差不多得了（2020）

Oh, my God! You're a baby?!
不 我是大人了
Nah, I'm a big boy.
我已经一年多没喝母乳了
I haven't had breast milk in over a year.
不过现在看到了你 妹子
Though in your case, girl, shoot,
我好想嘬乳♥头♥
I'd go back on that teat.
我要进监狱了
I'm going to jail!
布里奇特
Bridgette!
逗我呢
Are you shitting me?
等等 不 是我不好
Oh, wait. No, that's my bad.
我能看看你的身份证吗 伙计
Can I, uh, see some ID, my man?
什么 为什么 我们很年轻啊
What?! Why? We're -- We're hella young.
对吧 婊贝
Right, bae?
必须的
For realsies.
说真的 我要买♥♥一辆飞鸟滑板车回家
Like, seriously, I'm about to get a Bird scooter home
直接上我父母的保险
and just jump on my parents' insurance.
没问题 我的错
That checks out. My bad!
我还以为你们是VIP呢
Thought you were VIPs for a second there.
没事 兄弟
No worries, my dude.
我们走了 记得在脸书上找我
We gotta jet, but hit me up on the Facebook.
只有老人才用脸书
Only old people use Facebook.
不 我是说
No, I meant...
阅后即焚 电子转账
Snapchat! Venmo?
看我的甩手舞
Look at me floss.
我记得百视达影像
I remember Blockbuster Video!
百视达影像
没错 我有卡带单曲
That's right. I owned cassette singles!
我用美国在线"网上冲浪"
I used AOL to "surf the Web."
我
I am...
老了
old!
VIP VIP
VIP! VIP!
VIP
VIP!
你到底在干什么
What the hell are you doing?!
我只是个嗨不起来的疲惫老人
I'm just a tired old man who can't even party anymore.
今晚我不入地狱 谁入地狱
If anybody should die tonight, it's me.
离我远点 你这个千禧一代
Get away from me, ya punk millennial!
他牺牲了自己来救我们
He's sacrificing himself to save us.
-太酷了 走吧 -不
- Very cool. Let's go. - No!
我们不能丢下他
We can't leave him!
让开
Get -- Get out of the way!
别碰老人
Leave the old people alone.
放开我 乔什 我的死期到了
Let me go, Josh! It's my time!
我不能让你死
I can't let you do this.
你还有很多活下去的理由
You've still got lots to live for!
老兄 有什么意义呢
Dude, what's the point?
我只会越来越老 越来越逊
I'm only gonna get older and lamer!
变老的好处呢
But what about all the good parts of getting old?
比如没人指望你听新音乐了
Like how no one expects you to keep up with new music anymore?
周五晚上 你可以待在家里
On a Friday night, you can just stay in
看《英国烘焙大赛》啊
and watch "The Great British Bake Off"!
你的胡子会沾上盐和胡椒
And your beard's gonna get all salt and pepper-y!
我现在满脑子都是老男人
I'm all about older guys right now!
你是说我可能有克鲁尼的气质吗
You're saying I could have a Clooney vibe here?
天啊 不不不 我想活下去
Oh, God! No, no, no, I wanna live!
我想变老
I wanna get old!
不 超过30岁的人必须死
Noooo! Everyone over 30 must die!
就像在《洛根快跑》里一样
Just like in "Logan's Run"!
哥们 你刚才引用了1976年的电影吗
Dude, did you just reference a movie from 1976?
所以你这里才叫"洛根"吗
That's why you named this place "Logan's"?
你多大了
How old are you?
什么 不 我肯定是在索尼流媒体上看到的
What?! No! I -- I must have seen it streaming on Crackle or --
这家伙快50岁了
This dude's pushing 50!
我只是想让这里保持年轻的氛围
I just wanted to keep it young in here!
不能让超过30岁的人进夜店
You can't have people over 30 in your bar.
那这里就变成酒吧了
Then it becomes a pub!
我本来可以蒙混过关的
And I would have gotten away with it,
都怪你们这些爱管闲事的35岁小孩
if it weren't for you nosy 35-year-old kids!
不 不 不
No, no, no!
出口
亮点餐馆
如果喜欢我 就"素质三连"吧
Yo, if you feelin' me, then "wike and subscwibe."
我知道他很小 但他很可爱啊
I know he's young, but he is cute.
是我的错觉 还是这些煎松饼
Is it just me, or are these pancakes...
甜得令人作呕
Disgustingly sweet?
是啊 看来我们的口味变了
Yeah, I guess our tastes have changed.
没关系 我们有了新口味
And that's okay. We've got new tastes.
这些果酱杏味馅饼的底部都湿了
These Bakewell tarts got a soggy bottom.
上面全是咖喱土豆
Cram-jammed with potato curry!
我们今晚亲眼目睹了一个人被杀
We saw a guy get killed tonight.
甘菊小学
为了避免更多的事故
So, to prevent further mishaps,
孩子们将不再学习针灸
the children will no longer be learning acupuncture.
管它呢
Who cares?
家长会到此为止
Aaaand this parent-teacher meeting is done.
一完事我就会说这句话
Is what I will say as soon as we're done.
不是吧
Oh, come on.
天啊
Oh, man.
我不该喝三瓶运动饮料的
I should not've drunk three Powerades.
把腿夹起来 快结束了
Just cross your legs. It's almost over.
结束之前还有最后一件事
And there is one last thing before I let you go,
非常激动人心
something very exciting.
激动人心
Something exciting?
一个机会 前提是你们愿意
An opportunity. If you're up to it.
我们需要一名志愿者来当班级家长
We need a volunteer to be room parent!
伙计们 有必要闹成这样吗
You guys, you guys, the drama -- do we need it?
只需要发邮件
You just have to send a bunch of e-mails
为新游乐场设施筹钱而已
and raise money for new playground equipment.
乔什 不管你做什么 别举起你的
Josh, whatever you do, don't raise your...
手
hand?
我错过了什么 人类清除计划吗
What'd I miss? We doing a purge?
约书亚 你愿意担任班级家长吗
Joshua, would you like to volunteer to be room parent?
听起来不错啊
That sounds pretty cool.
乔什 不要
Josh?! Dooooon't!
我愿意
I'llll dooooo iiii--
太好了 今年有班级家长了
Yes! We have our room parent for the year!
他不是故意的 他只是抽搐了
He didn't mean it! It was a spasm!
抱歉 意外举手是有法律约束力的
Ooh, I'm so sorry, accidental hand raises are legally binding.
乔什 你知道你干了什么吗
Josh, do you realize what you've signed up for?
你的人生已经结束了
Your life as you know it is over.
这是一个帮助学校
It's an opportunity to help the school
并且为坎蒂斯做点什么的好机会
and do something for Candice.
看起来很有趣啊 看看这个
And it seems fun. Check out this swag.
这是为募捐活动准备的新奇温度计
That is a novelty thermometer for the fundraiser.
我看着像娱乐活动
More like fun-raiser.
我去找坎蒂斯
I'm gonna go get Candice.
我来帮你吧 大英雄
Let me help you with that, you absolute hero.
谢谢
Thanks, uh...
妮基 我是比利的妈妈
Nikki. I'm Billy's mom.
我只想说 你真是太厉害了
I just wanted to say how impressive you are.
真正的男人才会自愿
It takes a real man to volunteer
成为班级家长 筹办募捐活动
to be room parent and put on a fundraiser.
我觉得更像是娱乐活动
I think of it as more of a fun-raiser.
天啊
Oh, my God!
你太逗了
You're so funny!
谢谢 我也这么觉得
Thanks. I think so, too.
我不想越界 但是
Look, I don't want to overstep, but...
咱俩能不能一起当班级家长
What if we were co-room parents?
-真的吗 -是啊
- Really? - Yeah!
我原来是他哥哥姐姐的班级家长
I did it for my older kids,
所以我知道这有多难当
so I know how hard it can be.
但我敢打赌 如果我们把脸
But I bet if we put our faces,
我是说一起加油
I mean heads together,
我们说不定会做♥爱♥呢
we might even have a little sex.
我是说很有趣