美式主妇

American Housewife S05E01

Part 2 Oct. 30, 2020, 10:36 a.m.

我和玛丽亚想一起坐江轮游览
Maria and I wish to take a riverboat trip together.
但母亲不会允许我们未婚同居
But mother will not let us travel in sin.
你是成年男子了
You're a grown man.
可以说是个老男人了
One might say an old man.
你为什么还那么听你♥妈♥的♥话
Why do you still listen to your mother?
因为人家不想被禁足啊
Because I don't want to get grounded.
不管怎样我们必须在未来两天内完婚
In any event, we must be wed in the next two days.
毕业典礼结束后
The riverboat leaves out of chicago
江轮就马上驶离芝加哥
shortly after graduation.
临时准备好一场婚礼并非易事
It's not gonna be easy to throw together a wedding the last second.
你有多少预算
What's your budget?
195块
$195.
我们把钱都拿去买♥♥江轮游船票了
We spent all our money on the riverboat cruise,
但那是业内顶尖的船
But it's top-of-the-line.
我们只和四对夫妇共享房♥间
We're only sharing our room with four other couples.
我应该能办好一场小...
I guess I could pull together a small --
不玛丽亚一直梦想有一场盛大的婚礼
No. Maria's always dreamed of a big wedding.
你能及时整理好宾客名单吗
Can you get the guest list together in time?
那太简单了
Oh, that'll be easy.
我们俩都没什么家人
Neither of us have much family,
而且我们的朋友那天都不在城里
and our friend will be out of town that day.
那怎么让婚礼盛大起来
Then how is it going to be big?
那就靠你来解决了
That's up to you to figure out,
如果你想让你女儿毕业
if you want your daughter to graduate.
还有别的要求吗
Anything else?
有
Yes.
玛丽亚希望在走红毯时要有风笛乐队演奏
Maria wants to walk down the aisle to bagpipes,
她还希望有专业摄影师录下整个过程
And she wants the whole thing professionally videoed.
预算195块还有这么多要求吗
You want all that for $195?
实际上
Actually...
只有191.55块
$191.55.
我今早喝了杯星巴克
I got a starbucks this morning.
基本上来说我被敲诈了
Basically, i'm being blackmailed.
为了让泰勒能顺利毕业
In order for Taylor to graduate,
我不得不策划阿布林的婚礼
I have to plan Ablin's wedding.
这太不公平了
That's so unfair.
实际上这是我的错
Actually, it's kind of my fault.
好吧我早有预感
Yeah, I had a feeling.
我上哪儿去找200个大活人安静地坐着
Where am I going to find 200 warm bodies to sit quietly
观看一对陌生人的婚礼啊
and watch a couple of strangers get married?
你觉得毕业仪式上有200个大活人吗
Would you say there'd be 200 of those warm bodies at graduation?
你是说阿布林和玛丽亚
Are you saying that Ablin and Maria
应该在毕业仪式过程中结婚吗
should get married in the middle of graduation?
嘉宾有了场地有了
You've got the crowd, you've got the venue.
而且典礼结束后还有饮料和甜点供应
And there are already drinks and desserts afterward,
所以你都不需要花钱准备婚礼招待
So you don't have to pay for a reception.
天呐这还真有可能成功呢
Oh, my god! this could actually work!
大概我需要申请到许可才行
I suppose I have to ask for permission.
毕业委员会的负责人是谁
Who is in charge of the graduation committee?
泰拉·萨莫斯
Tara Summers.
如果我不是够聪明
If I didn't know better,
我还以为是我的各种仇敌让我的生活更艰难呢
I'd think all my feuds make my life more difficult.
我完成测试了
I'm done with the quiz.
我刚答完最后一个问题
I just finished my last question.
查看结果啦
Here we go.
我们成功了
We did it!
你在胡说什么啊
What are you talking about?
上面说我们这对情侣就像是"垃圾桶里烧起的火"
It says we're - a "dumpster fire of a couple."
是啊垃圾桶里烧的火很棒啊
Yeah. dumpster fires are good.
那会让小巷里的光线
They make the lighting in the alley all cool
在忍♥者神龟从下水道里跳出来
for when the turtles come out of the sewer
打败坏人吃披萨的时候显得很酷
and beat up bad guys and eat pizza and stuff.
不垃圾桶里的火才不好特里普
No, dumpster fires are not good, Trip.
这测试说我们永远不可能修成正果的
This quiz says - we're never gonna make it!
宝贝你是认真的吗
Babe, are you serious right now?
就是个线上测试而已
It's just an online quiz.
但贝莉和加里特做了这个测试
But Bailey and Garrett took it,
然后因为这测试分手了
and they broke because of it.
他们明明是那么配的一对
And they were perfect together.
贝莉和加里特可没有我们这种深厚的感情
Bailey and Garrett don't have what we have.
大概是吧
I guess.
再说贝莉和加里特分手也不是因为这个测试
Also, Bailey and Garrett didn't break up because the quiz.
他们分手是因为他们发现他们是表兄妹
They broke up because they found out they're first cousins.
天呐你的脸色太糟了
Wow, you look terrible.
发生什么事了
What happened?
是你的仆人之一要求请产假吗
Did one of your footmen apply for parental leave?
古斯塔夫请了但我已经找他谈过话了
Gustav did, and he's been spoken to.
但不是为这事我要说的事比这严重得多
But no, this is more serious than that.
我父母在棕榈滩买♥♥了栋房♥子
My parents bought an estate in palm beach.
那真是太酷了兄弟
Oh, that's sick, bro!
不你不明白
No, you don't understand.
他们要把在西港的房♥子卖♥♥掉
They're selling our westport estate.
我们要搬去佛罗里达州了
We're moving to Florida.
所以你每天要乘私人飞机来上学了
Oh, so you're gonna take the private jet to school everyday.
不因为我要去那边上学了
No, because...I'll be going to school down there.
等等
Wait.
你真要搬走了吗
You're seriously moving?
佛罗里达州没有州所得税
Florida has no state income tax.
要么搬去那里要么搬去开曼群岛
It was either there or the caymans.
我妈对贝类食物过敏
And my mother's allergic to conch,
所以有什么意义呢
so it's like, what's the point?
兄弟你不能走
Dude, you can't go.
我们还有好多计划啊
We've got plans.
真不敢相信会发生这种事
Can't believe this is happening.
佛罗里达州
Florida.
在财务方面我很为你开心但...
I mean, I'm happy for you fiscally, but...
我明白
I know.
好了我需要一个本来就要参加毕业典礼
Okay, I need someone who's already a part of graduation
同时又有资格为他们证婚的人
who's also ordained to marry them.
再加个风笛手
Plus a bagpiper.
为了孩子真是操碎了心啊
Oh, the things you do for your kid.
难道这不都是你自己的错吗
Isn't this all your fault?
说得好像我会亲口承认任何事一样
Like I would ever verbally acknowledge any part in this.
多看点警♥匪♥剧吧格雷格
Watch a cop show, Greg.
你好啊宝贝
Oh, hey, honey.
我决定今年夏天不参加夏令营了
So, I've decided not to go to camp this summer.
你在胡说什么呢
What are you talking about?
你本来对这事万分激动啊
You were so excited to go.
本来是的但我后来跟富兰克林聊了聊
Well, I was, but then I talked to Franklin,
他说夏令营太危险了
and he said that camp is way too dangerous
坚决反对我去
and is not on board with me going.
首先如果夏令营不安全我们是不会送你去的
First of all, we would never send you to a camp that wasn't safe.
其次安娜凯特
And second, Anna-Kat,
我一直努力把你培养成独♥立♥的年轻女性
I have raised you to be an independent young woman.
如果你想做什么事
If there is something that you want to do,
千万别让一个男孩阻止你
don't ever let a boy get in your way.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
富兰克林说得很吓人
Franklin made it sound really scary.
他觉得什么都吓人
He thinks everything's scary.
那孩子才11岁就戴上急救警报项链了
The kid's 11 years old and wears a life alert necklace.
你说得对
You're right!
我不需要因为富兰克林是男孩就听他的
I don't have to listen to Franklin just because he's a boy.
没错你不需要听任何人的...
Exactly. you don't have to listen to anyone just because --
你给我闭嘴
Quiet, you!
请稍等年轻人
Pardon me, young man!
终极恶作剧彩蛋火箭筒
The ultimate prank -- the paintball bazooka!
我花钱请麻省理工的机器人研究小组发明了这个
I paid the robotics team at MIT to create it.
太值了
Totally worth it.
不值得但至少你的书现在有了结尾了
Not worth it, but at least we have an ending to your book.
恭喜你朗尼
Congrats, Lonnie.