奇葩木偶男

Oh, my God! We have customers?
天啊 居然有顾客上门
What's going on?
这是怎么回事
Why are there so many hipsters here?
怎么来了这么多嬉皮士啊
Are we selling stupid hats and telling them
我们开始卖傻♥逼帽子
they're more talented than they actually are?
然后乱夸他们超有才吗
No, that's already a store. It's called "Fedorable."
不 那种店早有了 就是那家装潮帽店啊
You've been working so hard to get us customers in,
你一直很努力地帮店里招揽顾客
I wanted to contribute by finding a way
所以我也想找到个方法
to get in the neighborhood hipsters.
来招揽跟这一带的嬉皮士
So... here's our new flyer.
这就是我们的新传单
You made up a new flyer without talking to me about it first?
你问都没问我 就弄个新传单啊
I renamed all the cupcakes after people from the '90s!
我给小蛋糕都冠上90年代的名人名呢
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
麦克斯自制小蛋糕"
We've got all your Flavor Flavs."
所有你们要的"口味哥"都有"
注释：Flavor Flav 美国知名说唱歌手 名字直译就是口味 曾在90年代闹出吸毒丑闻
Hipsters love '90s nostalgia more than they love
嬉皮士爱回忆90年代
pretending not to love anything.
更胜假装自己啥都不爱
Come in and lick a Beavis.
欢迎来舔舔"瘪四"小蛋糕"
注释：瘪四与大头蛋 美国90年代知名成人低俗卡通
Eat a butt head."
或吃个"大头蛋"
The pistachio is now called the Dennis Rodman
开心果小蛋糕现在改叫"丹尼斯·罗德曼"
注释：丹尼斯·罗德曼 美国90年代知名篮球员 常有出格行为与言论
because it's such a dumbass flavor.
这蠢蛋糕就得用蠢货的名
Cute.
真不错
Wait, what's going on over there?
等等 那边怎么回事
Why are all those cupcakes smashed?
那些小蛋糕怎么都烂兮兮的
Those are the Nancy Kerrigans.
那些是"南茜·克里根"小蛋糕
注释：南茜·克里根 美国90年代知名女花样溜冰选手 曾在训练期间被令一名女选手攻击而喧腾一时
I don't know if it's in good taste
拿她的惨事当笑点
to make fun of her personal tragedy.
会不会有点太无下限啊
I sold eight of them. Screw her, you're a genius!
都卖掉八个了呢 管她去死 你就是个天才
Ooh, ooh, can I name one?
可以让我也取一个吗
How 'bout we call the day olds the Hugh Hefners?
我可以把隔夜的小蛋糕取为"休·海夫纳"吗
注释：休·海夫纳 《花♥花♥公♥子》杂志创办人
That's not '90s.
他又不90年代
He's in his 90s, and he's stale and hard.
但他90多岁 如隔夜蛋糕般"又老又硬"
Can I get a Jonathan Taylor Thomas to go
我要外带一个"乔纳森·泰勒·托马斯"
注释：乔纳森·泰勒·托马斯 美国演员与配音员 在90年代有许多作品
and two of the Spice Girls?
再加任意两个"辣妹"
注释：辣妹组合 90年代知名英国女子组合五名辣妹分别是时髦 疯狂 姜汁 运动 以及宝贝辣妹
Any one but "Baby."
但我不要"宝贝辣妹"哦
Sure.
没问题
Dude, you should come to the '90s trivia contest
兄台 你应该来参加九十年代冷知识大赛
every Monday at the Bar bar.
每周一在"酒吧"吧举行哦
You could win, like, big money.
你能赢一大笔钱呢
Yeah, and then I could pay for the lobotomy I'd need
赢一大笔钱来支付我为了忘掉
to forget that I ever participated
参加过酒吧里的嬉皮士蠢赛
in a hipster contest in a bar.
而去施行的脑部手术吗
Cute hat. You're very talented.
您帽子好有爱 又好有才华哦
I'm putting this flyer up in the window.
我去把这传单贴我们窗子上吧
Oh, look, there's a street performer trying to get people
你看 咱店门口有个街头艺人
to dance with his marionette outside our shop.
想拉路人跟他的牵线木偶跳舞
Uh oh, not cool!
这可不行
No hipster wants to krump with a puppet.
嬉皮士才不会想跟木偶跳小丑舞呢
注释：krump 又称小丑舞 是一种著名街舞 名字与舞步风格起源于90年代
See, he just chased them away.
你看 把客人都吓跑了
We'll just ask him to move, but we have to be nice.
我们请他去别地方就行了 要友善哦
Nice? Nice...
什么友善 友善...
Oh, yeah, that's the thing you are to the welfare lady
就是趁我妈在卧室藏新买的电视机时
while your mom's in the bedroom hiding the new TV.
而我要对那位发补助金的女士装穷扮可怜的样子吗
Hi, how are you? We own this cupcake
您好吗 我们是这小蛋...
Shh! Not while he's dancing.
安静 他在跳舞呢
I'm sorry, would you like me to wait?
抱歉了 您是想我等他跳完吗
Oh, this dude's a serial killer.
这家伙绝对是变态杀人魔
Do you want me to...
您是想我...
Yup, total serial killer.
绝对是杀人魔
Just a matter of time till we're hung on strings
我们俩早晚会成为他地下室里的
in his basement.
真人牵线偶
And I probably just got puppet herpes.
而且我估计还染上了木偶疱疹
Well, I hope you enjoyed your kiss
希望您还喜欢
with Charming Pierre.
与万人迷皮埃尔的那个吻
Now, if you wouldn't mind...
如果您赏脸的话...
Oh, Pierre's a prostitute?
原来皮埃尔是牛郎啊
It's a little weird for him to do it out in the open,
他在大庭广众之下就"开工" 有点怪吧
but if he can't afford a car, he can't afford a car.
他要买不起车当"工作站" 那也没办法
Oh, you're one of those a woman without wonder.
看来你是那种没好奇心的无趣女人
Not true. In fact, I'm wondering
才不是呢 我现在就很好奇
how you manage to pay rent.
你怎么赚得到房租钱
Okay, could you two just move along?
你们能哪儿凉快哪待去吗
I have another show in five minutes.
我五分钟后要开始下一场演出了
That was a show?
那也算是演出啊
Look, you can't do your little skits here.
听好 不许在这表演你的把戏
She doesn't mean to be negative.
她其实没有负面的意思啦
She's right. I was planning to be all positive
她说得对 我本来也打算给点正面评价
till your doll raped her leg.
但你的娃娃强♥奸她腿后就没了
Pierre is not a doll, okay?
皮埃尔不是娃娃好吗
He is a marionette. Hand carved by me.
他是个牵线木偶 我亲手雕刻的呢
And I don't do "skits," Okay?
而且我表演的也不是"把戏" 懂吗
I received a national endowment for my work.
我的演出还得到国家的赞助呢
What? The government pays for stuff like this,
什么 政♥府花钱补助这种玩意儿
and I can't get my back tooth fixed?
而我连补大牙的钱都没
Well, I, for one, really appreciate
我个人呢 是真的很欣赏
the art of puppetry.
木偶戏的艺术啦
I can tell you do, and...
我看得出来 而且...
so can Pierre.
皮埃尔也看得出
You know, he doesn't just approach anybody.
他可不会随便亲近人呢
I'm Caroline. This is Max. And you are?
我叫卡洛琳 她是麦克斯 你是...
My stage name is J. Petto.
我的艺名叫"劫佩托"
Oh, so cute. Geppetto, like Pinocchio's father.
真有爱 小木偶的爸爸"杰佩托"嘛
No, it's "J," period, "Petto."
不 是"劫"佩托
Disney owns the rights to the name Geppetto,
迪士尼公司有"杰佩托"这名字的版权
so once again, the poor, starving artist gets screwed!
所以可怜的街头艺人只能屈服于淫♥威之下啦
So sad. Can you move?
真可怜 你能走吗
See, this is our cupcake shop,
你看 这是我们的小蛋糕店
and you're blocking the entrance.
你挡住了我们的门口
Uh, this is a public space,
这里是公共区域
and I know my rights.
我知道我有哪些公民权利
Showtime!
表演开始
I was trying to be nice,
我刚才一直试着对你友善
but you are the rudest puppeteer I've ever met.
但你是我见过最没礼貌的操偶师
And I'm including Shari Lewis,
比莎里·刘易斯这个
注释：莎里·刘易斯 美国早期知名女操偶师
who told my father to shove it on my fifth birthday!
在我五岁生日派对上 叫我老爸吃屎的人还无礼
Let's go, Max.
走吧 麦克斯
Hey... Doll man.
喂 娃娃男
You don't want to mess with us.
惹龙惹凤也别惹我们
I make one call to the cops,
我给警察打个电话
they do a background check, and I'm pretty sure you'd go
他们调查一下你的背景 我肯定很快
from "J. Petto" to "J. Petto Phile."
就能查出你恋童癖的事哦
Miss, I dropped my David Hasselhoff.
小姐 我把"大卫·霍索夫"弄掉地上了
注释：大卫·霍索夫 美国知名男演员 作品《海滩游侠》在90年代十分火热 曾流出醉酒
Well, it's not the first time he's been on the floor.
这也不是他第一次倒在地上了
Hey, you can't talk to me like that.
不许你这么说我
I studied puppetry in Paris at the palais
我曾经就学于巴黎学习木偶艺术...
Oh, my God, he slipped on David Hasselhoff!
天啊 他踩到"大卫·霍索夫" 滑倒了
Are you okay? Yeah.
你没事吧 没事
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
我没事 没事啦
I'm just a little embarrassed.
觉得有点丢脸而已
Oh, no, no. I landed on Pierre!
惨了 惨了 我压在皮埃尔身上了
Pierre?
皮埃尔
Here, have a seat.
来 请坐
Would either of you like a coffee or a free cupcake?
你要喝杯咖啡还是来个免♥费小蛋糕吗
No, I'm just gonna pack up and go. Thank you.
不用 我收拾一下就走 谢谢
Come back anytime for a free cupcake.
随时欢迎回来吃免♥费小蛋糕
But no need to bring your dolls.
不过娃娃就不必带着了
They're not dolls! I'm a man!
这不是娃娃好吗 我是个男人
It's crazy how many hipsters
我们的新传单发出去后
came into our shop today from our new flyers.
今天来店里光顾的嬉皮士超级多
We ran completely out of all
而且店里所有的
the Butterfinger Buttafuocos,
花生巧克力小蛋糕"巴特福奥克"
注释：巴特福奥克"音似花生巧克力 而"乔伊·巴特福奥克"与"玛丽·乔·巴特福奥克" 是美国90年代引起社会轰动一起婚外情的主角
the Joeys, and even the Mary Jos,
乔伊"版"以及我本来以为卖不掉的
which I did not think would sell.
玛丽·乔"版 都统统卖光了呢
I reworked the smashed Nancy Kerrigans
我把"南茜·克里根"重弄了一下
and called it the Mary Jo.
然后改叫它"玛丽·乔"
注释：当年的案件中 玛丽·乔脸部被人开枪
Girls, I'm so happy for you.
姑娘们 我真替你们开心
You know, I remember when my business
我还记得我生意
first started to take off.
刚开始蒸蒸日上那会
The first thing I did was to buy the little village
我第一件事就是把我长大的那小村子
that I grew up in
给买了下来
and then burn it to the ground!
然后一把火把它烧成灰烬
I was just so angry
我恨死他们
they wouldn't let me be a cheerleader.
当年不让我加入拉拉队了
No, baby, that was the movie Carrie.
宝贝 那是电影《卡丽》的情节啦
（1976年的恐怖电影）
You fell asleep watching it last night.
你昨晚看的时候睡着了
Oh. Yeah, I gotta stop watching movies late at night.
我以后不深夜看电影了
Once, for a whole year,
我因为这样 有一年
I thought I framed Roger Rabbit.
我以为是我陷害的兔子罗杰呢
注释：19♥88年电影《谁陷害了兔子罗杰》
I'm looking for the owners of Max's homemade cupcakes.
我想找麦克斯自制小蛋糕的店主
Oh, that's me. Wow, word is really spreading.
是我 真是名声传千里啊
How can I help you?
有什么需要帮忙的吗
You've been served.
你被传唤了
Max, I just got served.
麦克斯 我被法院传唤[羞辱]了
Did he go after your bangs? 'Cause that's where I'd start.
羞辱你的刘海吗 我肯定先从这开始羞辱起
This is a lawsuit.
这可是法律诉讼啊
It says, "Max's homemade cupcakes is being sued
上面写着 "麦隆·谢尔斯 也就是劫佩托
for injuries sustained in our shop by Myron Shales,
因在麦克斯自制小蛋糕店摔伤 而以
A.K.A. 'J. Petto.'"
故意伤害罪起诉店主"
Max, it's the puppet guy.
麦克斯 是那个木偶男
He's suing us?
他要告咱们啊
We should be suing him for gross...
应该是我们告他很恶心...
I don't know what the legal words are
我不知道法律用词怎么说
but just for being gross.
反正就是告他当个恶心人啦
We can't afford to be sued.
我们承受不起被人告
We can't even afford the lawyer on those bus ads
我们甚至请不起巴士广告上那个
who has a gavel in one hand and a chicken in the other.
一手拿小木槌一手抓只鸡的律师
I hope everything was satisfactory.
希望两位对本店还满意
Can I get you ladies anything else...
请问两位女士还需要点什么吗
like a strong work ethic?
比如强烈的职业道德如何
Han, it's not funny. We're being sued.
阿憨 不好玩啦 我们被人告了
Okay, let me see those.
好吧 文件给我看看
I studied law in Korea,
我在韩国曾学过法律
but I never made it through graduation.
但是我没有读到毕业
I realized it wasn't my passion,
因为我意识到那不是我的兴趣
and I pulled out.
所以我中途退出[拔出]了
Did they know it was in?
有人知道你曾"进去"过吗
Let's see...
我看看
Yeah, you're being sued.
没错 你们被告了
What law school did you go to, CAL State the obvious?
你念的哪间破学校 加州"陈述事实"大学吗
Did you graduate magna come rarely?
你是以最少高♥潮的成绩毕业的吗
magna cum laude
意为以优异的成绩
源自拉丁语
I told you, I pulled out.
我都说了 我退出[拔出]了
But don't worry, accidents like this happen
但别担心 这种事故 开店的人
in stores all the time.
都常常碰到
That's why all businesses have insurance.
所以一般开店做生意的都会买保险
Well, not all businesses.
不是所有的店都有买
How could you not have insurance?
你们俩怎么能不买保险呢
You need to get protection.
你们得保护自己啊
And I'm not talking about condoms.
我不是说戴避孕套的那种"保护"
We're not idiots, Han.
我们又不是傻子 阿憨
We had the insurance discussion.
我们曾讨论过是否要买保险
I was like, "Max, we need insurance."
我当时说 "麦克斯 我们得买保险"
And she was like, "Do we have any money?"
她说 "我们有钱买吗"
And I was like, "No." And she was like,
我说"没有" 然后她就说
What are the chances something will happen?
"那发生意外的几率是多少""
And I was like, "A million to one."
我说 "百万分之一吧"
And she was like, "I like those odds.
她就说 "我喜欢这种几率
Let's go get gummi bears." And I was like, "Okay.
我们去买小熊糖吧" 我就说"好吧
But we'll talk about this at another time."
这件事下次得再讨论吧
And here we are talking about it now.
看 我们现在就在讨论啦
Remember, we have no choice.
记住 我们别无选择
We have to get him to drop this lawsuit.
我们必须说服他撤销诉讼
Okay, 3B, here. This is the puppet guy's apartment.
3B到了 这就是那个木偶男的公寓
You say puppet guy, I say serial killer.
你说他是木偶男 我说他是变态杀人魔
You say apartment, I say the brightest dot
你说这是公寓 我说这是《梅根法案》
注释：《梅根法案》美国性犯罪者资讯公开法的俗称 法案规定性犯罪者获释后 其姓名和居住地址必须公之于众
on the "Megan's law" website.
网站上最高亮的住址
Max, that is not charming. Stay on message.
麦克斯 说这种话一点都不讨喜 心里要想着
We're charming, we're sorry... We're drunk.
我们要讨喜 我们很抱歉 我们喝醉了
Well, I am.
至少我是
How else do you think I'm gonna pull off charming?
不然你觉得我怎么扮得出讨喜样
Let's just get in and out of there.
咱们快进快出
That puppet creeped me out.
那个木偶太吓人了
I don't want to have to see it again.
我真不想再看见它
Oh, I am not drunk enough for this.
我还没醉到可以接受这场面
I've never been drunk enough for this.
我喝再醉也接受不了这场面
Is J. Petto home?
劫佩托在家吗
I'm kind of surprised.
真让我大吃一惊
I did not think he'd have a girlfriend.
我还以为他没有女朋友呢
Hello.
你们好
Well, I hope you enjoyed meeting Yvette.
希望你们会喜欢伊薇特
She plays the lute, you know.
她会弹琵琶哦
Oh, yes, she was very charming.
是啊 她非常可爱
And small. She must make your penis look huge.
也非常迷你 肯定会显得你的鸡鸡很大吧
I'm sorry?
你说什么
Charming, Max, charming.
要讨喜 麦克斯 要讨喜
Hi, we just stopped by to bring you some cupcakes.
我们顺路给你带了点小蛋糕过来
We feel so bad about what happened.
之前的事真的很抱歉
Can we come in for a minute?
能进去坐会聊聊吗
Um, well, I wasn't expecting company,
我没想到今天会有客人来
but come in.
但是进来吧
We're all just hangin' out.
我们大伙正玩得欢呢
Oh, oh, this isn't weird. This isn't weird at all.
这不诡异 这一点也不诡异
It's like we're in a dead body car wash.
感觉好像进了死尸洗车机
I had a nightmare that I had a nightmare like this once.
我曾做过个恶梦 梦到自己梦到这场景
Just so you know,
先说好哦
I'm not allowed to talk about the lawsuit.
根据规定 我不能谈论这次诉讼的事
Well, I'm not allowed to talk
真巧 我也不能谈论
about how I really feel right now.
自己此时此刻的真实感受
Speaking of the lawsuit, you seem well
说到这次的诉讼 你看起来没事啊
you know, physically which is great,
身上没伤 这挺好的
because the suit said you had a shattered arm
因为你在讼词里说 你手臂摔断
and a broken hip.
髋骨骨折
Oh, yeah, I'm not suing you
是啊 我告你们
for my shattered arm and hip.
不是为了我自己的手臂和髋骨
It's it's for Pierre's.
受伤的是皮埃尔
I crushed his little body when I fell.
我摔倒的时候 压坏了他的小身板
He must have thrown himself under my body
他肯定是为了保护我 才舍身飞到我身后
to protect my fall.
给我当垫背的
Dexter, party of one.
《嗜血法医》 这有一个等你料理
I have to rotate his arm and hold it every minutes
为了让他恢复关节的正常活动 我每隔15分钟
15 to get his full range of motion back.
就得旋转他的胳膊 然后扶好固定
That's what the sling's about. I know he's not alive.
这悬带就是为了固定 我知道他不是活人
Do you?
真的吗
We're very sorry for his injury,
他受伤了 我们真的非常抱歉
but this is absurd.
但这也太荒谬了吧
You can't sue us because your puppet broke.
你不能因为你的木偶坏了就告我们啊
Yes, I can. This puppet is my livelihood,
当然能 这个木偶是我的谋生之道
and he's heavily insured.
而且我给他投了大保
Great, the puppet has insurance, and we don't.
太棒了 连木偶都有保险 而我们俩活人却没有
Max! What?
麦克斯 什么
You don't have insurance?
你们俩没有保险吗
You have a business but no insurance?
你们俩居然有钱做生意 没钱买保险
Look, we can't go to court. It would wreck us.
我们不能上法庭 这会让我们倾家荡产的
Can we leave the lawyers out of this
这事能不能别通过法律途径
and come up with a more creative solution?
找一个更有创意的解决办法
I mean, you're clearly creative.
一看你就是创意十足的人
Look, you even made a skeleton king.
瞧 你还做了一个骷髅王
That's not a skeleton king.
那不是什么骷髅王
That's Pazuzu, prince of darkness.
那是恶魔帕祖祖 邪恶王子
Let me just put this out there
那我就不妨直说吧
because we should really move things along,
因为这事得尽快解决
and also, I'm afraid.
而且我很害怕
How much is it gonna take to make this go away?
要多少钱你才愿意跟我们庭外和解
Do you want to take a second to consult
你需要时间咨询下
with one of your roommates?
你其中一位室友吗
I think I saw a lawyer doll.
我好像看见有律师娃娃
He is not a lawyer. He is a Maitre D'.
他不是律师 他是餐厅领班
And a damn good one!
而且超能干的呢
You women just don't get it.
你们女人就是不了解
This is why I broke up with
所以我才会通过网络电话
my toronto based girlfriend over Skype.
跟我多伦多的女友分手
Right?
是吧
$1,000 by Monday.
一千块 周一前给我
But if she makes another comment about my intricate,
但如果她再称我精心制作
hand carved marionettes being dolls...
手工雕刻的牵线木偶为娃娃的话...
it goes up.
价格也会水涨船高
Fine, $1,000 and no strings.
好 一千块 无其他附件条件[无线]
Except for the ones on all Max, don't say it!
除了那些有附加"线"的... 麦克斯 闭嘴
Valley of the dolls, Return to the valley of the dolls,
电影《娃娃谷》 《重返娃娃谷》
Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Hello Dolly, Dollywood,
《鬼娃回魂》《鬼娃新娘》《你好 美娃》《桃莱坞》
And the dalai Lama!
还有达♥赖[娃娃]喇嘛
Those are the things I was holding in.
这些是我刚忍着的吐槽词
Oh, wait Doll and Oates!
等等 还有"娃尔与奥兹"
Hall and Oates
霍尔与奥兹 是史上拥有最多排行畅销曲纪录的超级二重唱组合
Now what?
现在怎么办
How are we gonna get 1,000 extra dollars by Monday?
我们周一前怎么筹到这额外的一千块
Wait, Max, we can go to that bar
等等 麦克斯 我们可以去酒吧
and exploit your special gifts.
运用下你特殊的天赋
If I have to strip, I have to strip.
君要臣脱 臣不得不脱
Not that kind of bar, the hipster trivia bar.
不是脱衣舞酒吧啦 是嬉皮士的冷知识酒吧
Can't I just strip? At least I'd still have my dignity.
不能跳脱衣舞就好吗 至少这样还有点尊严
It's all here. $1,000.
钱都在这了 一共一千块
So that's it. No more lawsuit.
事情解决 诉讼撤销
Actually, that's not it.
老实说 事情还没解决
As it turns out, we're gonna need 500 more.
事实证明 还得再给五百块
For what? Did your dues for the serial killer's union
为什么 难不成连环杀手协会和恋童癖协会
and the pedophile guild come up at the same time this year?
今年都得在同一时间交年费吗
Pierre's in crisis!
皮埃尔情况十分不妙
But his psychiatrist could tell you more about that.
就让他的精神科医生跟你们解释吧
If there's a psychiatrist in this apartment
如果这公寓里有精神科医生
who hasn't locked him up, I don't trust his
却没有把这疯子关起来 他的意见我才不信
I'm Dr. Pangloss.
我是潘格罗斯医生
Pierre broke more than his hip in your cupcake shop.
皮埃尔在你们店里 不仅摔伤了他的髋骨
He broke his spirit.
还摔垮了他的精神
He lost his dream!
摔碎了他的梦想
He no longer wants to perform.
他现在再也不想表演了
This is where he cuts us in half
现在他要把我们切成两半
and sews my top to your bottom.
把我的上半身跟你的下半身缝在一起了
On the plus side, we'd look amazing.
从好的方面看 就是前♥凸♥后♥翘腿子长
Yeah, well, you heard it.
没错 你们也听见了
Pierre's ready to give up his art,
皮埃尔准备放弃他的艺术生涯
and he needs a little more money.
所以他需要多一点钱
Forget it, puppet nuts. We don't have $500.
休想 脑残娃娃迷 我们没有五百块
We don't have 500 anything.
也无任何数量达五百的东西
Well, think about it.
好好考虑下吧
That's my tea kettle. Yvette!
我的茶壶烧开了 伊薇特
Uhh! I'll do it.
算了 我自己来吧
I'm not so sure the hostility is quite working,
我觉得你凶他一点用都没有
so why don't you go wait in the hall?
不如你去走廊里等着吧
And I'll try to talk some sense into him alone.
我会试着好好跟他讲讲理
You are the only person in the world
你是这世界唯一一个
who would insist on being alone with this man,
坚持要跟他单独共处一室的人
but okay.
不过随你吧
Please just listen. We are broke.
拜托听我说 我们俩一穷二白
to get any more money, we'd have to strip.
要再赚五百块 我们就得去跳脱衣舞了
Well, Gigi and Lana started off as strippers,
琪琪和拉娜一开始也是脱衣舞娘
and now they're in the Folies Bergere, so...
而现在她们可是女神游乐厅的红人 所以...
注释：女神游乐厅 是巴黎的一家咖啡馆 音乐厅 时有裸体表演
You know, even for a middle aged puppeteer,
人到中年 还当操偶师已经很怪
you're a freak.
而你是怪中之怪
See you in court!
法庭上见
Nothing. He's gonna sue us,
没成功 他告定咱们了
and we have no other tricks up our sleeve.
我们也没有其他锦囊妙计了
Well, maybe not my sleeve, but how about my coat?
或许我的锦囊里没有 但请看我的外套
Pierre? Right there.
皮埃尔 被老娘偷出来了
I'm sorry, we're not open today.
抱歉 本日闭店
I know you took him. Give me back Pierre!
我知道你把皮埃尔拿走了 快还给我
We're not open.
都说了本日闭店
We've had a terrible tragedy.
我们发生了一场可怕的悲剧
Well, not us, but a new friend of ours
虽然不是我们本人 但我们的新朋友
had a gruesome accident, and we are just devastated.
发生了可怕的意外 我们悲痛至极
You wouldn't be that cruel.
你不会那么残忍吧
Relax, I could never be that cruel.
放轻松 我当然不会这么残忍
But Max could.
但麦克斯就很难说了
Look who it is, Pierre, your lover, J. Petto!
瞧瞧谁来了 皮埃尔 是你的爱人 劫佩托
He's not gay.
他不是同性恋
He had a girlfriend named Lulu.
他有女朋友的 她叫露露
She was a she was a courtesan in the court of a french king.
她曾是...法国国王的宫廷名妓
They broke up over a brief flirtation she had with Yvette.
他们之所以分手 是因为露露跟伊薇特调情
And I know they're not alive!
我知道他们不是活人
Now, what do you say we stick to the original no strings deal?
我们就遵守原本没附加条件约定 你看如何
cause if you don't, Max will show you
因为如果你不愿意 麦克斯会让你见识下'
what "no strings" really means.
什么是真正的"没有线"[附加]
Do it! Go! Bring it!
剪啊 来啊 有种你就剪断它
I can always re string him. I'm a master of my craft.
反正我能重新绑 我可是这门手艺的大师
Yes, we thought you'd say that.
没错 我们早知道你会这么说
So you leave us no choice. Max...
你让我们别无选择 麦克斯
What? I
什么 我...
I'm not changing my mind.
我不会改变主意的
And I'm coming back with the police.
我要去找警察来
Oh, I wouldn't get the cops involved...
是我就不会叫警察哦
Now that your boy here is in a...
因为你的小娃娃现在...
compromising situation!
抓奸在床 进退两难啊
How dare you!
你好大的胆子
And she does not like the feel of a condom!
她做♥爱时可不喜欢戴套哦
You two are sick!
你们俩变态
Hey, we don't judge.
我们才不会批评他们
We think whatever two consenting dolls,
我们觉得无论这两名成年娃娃
or maybe three consenting dolls do
或这三名成年娃娃做什么...
and it's gonna be bad
我肯定场面不会好看
cause he's a grower, not a shower.
他可是不硬则小 一硬惊人哦'
And once a few of these pics are posted online,
一旦这些照片放上网
there goes your children's party business.
你儿童派对的生意也会跟着完蛋
Now, call it quits, and you can delete these pics.
现在认输 我就把照片全删了
Fine. Yes. Okay, you win. You win. You win.
好 我认 你们赢了 你们赢了
Oh, we're not falling for your word again.
口说无凭 我们不会再上当受骗了
If you want your doll back
如果你想要回你的娃娃
For the last time, he is not a doll!
再说最后一遍 他不是娃娃
Bring us a notarized letter saying
我们要收到公证过的信件
you release Max's homemade cupcakes
写明你放弃对麦克斯自制小蛋糕店
of all further legal action,
采取进一步的法律行动
and we'll give you back Pierre, perfectly intact.
然后我们就会把皮埃尔原封不动地还给你
Minus his virginity, of course.
当然 童贞还不了了
But don't worry, you'll still have yours.
不过别担心 你的童贞一定还在
Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can.
好的 我会尽快回来的
Ugh, 30 years in the cutthroat world of puppets,
在残酷的木偶界混了三十年
and I'm undone by two crazy cupcake bitches!
居然栽在两个卖蛋糕的疯婆子手上
Did you hear that? 30 years?
你听到了吗 三十年啊
years of following his dream, and he's still broke?
追梦整整三十年 他还是一无所有30
Is that gonna be us, Max?
我们也会这样吗 麦克斯
Is our dream just as stupid as puppets?
我们的梦想跟木偶一样愚蠢吗
Sorry, Pierre, I forgot you were here.
抱歉 皮埃尔 忘了你还在
He's sound asleep.
他好像睡着了
Three ways really take it out of you.
三人行"把他的体力榨干了
Here, dress her. She has to get a cab.
给 帮她把衣服穿上 她得打车走人了
She'd rather sleep in her own bed.
她宁愿回家睡自己的床
And do you know why we're not gonna turn into him?
你知道为什么我们不会变成他那样吗
Because 30 years ago, when J. Petto said,
因为30年前 当劫佩托说
I'm gonna be a puppeteer,"
我要成为一名操偶师"时"
he didn't have a best friend to tell him,
他身边没有好友告诉他
You shouldn't do that. It's a stupid idea."
你不该这样 这主意蠢透了""
And unlike him, you have me to tell you
你不像他 你有我来告诉你
when it's a stupid idea.
哪些是蠢主意
And I have you to tell me not to mace myself,
而你也会告诉我 不要用狼牙棒打自己
no matter how bad I want to know how it feels.
尽管我超级想试试是什么感觉
So the cupcake shop isn't a stupid idea?
那蛋糕店不是蠢主意吗
No. And it's actually starting to take off.
不是 而且生意刚要好转呢
cause no one embraces a stupid idea like a hipster.
因为蠢主意什么的 最合嬉皮士胃口了
But, Max, we do need insurance.
但麦克斯 我们真需要买保险了
But do we have the money? No.
可我们有钱买吗 没有
What are the chances someone else is gonna fall?
那别人在店里摔倒的几率是多少
A million to one.
百万分之一
I like those odds.
我喜欢这种几率
You know, this is a really cute dress.
这个裙子真可爱
Forget the dress.
裙子算屁啊
Look at his cute pants.
你看他的小裤裤
We really should give them to Han.
我们真应该送给阿憨穿