美式主妇

American Housewife S05E04

Part 1 March 23, 2021, 10:37 a.m.

美式主妇
第五季第四集
玛格丽特妈咪刚刚又破了炉灶面擦洗纪录
Well, Mommy Margaret just topped her stovetop scrubbing record.
又完成一项快速清洗挑战
Another speed-cleaning challenge in the books.
这些都是趁双胞胎睡午觉时完成的哦
And all during the twins' nap time.
好有福哦
So blessed!
接下来我要去插花
Now let's go and arrange some flowers.
你为什么要看这种视频
Why are you watching that?
我开的妈咪视频博客需要创意
I need ideas for the mommy vlog that I'm starting.
玛格丽特妈咪超级火
Mommy Margaret is super-popular,
但在我看来她看上去就像那种
but, to me, she just looks like
会杀害别人家小孩
one of those moms who would murder a kid
就为了让自家女儿当拉拉队长的妈妈
so that her daughter could be head cheerleader.
或许吧但她有几百万粉丝呢
Maybe, but she has millions of followers.
只有粉丝达到这个级别才有广♥告♥主找你
That's how you get advertisers.
所以如果你也想当个成功的妈咪视频博主
So if you want to be a successful mommy vlogger,
你最好多点微笑保持乐观的精神
you better start smiling and acting positive.
我超爱当妈妈啊
I love being a mom!
我向来都很讨厌"谢谢你"这个词
I've always hated the words "Thank you,"
现在我再也听不到了
and now I never hear them!
好有福哦
So blessed!
继续保持这种乐观精神
Now, keep that positive attitude going
因为我需要个高考家教
because I need an SAT tutor.
绝对不行我们请不起你个西港粪球
Absolutely not! We can't afford it, you Westport turd!
城里每个小孩都请了啊
All the kids in town get one.
要我比其他人都努力刻苦这太不公平了
It's not fair that I have to work harder than everybody else.
有些孩子整个童年时期
It's not fair that some kids spend their entire childhood
都要对抗杀人小丑也不公平啊但生活就是这样
fighting off a killer clown, but that's life!
你什么时候能停止把《小丑回魂》当警世故事用
When will you stop using "It" as a cautionary tale?
永远不可能不能请家教
Never! No tutor.
我以后还是会让你上我的游艇的因为你是我妈
I'll still let you on my yacht, because you're my mother...
但你休想得到驾驶的机会
but you will never get to drive.
如果你愿意我很乐意帮你完成作业
I'm happy to help you with your assignment if you want.
不了谢谢这是我在大学的第一篇论文
Ah, no, thanks. It's my first college paper,
我要独♥立♥完成
and I'm writing it completely on my own.
好吧
Okay.
但在大学论文是非常直接的东西
But in college, the papers are pretty straightforward.
教授不会因为你贴几张贴纸就给你高分
Professors aren't impressed by puffy stickers.
我现在不得不重新想结尾了
I have to think of a new ending now!
我敬佩她的雄心壮志
I admire her ambition,
但如果我的亲闺女
but if my own daughter
在我教课的大学里第一次作业就没通过
fails her first assignment at the school I teach at
再加上我可是托关系才把她弄进去的
and pulled strings to get her into,
那会让我脸上无光
it's not gonna make me look good.
我很早以前就不再担心泰勒会给我长脸还是丢脸了
I stopped worrying how Taylor made me look when she decided
从她在家得宝的马桶展览上训练自己上厕所开始就这样了
to potty-train herself in the toilet display at Home Depot.
我要怎么为我的妈咪视频博客想创意啊
How am I supposed to figure out my mommy vlog
你们两个都患了接吻病在家闹哄哄的
if the two of you - are home sick with mono?
富兰克林你妈去参加精神修养之旅什么时候回来
Franklin, when is your mother coming back from her spiritual retreat?
他们的领导者鲍勃说
Their leader, Bob, says
等外星生命联♥系♥他们
when they've been contacted by extraterrestrials
或是拉面吃完了就回来
or when they run out of ramen.
"附件里是本周
"Attached are this week's
安娜凯特和富兰克林要完成的家庭作业
school assignments - for Anna-Kat and Franklin.
请确保他们能按时完成阿布林校长留言"
Please see that they're completed. Principal Ablin."
删得不够快啊
Can't delete that fast enough.
我要去一趟斯金餐厅
I'm going to Stewart and Kingston's.
今天高中要开教师大会
It's teacher-conference day at the high school,
所以如果你们需要什么就找奥利弗和库珀
so Oliver and Cooper are here if you need anything.
那我们的作业怎么办呢
But what about our schoolwork?
好吧我给你们看教育频道的节目
Fine. I'll put on educational TV.
《到美国结婚去》是教育性的节目吗
"90 Day Fiancé" Is educational?
这可是学习频道播出的
It's on The Learning Channel.
名字里就有"学习"二字
"Learning" is in the title.
自从你把你的夏后秋前阶段
Things have gotten really tight in here
专属衣服送了过来这房♥间就拥挤不堪了
since you had your post-summer, pre-autumn wardrobe delivered.
我需要我的亚麻粉彩衣服大兄弟
I need my linen pastels, bromigo.
我的房♥间都放不下了
We've outgrown my room.
我很高兴你开口了
I'm glad you said something.
每天晚上我为了做好心理精神
In order to psychologically prepare myself each night,
要么假装我在参加《幸存者》节目
I either pretend I'm on "Survivor"
要么身陷可悲的玻利维亚监狱
or in a sad Bolivian prison.
你想让我们住在你们家的地下室里
You want us to live in your basement?
的确需要收拾整理一番
Oh, it'll need a little fixing up,
但它是开放式的私密性也足够并且...
but it's got an open floor plan, privacy, and...
很多露在外面的钉子
A lot of exposed nails.
别这么消极嘛
Don't be so negative.
绝大多数人都没机会发挥破伤风疫苗的用途
Most people don't ever get to make use of their tetanus shot.
听好听好都听好
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!
请为格雷格·奥图参选市议会投一票
Vote Greg Otto for City Council!
等一下多瑞丝
Hang on, Doris.
不管你是在卖♥♥什么
Whatever it is you're selling,
绝对不是我丈夫的这位陌生人
total stranger who is definitely not my husband,
我是不会买♥♥的先生再见
I'm not buying it, sir! Good day!
我需要收集到足够多的签名
I need to collect more signatures
才能成为市议会的候选人
to get on the ballot for City Council.
我穿成这样是为了提醒那些投票人
I'm dressed like this to remind voters
我为挽救比塞尔体育馆不被开♥发♥商拆掉而做的努力
of my platform to save Bissell's field from developers.
那你今天到目前为止收集到了多少签名
Well, how many signatures do you have so far today?
一个都没有但有些人说吃完出来时会签的
None, but some people promised they'd sign on the way out.
那就让我成为你今天的第一个签名者吧
Well, let me be your first signature of the day.
玩得愉快
Have fun.
谢谢
Thanks.
"赶快回家换衣服吧
"Go home and change.
你看着就像桂格燕麦商标里的那家伙"
You look like the Quaker Oats guy."
我想不出要在我的妈咪视频博客上聊些什么
I can't figure out what to talk about on my mommy vlog.
其他那些博主都聊些什么
Well, what do other vloggers do?
大多数都是为人父母的技巧
It's mostly parenting hacks.
比如有个叫奈心·普鲁登斯的女人
Like, there's this woman, Patient Prudence,
虽然她那个人并没有什么耐心
who's actually not very patient,
我觉得她丈夫是同性恋
and I think her husband's gay,
但她总能想出很棒的点心创意
but she's got great snack ideas.
我知道她她的视频棒极了
Oh, I know her. Her videos are awesome.
你为什么要看妈咪博主
Why do you watch a mommy vlogger?
我是为她的大屁♥股♥点进去的
Oh, I tuned in for her giant cans,
但我其实并不讨厌她的甜点食谱
but I actually don't hate her dessert recipes.
凯蒂把我转过去
Katie, face me out!
你知道偷听顾客的谈话是很无礼的行为吧
You know it's rude to eavesdrop on your customers?
这傻兮兮的工作太无聊了我不得不做点什么
I have to do something to break the boredom of this stupid job,
我父母逼迫我做这工作
which my parents make me do
只有这样我才能拿到信托基金
to get my trust fund.
我怎么就不能在他们的其他公♥司♥工作呢
I mean, why couldn't I work at one of their other companies?
他们让我弟弟担任他们旗下银行的副行长
They made my brother vice president of their bank
就因为他上过大学有职业道德
all because he went to "College" and has a "Work ethic"
且不对奥施康定药物上瘾
and isn't addicted to "OxyContin."
工作真是太傻♥逼♥了
I mean, working sucks,
我是全世界最倒霉的人了
and I am the unluckiest person in the world.
不你是全世界最被宠坏的人
No! You are the most spoiled person in the world.
-随便吧 -你需要被人毒打一顿才行老兄
- Whatever. - Yeah, you need a good ass-kicking, dude.
只要你想找人吵架《超人总动员》里的埃德娜
Any time you wanna scrap, Edna from "The Incredibles,"
你知道上哪儿找我
you know where to find me.
那家人如果没有她高超的制衣技术不可能活下来
That family could not have survived without her intricate costuming!
阿布林校长
等一下多瑞丝
Hang on, Doris.
喂阿布林校长
Hello? Principal Ablin?
-被抓包了吧 -什么
- Busted! - Excuse me?
我要通过电♥话♥抓你以为你删除了
I'm busting you via telephone because you deleted
给安娜凯特和富兰克林的家庭作业邮件
Anna-Kat and Franklin's school assignments e-mail.
你是怎么知道我♥干♥了这事的
How did you know I did that?
富兰克林打电♥话♥来告诉我的
Franklin called and told me.
富兰克林怎么会有你的号♥码
Why does Franklin have your number?