?
不是我
I didn't do it!
贱♥人♥ 动口不动手啊
Bitch, use your words!
老兄 火腿
Dude, the ham!
不是偷来的火腿
我的猪啊
Holy shoat.
你怎么知道那个词是猪的意思
How'd you know "shoat" meant pig?
我不知道 有感而发吧
I don't know, I just did.
不 我说了 我把脸书删了
No, I told you guys, I deleted my Facebook.
你们想联♥系♥我就写信吧
You want to get in touch with me, you write a letter.
他们跑了
They're getting away!
不 他们抢走了我们的火腿
No, no, no. They got our hams!
追
After them!
我也有工作 我想工作
So, I work too, which I want to,
因为女权主义嘛
'cause, you know, feminism.
我只是在努力做好我的工作
I'm just trying so hard to do a good job.
你做得很好啊
And you are!
但你得干自己喜欢的事业 才能察觉到
But it won't feel like it till you start doing things for yourself.
我都不知道我喜欢什么
I don't even know what I like.
在你捅死贱♥人♥之前 赶紧弄清楚
Find out, before you stab a bitch.
你说得对
You're right.
我得找到我喜欢的事业
I've got to find my thing!
去吧 姑娘
Go find it, girl.
去找吧
Go find it.
开车小心点
Watch your freakin' driving!
儿童玩具
该死
Damn it!
红灯 红灯
Red light, red light!
瑜伽
很好 很好 很好
Good, good, good.
200度就是这种感觉
Yeah, this is what 200 degrees feels like.
感受华氏温度
Feel the Fahrenheit.
红灯 红灯 红灯
Red light, red light, red light!
让开
Move!
我们甩掉他们了
I think we lost them.
太好了
Yes!
甩掉坏人
天啊
Oh, God.
狗
Dog!
那不是狗
That's no dog.
逃不掉了 废物们
No way out now, Jabronis!
天啊 天啊
Oh, geez! Oh, geez!