差不多得了（2020）

我喜欢电子游戏
For me, it was video games.
我不是很在意考试成绩
I wouldn't worry too hard about the test.
谢谢爸爸
Thanks, Dad.
看到了吗
Okay, now, do you see here
上面说我们需要密♥码♥才能访问它
where it says we need a password to access him?
你还记得我教过你最常见的密♥码♥吗
Do you remember what the most common password is I taught you?
记得 一二三四五
Oh, yeah, one, two, three, four, five.
离婚
大声喊出离婚
Let me hear you say Divorsay!
离婚
Divorsay!
瞧瞧这些智能手♥机♥白♥痴♥
Look at these smartphone idiots.
他们还不如生活在矩阵中
They might as well be living in the goddamn Matrix.
不能同意更多
You're preaching to the drum circle.
我拒绝参与这种令人麻木的活动
I just refuse to contribute to this mind-numbing behavior
这样会阻碍人类的交流
that has stopped us from connecting as people.
你想和人交流吗
Oh, are you looking to connect with people?
好吧
All right.
你不会想问我
You're not gonna ask me
我相不相信光明王吧
if I believe in the Lord of Light, are you?
-你相信吗 -你在这里干什么
- Do you? - What are you doing here?
我们不是要去海滩干炮么
I thought we were going to sand and bone.
何必呢 就是为了让你录下来 看看有多少赞吗
Why? So you can tape it and see how many likes you get?
我更愿意和真人交流
I'd rather connect with an actual person.
这是托卢卡湖
This is Toluca Lake.
她住在圆顶帐篷 完全断联的生活方式
She lives in a yurt, a totally unplugged lifestyle.
我连厕所都没有
I don't even have a toilet.
厕所无需连接 所以
Well, toilets don't plug in, so...
马桶连接污水系统 会污染海洋的
A toilet plugs into the sewer system, which pollutes the ocean.
她很棒吧
Isn't she great?
你真的要为了缅因的苏西拒绝我吗
Are you really going to turn me down for Suzie's of Maine?
我其实是俄勒冈人
I'm actually from Oregon.
这是一个除臭剂笑话
It was an actual deodorant joke!
我记得我们结婚时的嫉妒怒火
I remember these jealous rages from when we were married,
你知道吗 我没兴趣
and you know what? Not interested!
我也记得你需要陌生女性的认可
And I remember your need for approval from female randos!
马桶的梗真不错
Good one about the toilet, too.
她真的很生气
Ooh, that really pissed her off.
你没开玩笑啊
You were not kidding.
哪来的叮叮声
What's with all that dinging?
叮叮声
Dinging!
-答对了 -怎么回事
- Correct! - What's going on?
正确
妈咪 我变聪明了
Hi, Mommy. I'm smart now.
当然了
Of course you're smart.
我很抱歉之前让你不开心
I'm so sorry that I made you feel bad.
恭喜你
Congratulations.
所有级别全部完成
All levels are complete.
*天佑美国*
*God bless America*
你知道这意味着什么吗
Do you know what this means?
春假
Spring break!
伙计们 "沙子和骨头"太棒了
Hey, guys! "Sand & Bone" is amazing.
#太开心了 #我这辈子都很开心
Hashtag so happy! Hashtag 100% of my life is spent being happy!
看看谁来了
Well, look who's here.
毛球胡迪尼和臭臭杜瓦尔
Hairball Houdini and Smelly Duvall.
我们过来只是为了让托卢卡借用一下厕所
We only came here so Toluca can use the bathroom.
我们在她的坑里发现了不速之客
We discovered something living in her pit.
它在那里安家了
Well, that's its home now.
当然 让我们尊重所有生物
Of course. Let's respect all creatures.
借用一下你的坑
I'm going to go hit your pit.
我们压根没做♥爱♥
We didn't even have sex.
我们聊了一整晚
We just talked all night.
我以为离婚炮会很好玩呢
I thought divorce sex was supposed to be fun.
我看了那篇博客
I read that blog post.
上面说没有关系才好玩
It says that it's only fun if there's no strings attached.
我们还有关系
We've still got strings.
-是啊 休战吗 -休战
- Yeah. Truce? - Truce.
春假团来了
The Spring Break crew has arrived!
-不会吧 -我的天啊
- No way! - Oh, my God,
这里也太扯了吧
this place is ridiculous!
我听说厕所还有个酒柜
I heard the bathroom has a wine fridge.
怎么了 你们不需要机器人了吗
What happened? Are you done with the robot?
是的 坎蒂斯的测试成绩很出色
Yeah! Candice crushed her tests.
所以我们为了"沙子和骨头"放弃了脑脑
So we bailed on Brainio for Sand and Bone-io!
爸 你从脑脑那边订东西了吗
Dad, did you order something from Brainio?
没有 怎么了
No. Why?
违规 违规 违规
Violation! Violation! Violation!
浴室里有个浑身脏兮兮的女人
There is a woman covered in filth in the bathroom.
是我
That's me.
我喝醉了吗 这是邪恶机器无人机的声音吗
Am I just drunk or is that the sounds of evil robot drones?
视频里没有这个啊
This wasn't in the video!
怎么回事
What is happening?
我们为什么坐在懒人沙发上
And why are we on La-Z-Boy chairs?
我接触人造革会起疹子的
Pleather makes me rashy.
这就是为什么要断联生活的原因
See, this is why you live unplugged.
大家闭上眼睛 跟着我念
Everyone close your eyes and repeat after me.
我在我的身体里 我在我的身体里 我…
"I am in my body. I am in my body. I am --"
脑部快速扫描后显示她很烦人
A quick brain scan told me that she was annoying.
我只是将她击晕变成了睡眠状态
I merely stunned her into a sleep-like state.
乔什·辛格尔顿 你违反了租约
Josh Singleton, you have violated the lease agreement
你黑进脑脑 绕过了广♥告♥
by hacking Brainio and bypassing the commercials.
乔什 它说什么呢
Josh, what is he talking about?
坎蒂斯和我修改了它的代码
Candice and I changed his code
让坎蒂斯的答案全部正确
to make Candice get all the answers right.
-什么 -你试图对抗系统
- What?! - Since you tried beating the system,
所以惩罚是一辈子观看广♥告♥
you'll pay the price by watching commercials forever!
太不人道了
That's inhuman!
是啊 流媒体干掉了广♥告♥
Yeah! Streaming got rid of commercials,
我不想回到黑暗时代了
and I do not want to go back to the dark ages.
我就不该给她请机器人家教的
I should of never gotten her that robot tutor.
我们应该鼓励她多去运动的
We should've just pushed her towards sports.
坎蒂斯 你要干什么
Candice, what are you doing?
证明我自己并不蠢
Proving I'm not dumb!
没关系 我有密♥码♥保护
No matter, I'm password protected.
你绝对猜不到
You'll never guess my --
密♥码♥
通过
伙计们 很多按钮上都有字母
Guys, there are a lot of buttons with letters on them.
找到写着"自我毁灭"的那个 亲爱的
Find the one that says "self-destruct," sweetie.
-我在看关于自尊的书籍 -自我
-Just reading about self-esteem. - Self...
我的毁灭T恤刚才寄过来了
Hey, my Estruct T-shirt just came in the mail.
虽然这个词看不懂 但我很喜欢
Not sure what it means, but I like it.
自我毁灭
Self-destruct.
自我毁灭
Self destruct!
自我毁灭
接收输入
关闭
不
No!
讽刺的是 我为她感到骄傲
Ironically, I am proud of her!
坎蒂斯
敬坎蒂斯
To Candice.
聪明的女儿
Our smart little girl.
我也为她感到骄傲
I'm proud of this one, too.
三个小时不看手♥机♥
Three hours without checking her phone once.
-厉害吧 -手♥机♥没电了 我找不到插头
- How about it? - Yeah, it died, and I can't find any plugs.
索尔特先生
Hi, Mr. Salt.
艾米丽 我只是打来问问你在公♥寓♥住得怎么样
Hi, Emily. I'm just calling to see how you're enjoying the condo.
这里太漂亮了
Yeah, it's such a beautiful place.
那太好了
That's great to hear.
那公♥寓♥呢
So, uh, where is it?
加利福尼亚市社区大学
至少我们食堂的寿司很好吃
但每当巨石到达山顶
But every time that boulder got to the top of the mountain,
它就会滚下来
it rolled back down.
西西弗斯
没错 妹子
Yeah, that's right, girl.
我们晚点去墓地