差不多得了（2020）

Oh, God!
坎蒂斯 小心
Candice, be careful!
都是恶作剧惹的祸
I pranked my way into this.
说不定我能靠恶作剧脱身呢
Maybe I can prank my way out.
天啊
Good Lord!
锤子是治疗失忆的
Hammers are for amnesia.
我有家人
I've got a family!
警局
完成指标
洛杉矶警局
天啊 天啊 天啊
Oh, man. Oh, man, oh, man.
放松 小艾 这只是个恶作剧
Relax, Em. This is just another prank.
都是假的
It's all fake.
乔什居然费这么大的劲
I can't believe Josh went through all of this
来重拾青春
just to feel young again.
太可悲了
It's so sad.
还不如亚历克斯和我在卧室玩角色扮演呢
Alex and I had better production value on our bedroom role play.
看看这个人
I mean, look at this.
这女人简直就是典型的囚犯
This woman couldn't look more "stereotypical prisoner."
这是真的吗
Is that real?
这是真的吗
Is this real?
天啊 是真的
Oh, my God! It's real!
这不是恶作剧 这不是恶作剧
It's not a prank! This is not a prank!
乔什还有多久到
How long until Josh gets here?
他可能不会来了 这就是我们要面对的现实
He's probably not coming! This is our life now!
愚蠢的恶作剧之战
Stupid prank war!
抱歉 灌木男
I'm sorry, Bush Guy.
这都是我的错
This is all my fault.
恶作剧是年轻人的游戏
Pranking's a young man's game.
现在你要死了
Now you're gonna die,
而我毁了艾米丽和布里奇特的一切
and I've ruined everything for Emily and Bridgette.
布里奇特
Bridgette?
艾米丽
Emily?
布里奇特
Bridgette.
我勒个去
Holy crap!
但我怎么
But how could I...
你的上肢力量好惊人啊
You have crazy upper-body strength.
急救
乔什 艾米丽
Josh! Emily!
-伙计 -疯了 乔什
- Oh, hey, man. - Damn it, Josh!
坎蒂斯疯了
Candice lost her mind.
她吃完糖就疯了
She's all jacked up on candy.
对了 你不能给她吃糖的
Oh, yeah, you're not supposed to give her candy.
我是糖果女王
I am Candeesi!
糖果之母
Mother of candies!
我不知道这家伙还能撑多久
I don't know how much longer this guy's gonna last.
我们得送他去监狱
We got to get him to the jail.
入口
郑重声明 屁♥股♥撅在这家伙面前抱着你女儿
For the record, I feel really weird holding your daughter
这种姿势真的很奇怪
while my ass is in this guy's face!
背靠背 背靠背
Just stick together. Just stick together.
艾米丽 布里奇特
Emily! Bridgette!
乔什 我们以为你不会来呢
Josh! We didn't think you were coming.
我知道 但我们会救你们出去的
I know, but we're gonna get you out of here.
布里奇特 你是唤醒灌木男的关键
Bridgette, you're the key to waking up Bush Guy.
为什么是我
Why me?
因为他觉得你很性感
Because he thought you were hot.
他觉得我性感吗
Did he think I was hot?
他觉得你是个好人
He... thought you were a really nice person,
他希望你能找到幸福
and he hopes you find happiness.
真恶心
Oh, gross.
好吧 那我该怎么办
Okay, what am I supposed to do?
-跟他说说话吧 -好吧
- Just talk to him. - Uh, okay.
灌木男
Hey, Bush Guy!
又睡了吗 莫拉莱斯
Taking a nap again, Morales?
-搞什么
What the --
去捡回来
Go get it!
太好了
Yes!
不 快点 布里奇特
No! Hurry, Bridgette.
说点刺♥激♥的
Sex it up a little, you know?
说些你在我们蜜月时说的话
Say some of that stuff you said on our honeymoon.
别担心 很多男人都这样
Don't worry. It happens to a lot of guys.
什么 不是 我是说维京那些话
What?! No! The Viking stuff!
洛杉矶警局
快点吧 布里奇特
Just do it, Bridgette!
拧他 拧他奶头
Twist 'em! Twist 'em!
瓦尔哈拉万岁
For Valhalla!
-你成功了 -太好了
- Yeah! You did it! - Yes!
我不是屠夫
I'm not a man-slaughterer!
为什么我的乳♥头♥有点疼
Why do my nipples feel more raw than usual?
还好那个灌木男撤诉了
I am so glad that Bush Guy dropped the charges.
他居然还约我
Can you believe he still asked me out on a date?
我宣布结束了
Well, I'm officially done.
恶作剧之战结束了
Prank war is over.
那真是太好了
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
不
Nooooo!
恶作剧之战
Prank war!
-瞧他的表情 -老兄 她整到你了
- Look at his face! - Dude, she got you!
恶作剧之战重新开始
Prank war is back on!
不 乔什 等等
No, Josh, wait!
回监狱了
Welp, back to jail.
甘菊小学
艾米丽 姑娘们什么时候再聚聚
Emily, we have to get the girls together again.
我很喜欢关于家庭作业技巧和容器的
I loved our 90-minute conversation
90分钟的对话
on homework technique and containers.
我都等不及了
Can't wait!
杀了我吧
Kill me now.
受不了妈妈们了吗
Trouble in mom-i-dise?
坎蒂斯和孩子们玩的时候
Whenever Candice plays with a kid,
我就得和他们的蠢妈妈待在一起
I gotta hang out with their lame ass mom.
天啊 好吧 你得找个新团体
Oh, my God! Okay. You gotta find a new crew.
穿里昂比恩的妈妈 超无聊
You've got your L.L. Bean moms -- snoozefest.
单身妈妈
The single moms.
那个女人好像需要帮助啊
Should someone help that woman?
没人能帮她
No one can help her.
那边是
And over there we have --
酷妈妈
The cool moms.
最酷的妈妈
The coolest moms around.
她们的孩子都是尖子生
And their kids are top of the class.
-是吗 -是啊
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
我给他们A 她们就会喜欢我
I give them "A"s so they'll like me.
我太蠢了 管他呢
I'm so stupid, whatever!
我们都是成年人了
You know what? We're all adults.
我想过去说些很酷的话
I'm just gonna walk up to them and say something cool
比如"嘿"
like, "Hey."
我就是这样让迈克尔·道格拉斯患上喉癌的
So that's how I gave Michael Douglas throat cancer.
乔乔 你太棒了
Jojo, you're the best.
抱歉 她是救援队的
I'm so sorry, she's a rescue.
这是我听过最饥渴的"嘿"
That's the thirstiest "Hey" I've ever heard.
她为什么 天呐
Why is she -- Oh, my God.
她来了 我看起来帅不帅
Okay, she's coming, she's coming -- how do I look?
-发髻好玩吗 -嘿
- Is the bun fun? - Hey.
你好啊
Hey, 'sup?
我们的孩子相处得很好
Our kids are really getting along.
4点 孩子聚会
Play date. 4:00.
-你家 -好的
- Your house. - Yes.
我带一瓶上好的设拉子酒 好吗
I'll bring a great bottle of Shiraz, cool?
不能带男伴
Heh, no plus ones.
好的 没问题
No, I'm cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
我的日程已经满了 爱你们
My iCal is totally full, love you guys!
乔什 你明知道我
Josh, you know I'm trying to get the house
正在为孩子聚会收拾屋子
cleaned up for the play date.
抱歉 小艾 乱糟糟也是我工作的一部分
Sorry, Em. Mess is part of my process,
废话嘛
duh-doy!