保佑哈特

Bless The Harts S02E16

Part 3 April 6, 2021, 11:03 a.m.

就是我对你们搞的恶作剧感觉如何
was my prank on you guys. How does it feel?
好吧韦恩搞恶作剧的人被恶搞了
All right, Wayne. The prankers have become the prank-ed.
用耶稣给我们上了关于报应的一课
Teaching us a lesson about karma using Jesus?
你太有才了
You're a freakin' genius.
我觉得我杀了人后的样子好性感
I look so sexy when I think I've killed a person.
天我这辈子都做了什么
Oh, God, what have I been doing with my life?
我要自杀
I'm gonna kill myself!
好了韦恩我们懂了老天
Okay, Wayne, we get it. Geez.
不我不认识那人
Oh, no, I don't know that guy.
我们得把这东西拿走
Uh, hey, we got to get that thing out of here.
我们要穿着复活节的衣服
Ooh-hoo, we are gonna turn
把巴克雷彻底搜一遍
Bucklake inside out with our Easter looks.
我听说会有一个全息投影
I heard there's gonna be a hologram
耶稣跟歌♥手王子谈话
where Jesus talks to Prince.
我听说他们在礼拜过程中吃复活节早午餐
I heard they Easter brunch during the service,
中世纪风格
Medieval Times-style.
你们好
Hey, y'all.
乔安牧师
Pastor Joanne!
贝蒂我收到了你的信息
Betty, I got your message
说你因为你的紧急背部手术
that you couldn't come to my pancake dinner
不能来我的薄饼晚餐
because of your emergency back surgery?
没错是的
Uh... that's right. Yep.
现在感觉很好
It's feeling pretty good now.
移植很成功
The transplant's really taking.
看好了
Check this out.
你做了背部移植
You got a back transplant?
是的整个背都得换
Yep. Mm-hmm. The whole thing had to go.
我帮她做康复的时候
And when I was helping her with her rehab,
让我的背也伤了
that caused me to hurt my back really bad.
所以我们都做了背部移植
So we both had to get back transplants.
但我们恢复很好我们一直在祈祷
But we're doing great! Ha. We've been praying.
看
Look!
我怀念你们参加的日子
Well, I missed having y'all there.
恭喜你们换背
Congratulations on your backs.
该死快到伞下来
Oh, shoot. Quick, get under here.
巴克雷牧师
我喜欢他们在这提供圣餐披萨
I love that they do communion pizza here.
我喜欢乔安牧师的薄饼晚餐
I love Pastor Joanne's pancake dinners,
但这个的质量能跟必胜客媲美
but this is Pizza Hut quality.
麦克牧师来了
Oh, there goes Minister Mikey.
我们去介绍自己吧
Let's go introduce ourselves.
等等我要先整理下头发
Hang on, I got to fluff my hair first.
你知道你可以用手♥机♥当镜子吗
Did you know you can use your phone as a mirror?
这是个生活窍门
That's a life hack.
看看
Oh, look at that.
那不会是情人吧
That's not a mistress, is it?
不是他在拯救那可怜女孩的灵魂
No, he's saving that poor girl's soul.
他在跟一个
Okay, so he is in a relationship
夜间女人谈情说爱
with a woman of the night.
更像是下午的女人
More like a woman of the afternoon.
不过没什么耶稣不会评判妓♥女♥
But that's fine. Jesus didn't judge prosties.
我们什么时候能在一起
When can we be together?
等我们那个无名的绿点卫理公会改造成
Once we turn that Podunk little Greenpoint Methodist into
停车场兼巴克雷综合体后就可以
a parking structure/Bucklake complex,
到时让你住别♥墅♥
we're gonna put you in a beautiful townhome.
等等他想毁掉乔安牧师的教堂
Hold on. He's actively trying to destroy Pastor Joanne's church?
想都别想
Over my smoking hot dead body.
对了你尝了他们的迷你乳蛋饼吗
By the way, did you try the mini quiche?
那个混♥蛋♥麦克牧师
Ooh, that turd Minister Mikey is
要把乔安牧师逼出她的教堂
gonna force Pastor Joanne out of her church.
那个性感的牧师把我们吸了进来
That sexy minister sucked us in,
他还要伤害我们温柔的天使乔安
and he's gonna hurt our sweet angel Joanne.
我们必须不惜一切保护她
We have to protect her at all costs.
即使意味着在那些滚球还没
Even if it means getting up before these roll-y balls
按♥摩♥到我腰部前就起来天好舒服
get to my lower back. Lord, it hurts so good, y'all...
我要拍一张我在这快♥感♥设备上的照片
I'm just gonna get a quick pic of me in this pleasure machine.
该死我又没关我的相机
Oh, shoot. Left my camera on again.
等等这是什么片子
Wait, what's this movie?
等我们那个无名的
Once we turn that podunk little
绿点卫理公会改造成停车场兼...就可以
Greenpoint Methodist into a parking structure...
妈你录下了全过程
Mother! You taped the whole thing.
你知道这意味着什么吗
Do you know what this means?
这是我们的证据
It's our smoking gun.
我们要用这个搞垮他
We got to go nuclear with this.
发给所有媒体
Blast this out on all the medias.
CNN 《艾尔·洛克秀》
CNN. Al Rokers.
联♥系♥那个有牙缝的美男迈克尔·斯特拉罕
Call that gap-toothed Adonis Michael Strahan,
给他提供独家新闻
and offer him an exclusive.
我就知道那个
I knew there was something off
麦克牧师不对劲光看他的牙齿就能看出来
about that Minister Mikey, based on teeth alone.
那人的牙罩冠比我的双宽移♥动♥房♥屋还贵
That guy's veneers cost more than my double-wide,
而且有两倍大
and they're twice as big.
他的教♥徒♥应该知道他是个怎样的变♥态♥
His parishioners deserve to know what a creep he is.
而我妈的手♥机♥上有证据
And we have the proof on Mother's phone.
阿门
Amen.
这比我看过的任何肥皂剧还精彩
This is better than any telenovela I've ever seen.
包括那个邪恶双胞胎之一其实是机器人的剧
Even the one where the evil twin turned out to be a robot.
我们渗透进复活节礼拜仪式给全教堂的人
We infiltrate the Easter service and show that smoking gun
展示证据
to the whole church at once.
但我们需要你们的帮助
But we're gonna need your help.
好我们这么办
Okay, here's how it's gonna go down.
到时是复活节所以我们要打扮得美美的
It'll be Easter Sunday, so we're gonna have to look real nice.
出发吧
Let's do this.
我们跟着其他教♥徒♥溜进去
We slip in with the rest of the parishioners.
进去后韦恩吸引保安的注意力
Once we're inside, Wayne will distract the guard.
保安保安我需要帮助
Security! Security! I need help!
怎么了先生
What seems to be the problem, sir?
一只松鼠拿走了我的甜甜圈
Um... a squirrel took my doughnut.
你不能再拿一个吗
Oh. Well, can you just get another one?
中间有果酱的没了
Not one with jelly in the middle.
什么样的安保不会在
What kind of security detail doesn't form
甜甜圈周围部署人的
a perimeter around doughnuts?
与此同时维奥莱和大卫
Meanwhile, Violet and David will create
在复活节彩蛋活动上制♥造♥骚动
a huge ruckus at the Easter egg hunt.
因为他们要和巴克雷的影音负责人斯皮迪·罗宾逊
'Cause they're about to hunt Easter eggs
一起搜索复活节彩蛋
with Bucklake's A/V guy Speedy Robinson.
他有三个小孩他肯定会去
He's got three toddlers, and he'll definitely be there.
我的天这个复活节兔子的裤子里全是彩蛋
Oh, my God! This Easter Bunny's pants are full of eggs.
它肯定在生蛋
He must be laying them.
不不不不不
No. No, no, no, no!
然后低调地交接
Then a discreet hand-off...
愿钥匙与你同在
Keys be with you.
也与你同在
And also with you.
我把钥匙交给我妈
...and I get them to Mother.
-看它在那棵树上 -什么树
- Look! He's in that tree! - What tree?
-真够慢的 -又拿了这么多东西妈
- Took you long enough. - More swag, Mother?
他们在发巴克雷培根波
They were passing out Bucklake bacon waves!
你知道培根波是什么吗
Do you know what a bacon wave is?
这样你就能在微波炉里做脆脆的培根了
So you can make crispy bacon in the microwave, Jenny!
快到隔声室里等我信♥号♥♥
Just get in the sound booth and wait for my signal.
-等等信♥号♥♥是什么 -这个
- Wait, what's the signal? - This...
搞什么
What the hell?
不这也太长了
No, that's way too long.
那这个呢
Okay, what about this?
铁锤舞人人都会跳
The Hammer dance? Oh, everybody's gonna be doing that.
你是对的该死
Oh, you're right. Damn it.
让我想想
Let me just think for a second.
各位耶稣在为我们的罪行而死时
Folks, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice
做出了终极牺牲
when he died for our sins.
祂唯一要求的回报
And all he asks for in return
就是你们捐出10%到15%的收入