凯若琳的新职位

What's up, peanut?
有事吗 小花生米
Max, I'm not paying you to just stand there.
麦克斯 我不是付钱让你白站着的
Well, you're not paying me to eat as many french fries
你也没有付钱让我尽量吃
as I can before the plate leaves the kitchen,
任何从厨房端出来的薯条啊
but I do that too.
但我还是吃了
Go wait on that pretty girl.
去招待那个美女啊
Oh, wait. Is she a boy?
等等 她是男的吗
She looks a little like a pretty boy.
她看起来像个美男
She's probably looking at you and thinking the same thing.
她看到你 心里估计也想着你是小萌妞吧
But are you attracted to the girl she is
那你是被她女孩的身份所吸引
or the boy she appears to be?
还是外表的男儿样所迷惑呢
You're confused, aren't you, Han?
你自己都答不上了吧 阿憨
Yes, my mind tells me one thing,
对啊 我的脑子说不行
but my body tells me something else.
但身体好像挺老实的
Max, go on break. I've got the booth.
麦克斯 去休息吧 卡座区我来
Oh, no. You can't wait on her.
不行 不能让你招待她
That's Tina, a lesbian who turns straight girls.
她是缇娜 化女孩为女同的拉拉女王
I call her "Tina the turner."
我称她"掰弯者缇娜"
Practically every heterosexual woman
基本上威廉斯堡区的
in Williamsburg has hooked up with her.
每个直女都跟她有过一腿
Max, everyone?
麦克斯 每一个吗
Not me. Who do you think turned her?
我没有 你觉得是谁"掰弯"她的呢
But you won't be able to resist her charm. Trust me.
相信我 你是挡不了她的魅力的
That's nonsense. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality.
听你在胡扯 我对自己的性向很放心
I once texted "Yes" to Mr. Chaz Bono
我有一次还发短信支持
on Dancing with the Stars.
《与星共舞》的查滋·波诺呢
注释：查滋·波诺 美国艺人 其实是女变男的变性人
Okay, good luck.
行 那祝你好运啦
Just don't let me catch you guys making out on the table.
别等会让我抓到你们在桌上亲热
Or do. It's a free country.
要也行啊 这是个自由的国家
Hi, are you ready to order?
您准备好要点餐了吗
Sure. I love your hair, by the way.
行 对了 我好喜欢你的头发
Earl, Caroline's about to fall in love with a lesbian.
厄尔 卡洛琳马上要爱上一个拉拉了
"Well, color me "I saw that one coming."
真"意外" 我完全没料到
How'd it go?
怎么样啦
Fine, she complimented my hair,
还行啊 她称赞了我头发
She ordered a soup, I gave her my number.
然后点了个汤 我把我电话告诉她
I gave her my number?
我怎么会告诉她我电话
Okay, hit the showers.
你赶紧去洗澡准备吧
That's what I get for sending a straight woman
这就是我让一个直女去做
to do an emotionally dead woman's job.
像我这样情感已死之人工作的后果
It was so nice to wake up this morning
今早起床感觉太爽了
without the stress of owning our cupcake business.
没有经营一家小蛋糕店的压力
The only decision I have to make today is:
我唯一需要做的决定是
do I change my underwear
我今天该换内♥裤呢
or just turn these inside out?
还是反过来继续穿呢
Four years ago, I was hit with a similar conundrum:
四年前 我也碰到过类似的难题
Do I buy underwear or do I buy beer?"
是买内♥裤呢 还是买啤酒呢""
I've been free balling it ever since.
然后就一直不♥穿裤衩到现在
Max, what are you doing? What's happening over there?
麦克斯 你在干嘛 你那边在搞啥呢
Oh, you mean the arrow from the shop?
你是说小店的箭头灯吗
I put it on so you'd know
我放在那里好让你知道
where the insults were coming from.
羞辱你的言语来自哪里
I'm talking about the cupcakes.
我是说小蛋糕
Our cupcake shop is gone.
我们的店都倒了
Why are you still making those things?
你干嘛还继续做小蛋糕啊
It's the only constant in my life,
这是我生活中唯一固定的习♥惯
and the routine distracts me from the relentless darkness
也是我每天用来忘却潜伏在我思绪中
that lurks in every corner of my thoughts.
那无尽黑暗的方式
Besides, we still need to sell these at the diner
而且我们得在餐厅里继续卖
to make extra money.
好赚点外快啊
Well, you can do it. I'm not speaking to them.
你要做随你 我是懒得理它们了
They totally led me on.
它们根本就拐我跳坑
Those cupcakes were a tease.
玩弄我又嘲笑我
Well, I want to pay rent this month.
但我还想付这个月的房租
And then again next month, and so on and so on
还有下个月 下下个月 之后所有
until the exquisite release of death.
直到死神哪天来放我自由
Oh, rent. Here we go again.
房租 这婊♥子真烦
Does that bitch ever stop?
简直是没完没了啊
If that's death, it's for me.
如果是死神 那就是找我的
Tell him to honk and I'll be right out.
告诉他 到了就按喇叭 我立刻出去
Morning, Chestnut.
早安啊 栗宝
Oh, what is it about those big, beautiful eyes
你那又大又美的双眼
that makes everything feel better.
怎么总能够让一切变美好呢
I guess I just have a warmth.
可能我眼神透漏出温暖吧
Oh, you mean the horse.
你是在说马呀
Is this still good?
这还能喝吗
It is not.
绝对不能了
Eh, like I have a choice.
但我哪有得选
Wow, that was a blast from the past
是我的过去打来的
my old temp agency.
我以前的临时工中介
Flu's got their staff laid up. They need bodies.
有员工染流感 病倒了 他们需要人手
Wanna do it? I bet they'll let us temp together.
有兴趣吗 他们会愿意一起请的吧
You think? You think they'd let us temp together?
你觉得 你觉得他们会让我们一起咩
Oh, God. Last week,
天啊 上周
I owned a cupcake business, now I'm temping.
我还是个小老板 现在要当临时工
Why don't I just ask Chestnut to kick me in the head?
干嘛不叫栗宝踹我脑袋一脚算了
He won't do it. I've asked him like seven times.
他不愿意 我都求了他七次了
Look, we've both casually fantasized about our deaths
起床后十分钟内 我们两个
within ten minutes of waking up,
都想过自己去死了
so maybe we should do something to distract us.
所以何不做点什么来分散思绪
And xeroxing will make us feel whole?
复印东西就能让生命圆满吗
Let me tell you something.
让姐告诉你
when you're photocopying your ass on a xerox machine,
当坐在影印机上复印屁♥股时
you are never more alive.
你会焕发前所未有的活力
Hello, old friend.
你好啊 老朋友
Here it is, my temping blazer.
你看 这是我的临时工外套
Ahh, you can still smell the "no way out."
上面都还闻得到那"死路一条"的气息
Why is that in a bucket?
为什么它被塞水桶里啊
Cause I don't want to accidentally wear it.
我不想不小心穿到啊'
Well, is there a pantsuit in the oven I could wear?
那烤箱里有能借我穿的裤套装吗
It doesn't matter what you wear you're a temp.
你穿啥根本无所谓 你就是个临时工
They'll be impressed if you don't poop your pants.
你不拉屎在裤子上他们就很开心了
And even if you do, not a deal breaker.
而且就算拉了 也不会炒你的
All right, I'll go,
好吧 我去
but if we're temping to make our rent,
但如果要开始当临时工赚房租
that's the last batch of those.
那以后就不许做小蛋糕了
I don't want to see, hear, or think
我不想再见 再听 再想
any more about cupcakes.
任何小蛋糕的事情
Ding dong, the cupcake's calling.
叮咚 是小蛋糕
We found the cupcake costumes from your store
我们在楼下垃圾堆找到了你们店的
out near the dumpster.
小蛋糕服
Are you guys drunk? Yes!
你们喝醉了吗 没错
Yeah, we've been out clubbing all night.
我们泡了整晚的夜店
Oh, I just swallowed one of my balls.
我刚不小心吞了我的一颗蛋蛋
Yeah. Yeah.
对啊 对啊
Well, now, you know how I feel.
现在你知道我的感受了吧
I threw those costumes away on purpose.
我是故意丢掉那小蛋糕服的
Max and I are no longer making cupcakes.
我跟麦克斯以后不再做小蛋糕了
What'd you say?
你说什么
Cupcakes are a waste of time and money.
小蛋糕浪费时间浪费钱
You take that back right now!
把这话给老娘收回去
No, you don't
不 你不行...
You're lucky
算你走运
that I have a giant cake holding me back right now.
现在有个巨型小蛋糕在拦着我
Fifth floor, end of dreams.
五楼 梦想终结处
Oh, yeah, I worked here before.
我在这里工作过呢
You know the toaster oven in our kitchen?
记得我们家厨房的烤面包机吗
It came from here.
就是这里搬的
Hi. Caroline Channing, reporting for my first day.
你好 我是卡洛琳·钱宁 新人报到
I went ahead and printed out my address,
我已经打印好我的地址
social security number, and other important information
社保号码 以及其他重要资料
to make your life easier.
以防给您造成不便
Hey, I'm temp number two. Where your bathroom at?
我是临时工二号 你们厕所在哪呢
I'll get Eli. He's my boss.
我去叫伊莱 他是我老板
Sign these stating that if you're injured on the job,
先签这个切结书吧 如果你们工作时受伤
it's not our fault.
后果自负
How would we injure ourselves in an office?
在办公室工作怎么会受伤呢
Let me just give you a "for instance."
让我给你们"打个比方"吧
Some girl, let's say her name is Sarah,
比方说某些傻妞 例如莎拉
is walking through the office
在办公室走动
with her number 2 pencil facing up ways.
手中的二号铅笔尖端朝上
Well, she trips over her shoes and falls,
然后她不小心跌倒了
and that number 2 pencil goes right through her eyeball
然后二号铅笔插穿她的眼球
and into her brain.
直入脑袋
And now she's gotta eat applesauce through a straw
现在她这辈子就只能靠着用吸管
the rest of her life.
吃苹果酱维生了
See, that's not our fault, that's her fault,
像这样就不是我们的错 是她的错
As per the judge's decision
但剩下就看法官决定
in Sarah Drake vs. Westship insurance.
是莎拉·德雷克 还是西船保险公司胜诉了
Sign those. I'll get Eli.
先签名 我去叫伊莱
Thank you. I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.
谢谢 抱歉 刚才没听清您的名字
That's 'cause I didn't give it to you.
因为我压根就没告诉你
What are you doing?
你在干嘛啊
You never give anybody your real name.
怎么可以告诉别人真名呢
That way, when you make your little data entry mistake,
给假名 这样你要是不小心输入错数据
they can't track the real you down.
他们没办法逮到你负责
You didn't see me at the Enron trial, did you?
你看安然公司的审判 就没抓我去吧
注释：安然公司曾经是世界上最大能源公司后来被爆出财产造价丑闻 遭受法庭审判
And that light in your eyes? Dim it down, way down.
还有你眼中希望的光芒 给我全关掉
Show me.
让我看看
That's actually really good. How'd you do that?
真不错 你怎么办到的
I thought about our future. Great!
我想到了我们的未来 太棒了
Eli's in a meeting,
伊莱在开会
But you gotta watch this sexual harassment video.
但你们得先看这个防治性骚扰的影带
Watching a video seems like a waste of time
看这影带有点浪费时间吧
when we could be doing something more productive.
何不让我们先开始干有用的活呢
A waste of time? Let me just give you a "for instance."
浪费时间吗 让我给你们"打个比方"吧
There's this Dominican guy,
比方说有个多明尼加籍工人
he's installing a new water jug in the office,
他来给办公室换新的桶装水
and he looks at one of the female employees and says,
然后他看着一个女性员工说
Speaking of jugs," and then he reaches up
说到桶装水"[胸部] 然后他伸出魔爪"
and cups the employee's breastesses
抓住了一个员工的胸部
then starts twisting on the nips and what have you.
然后开始拧人家乳♥头之类的事情
Now, how do you handle a situation like that?
如果是你碰到 你会怎么做呢
That's actually how my longest relationship started.
我最长的那段感情就是这么开始的呢
I'd love to give you that promotion, Beverly,
我也希望给你那升职机会啊 贝弗莉
But first, you'll have to do something...for me.
但在那之前 你得先帮我... 做点事情
Don't do it, Beverly! Don't do it!
别做啊 贝弗莉 别做
Spoiler alert. I've watched this in here before,
剧透警告 我看过这影带了
and it does not end well for Beverly.
贝弗莉的下场可不太妙啊
Well, not to blame the victim,
我不是要怪被害人
but who wears a black bra to work?
但谁没事穿黑胸罩上班啊
These shelves would be so much better
这柜子如果能够按字母首排列
if they were alphabetized and color coordinated.
然后再根据颜色排列就能好很多呢
Forget that cabinet and look at the top shelf on Beverly.
别管了 快来看贝弗莉的上层柜子[胸部]
I'm a little jelly.
我都有点嫉妒她了
That's right, Beverly.
这样就对了 贝弗莉
Now, bend down and pick up that file.
现在弯下腰 捡起那文件吧
Oh, Doug, you're up to your old tricks,
道格你又故技重施了
and she falls for it every time.
但她每次都上钩
Let's pause here and write down these rules
在此暂停一下 然后记下我们从
we've learned from Beverly and Doug.
贝弗莉与道格影片中学到的规矩
Oh, I love the smell in here.
我爱死这里的味道了
Reminds me of interning on Wall Street,
让我想起在华尔街实习♥的日子
you know, minus the dignity and the future.
除了没有尊严与未来的部分之外
But why would the paper products be near the toner cartridges?
为什么纸制品会与碳粉盒摆一起啊
Whoever organized this place
当初整理这柜子的人
must have been stupid or lazy or both.
不是蠢就是懒 或者两者皆是
A both.
两者皆是
Forget all that shelf stuff.
别管人家柜子了
You are not here to improve office layout,
你不是来改善人家办公布局的
you're here to keep quiet, pretend like you're working,
你是来保持安静 假装干活
and steal five to ten vitamin waters
然后每天工作尾声
from the break room at the end of each day.
偷偷从休息室偷五到十瓶维他命水走的
Are you watching dirty videos in here and didn't invite me?
你们是在看黄色影片 还不找我一起看吗
They're making harassment videos in 3 D now?
性骚扰影片都出真人3D版了吗
I was looking for the new temps,
我刚刚在找新的临时工
but I think I wandered into a beauty pageant.
但好像误入了选美大会啊
Uh, the votes are in. It's a tie.
投票结果出炉了 你们俩平手
I'm Eli Green, the office manager.
我是伊莱·格林 办公室经理
You must be our new temps.
你们就是新来的临时工了吧
I'm Caroline Channing.
我是卡洛琳·钱宁
And I'm Carmen...Sandiego.
我是卡门·圣地亚哥
No relation.
我们没有关系
Oh, my God, this is great!
天啊 这太赞了
The cat's eating the dog's food.
这猫咪在偷吃狗狗的狗食
The dog's just like, "Wha a at?"
那狗的反应就是"神马"
Yo, psst. "Cat eats dog food."
去查"猫吃狗食"
youtube it now.
快去网上看
Kinda busy with my work.
我在忙着干活呢
It's called "Minimum wage"
我们拿"最低工资"
cause you're supposed to do the minimum.
就是因为只该做"最少的活"'
Coffee tastes so much better
今天现做又不用付钱
when it's from today and you haven't paid for it.
这咖啡味道就是特别棒啊
The dog's just like, "Wha a at""
那狗的反应就是"神马"
Classic.
太经♥典了
You like that video? Look up "Cat vs. Toddler."
喜欢那影片吗 去查查"猫咪大战一岁娃"
You're welcome.
不用谢
Is this a modeling agency?
这里是模特公司吗
Did I get off on the wrong floor?
我是不是上错楼层了
I don't care where you get off as long as it's not here.
你要上哪都行 别在这[脱]就行了
Hi, Eli. So any idea when they'll decide
伊莱 知道他们什么时候决定
who's getting the junior executive promotion, or
要让谁升职当初级行政主管了吗
Not yet, but I did just mention your name
还没 但我刚跟上头的人
to the big guys, Ryan. I'm Leon.
提了一下你呢 莱恩 我是莱昂
Hey, Caroline.
你好吗 卡洛琳
Hi. Question:
有个问题
I already finished the first quarter claim reports...
我已经弄完第一季度的索赔报告了
Are you doping? We need to stretch this out.
你嗑药嗑傻啦 我们得做越慢越好
And since I had time, I took the liberty
而且我还有空余时间 我就自己先
of reformatting the expense template,
修改了开销表的模板格式
so what would you like me to do now, Eli?
接下来你想我♥干什么呢 伊莱
Say my name, say my name.
念我的名字 念我的名字[性♥爱常见]
Hey, Caroline, you're not just hot,
卡洛琳 你不只是人美
You're on fire over there.
干活也是没话说啊
You should be throwing your hat
你应该去申请一下
in the ring for that executive job.
那个行政的职位
Really?
真的吗
And this girl's just like, "Wha a at?"
那女孩的反应就是"神马"
That temp place is soul sucking,
那上班的地方简直在吞噬灵魂
and I didn't even know I had a soul to suck.
我都不知道我还有灵魂可以被吞噬
If that's a suicide note, just add my name to the end.
如果那是自杀遗书 记得把我名字加到一起
Come on, it's not that bad,
拜托 没那么坏啦
and I got four free fresh coffee drinks,
我喝了四杯免♥费的新鲜咖啡
and one had a caramel drizzle.
其中一杯还撒有焦糖沫
Caramel drizzle?
焦糖沫
That's definitely my name at my next temp job.
我下一份临时工的名字就叫这个
I don't know if this is such a temp job.
我不晓得这会不会变成正式工作
I'm filling out this application
我在填申请表
to apply for that junior executive position.
申请初级行政主管的职位
Oh, no, you're not.
不 不许
We're only going back one more time
我们只再回去上一次班
to get enough wite out
拿够涂改液做
to do the Kim Kardashian white manicure.
金·卡戴珊的那种全白美甲就走
Max, you saw me there today.
麦克斯 你今天也看见了
I'm good at this,
我很擅长这份工作
and it felt amazing to be working somewhere
而且在那上班我感觉很棒
where my skills are valued and supported.
因为我的才能受到重视和支持
Are you not feeling supported here?
难道你在这里就不被支持吗
I'm sorry, I'm a boss, not a bra.
抱歉 我是你老板 不是你的胸罩
Should I praise you more?
我应该多称赞你吗
Really killing it
你最厉害的就是
with the leaning on the counter doing nothing.
就是靠在柜台上什么都不干
Kudos, Caroline. Huzzah.
厉害啊 卡洛琳 甚好
Hey, where's my "huzzah"?
我的"甚好"呢
I was standing around doing nothing too.
我刚也光站着什么都不干呀
And don't forget about me.
别忘了还有我
I was sitting around doing nothing.
我是光坐着什么都不干
In Korea, you all would be left on the curb
在韩国 你们这种人会被扔出街头
and taken away with the garbage.
等着跟垃圾一起被收走
Is that how you got to America, Han?
你就是这么被收来美国的吗 阿憨
Earl, Caroline's being an idiot.
厄尔 卡洛琳在犯傻
Oh, are we doing this in front of her now?
我们现在直接当着她面说啊
Hey, would you still apply for that job
如果我告诉你今晚的小蛋糕销售一空
if I told you we sold out of the cupcakes tonight?
你还会申请那份工作吗
Last one.
就剩最后一个哦
Oh, so what, they're good one day
那又怎么样 才好个一天
and you want me to take them back?
你就想我吃回头草啊
Who am I, Robert Pattinson?
你当我是谁 罗伯特·帕丁森吗
注释：暮光情侣 罗伯特·帕丁森和克里斯汀·斯图尔特两人经历了一连串的偷腥分手复合的情感闹剧
So you just cut lil' coconut here out of your life?
所以你要把小椰子蛋糕踢出你的生活吗
That's cold.
太冷酷无情了
Max, this job offers medical benefits.
麦克斯 这份工作提供医疗保险
There are doctors who don't have medical benefits.
连有些医生都没有医疗保险呢
And financial security.
还有财务保障
Maybe I want to wake up every morning
或许我不想每天早上都在
not wanting to kill myself.
求自杀的心态中醒来
Well, that's weird, but whatever.
真奇怪 但随便你啦
I went to Wharton.
姐可是沃顿商学院毕业的
Pay attention, everyone.
各位同事 请注意
I know you're all very busy working hard
我知道大家工作都非常忙
Congratulations,
恭喜你
IPADyou've just won a free ipad.
你赢得一台免♥费的
Attention, everyone!
各位同事 请注意
While doing work and nothing but work,
当我一心工作心无旁骛时
I may have downloaded a virus that meows,
可能不小心下♥载了一个会喵喵叫的病毒
so be on the lookout.
所以大家要小心哦
Carry on, Eli.
请继续 伊莱
Thank you, Carmen.
谢谢 卡门
Happy to say, tenth floor
很高兴宣布 楼上的高层
has finally picked our new junior exec,
终于选出了新一任初级行政主管
and that person is sitting right here.
那个人现在就坐着这里
Yes! No, Caroline.
太棒了 不是你 是卡洛琳
Yes! No!
太棒了 不是吧
Champagne on me!
我请大家喝香槟
Yes!
太棒了
Here, I got us a fresh bottle,
给 我拿了瓶新的
cause I'm the boss.
因为我是老板了'
Miss Black, would you pop that cork for me?
布莱克小姐 你能帮我把香槟打开吗
I'd be happy to, Miss Channing, you bitch.
乐意效劳 钱宁小姐 你个贱♥人
Okay.
好了
Okay, okay,
好了好了
now I'm gonna make a proper toast.
现在我要好好祝酒[烤土司]
I don't know how.
这里怎么弄啊
Their toaster oven's in our kitchen.
他们的烤面包机在咱们厨房里呢
To Max I promise not to sexually harass you
致麦克斯 我保证不会性骚扰你
no matter how much I'm required to as your superior.
无论作为上司的我有多饥渴
To Caroline I cannot promise the same thing,
致卡洛琳 我不能保证不这样对你
cause sister, you fine.
因为姐们 你长得还行'
Oh, crap! I spilled champagne on my good bucket blazer.
糟糕 我把香槟洒在我的好外套上了
Yes, right there on your breasts, Beverly.
就洒在你胸口那吧 贝弗莉
I'm doing Doug from the sexual harassment video.
我在扮演性骚扰录像带里的道格
The Doug? Love your harassment work!
那个道格吗 你演得真到位
Especially that sad H.R. scene
尤其是那个被炒鱿鱼后
where you get fired and cry
你一边可怜啜泣
but still manage to touch yourself a little.
但还试图稍微"自摸"一下的场景
Wow, Beverly,
贝弗莉
your breasts are so big, I might need the whole box.
你胸部这么大 可能得用掉整盒纸巾
That's enough. You're making this rag feel even dirtier.
够了 感觉被你越擦越脏了
Hey, hand me that. What?
把那个递给我 什么
My new Westship company poncho? Yep.
我的西船公司新雨披吗 对
Now it's my booze bib.
现在是我的胸围巾了
Oh, I love this.
我爱死这个了
Somehow it's small enough to fit in your purse,
它既小到能装进你的包包
but large enough to sleep under
但也大到能在发生
during an "Occupy Wall Street" type situation.
抗♥议♥示♥威活动时穿着露宿睡觉
Max, I'm pouring you more champagne
麦克斯 我再给你倒点香槟
because I have something
因为我有个
really exciting I want to tell you.
超级兴奋的消息想告诉你
I talked to Eli about hiring you full time.
我跟伊莱说让他把你转成正式工
You are now a junior executive's executive assistant!
你现在是初级行政主管的行政助理了
I will knock you to the ground!
老娘要把你打得趴下
Max, think about it.
麦克斯 好好想想
It comes with health care.
你之后就有医保了
You wouldn't have to decide
你以后就不用在
between birth control pills and morning after pills.
长期避孕药和事后避孕药之间做选择了
Are you trying to take away a woman's right to choose?
你是在剥夺一个女性选择的权利吗
Come on, it could be so fun.
来嘛 会很好玩的
Coming to work together, getting free coffee
一起上班 喝免♥费咖啡
the good kind, the blended kind
好的那种 混合咖啡
not to mention xeroxing our asses
更不用说可以影印我们的屁屁
and feeling more alive than ever.
来感到前所未有的活力
Watch, I'll show you what a fun boss I can be.
瞧 我来示范下你上司可以多有趣
Let's xerox our asses.
我们一起来影印屁屁吧
Well, how could I say no to copying my butt?
我怎么能拒绝复制我的屁屁呢
The only thing better than one of my butts
这世界上唯一比我的屁♥股还棒的
is two of my butts.
就是两个我的屁♥股
I'll go first. Too late!
我先来 你晚了一步
Do you want legal size paper or three hole punch?
你想要法律尺寸纸张 还是三孔打洞机纸张
Three hole punch?
三孔打洞
That's how my longest relationship ended.
我最长那段感情就是这么结束的
Ready, you corporate sell out. Fry me.
你个出卖灵魂给公司的家伙 动手吧
Hey, why is it still flashing?
为什么它还在闪呢
I put in 100 copies instead of one.
我点的是复印100份 而不是一份
Don't worry about it, we'll use them as christmas cards.
别担心 可以留着圣诞节当卡片用
See? That's why I need an assistant.
瞧 所以我才要个助理嘛
Thanks, but I'm not gonna take this stupid corporate job.
谢谢 但我不打算接受这份白♥痴工作
I'm gonna stick with cupcakes, even though you just quit.
我会继续坚持做小蛋糕 即使你放弃了
I didn't quit the cupcake business.
我没有放弃蛋糕生意
If you remember, it quit us.
你应该记得 是它放弃了我们
At least this job makes sense.
至少干这份工作有意义
You get a regular paycheck, benefits.
你每个月有固定的收入 福利
You don't spend two whole years of your life
你不必花整整两年的时间
giving it everything,
倾尽所有
and then walk away feeling like a failure.
然后像个失败者那样转身离开
Get off that now.
快下来
I'm worried you're giving yourself butt cancer.
我担心你的屁♥股会得癌症
Wait, you think you're a failure?
等等 你觉得自己是失败者吗
cause I think we did amazing.
我怎么觉得我们很棒'
The shop closed, Max.
蛋糕店倒闭了 麦克斯
Our dream blew up in our face.
我们的梦想当着我们的爆了
Lots of things blow up in your face.
很多东西都会当着你的面"爆出来"
It's part of being a woman.
这是女人生命的一部分
You just... towel off and keep going.
你只需用毛巾擦干净 然后走人
You're really going to do this?
你真的要留在这里工作吗
This was just supposed to be a temporary distraction
这本来是在我们重拾蛋糕梦之前
till we got back to the cupcake thing.
暂时来打发时间挣房租的
No, Max. Cupcakes were the temp job.
不 麦克斯 蛋糕梦才是临时的工作
No, cupcakes were our dream.
不 蛋糕梦是我们的梦想
Well, I was wrong.
我以前错了
Maybe it's better not to have a dream.
或许人没有梦想更好
Good morning, everyone.
早上好 各位
Eli, they said you wanted to see me in here?
伊莱 听说你要我进来找你呀
Ms. Channing, my name is Michelle Yi, I'm with H.R.
钱宁小姐 我叫易·米歇尔 人事部的
Aw! Is this my official welcome?
这是我的正式欢迎会吗
Oh, hello.
你好
Well, here, I brought Some
来 我买了一些
first day bagels and plain cream cheese.
入职面包圈和原味奶油乳酪
Sometimes chives can be a little breathy, am I right?
香葱味的话 嘴巴会容易有味道
Is this the woman who sexually harassed you?
是这个女人性骚扰你吗
Yup, that's her.
对 就是她
Oh, good one! Really funny.
这个好 真搞笑
Me harassing you?
我会骚扰你吗
Come on, you're not even my type.
拜托 你根本不是我的菜
Caroline, this isn't a joke.
卡洛琳 这不是闹着玩的
Trust me, I've been through four of these.
相信我 我已经经历过四次了
Wait, what's going on?
慢着 这是怎么回事
Ms. Channing, please don't address Carmen directly.
钱宁小姐 请别直接跟卡门说话
Max. "Max"?
麦克斯 "大大"
Is that a pet name she has for you, Carmen?
那是她给你取的爱称吗 卡门
Yes. She also calls me "Caramel drizzle."
是的 她还叫我"焦糖沫"
Can you tell me what exactly happened
你能告诉我昨晚跟钱宁小姐
With ms. Channing last night?
到底发生什么事吗
She fondled my breasts.
她抚摸我的胸部
Ms. Yi, it's not how it sounds.
易小姐 事实不是这样
We were drinking, and I was pretending to be a man.
我们当时在喝酒 我假装成男人
Drinking." "Pretending to be a man."
喝酒" "假装成男人""
Don't write that down. Don't write that down.
别写这个 别这这个
And Carmen, when Ms. Channing touched you,
卡门 当钱宁小姐摸你时
how did that make you feel?
你有什么感觉
Dirty.
下流肮脏
Dirty and underpaid.
下流 薪水过低
She felt dirty?
她觉得下流
Come on, Ms. Yi, you don't know her.
拜托 易小姐 你不了解她
She's the dirty girl.
她最下流了
She is a dirty, dirty girl.
她就是个肮脏下流的女孩
And does that turn you on?
那会让你感觉性奋吗
No! It's almost impossible to turn me on.
不会 我根本不会性奋
Oh, good. Now I don't feel so bad.
幸好 现在我感觉没那么糟了
Trust me, she's making this stuff up.
相信我 她在捏造事实
I'm sorry, Ms. Channing.
抱歉 钱宁小姐
We're gonna have to terminate your employment.
我们不得不解雇你
This is outrageous!
这太离谱了
Nothing she said ever happened.
她说的都是假的
Then how do you explain this?
那你怎么解释这个
That is a copy from a xerox machine
这份复印件出自一台
badly in need of toner,
急需碳粉的影印机
which is just one of the many oversights
如果我当上了这里的主管
that would not have continued
这种玩忽职守的事情
had I been made an executive here.
就绝对不会发生
Good day.
再见
I don't know what she's talking about.
我不知道她在说什么
That butt couldn't be any toner.
那个屁♥股哪需要什么碳粉[超紧致]
Write that down, write that down.
这句写下 快写下
Can I get a peek at that?
能给我看一眼吗
How are you tonight, Caroline?
今晚心情如何 卡洛琳
Angry, frustrated, humiliated.
愤怒 沮丧 丢脸
Just another tuesday at the diner.
餐厅每个周二的普通心情
Hello, Carmen.
你好 卡门
Or is it "Caramel drizzle?"
还是我该叫你"焦糖沫"
Just so you know,
让我告诉你
that stunt will go on my professional work record.
这场闹剧会上我的职业工作记录
Oh, please.
拜托
This diner's on your professional work record.
这家餐馆才会上你的职业工作记录
And your record's clean. Eli expunged it
你的记录干净得很 伊莱删掉了
because I gave him a couple of my ass xeroxes.
因为我给了他几张我屁♥股的复印件
He's laminating them and using them as place mats.
他把那图塑封起来 要当餐垫用
My idea.
我的主意
For what, Max? Why'd you get me fired?
麦克斯 你为什么要害我被解雇
Why'd I get you fired?
我为什么要害你被解雇
Well, let me give you a "for instance."
那让我打个比方来说吧
I once knew this girl who was so used to not failing
我以前认识个女孩 她从不言败
that the first time she did,
而在她第一次失败后
she got so scared, she forgot who she was
她吓坏了 她忘了自己是谁
and tried to be somebody else,
并试图想成为别人
And then she touched my breastesses.
然后她就摸我的胸部
Look, it's cool if you don't
如果你不想
want to join in on the cupcake dream,
加入蛋糕梦也没关系
but at least wait till you find another.
但至少你要找到别的梦想
Don't hop on the first one that comes along.
别天上掉什么 你都扑过去
It's a dream, not a man.
这是梦想 不是男人
See? You are a dirty girl.
看吧 你果然下流
I'm a dirty, dirty girl.
我是个肮脏下流的女孩
Hey, cupcake quitters.
蛋糕放弃者
Look, do you see what you've driven me to?
看 你们害我沦落到什么地步了
Supermarket cakes.
超市蛋糕
Sophie, you don't need to eat those.
苏菲 你不用吃那个
You can have one of ours.
你可以吃我们做的
Max's homemade cupcakes is back in business.
麦克斯自制小蛋糕重新开张了
It would be cruel to kid me.
如果你骗我 那就太残忍了
Nope. We're doing it differently this time.
不会 我们这次要换个方式来
We are? How?
是吗 什么方法
I have no idea.
我也不知道
But for starters,
但首先
you're my new junior executive executive's assistant.
我任命你为我的新行政主管行政助理
I will knock you to the ground.
老娘要把你打得趴下
Well, mama happy now.
老娘现在心花开呀