Max, look at all these customers
from Brooklyn midnight ride,
I smell of diner success!
Really? 'Cause I smell baked crotch.
Can balls fart?
Because I feel like I'm smelling that too.
Where is Oleg with my orders?
If my tables don't get food soon, they're gonna
Oh, my God, they're raising their arms.
Ugh! Well, we know it wasn't a charity ride
to raise money for deodorant.
Oleg, where are my burgers?
I'm a little in the weeds right now.
You mean you smoked a little weed right now?
Helps with my chronic erection.
Can someone who's not in the Grateful DeadGrateful Dead
tell me how we're gonna get food?
You do plates, buns, coleslaw.
你搞定盘子 汉堡面包 卷心菜沙拉
I'll do burgers, fries,
and any guy who has no future.
Can you imagine if we were born inside shells,
and then even bigger animals cracked us open to eat?
Fries on the plates!
Is anybody writing this gold down?
All right, Oleg. I want in.
好了 奥列格 我要加入
Oh, my God, am I deaf?
Wait, where is it?
I put it somewhere.
Ooh, a french fry.
I don't know where you guys are in your bike training.
Are we doping or desserting?
I can help you either way.
We're thinking about dessert.
Cool, how about a Max's homemade cupcake?.
Eh, I don't think so
How's that cherry pie? Nice.
The family of mice that lives in it just renewed their lease.
So, a Max's homemade cupcake?
You keep saying "Max's homemade cupcakes"
like it's a thing.
I've never heard of it.
I haven't either. And we know a lot.
And yet you put that headband on this morning.
So who's Max? Yeah, who's Max?
那个麦克斯是谁啊 对啊 是谁啊
She's Lance Armstrong's left nut.
注释：兰斯·阿姆斯特朗 美国环法自行车赛冠军 曾因罹患睾丸癌切除右睾丸
You know I'm not one to gossip,
but just about 30 seconds ago,
I saw Max drop some major attitude
and blow a chance with a possible cupcake customer.
That's your gossip?
That Max has an attitude?
What are you gonna tell me next,
that Elton John is gay?
Anyways, I'm just saying about Max,
bitch needs to take it down a notch.
Bitch needs to mind his own business.
Max, did you blow a possible cupcake customer tonight?
You know I don't mix business with pleasure.
We have to keep pushing our cupcakes.
Every table, every time,
Max's homemade cupcakes. I did.
I said my name to that table more times
than my mother said it my entire life.
But you can't just say the name.
You have to really sell it.
You should see me out there.
hope you saved room for
one of our delicious "Max's homemade cupcakes.
they're moist, delicious, creamy” Stop.
湿润 味美 带汁液" 别说了
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I am not a whore.
Oh, you're a cupcake whore,
...and right now I'm your pimp, so...
how many did you sell tonight? Two.
Don't hit me, daddy!
Okay, how many did you sell tonight?
Okay, we're bad whores.
No, we are tired whores.
It's not the end of the world.
We're just letting a few El Caminos drive by
because our wrists are sore.
I love you for that.
You just put everything into perspective.
So I says to Caroline, "it's so bad for business."
And right now they're in the kitchen having huge fight.
I really worried that
Lady chatterbox says your business is in big trouble.
Please, everything seems big to Han.
Ready to go, Sophie?
And girls, sorry to hear your business broke up
and you aren't speaking.
We scared him.
Now he's gonna run under the stove.
I'm gonna make some calls to help you.
Get you some big party jobs.
That's so nice of you, Sophie.
We really appreciate it.
You girls can make some big money.
As you know, Duza day is coming up.
Um, no, I do not know.
What the hell is Duza day?
Oh, Duza day is huge holiday in Polish community.
When a polish girl reaches six feet,
You give her big party.
I had mine when I was seven.
Is this private giggling
or can anyone join?
What are you watching? My favorite show.
Abby & Brittany, the show about those
cute conjoined twins with two heads, one torso?
Already watched it.
They fought about a necklace.
Now I'm watching Cupcake Wars.
If our team wins Cupcake Wars,
we're gonna use the $10,000 prize
to finally open up our own storefront.
Wait, $10,000? What kind of show is this?
等等 一万元 这是什么节目
I thought Google eliminated the need
to ask questions out loud, but fine.
It's a show on Food Network
where teams make cupcakes and compete for money.
And why are we not on it?
Look at that dumb dumb!
She just dropped the pastry bag.
Hey, they're called hands,
learn how to use them, dumb dumb!
And that is why we're not on it.
Not everyone's as judgmental as you.
Oh, everyone's as judgmental as me.
And I don't need some snarky bitch
pointing at us on her TV going,
oh, look at that blonde dumb dumb
and her hot friend trying to do something."
Max, why don't you ever let yourself dream?
Because in my dreams,
spiders are always eating my eyes.
This might be the big push we need.
We can go on Cupcake Wars,
or we can keep being cupcake whores.
Think about it.
We wouldn't have to go car to car anymore,
we could actually open a brothel.
Wait, if brothel's on the table,
why don't we just forget about this cupcake thing?
cause that's a job I can do without pants.
Seriously. Let's at least go to the Food Network and apply.
That's not how it works.
You fill out an application online,
submit a two minute home video,
and then wait eight to ten days for a response.
Huh, caught you dreaming.
All right, so maybe I thought about it for, like, a second,
when we first became a team.
But then I remembered the world's a dead end
and nothing good happens ever to anyone.
There's a gun in that drawer.
Do you want to just kill ourselves?
You finally called us a team.
We are so going on that show.
Seriously, I don't know how Abby and Brittany do it,
because I'm uncomfortable with you
even sitting this close to me.
Well, if we're making an audition tape to be on a reality show called,
“The world's most uncomfortable T shirt,"
We have already won.
Yes, I could have gotten us
a more expensive shirt at American Apparel,
but then we would just look like people pretending to be poor.
And 13, and probably in the sex trade.
I cannot believe you used your flat iron
to put these letters on.
Well, I can't believe you once used it to make a panini,
but that's what happens now.
Where's the scissors?
I gotta give this thing some flave.
Max, what are you doing?
Crew necks are for squares and Mormons.
Oh, cute! Should we do mine?
I don't know.
If you have no car, why open the garage?
So, I thought we'd shoot it over here
in our adorable, scrappy, low income kitchen.
在我们有爱 凄凉 又穷酸的厨房里
Why are you talking like that?
Because that's our brand.
I've watched a ton of Cupcake Wars,
and it's a lot about branding.
And what are we?
The girl who knows how to make cupcakes
and the girl who doesn't?
Max, I'm not worried about that.
You'll just tell me what to do, like you always do,
and we'll be the two scrappy girls with so little
you can't help but love them.
I hate them already.
Okay, that's Oleg.
You did tell him he's filming us for an audition
and not making a porno, right?
Yeah, I made it very clear.
Why are your tops still on?
And why isn't the plastic down?
You're gonna get oil everywhere.
Oleg, Max told you
we're not gonna make that kind of movie.
I know, but so did every girl that I worked with
on "Backdoor Brides".
And then again on "Backdoor Brides II."
But five minutes later, it was "here comes the bride."
You still have your tops on.
Yeah, they don't have to make Girl on girl porn film for money.
I got you big Duza day party.
Oh, my God! That's $1,200.
No, it's for free.
You do it for connections,
and for the hot and cold pierogi buffet.
Oh, Sophie, I don't know
if we should be taking free work right now.
We're doing this TV thing, and if we get it,
we don't know what our schedule will be.
Oh, I didn't know I was talking
to Cagney and Lacey.
Yeah, well, suit yourself.
We're sorry, Sophie.
You have every right to be mad.
Would a cupcake help?
Well, I just texted the third girl not to come,
So let's get this over with.
This is so exciting. We're gonna be great.
We got this, girl. Okay, stop.
我们一定行 姐妹 停
On every reality show,
people say lame things that we can never say.
No fist bumping. No high fives.
You can't tell me to "bring it," "shut it down,"
or "put our cupcake business on the map."
"You can't tell me to "go, girl""or "bring my 'A' game,"
也不许说 "加油妹子" "使出十成功力啊
And we don't "got this". Cool?
But we do got this, right? Yeah, we got this.
懂 但我们一定行 对吧 那当然
Okay, here we go, girls.
好的 姑娘们 好戏上场
Arch your backs. Sorry, force of habit.
翘起你的屁屁 抱歉 职业病
Hey, what's up? I'm Max,
And this is my partner, Caroline.
And we're Max's homemade cupcakes.
And by homemade, I mean, "hoe made".
You go, girl!
We are an online bakery... Well, we have a website.
And we're based right here in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
And this is where the magic happens.
This is our kitchen/ living room/ my bedroom
Slash my wrists, 'cause I'm trying to bake all night
while she's sleeping over there.
And here is our purple stove.
Just because you're poor,
that doesn't mean you can't have style.
Or a horse that just came in unannounced.
Oh, this is Chestnut.
He's our test audience.
But we don't feed him chocolate.
Cause that would kill him.
They have a horse!
So pick us because we're hard workers, we love the show,
and we're females getting their own, on their own.
And cut! That was so great.
Chestnut walking in out of nowhere,
we could not have planned that.
Oh, but I did.
That's our gimmick. Try to beat that.
Two girls with a horse.
And how is this not a porn film?
We knew it, we got it
I knew it, I saw it!
Is this how you imagined it when you were laughing
at all the dumb dumbs on Cupcake Wars?
I cannot believe I am auditioning
to be on Cupcake Wars.
I am on the show I watch!
Life is totally awesome.
Good morning. I'm the Cupcake Wars
talent coordinating producer, Janis.
You are awesome. Your show's awesome.
Who would I talk to about getting a mug to take home?
Not a gift shop.
Janis, hi, I'm Caroline, and this is my partner, Max.
洁尼丝 我是卡洛琳 她是麦克斯
Loved your tape. Great characters.
We are? We are.
Look, we're about to start with the team intros.
The other team is up first and then you.
And remember to B.Y.O.B.
注释：B.Y.O.B：bring your own bottle,可自带啤酒。
Oh, if I had known I was allowed to bring a bottle in,
I wouldn't have chugged it in the bathroom.
Max, that's not what she meant.
The Food Network is very PG.
Bring your own brand.
Just like you did on your home tape.
You're edgy with big boobs. You're the "try hard."
I'm sorry, I'm the what?
That's your brand.
The muscle and the hustle.
The double D's and the ditz.
I went to Wharton. I'm not a ditz.
Well you ain't the double D's.
Can you believe she openly commented on m'goods?
All right, we're ready for team one.
You have 30 seconds.
Okay, cute aprons. But what's their brand?
好的 围裙挺可爱 但品牌特色呢
In five, four, three, two...
倒数5 4 3 2...
Hi, I'm Felicia. And I'm Blanche,
大家好 我是法丽莎 我是布兰琪
and we're representing the crescent city.
We're talking about New Orleans, y'all!
Cute accents, but no one has a scrappier story than us.
Back in 2005, when hurricane Katrina hit...
注释：卡特里娜飓风：美国史上最严重的自然灾害之一 新奥尔良是重灾区 将近两千人死亡 损失超过八百亿美元
And the levee broke
and flooded our whole neighborhood.
Our community was devastated, and we thought,
hell yes, Katrina hit us hard.
But hell no! We're not giving up.
We needed to find a way to keep on keepin' on.
Katrina? Their brand is Katrina?
Even m'goods can't upstage that.
We want to win Cupcake Wars
so we can finally open a storefront
in our little neighborhood.
Make our business official.
Yeah, and find a way to put money back into our community.
That's what we're all about at...
Max's Homemade Cupcakes, you're up.
Why did we name the company after me?
Neighbor Cakes" versus
Max's narcissistic cupcakes"?
We're fine. Don't freak out.
Just do our thing, like we did at home.
No need to panic.
In five, four, three, two...
倒数5 4 3 2...
Yo, what's up?
I'm Max, of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
They're "Hoe made." Ha! Get it?
cause she's a hoe!
She's got the boobs,
And I've got the brains, right, Max?
我有好头脑 对吧 麦克斯
Uh, kind of.
We bake at home in our apartment, which is
Is a disaster area. Really, it's a mess.
And we don't have our rent.
The rent is high, not gonna lie.
we hung out to dry, neither has a guy
Yo, what up, Cupcake Wars? Right, Max?
咋样啊 决战小蛋糕之巅 对吧 麦克斯
I don't even know what's happening.
We bake because I lost all my money
and her mom drinks.
Oh, I'm Caroline... and, cut.
对了 我是卡洛琳 就此结束
Okay. Well, okay.
Did I just freestyle rap?
And you also called our apartment a disaster
in front of two ladies whose apartments washed away.
Hi. Everything okay over here?
Yep. Ditz and double D's, on track.
Can we all gather to reveal the secret ingredients?
What's it gonna be? It could be anything.
I once saw a St. Patrick's day theme where a team made
注释：圣帕特里克节：爱尔兰节日 人们会大肆庆祝 喝绿色啤酒 互赠三叶苜蓿 穿着绿色衣物
a beer and lucky charms cupcake.
That's right up your alley. I hope it's that.
Today's theme is...
Ooh, we got this, sister!
Sister, this is gotten. Whoo hoo!
Some of the ingredients include
okra, molasses, collard greens, sweet potato,
秋葵 糖蜜 芥蓝 地瓜
buttermilk, chicken, and ham hock.
酪乳 鸡 猪蹄膀
Isn't that a character in The Hobbit?
In three, two...
Here we go, girl!
Sister, we are screwed.
We can do our sweet potato mash cupcake.
Ooh, with peanut molasses drizzle.
Gumbo cupcake! Gumbo cupcake!
What are we gonna do?
I don't know.
What are you looking at? The camera.
New Orleans, New Orleans
we got this, gumbo cupcakes
Good luck, Caroline.
Stop it, Max. What's wrong with you?
不许走 麦克斯 跑什么跑啊
It's happening. We're the dumb dumbs!
We are not the dumb dumbs.
I went to Wharton.
All we have to do is pick three ingredients.
And we're ready to pop them in the oven!
How can they already be going in the oven?
Oh, that gives me an idea! What?
Put me in the oven!
Okay, okay. We just have to start.
没事的 先开始 边做边想吧
It'll come to us.
Bring it all.
Just my luck to get soul food
when I don't even have a soul.
New Orleans, New Orleans
we got this, gumbo cupcakes
That is not catching on!
So, what are you thinking, Max?
New Orleans, New Orleans
I was wrong, it is catching on.
Stop thinking that.
Start thinking about the ingredients,
while I do the baking.
I've seen you do it a million times.
We just need milk, right, Max?
We got this. Gumbo cupcakes
Here's the milk.
So, I'll just pour this milk into this mixer.
It looks like I'm baking, right, Max?
看起来像我在烘焙 对吧 麦克斯
Whoa! Watch what you're doing!
It's flooding! It's flooding!
Oh, great, you said "flooding."
What's next, "FEMA?" "Superdome?"
This is a disaster.
We are the worst team ever.
We are not. What are you doing?
Putting shrimp in my pocket to take home.
We gotta get something out of this.
Just start tasting this stuff
so we can figure out what we're making.
That tastes like a foot!
And now I'm using some flour.
We use flour when we bake.
Oh, that is hot.
Ooh, that's too hot.
That is hot as the devil's ass!
Oh, my mouth is on fire. Where's that foot thing?
Move over, I'll help you. What is this?
让开 我来帮你 这是什么
It's sweet, Max! It's sweet.
是甜的 麦克斯 是甜的
Now we just have to pick something else.
We're making a vanilla ham cupcake.
That's it! Vanilla ham!
You're a vanilla ham!
Good, insult me!
Yes, you're coming out of it, Max, here we go.
你要恢复正常了 麦克斯 来吧
We're not going anywhere.
I'm on my show and I'm losing.
Forget we're on the show.
Pretend we're in the diner, and Oleg is stoned,
and we have all these ingredients
and we just got slammed with people who all want cupcakes.
What do you tell me to do?
Well, first, I tell you to leave
So I can get stoned with Oleg.
Okay, if I was stoned,
what would I know about soul food?
Is always talking about
how much he loves waffles with chicken.
Chicken and waffle cupcake!
Yes! Chicken and waffles!
You better watch it, girls.
Here comes chicken and waffles
from big boobs and try hard.
As Ludacris would say,
move, bitch, get out the way.
他会说 小妞让开 别挡爷的路[歌词]
Let's go, girl. We gotta bring it.
We gotta shut this down. We are bringing our "A" game.
It's time to put our cupcake business on the map.
We got this. Oh, my God.
I said them all.
Empty the mixer. We still have time.
Look at the blonde dumb dumb.
Sophie, we didn't get it.
Oh, congratulations, Caroline!
Sophie, I told you, we didn't get picked.
苏菲 我说了 我们没被选上
What am I supposed to do,
walk around with a purse full of confetti?
I'm so sorry, ladies.
But you know what they say,
when God closes a door, you work here.
It just wasn't our day.
We got flustered at first,
but we did end up making a great cupcake.
Oh, say it.
We got hit by hurricane Katrina.
True. Hard to believe,
but the other team had a better brand.
Blaming it on a disaster from years ago.
Well, Sophie, you weren't there, so I don't think you
苏菲 当时你又不在 你哪能...
Oh, I don't want to hear it!
I mean, you had huge opportunity with duza day.
But you passed on the real job
waiting for your big break on the TV show,
Just like everyone else in America.
So you tried to take a shortcut to success
and you end up with a mouth full of confetti.
We went on television with the ridiculous expectation
that we'd make it overnight.
But that's not who we are.
We're gonna have to do it the hard way.
Slow and steady.
The tortoise and the whore.
Well, what can I say, "Caramel?"
By the way, that's your whore name.
Looks like it's back to selling cakes
one car at a time.
I'll just put these "Ludacris specials" in the display case.
You do that, "Cinnamon."
Oh, no, I actually have a whore name,
And that's not it.
What is it?