保佑哈特

Bless The Harts S02E11

Part 1 March 2, 2021, 10:18 a.m.

布兰达你在干什么露易丝从她的航游回来了
Brenda, what are you doing? Louise is back from her cruise.
她正在停车
She's parking her car right now.
-什么露易丝之前不在 -是的走了一周
- Wait, Louise has been gone? - Yes. For a week.
等等你打算喝四杯龙舌兰
Wait, you were about to do four shots of tequila
而你以为她就在店里
and you thought she was fully here?
-现在是我午饭时间 -才上午10点
- It's my lunch break. - It's 10:00 a.M.
我低血糖珍妮
I have low blood sugar, Jenny.
露易丝你还好吗
Louise. Are you okay?
是丹尼尔他
It's Daniel. He...
我猜猜那个呆子在航游途中
Ugh, let me guess, that clod-pole got called away
被叫去处理生意了
in the middle of a cruise for some "Businessman thing,"
然后让你独自一人度过剩余的旅途
and left you all alone for the rest of the trip?
知道吗露易丝是时候了
You know what, Louise? It's time.
开始动真格了
The gloves are off.
丹尼尔是个顶级的乡村俱乐部色狼
Daniel is a grade-A country club booty squirt.
他是个混♥蛋♥ 你得放弃那软趴趴
He's a jerk, and you need to drop that flaccid,
破尿孔
dead-eyed pee-hole.
不是他的错
It wasn't his fault.
是啊不是他的错
Oh, right. It wasn't his fault.
你能别再帮他找借口吗露易丝
Will you just stop making excuses for him, Louise?
布兰达是对的他就是个没用屁♥股♥扁平的
Brenda's right. He is a worthless, flat- butted...
-可是他 -不不让我说完口气像咖啡
- But he... - No, no, no. Let me finish. Coffee- breathed...
-而是 -饼干脸湿
- But... - ...biscuit- faced, wet...
-可你们 -巾里全是阴毛的家伙
- But y'all... - ...paper towel filled with pubes.
丹尼尔死了
Daniel's dead.
保佑哈特
第二季第十一集
我就把大家都在想的说出来
I'm just gonna come out and say what everyone's thinking.
这是一场给垃圾举办的葬礼不屎都算不上
This is a funeral for a turd. No, not even.
我遇到过更难摆脱的真正的屎
I've had actual turds that were harder to let go of.
布兰达嘴下留情露易丝很爱他
Brenda, be nice. Louise loved him.
天知道为什么
God only knows why.
嗯就连我都很难
Yeah, even I'm having a hard time
给丹尼尔挤出眼泪
mustering up any waterworks for Daniel.
只能用上我的绝招了
Gonna have to use my go-to:
想想皮克斯出品的《飞屋环游记》的头15分钟
thinking about the first 15 minutes of Pixar's Up.
天来了
Oh, Lord, here it comes.
那个老头那么孤独想念他的妻子
That old man, so alone, missing his wife.
她不育该死我说过头了
She's so barren. Ugh, damn it, I took it too far.
欢迎大家
Welcome, y'all.
如你们所知我们被迫举♥行♥这场没有遗体的葬礼
As you know, we are forced to have this bodyless funeral
因为可怜的丹尼尔从邮轮上落下
because poor old Daniel fell off the side of a cruise ship
他的残骸现在多半已经
and his remains have probably moved all the way
进入了食物链了
through the food chain by now.
我会最想念丹尼尔·亨特·刚纳·寇普三世的什么
What will I miss most about Daniel Hunter Gunnar Culp III?
当然有他的笑容
Well, his smile, for sure.
但也会想他温暖性♥欲♥的抚摸
But also, his warm, sexual touch.
我们会有电影性♥爱♥
We had movie-quality love-making.
我指的是我们每次做♥爱♥的时候
And by that I mean, whenever we made love,
他就得看一部电影
he would have to watch a movie.
比如《玩尽杀绝》的1到4部
Like Wild Things 1 through 4,
或者任何有艾伦·巴金参演的电影
or anything with Ellen Barkin.
我本想给你们看一个
I wanted to show y'all a video
我和丹尼尔在一起生活的视频
of me and Daniel's life together,
但我不擅长电脑
but I'm no good at computers,
所以我就只能给你们看我手♥机♥上的这些照片
so I'm just gonna show you these pictures off my phone
放着他最爱的歌♥
while playing his very favorite song.
你们能看到吗
Can you see it?
你们俩靠近点
Okay, you two lean in.
现在能看到了吗
All right, can you see it now?
节哀顺变
I am so sorry for your loss,
但我等不及在四到六周后
but I can't wait to deliver your bereavement benefits
把遗属抚恤金交给你
in four to six weeks.
诺玛没有我爱的松饼我好迷茫
Oh, Norma, I'm so lost without my love muffin.
看看那骗子
Oh, look at that big phony.
你说什么
Excuse me?
大骗子露易丝和她的鳄鱼眼泪
Big phony Louise with her crocodile tears.
-她是个冷血的杀人犯 -大卫大卫
- She's a stone- cold murderer. - David. David.
转过来你错过好戏了
Turn around, you're missing something good.
外婆不好意思你刚是说露易丝·寇普是杀人犯
So, Gram, I'm so sorry, did you say Louise Culp is a murderer?
别这么惊讶的样子小维
Oh, quit clutching your pearls, Vi.
你是时候了解现实世界是怎么运转的了
It's about time you learned how the real world works.
你在奶油糖果梦境里漫步
You walk around in a butterscotch dreamland
没人知道你是杀人犯
where no one you know is a murderer.
露易丝百分百杀了丹尼尔
Louise 100% killed Daniel.
再跟我们说说这个理论
Tell us more about this theory.
这不是理论是事实
It's not a theory, it's a fact.
没人会在邮轮上自然死亡
No one dies of natural causes on a cruise.
那是杀人犯的天堂
It's a murderers' paradise.
你在国际公海上
You're out in international waters,
人人为己
every man for himself.
杀了杰克的罗丝就是这样逃脱法律制裁的
That's how Rose got away with murdering Jack.
去看那电影
Watch the movie.
我能听一整天贝蒂·哈特谈论谋杀
I could listen to Betty Hart talk about murder all day long.
人人都可以
So could everyone.
大卫我们应该成立一个播客
David, we owe it to the world
让世界听到她的疯狂碎碎念
to turn her insane ramblings into a podcast.
我的天哪怕我们只录一点点她刚才说的话
Oh my God, even if we recorded the little bit she just said,
再配上马林巴琴音乐
and put some marimba music behind it,
这就已经有六集了
that's already, like, six episodes.
天啊
Mmm. Oh, Lord. Mmm.
珍妮你今晚最好抱紧韦恩
Y'all, now, Jenny, you better hold Wayne tight tonight
给他你最好的爱
and give him your best loving,
因为你不知道你有多幸运
'cause y'all don't know how lucky you are.
好的我们会考虑这建议的
Okay, well, we will take that under advisement.
要真正地互相爱抚
I mean, really get in there and go to town on each other.
会的
Will do.
-我靠 -我同情她
- Damn. - I feel sorry for her.
露易丝这辈子身边总是有男人陪
Louise has never been without a man in her life.
谁知道呢也许长远看来这是好事
Who knows? Maybe in the long run, this will be good.
也许她会明白她不需要通过男人来定义自己
Maybe she'll learn she doesn't need to define herself through a man.
我男人不在了
My man is gone, y'all.
没有我男人我什么都不是
I'm nothing without my man.
我甚至不是个人
I'm not even a person, y'all.
一周前的我是错的
Okay, a-week-ago me was wrong.
大家今晚怎么样要我介绍下特色菜吗
How's everyone doing tonight? Can I tell y'all the specials?
我想告诉你们谁才是真的特别
I'd like to tell you who was really special.
我的丹尼尔
My Daniel.
但现在他成了鱼的食物他死了
But now he's fish food. He's dead.
又一桌小费没了
There goes another table of tips.
简直是噩梦
This is a nightmare.
她把所有顾客都吓走了
She's scaring away all the customers.
丹尼尔死了
Daniel's dead.
丹尼尔以前就在这吃饭
This is where Daniel used to eat.
丹尼尔在这里撒尿
Daniel peed in here.
出去这是丹尼尔最爱的座位
Get out of there. This is Daniel's favorite booth.
他过去常在这里吃但现在他死了
He used to eat in here, but now he's dead.
谢天谢地
Thank God.
想象下一对结婚多年的夫妻登上一艘邮轮
Imagine a long-married couple boarding a cruise.
他们心情很好去吃自助餐
They're in good spirits, hit the buffet.
回屋前散步了一会儿
They end the night with a stroll,
他们都不知道这会是
neither of them knowing this moment
他们在一起的最后一刻
will be their last together.
然后其中一人知道
Unless one of them did.
我是维奥莱·哈特这里是丹之屠♥杀♥: 法尔港
I'm Violet Hart. And this is Danslaughter: Port of Fall.
我是大卫·布里托今天的嘉宾是贝蒂·哈特
I'm David Brito, and with us today is Betty Hart.
贝蒂我听说你关于露易丝
Now, Betty, I understand you have a few theories
最近的邮轮之行上发生的事有一些理论
about what happened on Louise's recent cruise?
书呆子和气象科学家才会搞理论这套
Theories are for nerds and climate scientists.
我有事实下面是事情发生的经过
I have facts. Here's exactly how it went down.
节日微风号♥上刚刚进入夜晚
It was early evening on board the Festival Breeze,