餐厅的争吵

Oh, yeah, baby.
爽啊 宝贝
Oh, take it all!
都赏给你吧
Oh, oh, no,
不不
You take it, baby.
赏给你吧 宝贝
No, baby, You take it all!
不 宝贝 都"给"你吧
Oh, no, you take it, baby.
不 "给"你吧 宝贝
No, baby, you take it!
不宝贝 都给你啦
Dear God,
我的神啊
will one of you just take it
你俩随便一个"收"了行吗
and get it over with?
赶紧收了了事吧
Max, there is no way you could be sleeping
麦克斯 我不信听到他俩那声音
through Oleg and Sophie.
你还有办法睡觉
Does that actually work?
你那样真有效吗
It does,
有啊
with a little help from this.
配上这个就有效
Give me.
给我喝
I was hoping that'd be fruitier.
我还以为这酒有点果香呢
I mean, they're here.
他们这边做做
They're there.
又到那边搞搞
Then, they're here again.
然后又到这边爱爱
It's like we're a village under attack.
我们就跟遭空袭的村子一样
Yup, just a matter of time
没错 要不了多久
till someone sends in a drone.
就会有无人驾驶飞机袭击了
and it's not just that moaning.
而且不光有淫♥叫声
I think I heard a big ball rolling around up there.
我好像还听到有大球[睾丸]滚动的声音
If a ball is rolling around up there,
如果有颗睾丸在楼上滚
Oleg should stop and see a doctor.
奥列格就应该停下送医了
This couldn't be any more intrusive.
他们还能再更扰邻点吗
Sorry about that.
抱歉抱歉
A bowling ball?
保龄球
And why do they need a bowling ball?
他们为啥会用到保龄球啊
Maybe they ran out of holes.
可能"洞"不够用了吧
Have you guys seen a ball?
你们有看到一颗球吗
Pick up, Max.
麦克斯 上菜
And sorry about the hole in your ceiling.
抱歉给你们家天花板弄破了个洞
Oleg, I'm not even gonna ask you
奥列格 我都懒得叫你
to keep it in your pants anymore,
管好裤裆里的鸟了
but could you keep it in your apartment?
但你好歹也别让它飞出家门吧
Oh, hey, Sophie.
苏菲
Hey, Max.
麦克斯
Oh, spring is in the air.
春意盎然的季节啊
This is the time of year in Poland
波兰的这时候
when the snow would melt
积雪会融化
and all our dead relatives
那些被冻死的亲戚们
would float back to us.
就会顺着雪水流回来
I've never been to Europe,
我没去过欧洲
but it sounds beautiful.
但那景色肯定迷人
Max, where is Caroline?
麦克斯 卡洛琳呢
And don't tell me she's in the ladies' room,
别跟我说她在女厕里
because I already peeked under all those stalls.
我已经从下面偷看了每个隔间了
She wasn't there.
她不在里面
But I saw things.
但我看到了些"东西"
Well, congratulations on finally seeing those things.
恭喜你终于看到那些"东西"了
She's 20 minutes late,
她迟到二十分钟了
and, as the boss, I will not have it.
作为一个老板 我无法接受
Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of his crib.
某人早上婴儿床起错边 脾气暴躁啊
You're late. This is unacceptable.
你迟到了 太超过了
Don't mind him.
别理他
He just saw his first vagina,
他刚第一次见到女人的下面
and he's furious.
他气炸了
Okay, here's the thing.
是这样的
I had to take a nap
我不得不多睡一下
because Oleg and Sophie were having sex all night long.
因为奥列格与苏菲昨晚"激战"了一整夜
Not true.
才没有呢
We took a break to watch a porno.
我们有休息一下 看个黄♥片
Punctuality
守时
is the number one rule in my employee handbook,
是我写在员工手册
which I've adorably named The Han book.
又名"阿憨手册"[音似]的第一准则
Relax, Han.
别紧张 阿憨
Nobody's gonna die
我没来给客人
if I'm not here to drop off a tuna melt.
端金枪鱼三明治 客人也不会死啦
In fact, they're more likely to die
其实 我真给他们上菜
if I do drop it off.
他们吃了还更可能会死呢
Late, and with an attitude.
迟到了还这么嚣张
You think you're too good for the diner?
你觉得在这干活很掉价吗
Of course she thinks that.
她当然是这么想啦
I think sourdough bread is too good for this diner.
这店连酸酵种面包都不配卖好吗
注释：酸酵种面包 较长制作时间 非常健康也偏贵的选择
Well, what other career option do you have, Caroline?
那你又有什么其他工作选择呢 卡洛琳
Hmm, let's see. Cupcakes?
比如说 小蛋糕店吗
No, wait, your shop didn't last six months.
不 你那店开张不到半年就倒了
Don't go there, Han.
别哪壶不开提哪壶
Oh, I'm already there. And now I'm back.
我偏要提 我提起又放下了
Why so moody, Han?
干嘛这么大脾气啊 阿憨
Are you man struating?
你"大姨夫"来了吗
Is it that time of the man th?
又到了每月[男人]流血的时候了吗
That shop was our dream, Han,
阿憨 那店是我们的梦想
and this is just a dumb diner.
而你这只是个傻♥逼餐厅
You're fired.
你被炒了
Ooh! I'm fired?
还炒我啊
Max, Han just fired me.
麦克斯 阿憨炒了我呢
You lucky son of a whore.
你个幸运的小骚货
I'm serious, Caroline.
卡洛琳 我是认真的
You called my diner "dumb."
你居然说我的餐厅"傻♥逼"
Well, at least my diner's still open and successful,
好歹我的餐厅现在还没倒闭 开得好好的
whereas your cupcake shop was so dumb, it failed.
但你的傻♥逼小蛋糕店 都傻♥逼得倒闭了吧
Ooh, he did not go there.
他不是真提了这壶吧
I went there, and then I came back,
我就提这壶 然后又放下
and then I went there again.
然后我再提一遍
You know what? I don't need this.
我♥干嘛要受你的气
Well, actually, you do kinda need this
因为我们还真需要这薪水
cause we broke.
我俩是穷光蛋'
Broke or not,
管它的
I don't have to stand here and take this.
老娘就是不要在这听他放屁
I quit.
我不干了
Oh, really? You quit?
是吗 你不干啦
You must be dumber than my diner
你脑子比我这餐厅还傻♥逼吧
because I already fired you.
你都被炒了 还怎么不干
Han, I know you've had it up to here,
阿憨 我知道你火气上脑到这高度了
but you need to relax.
但你太过了
Can you believe Han fired me?
你能相信阿憨居然炒了我吗
I mean, where does he get off?
他想啥 凭啥呢[停下]
Probably in Buffy the Vampire Slayer chat rooms.
大概会在《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》聊天室驻足吧
注释：《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》 一部广受女性与男同喜爱的美剧
Have you been standing here by the door this whole time?
你不会是一直站在门口等我回家吧
I didn't even pee.
我连去尿尿都不敢
I was afraid I'd miss you.
就怕错过你进门
So, hold on.
所以先等我一下吧
So, basically, You had the same day as a puppy?
所以你今天过得跟小狗一样嘛
Han's lucky I work there.
我在那工作是他的福气
I bring class and sophistication to that place.
我让他的餐厅变得高级和有档次
There's no toilet paper,
没厕纸了
and I just used the last coffee filter.
最后一张咖啡滤纸我也用掉啦
You are sophisticatin' the hell
你还真是让那间厕所
out of that toilet right now.
变得无比高级呀
And you know what?
而且啊
You can tell Han that the only way
你可以告诉阿憨
I am ever going back there is if he apologizes.
要我回去的唯一办法就是他来道歉
Okay, but first,
可以 但首先呢
he wanted me to tell you this.
他也留话要我对你说
The only way you're ever going back there
你唯一能回去的方式呢
is if you apologize.
就是你跟他道歉
Well, an apology from me is not happening.
要我道歉 他想都别想
Oh, yeah, baby.
爽啊 宝贝
Ooh, take it all.
都赏给你吧
Oh, oh, no,
不
you take it, baby.
都给你吧 亲爱的
Oh, baby
宝贝
And that is not happening again tonight either.
这今晚也不许再发生了
Again?
又来啊
That could've hit us.
那可能砸到我们呢
Now, that's unsafe sex.
这才叫"危险性行为"啊
I think it's pretty neighborly of us
我们还送他们的性♥爱保龄球回来
to return someone's sex bowling ball.
还真是够敦亲睦邻的啊
You know we have to bury those mitts now.
这双手套之后得去埋了才行
And we have to tell them to stop
无论他们在玩什么花样
whatever it is they're doing up here.
我们都得叫他们停下
Probably a 7 10 split.
估计是7 10号瓶分叉球吧
And now they're not making noise.
现在他们又消停了
It's like when you go to the zoo,
感觉就像去动物园时
and the lion goes inside.
狮子跑进山洞内休息了
It's Max and Caroline.
是麦克斯跟卡洛琳
Your ball came into our yard again.
你们的球又掉进我们家了
Hi. Yeah, it's not a good time.
现在有点不太方便
Uh, we're role playing,
我们在玩角色扮演
and, obviously, I'm Beyonce.
我在扮碧昂丝
注释：美国著名女歌手碧昂丝与饶舌歌手丈夫杰斯 著名歌曲《疯狂的爱》
Hey, Jay Z?
杰斯
Look at all the single ladies.
看看这些单身女郎们啊[碧昂丝歌曲]
Oh, yeah, baby.
好啊 宝贝
Jay Z and I have a lot in common.
杰斯跟我有很多共同之处
He bought the Brooklyn Nets.
他买下职篮布鲁克林篮网队
I bought my hairnets in Brooklyn.
我则是在布鲁克林买的发网
I'm not surprised that you're Jay Z and Beyonce,
你们扮杰斯与碧昂丝我一点都不意外
but I am kinda surprised that they bowl.
不过他们打保龄球我倒很惊讶
Where should I put this?
这要我放哪
Oh, well, I'll tell you what I told him.
我告诉你们我对他说的吧
Put it anywhere You want.
你想把它放哪都行
So that's basically our ball at this point.
所以现在这颗球基本算我们的了
Look, you two may be crazy in love,
我知道你们俩爱得疯狂
but your love is driving us crazy.
但我们也要被你们搞疯了
Crazy in love?
爱得疯狂吗
Oh, come on. We're not in love.
拜托 我们才不相爱
Oleg and I are just shtup buddies.
我们只是炮♥友而已
Shtup buddies?
炮♥友吗
I wouldn't say that's all we are.
我们不止如此吧
Oh, no, you're right.
我错了 你说的有道理
We also share a CVS points reward card.
我们还共用一张药房集奖卡
Is it really a reward if it comes from CVS?
如果是药房给的东西 能算是奖励吗
Can't you two ever do it over at Oleg's apartment?
你们难道就不能去奥列格家"做"吗
Or are all the lanes reserved?
还是他睡的路边都停满车了
I have no idea where he lives.
我完全不知道他住哪里
Wait, you've never been to Oleg's apartment?
等等 你还没去过奥列格家吗
No, with my busy work schedule,
没有 我工作这么忙
I don't have the time to get
我哪有空去注射
the battery of shots that I would need.
去他家需要打的疫苗啊
You'd be surprised by my apartment, Sophie.
看到我家会吓死你的 苏菲
It's more than just the place
那里可不光只是
the quadruple orgasm was born.
四重高♥潮的发源地呢
Yeah, well, That sounds nice.
这听起来倒是很棒啊
Oh, yes. Beyonc
碧昂...
Um, Beyonce's hair just fell out.
碧昂丝的头发掉了
I gotta go get my hot glue gun.
我先去拿我的热熔胶枪黏上
Girls, I may have oversold my apartment.
女孩们 我有点夸大我家了
What, by saying she won't need to get shots? 203 是是是Yes.
跟她说不需要先打疫苗吗
Maybe you two could help me fix it up a little,
你们俩个可以来帮忙布置一下吧
give it a feminine touch.
添加点女人元素
Well, I'm out.
我不干
You know what? I'll do it.
我愿意帮你
But I'm very recently out of work,
但我最近刚失业
so I'm gonna have to charge you.
所以帮忙的部分是要收费的
If you didn't, you'd be the only girl
如果你不收钱 那你就会是
who ever went to his apartment without getting paid.
第一个进他家又不收他钱的女人了
You got a deal.
成交
Oleg's apartment's this way.
奥列格家肯定是这间
I can smell the AXE body spray.
我闻到了体香剂的味道了
I'll just throw a couple of these pillows around,
我们把这几个枕头布置进去
and then we'll be gone.
然后就可以走了
I can't believe I'm walking up to Oleg's apartment.
我真不敢相信我要自己步入他家里
I always thought I'd be dragged here unconscious
我一直以为那天会是我被他下药迷晕
with electrical tape over my mouth.
嘴被胶带封住 然后拖进去的
Afternoon, ladies.
女孩们 下午好
This is where the magic happens.
这里就是奇迹[魔术]发生之地了
Well, I'm sure you've made some women disappear here.
我肯定你肯定让不少女人在里面"消失"过
Okay.
好吧
Just off the top of my head,
就我第一眼的观察判断
I think we're gonna need a couple more pillows.
起码就还需要不少可爱枕头了
If you keep your apartment Like this,
如果把公寓弄成这样
do you get to pay 19♥80s rent prices?
是不是就能按19♥80年的物价付租金啊
You haven't even seen the best part yet.
你们都还没看到最棒的地方呢
Look.
瞧
Goin' up the stairway to heaven, baby.
我要走上天堂的阶梯了
Oh, yeah. There it is.
没错 就是这里啦
That's my bed.
这就是我的床
Where are we? Studio 69?
这是哪啊 69夜店吗
That's 1,500 tracer bulbs.
那可是1500颗灯泡组成
I tore most of them out of the new Cineplex 14 in Queens.
都是我从皇后区的电影院拆来的
First of all, I am smelling something
首先 我闻到了一股
that can only be described as anti antiperspirant.
只能解释为反除汗味剂的味道
And, secondly...
第二
no woman wants to walk into this.
不会有女人想走进这里的
According to this,
根据这个显示
685 already have.
685个女人进来过了
Actually, it's 1,685.
其实是1685个
After a thousand, the counter resets.
过一千后 那个计数器就归零了
look, if you don't want Sophie to feel
如果你不想苏菲觉得
like she's next in line at the DMV...
自己在排队等着进机动车辆管理局
注释：美国的机动车辆管理局 常被人戏称为"地狱"
More like the S T D mv.
其实是性病传染局吧
Then we have a lot of work to do. Okay.
那我们有很多地方需要改进 好吧
Make it look romantic.
弄得浪漫一点
When she comes in, I want her to feel special,
当她走进的那一刻 要她觉得自己很特别
like she's the only woman that's ever been here
感觉自己是第一个走进这里的女人
today.
今天第一个
Let's just sit down and talk about this.
咱们坐下来好好谈吧
Oh, my God. Max, is she dead?
天啊 麦克斯 她死了吗
No. She's Alexis.
不是啦 她是阿丽西斯
You have one of those anatomically correct real dolls!
你居然有个人体仿真性♥爱玩偶
It's rare to see one without a short, fat man
很少看到她旁边没有个
standing next to it with a button penis.
矮肥短鸡鸡的男人呢
They sell for $6,000,
这原价要6000块
but I got her for half off.
但我半价买到了
She was previously loved.
她是"已被人疼爱过"的
Max, you are not doing that.
麦克斯 你不许那样
The hell I'm not.
去你的不许
This is my one chance to see a woman naked
这是我唯一一次看完裸女后
without having to spoon her after.
不用再跟她们抱抱的机会
Respect.
佩服佩服
Well, you've made a lot of strong choices here,
你这里有很多"个人风格"鲜明的东西
but I'm not sure they're all working together.
但我不确定它们放在一起搭不搭
For example, that sex swing is fighting the goat.
比如说 那个性♥爱秋千就跟山羊对冲
Now, why don't we start by you going
等你去给我们弄来橡胶手套后
and getting us some rubber gloves?
我们就动手开始改造吧
Lots of them,
手套记得多弄点
and the strongest bleach and soap products you can find.
以及市面上最强的漂白剂以及肥皂
Oh, and a hazmat suit.
还有一套生化防护服
Don't worry about the size. I can belt it.
别担心尺寸大小 我可以系腰带
But you're gonna keep my good stuff, right?
但我的好东西你会留着的 对吧
If I see any, I'll consider it.
如果我看见有的话 会考虑保留
Go.
快去
What are you going to do with Alexis?
那你打算怎么处置阿丽西斯
Rehab, and then a women's shelter in Montana.
先送康复中心 再送到蒙大拿州妇女收容所
Go!
快去
I've got a lot of work to do.
我有很多工作要做
But first...
但首先
Can not do it.
忍不住啊
Can not do it.
实在忍不住
Can you please turn that off, Max?
你能把那个关掉吗 麦克斯
I'm starting to feel a little dizzy...
我都开始觉得头晕了
And I can't fall on the floor,
我可不能晕倒在这地上
cause I might stick to it.
可能会被不明液体黏住'
You don't have to do this!
你没必要干这种工作
Just call Han and apologize,
快打电话给阿憨道歉
and we can get outta here
然后在梅毒攻击前
before the syphilis sets in.
咱们赶紧闪人
No, he said some really hurtful things to me,
不要 他对我说了一些很伤人的话
and I'd rather stay here
我宁愿待在这里
and work for Oleg and Alexis.
为奥列格和阿丽西斯工作
At least I'll have my dignity.
至少我的尊严还在
Now, if you'll excuse me,
容许我先失陪了
I have to go climb the sperm ship enterprise.
我得爬上精床探险号[星际迷航]
Let me just get these curtains open
先把窗帘拉开
so I can see better.
好让我能看清楚这里
Seeing better?
看清楚点
Is that the way to go?
这不太对吧
I'm walking on a water bed.
我走在一张水床上
This is harder than it looks.
这比想象中的要难[硬]啊
How many times has that been said on this bed?
这句话不知道在这张床上说过多少遍了
Oh, my heel!
我的鞋跟
I swallowed!
我咽下去了
I accidentally swallowed.
我不小心咽下去了
You know that's been said.
这句话肯定也常有人说
Max, we got a problem.
麦克斯 有个问题
See that girl?
看见那个女孩了吗
Oh, what? The usual drill?
干嘛 像平时那样吗
You hold her arms,
你抓住她的手臂
and I punch her till she tips 20%?
我揍到她愿意给百分之二十的小费吗
As much as I enjoy that when we do it,
虽然我很喜欢这么做
no.
但不是
She's here to apply for Caroline's job.
她是来应征卡洛琳的工作
What?
什么
Han's really going through with this?
阿憨是来真的吗
I thought It was all talk,
我以为他只是说说而已
like when a chihuahua barks at a big dog.
就像吉娃娃冲着大狗叫 也只是叫叫而已
Me too. I thought it would blow over.
我也是 我以为会这事很快会消失
You know, like Han did in the wind that time?
就像阿憨上次被风吹不见那样
But, no, He is serious.
但这次不是 他是来真的
No way. I got this.
不行 我来解决
Hi, is that your resume?
你好 这是你的简历吗
Let's take a little look see.
让我看看
Oh, you worked there? Cool.
你还在那工作过啊 真厉害
Yep. I'm a very hard worker.
是的 我工作非常努力
Good. Can you block a punch?
很好 你会挡拳头吗
Cause the owner hits us.
因为老板会打人哦'
He broke my femur. When I complained,
他把我大腿打骨折了 当我抱怨时
he broke the other one.
他又打折了我另一条腿
Run before he sees me talking to you.
在他看见咱俩说话前 快跑
Earl, I gotta get Han aAnd Caroline to make up.
厄尔 我得让阿憨和卡洛琳和好
I don't have access to the pills I need
我得靠吃药才愿留下工作
to keep working here without her.
她不在我就买不起了
Any advice or pills?
你有什么建议或药吗
Well, let's see. We are kind of like a family here,
我想想 我们在这里像是一家人
except I can see you unsupervised on the weekends.
除了我周末见你不用有人监视
And you didn't use my college fund
而你也没拿我上大学的钱
to buy a married man a Corvette.
给已婚男人买跑车
And in my family,
在我的家庭
when my kids would fight,
当我的孩子吵架时
I tried to get them to talk to each other,
我会试图让他们跟对方说话
because honesty is key.
因为坦诚是关键
But if that didn't work,
但如果不管用
I'd lie to their faces
我会骗他们
lock them in their room and tell them
把他们关进房间 然后告诉他们
that the other one had three weeks to live.
对方只剩三周可以活了
You know, what used to be known as good parenting.
这在以前 就可以算是模范家长呢
Max, I've got 12 overqualified candidates
麦克斯 我有12个资历过硬的候选人
coming in for the waitress position today.
今天来应征服务员的工作
Thank you, crumbling economy!
真要多谢现在不景气的经济
You know, Han, here at this diner,
阿憨 在这家餐厅
we're kind of like a little family, and
我们就像是一家人
Oh, I can't do this.
我编不下去了
Caroline has three weeks left to live.
卡洛琳就剩三周可以活了
I'm serious.
我是说真的
She drank Oleg's water bed.
她喝了奥列格水床的水
It's just a matter of time.
迟早会挂掉的
Nice try, Max.
想得美 麦克斯
I'm not going to give her back her job.
我不会把工作还给她的
She should've checked herself
她在跟我装逼之前
before she wrecked herself.
应该先掂掂自己斤两的
Come on. Hire her back.
拜托啦 把她请回来
Be the bigger man.
当个大气的男人
And note,
声明一下
I did not make a short joke,
我不是在拿你的身材开玩笑
because this is important,
因为这事真的很重要
and also because I'm still working on something
同时也因为我还在想怎么用
with Peter Dinklage's name.
彼特·丁拉基的名字开玩笑
注释：彼特·丁拉基 患侏儒症的美国演员 身高只有1.35米
No way, Max. I am holding firm.
不行 麦克斯 我的立场很坚定
You know, firm Han is kinda hot.
硬气的阿憨蛮性感的
He is? Yeah.
是吗 是的
I'm kinda feeling firm Han.
我有点喜欢硬气的阿憨
I have no interest in feeling the firm part,
虽然我对其他会硬的部位没兴趣
but I'll hang out with the rest.
但我可以考虑跟你约会
You want to hang out with me?
你居然想跟我约会
I'm generally free Mondays through Fridays,
我基本周一到周五都有空
mornings and evenings,
白天和晚上都行
and my weekends are wide open.
而且我周末也空得很
I may have a wedding to go to in June, but
虽然我6月可能要参加婚礼 但...
Breathe.
深呼吸
Come over tomorrow.
明天来我家
Caroline Will be at Oleg's.
卡洛琳会去奥列格家
We can get stoned and watch a movie.
我们可以嗑药磕到嗨 然后看电影
The last time I was stoned
我上一次还是在演唱会上
was from a contact high I got at a concert.
因误吸别人抽大♥麻吐出来的烟而嗨翻天
Well, those wiggle shows do get crazy.
演唱会的人们很容易变得疯狂啊
Look at us, Max,
瞧瞧咱俩 麦克斯
hanging outside of work at your place
就像好朋友那样
like a couple of homeys.
下班后照样出来厮混
Yeah, and where is my homey?
是啊 我的好朋友在哪里
Oh, it's this way.
这边
I can smell the AXE body spray.
我闻到了体香剂的味道
Now, what movie should we watch?
我们该看什么电影呢
I brought Shrek, Shrek 2,
我带了《怪物史瑞克》第一部 第二部
Shrek 3, Shrek 3 d,
第三部 还有3D版的
and that Cameron Diaz cancer movie.
以及卡梅隆·迪亚兹照顾癌症病患的电影
Is there one where Shrek has cancer?
是史瑞克得了癌症那部吗
注释：卡梅隆·迪亚兹在《怪物史瑞克》里为史瑞克的老婆菲欧娜配音
This is completely
这里完全
the same place I always live at.
就是我一直住的地方
Max, it's so pretty.
麦克斯 这里真漂亮
I thought your place would have furniture
我还以为你家会有
made out of razor blades or something.
用刮胡刀片做的家具呢
I wish. That sounds bitchin'.
我还想呢 那听起来超♥屌
What are you guys doing here?
你们俩在这里干嘛
What is Caroline doing here?
卡洛琳在这里干嘛
You said she was going to be at Oleg's.
你不是说她会在奥列格家吗
I am at Oleg's.
我就是在奥列格家啊
You guys live with Oleg?
你们俩跟奥列格一起住吗
You told him this was our apartment?
你告诉他这里是我们的公寓吗
As a wise person once told me,
一位智者告诉我
sometimes, you gotta lie to keep your family together.
有时为了家庭和睦 可以撒撒小谎
I'm not letting anyone leave
在你们跟对方说话前
until you talk to each other.
谁也别想走
I don't understand.
我不明白
Are we not smoking weed?
我们不是要抽大♥麻吗
Oh, I already did.
我已经抽了
I don't know what his problem is.
我不知道他哪有毛病
He fired me for missing 20 minutes of work.
我错过20分钟上班时间就炒了我
Why doesn't he fire himself for missing puberty?
他何不因为错过青春期而炒了他自己呢
Let it go, Han.
任她说吧 阿憨
She spent her morning dusting a strap on.
她整个早上都在擦捆绑式假阳♥具上的灰尘
I didn't fire you because you were late.
我不是因为你迟到而炒了你
I fired you because you crapped all over the diner,
我炒你是因为你说餐厅的坏话
and you forgot that diner lifted you up
你忘了在你一无所有的时候
when you had nothing.
是餐厅把你救起来
Well, I lifted you up
在你拿不到玉米罐时
when you couldn't reach the canned corn.
还是我把你举"起来"的呢
So, we're even. Fight over.
所以我们扯平了 争吵结束
What the hell did you do to my apartment?
你把我公寓搞成什么鬼样子了
It looks like you could film
看起来就像拍
a douche commercial in here.
阴♥道清洗液的广告现场
Oleg, this is what you asked for:
奥列格 这就是你想要的效果
Romantic. Romantic?
浪漫 浪漫吗
My place went from Fifty Shades Of Grey
我家从淫乱天堂变成了
to fifty shades of beige.
屎黄色地狱
Where's my sex swing?
我的性♥爱秋千呢
Where's my sex chair?
我的性♥爱椅子呢
Where's my poster that says,
我的那张上面写着
Poke her in the front, lick her in the back"?
捅她前面 舔她后面"的海报呢"
Oleg, relax.
奥列格 冷静
All your stuff's either in the basement or the closet.
你东西不是在地下室就在衣柜
And I think would know more about what a woman
我觉得我更了解
would like to come home to
女人喜欢的家的样子
than a man whose last girlfriend
这至少比一个男人的前女友
was made in the Philippines.
是用菲律宾橡胶做的强
It's me!
我来了
Hide your kids!
赶紧把孩子藏起来
Hide your wife!
把你老婆也藏起来
Sophie!
苏菲
She can't know you're here.
她不能知道你们在这里
Go, go, all of you.
快走 你们快走
Han! Get in the closet!
阿憨 躲进衣柜里
Putting a guy who's in the closet in the closet?
叫一个还没出柜的男人躲进衣柜
That's like gay nesting dolls. 463 我不是基佬I'm not gay.
就像基佬版嵌套娃娃一样
I'm a metrosexual.
我是都市花美男
This is where the magic happens?
这里就是奇迹发生之地吗
Oh, no.
不是吧
Do you live With your mother?
你是跟你妈一起住吗
What? You don't like?
怎么 你不喜欢吗
I thought you would enjoy the girl's touch.
你以为你会喜欢一些女性的元素
What girls?
什么女性
The Golden Girls?
黄金女郎吗
注释：《黄金女郎》19♥85年美剧 主角为皆老人的"老"友记
Sophie hates it.
苏菲不喜欢
I should've just thrown a boiled ham on the bed.
我应该直接把一只煮熟的火腿扔床上的
Oh, no.
不要啊
My hair's stuck in Oleg's clothes.
我的头发被奥列格的衣服夹住了
Please don't let it be a pant zipper.
拜托千万不要被裤子拉链夹到
Han, Alexis.
阿憨 这位是阿丽西斯
Alexis, Han.
阿丽西斯 这位是阿憨
Ew, take it away from me.
快把她从我身上拿开
It's so heavy oh, no, oh, no.
还真沉 不要 不要啊
Help. Get her off of me.
救命啊 快把她弄开
Why? You're finally getting some.
为什么 你终于有机会"爽一下"了
Take it, take it.
拿开 拿开
I got it, I got it.
我在弄 我在弄
Look! Han's fallen
瞧 阿憨摔倒[堕落]了
and he can't get it up!
而且他"起"不来了
What the hell is going on here?
这到底是怎么回事
I mean, this is freaky even for me.
重口如我也觉得这场面太恶心
Sophie, I can explain.
苏菲 我可以解释
I hired Caroline to redo my apartment
我请卡洛琳来帮我重新布置公寓
so it wouldn't be the dirty bachelor pad
好让它看起来不像你预期中的
you were expecting.
那种下流单身汉公寓
But you are the dirty Bachelor that I'm expecting.
但你就是我预期中的那种下流单身汉
And why would you hire Caroline?
为什么你要请卡洛琳啊
She doesn't know about sexy stuff.
她根本不懂什么是性感
She couldn't even figure out what we do
她甚至连我们拿那个保龄球
with the bowling ball.
来做什么都不知道
Sophie, you should've seen what was in here.
苏菲 你真该看看这公寓之前的模样
I mean, he had this anatomically correct real doll
他有一个符合人体仿真的性♥爱娃娃
He named Alexis.
还帮她取名叫阿丽西斯
Yeah, well, she's very pretty.
是吗 她可真漂亮
He had a sex swing.
他有一个性♥爱秋千
Ooh, a sex swing.
哇 性♥爱秋千
What are you gonna tell me now?
你接下来还要说什么
That he had a water bed? 507 我的确曾有I did.
说他有一张水床吗
It had 1,500 tracer bulbs.
上面有一千五百个灯泡
It was hot.
非常香艳
Well, who has it now?
那床现在在谁手里
I wanna be with him.
我要跟他在一起
Oh, hell, I'm tired of all this role playing,
靠 我已经厌倦那些角色扮演了
so I'm just going to say it.
所以我要直说
Sophie, I am in love with you.
苏菲 我爱上你了
Well, I haven't said this to a man
我很久很久
in a very long time,
没对男人这么说了
but I like you a little bit.
但我有一点点喜欢你
I don't know what she's talking about, Caroline.
我不懂她为什么这么说 卡洛琳
I think it's pretty.
我觉得很漂亮
You make everything prettier,
你让一切都变得更漂亮
even the dumb diner.
连我那家傻♥逼餐厅也是
Your diner's not dumb.
你的餐厅才不傻♥逼
I miss the diner.
我好想它
And it misses you.
它也很想你
You can have your job back.
你可以回来工作
Is it just 'cause I'm stoned,
是因为我现在嗨翻天
or did anyone else feel that deep connection between them?
还是有人也感受到了他们之间的深情
Could you all leave?
你们能离开这里吗
I wanna be alone with Oleg...
我想单独跟奥列格
And Alexis.
还有阿丽西斯玩会儿
Now are we going to smoke weed?
我们现在要去抽大♥麻了吗
Yeah, I'm dying to see you high.
是的 我超级想看你嗨的样子
Well, as high as you can get.
看你到底能有多嗨[高]