差不多得了（2020）

仁爱医院
伙计 看看她
Oh, man. Look at her.
我已经迫不及待跟她一起玩耍了
I can't wait for us to play.
我们在一起会超开心的
We're gonna have so much fun together.
蓝队42号♥ 准备开球
Blue 42! Hut hut! Hike!
伸手臂 旋转移♥动♥
Stiff arm! Spin move!
他突破了 得分
He passes! He scores!
乔什 扶住她的脖子
Josh, support the neck!
我要抓住你了 我要抓住你了
Oh, I'm gonna getcha! I'm gonna getcha!
看看这小宝宝 她会怕痒吗
Hey, look at this little baby! Is she ticklish?
爸爸 爸爸 抱抱
Daddy, Daddy, picky up!
准备起飞
Prepare for lift off!
爸爸 今天我们在学校看了一部超老的电影
Dad! We saw this really old movie
名字叫做《金刚》
at school today called "King Kong"!
那里面居然有杰克·布莱克
It had Jack Black in it!
永远滴神
Classic!
我们玩"金刚"游戏吧
Let's play "King Kong"!
爸爸
Uh, Dad?
差不多得了
第二季 第一集
辛格尔顿先生 毋庸置疑
Well, Mr. Singleton, no wonder
你在抱你女儿的时候闪到了腰
you threw your back out lifting your daughter.
你目前的核心力量几乎为零
You have literally zero core strength.
苍了个天
Oh, my God.
我以后都没办法再抱她了吗
Will I ever be able to pick her up again?
除非你开始锻炼
Only if you start exercising.
所以我什么也做不了了
So there's nothing I can do?
听着 如果你想有所好转的话
Look, you need to work on your core
你要锻炼核心力量
if you want to get better.
我想听听其他的办法
I would like a second opinion.
开始锻炼
Start exercising
否则你永远都抱不了你的女儿
or you will never lift your daughter again.
赤♥裸♥健身
开始吧 为了坎蒂斯
Let's do this. For Candice.
你知道他们都怎么说吗
You know what they say...
你要是不吐 那相当于白练
if you ain't pukin', it ain't workin'.
吉姆·克朗奇
Jim Crunch.
谢谢你 大块头
Thank you, strong sir.
你是否厌倦了跟这些小狗一起玩耍
You ever get tired of playin' with the pups
而是想要跟大狼狗一起奔跑
and want to run with the big dogs,
我就在隔壁
I'm right next door.
我想要跟大狼狗一起奔跑
I want to run with the big dogs.
美国肌肉小镇
我们在这里不仅是锻炼 乔什
What we do here isn't just exercise, Josh.
这是一座教堂
It's a church
我们在这里激发最大能量
where we max out greatness...
消灭弱点
annihilate weakness...
发现未知潜能
and discover unrealized swole-tential.
重量是我的天使 收获是我的神
Weights are my angels, and gains are my God.
我们不仅在轰炸身体 我们也在轰炸生命
We're not just blastin' bodies, we're blastin' lives.
-你让它听起来像是一个邪教 -多谢夸奖
- You make it sound like a cult. - Thanks!
如果你听我的 全身心投入
If you do everything I say and devote yourself
肌肉小镇的WODs
to the swoletown system of WODs --
"每日训练"
"workouts of the day" --
你会得到属于你的大块头
you will get the massive gains you deserve.
我只是想能抱得起我的女儿
I just want to be able to lift up my daughter.
当我练完你之后
When I'm done with you,
你甚至能够杀了你的女儿
you'll be able to kill your daughter.
首先 你来到这里 菜豆一个
First, here's you right now, string bean.
然后是肌肉 塑形
But next, you'll get swole. Then cut.
然后撕裂级 捆绑级 千斤级
After that, ripped, yoked, jacked,
最后粉碎级 那就是我
and finally, shredded, which is what I am.
那是什么
What's that?
绝对单位
没人练到过绝对单位
Oh, no one has ever achieved absolute unit.
你必须完成这些终极训练
You have to complete the impossible WOD,
这可以要了你的命
which could literally kill you.
我们先集中于增加肌肉 好吗
Let's focus on getting you swole first, okay?
这看起来不太
Well, these don't look so --
爸爸 来跟我玩
Daddy, come play with me!
抱歉 坎蒂斯
Sorry, Candice.
再多几次训练和蛋白质奶昔
A few more WODs and a couple of protein shakes,
我就能把你抬到像天花板一样高了
and I should be able to lift you as high as the ceiling.
教练说疼痛意味着虚弱正在离开我的身体
Jim Crunch says that pain is just weakness leaving the body.
你如果不疼 就相当于白练
And if you ain't achin', it ain't workin'.
找到自己的极限 每天都去挑战它
Know your limits and defy them daily.
因为你累的时候不会停下
Because you don't stop when you're tired --
结束了以后才能停下
you stop when you're done.
如果你
And if you --
肌肉素
抱歉
Sorry.
布里奇特 我好怕
Bridgette, I'm scared.
你嫁给了一个怪物
Yeah, you're married to a monster.
我为乔什的肌肉感到害怕
No, I'm scared of how hot Josh is.
我一直以为我是被菜豆男吸引的
I always thought I was attracted to string-bean beta males,
但是很显然 我超爱这个大块头
but apparently, I love big, ham-hock hunks.
看看这个
Em, check this out --
我有"V"字 就像"斯巴达"里的那些家伙一样
I got that "V" thing like the dudes from "300."
"我 是 斯巴达"
"I. Am. Sparta!"
爸爸 我们能玩"金刚"吗
Daddy, can we go play "King Kong"?
当然了
You bet!
抱歉 我得去肌肉小镇了
Sorry, I gotta get to Swoletown.
如果我落下一次训练或健身餐
If I miss even one workout or meal,
我可能失去我的大块头
I could lose my massive gains.
抱歉
Hell, yeah! Sorry.
但是我们在玩游戏啊
But we were playing.
我知道 宝贝
I know, sweetie.
但是我们的支持对他很重要 因为他太性感了
But it's important we support him now that he's hot.
99.
100!
恭喜你 乔什 你正式进入粉碎级
Congrats, Josh. You're officially shredded.
谢谢大家 但我要的不止如此
Thanks, guys. But I need more.
我要变成绝对单位
I want to become an absolute unit.
这太危险了
It's too dangerous.
上一个尝试这种终极训练的人
The last guy who attempted the impossible WOD
安东尼·卡拉马里
"值了 老兄"
肌腱爆裂 最后死了
died after his hammies exploded.
你知道那句话吗
You know what they say --
置之死地而后生
If you ain't dyin', it ain't workin'.
老兄 我是吉姆·克朗奇 好好听我说
Bro, listen. This is me, Jim Crunch, talking.
就算你肌腱没事
Even if your hammies survive the 'splozh,
你不知道大量肌肉会不会影响你脑子
we don't know what all that muscle could do to your mind.
老兄 谢谢你
My dude, I appreciate you.
但你能阻止太阳每天升起吗
But would you tell the sun not to rise and grind each morning?
你能阻止月光照亮夜空吗
Would you tell the moon not to blast its quads into the night sky?
天啊 我爱死你这种能量了 老兄
Oh, I love your energy right now, brah.
若真有人能变成绝对单位
If anyone can become an absolute unit,
就是你了 老兄
it's you, brah.
我写感恩日记
I'm gonna start a gratitude journal
一定把你写进去 老兄
and just write your name in it, brah.
你就是我的希望 兄弟
You're the wind beneath my traps, brah.
你让我精通凯格尔运动
You're the reason I got so good at kegels, brah!
我无言以对了 老兄
Words fail me, bro!
-老兄啊 -老兄
- Bro! - Bro!
爸爸 看我画的
Daddy, look at my drawing!
没空 坎蒂斯 我在做♥鸡♥肉奶昔
Not now, Candice, I'm making a chicken smoothie.
坚定点
Be firm.
天啊 他太性感了
God, he's so freakin' hot.
乔什 我们得谈谈
Josh, we need to talk.
我很高♥潮♥ 不是 高兴你变健康了
I'm horny -- happy you've gotten so healthy.
但我想睡的是 不对 他妈的 你等下
What I'm trying to sex is -- shit, hold on.
乔什 你没在关心坎蒂斯
Josh? You're neglecting Candice.
你一星期没跟她玩了
You haven't played with her all week.
我们刚刚一起做了这鸡肉奶昔
We just made this chicken smoothie together.
她没事啊