姐妹原则

Can I get another refill? Yes.
我能再续一杯吗 行
Can I get an explanation of why you're wearing overalls
那我能知道为什么这附近没有牲畜
when there are no goats around?
你却穿着那乡下工装裤吗
Oh, wait...
哎哟 还不止
Now he's drumming.
他还打起鼓来了
Overalls, free coffee refills, and drumming.
乡下工装裤 蹭免♥费续杯 还敲敲打打
We can stop looking.
众里寻他千百度
We found the world's most annoying hipster.
全世界最惹人厌的嬉皮士就在本店椅子处
Max, this isn't a diner
麦克斯 这不是阿憨餐厅
where everything comes with attitude and ecoli.
能随便有恶劣态度与大肠杆菌
This is the cupcake shop.
这里是小蛋糕店
You own this place.
你是这里的老板呢
Ugh, success really cuts your balls off!
成功的代价就是得当孙子[被切蛋蛋]啊
We get it. Your tribe's in trouble.
我们懂了 你部落有麻烦是吧
Hey, she's kidding.
她开玩笑而已啦
Just help yourself to a fresh mocha almond refill.
欢迎去续杯您的杏仁摩卡
And by the way, sick beats.
对了 你节奏超摇摆啊
You threw him a peace sign?
你还给他比划个和平手势啊
What are you, a japanese teenager?
你以为你谁啊 小日本青年咩
It's a gesture of goodwill.
只是表达友善的手势嘛
Okay, but if I see you doing an open heart,
行 但你要让我看到你用手比心
I will kill you.
老娘一定杀了你
Hey, there's Andy.
是安迪呢
I don't want him to see me.
我不想他看到我
Did you just openly wave to my ex boyfriend?
你就这么大喇喇地跟我前男友打招呼吗
Yeah, I always wave at him.
对啊 我每次都会打招呼
He didn't die just because
他又没因为
you stopped letting him touch your boobies.
你不给他摸♥奶就变成死人
Well, I don't wave to the guy at the record shop
但我就不会跟你睡过的唱片行店员
that you had sex with.
打招呼啊
I had sex with the guy at the record shop?
我有睡过那唱片行店员啊
I should keep a diary.
我真应该写日记记录下
Oh, God, he's coming back.
天啊 他要折回来了
See what you started with your wave?
瞧你手贱惹来的事
I'm sorry. My hand is friendly.
抱歉 我的手超友善啊
Ask any guy in high school.
跟我"有过一手"的高中男同学都知道
I was gonna try and sneak by,
我本来是想偷偷溜来的
but that just seemed so juvenile,
不过那样太幼稚了
so here, "Do you guys still like me?
所以呢 "你们还喜欢我吗"
Check 'yes' or 'no.'"
请勾选是或否
So how's she doing?
她还好吗
She's good. Really?
很好啦 真的吗
Oh, by the way, the guy at the record store says hi.
对了 唱片行那男的让我替他问好
Well, you tell him I said, "who are you?"
那你替我问他 "你是哪根葱啊"
And I also came in because I wanted to make sure
我来还有另一个原因呢 麦克斯
everything's cool with you and me, Max.
我想确认我们俩友谊不变
I mean, you haven't texted me a pic
你已经有48小时
of an unlikely animal friendship in, like, 48 hours.
没有发给我非比寻常的动物友情图了
Don't worry, we're cool.
别担心 我们友谊不变
I just haven't been able to top the picture I sent
我只是还没找到能赢过
of the monkey tickling a parrot.
猴子挠鹦鹉的新图而已
I get it. You have high standards.
我明白 你的标准超高
Whereas, me, I see a black dog spooning a brown dog,
而我是只要看到一只黑狗抱着一只棕狗
and I pull the trigger.
就达到我标准了
Well, save that amateur crap for your mom,
那种低档烂图留给你娘看吧
perhaps with an aunt and uncle cc.
说不定再副本抄送叔叔阿姨
Ha, that is so me.
完全就是我会干的事
Well, sir, you have raised the bar.
大师 你把标准拉高了
I look forward to our next freaky/adorable animal pic.
我很期待下一张怪异又有爱的动物图哦
Well, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
你也在想我想着的事吗
Since we broke up, he got fat.
我跟他分手后 他变胖了
It's only been four days.
你们才分手四天好吗
Wynonna Judd gets fat in an hour.
薇诺娜·贾德一小时就能胖呢
注释：薇诺娜·贾德 美国乡村女歌手 体型丰腴
I'm too exhausted to even think about Andy.
我已经累到没力气想他的事了
Let's just change and get to the diner.
我们赶紧换衣服去餐厅吧
Look, all we have to do is make it through eight more hours,
我们只需要再坚持个八小时
and then we can get a good night's sleep.
我们就能回家睡大觉了
Max, you're taking your pants off in public!
麦克斯 你居然在公众场合脱裤子
Oh, my God!
我的天啊
I'm so tired, I forgot where I was!
我太累了 都忘了我在哪
They're halfway down. What do I do?
裤子都脱一半了 我该怎么办
I'm too tired to make the call.
我累到没力气决定了
And I'll have the BLT with the french fries.
来一份培根生菜三明治加薯条
Miss? I think our waitress is asleep.
小姐 我们的服务员好像睡着了
Yeah, she's tired. We haven't slept a lot lately.
是啊 她很累 我们最近很缺觉
When she wakes up, she'll take your order.
等她醒了 就会帮你们点单
But we're really hungry... Leave her alone!
但我们已经很饿了 少烦她
So I come to your job and wake you up?
我有在你上班时去叫醒过你吗
Hi, can I take your order?
您好 准备好点单了吗
I can see how tired you are, Max.
麦克斯 我看得出你有多累
and if I could turn the clock back to '75,
如果我能把时光倒回75那会儿
I'd help you out with a nice bump of cocaine.
我肯定会帮你搞点毒品助眠
But I don't do that anymore.
但我已经金盆洗手了
Earl, you quit coke in 1975?
厄尔 你1975年就戒毒啦
No, when I was 75, last year.
不 是去年 我75岁那会
It just felt like time.
岁月不饶人啊
Now all I can give you is a nice bump of this.
现在我只能给你击拳鼓舞士气了
Max, I need you to explain something to me
麦克斯 有件事我想你解释一下
cause I can't figure it out.
我实在百思不得其解啊'
That's hard to believe, since you're 90% head.
你占据身体9成比例的大头 居然也想不出吗
It's not a laughing matter, Max.
这事不好笑好吗 麦克斯
I broke my mother's pelvis coming out.
当年我出世 我妈骨盆都裂了
At least you finally came out.
千呼万唤始出世[出柜]啊
Oh, so you're awake enough to ridicule the boss,
所以你够精神吐槽你老板
but not awake enough to wait on tables.
可是不够精神去端菜点单吗
Exactly. See, there's that big head working.
没错 你的大脑袋还是有用的嘛
And don't exaggerate.
而且别小题大做好吗
Caroline and I are doing a great job.
卡洛琳跟我♥干活可好了
Wake up. Hi, can I take your order?
醒醒 您好 准备好点单了吗
All I know is if I was doing my job
我只知道如果我♥干活像
as bad as you two tonight,
你俩今晚这么烂的话
I'd take my own life.
我早自尽去了
That's not off the table.
你还是有机会的
Come on, Han, cut us a break.
行啦 阿憨 放我们一马吧
We're working two jobs, we got two hours of sleep.
我们有两份工 一天只能睡两小时
We just want to get home and climb into bed.
我们只想回家睡大觉
You're sleeping together?
你们睡一起吗
I mean, it's been a "will they or won't they" since they met.
同睡分睡的问题 从你们一相见就困扰着我
Hi, everybody. Sophie's here!
各位乡亲 苏菲驾到啦
And look at my new coat. It's double breasted.
瞧我的新狐皮大衣 是双巨♥乳[双排扣]呢
Pretty nice, huh?
很不错吧
It was a gift from me.
是我送的礼物呢
It's the only thing he ever gave me
这是他送我的东西里
that didn't threaten my reproductive health.
唯一不会损坏到我生育能力的东西
Think that fox took its own life
我觉得那只狐狸在知道
when it saw what kind of coat it was gonna be on.
自己会被做成什么大衣后 甘愿自尽的
What is the occasion?
他为什么会送你这个
What is the occasion?
什么为什么
I'm hot and it's cold.
姐姐火♥辣 天气寒冷
And it's also the anniversary of the first time
而且还是我跟奥列格首次玩
Oleg and I 70ed.
70式的纪念日
The way I do it, it's one more than 69.
哥哥"功夫"好 "69"升华变70
Max, I just hung up from a very panicked phone call,
麦克斯 我刚挂了一通超让人恐慌的电话
and you'll never believe what happened.
你绝对不敢相信电话中说的事
The guy from the record store called to say
唱片行那男的打给你 告诉你
I have super gonorrhea?
我有超级淋病[新型性病]吗
You actually think a guy that you don't even remember
你真觉得一个被你"睡"过就忘了的男人
called to tell me that you have super gonorrhea?
会打来告诉我 你有超级淋病吗
Yes, that's how tired I am.
对啊 我累到真这么觉得
Are you gonna make me wait forever?
你是还要让我等多久啊
Do I have it or not?
我到底有没得病
It's not super gonorrhea, but it is super bad news.
才不是超级淋病 只是个超级坏消息而已
This woman just called to confirm her order
这女人刚打来跟我确认她订的
for 1,000 cupcakes for tomorrow.
明天要的一千个小蛋糕
I've been so tired, I completely forgot.
我最近太累 完全忘了这事
I'd rather have super gonorrhea!
我还宁愿得了超级淋病呢
Are you insane?
你疯啦
We can't do 1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow.
我们哪可能明天前做好啊
We have to do it.
不行也得行
It'll ruin our reputation if we don't.
不然我们的商誉就付之一炬了
I know we're tired, but if we stay up all night,
我知道我们都累翻了 但只要再撑一晚
we'll have $4,000 by tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.
明早10AM我们就能有四千块入袋呢
They have to be done by 10:00 A.M.?
还得是10AM就做好啊
I'm so tired, remind me is A.M. the morning one?
我累得脑子不转了 AM是指上午吗
We can't do it. It's impossible.
我们做不了 不可能做到
My brain's too foggy to crunch the numbers,
我现在脑子一团浆糊 不会算数了
but I'm sure it's doable if we leave right now.
但如果现在开溜 明早一定能完工
We're in the middle of waiting tables.
我们服务员的工作还没结束呢
Well, we'll just have to come up with an excuse.
那我们只好找理由翘班啦
Give me your hand, bend over, and pretend to be sick.
把手给我 弯下腰 装病
It'll work. I've used this to get out of eight jobs,
肯定能行 我用来翘过八个工作的班
six final exams, and one wedding.
六次期末考 以及一次婚礼
Han, we have an emergency. Caroline's sick.
阿憨 有紧急病号 卡洛琳病了
She's so sick, she can't even stand up.
病得很严重 站都站不稳了
We won't be able to stay and finish our shift.
我们没办法留下来工作到打烊了
We have to go right to the emergency room.
我们得立刻去急诊室
We don't know what's wrong with her,
还不知道她是什么病
but it's coming out of both ends.
但她上吐下泻的
It might be super gonorrhea. Bye.
说不定会是超级淋病呢 再见
That's so unfortunate.
真是太不幸了
And on the night they were finally gonna do it.
她们本来今晚终于要"合体"了呢
Whoa, those are some big ass coffees!
哇靠 这杯咖啡大得吓人啊
Yep, 64 ouncers.
没错 1.9升杯呢
They told me they're bigger than the human stomach.
他们说这杯容量比人体的胃还大
And the coffee's already working,
这杯咖啡已经开始发挥作用了
cause I figured out if it's midnight now,
因为我已经算出 现在是午夜'
we have to be done at 10:00 A.M.
而我们得在明早10点交货
so if it's 40 minutes per batch from beginning to end,
每一批小蛋糕从头到尾需要40分钟
baking 4 dozen at a time, that's 48 cupcakes
一次能做四打 也就是48个小蛋糕
Times 20 trips to the oven, which equals nine hours,
乘以20批 刚好花费9小时
which equals $4,000.
就等于四千块入手
Give me that. Let's see if I can do math too.
快让我喝两口 看我能不能学会算数
Ask me something.
出题考我吧
16times 12.
16乘12
I'm just going to enjoy my coffee.
我还是乖乖享受我的咖啡就好
You enjoy, I'll preheat the oven.
你慢慢享用 我去预热烤箱
What's the temp? 325.
要几度 162摄氏度
There, that's the coffee talking.
喝了咖啡 再也不担心数学
Andy just sent me a picture of a deer nursing a turtle.
安迪发了我一张鹿给乌龟喂奶的图
This is why they tell teen turtles
这就是它们教导小乌龟
never to post up on facebook.
不要乱贴照片上脸书的原因
Oh, I didn't realize you two were still texting.
我都不知道你俩还在互发短信呢
Well, we're mostly just sending pictures
我们通常都只是在互发
of unlikely animal friendships.
非比寻常的动物友情图而已
See, there's a bear napping with a bunny.
你看 这张是熊跟兔子一起睡午觉
And what's this?
那这个呢
It's a labradoodle high fiving a koi fish.
是拉布拉多德利犬跟锦鲤击掌
It's pretty self explanatory.
不是挺明摆着的嘛
No, underneath that. This
不 是图下的字 这个
How's Caroline?"
卡洛琳还好吗""
I thought this was just an unlikely animal friendship.
不是只是"非比寻常动物友情图之友"吗
It is, mostly, but every other text,
通常都是啊 但有些短信
I get the idea that maybe he's not over you.
让我觉得他还没放下你呢
He's the one who broke up with me.
是他甩了我好吗
Well, maybe he regrets it.
可能他后悔呢
Maybe you two are like Chris Brown and Rihanna,
你们可能就像克里斯小子与蕾哈娜啊
注释：克里斯小子与蕾哈娜 曾因男方对女方施暴分手 但这两位歌手后来又复合了
minus the punching and the duet.
少了拳打脚踢与合唱版的
I'm kind of surprised.
其实我挺讶异的
I thought you guys were good together.
我觉得你们俩很配呢
Andy is great. And on the surface,
安迪很好 而平常呢
he was there for me and very supportive.
他也总是守护我 支持我
But then he kind of got fed up
但后来他有点受不了
when it was so much about me and my career.
我太注重自己与事业的这件事
And when push came to shove,
直到最后 悲剧发生
he felt like he had to pull away for his own well being.
他为了自己着想 觉得该放下这段感情
Oh, my God, we are Rihanna and Chris Brown!
天啊 我们还真是蕾哈娜与克里斯小子
But I'm Chris Brown.
而我就是克里斯小子
Speaking of Chris Brown,
说到克里斯小子
I'm gonna start to batter.
我要开始搅拌[痛打]啦
How's that stove?
烤箱怎么样了
Warm, but it's really wobbly.
温度上来了 但它好摇晃啊
Yeah, it wobbles, it smokes,
它摇摇晃晃 又冒烟[抽烟]
and one time it burned me.
有次还烫了我
That's why I nicknamed it "mom."
所以我给它的昵称是"老妈"
What is this wood thing under the leg?
烤箱脚下的那块木头是什么
It's the shim.
是垫木
I think it's making it worse.
好像就是它让烤箱不稳的
Don't! That's holding the leg up!
别啊 那是来垫烤箱脚的
But I guess you figured that out now.
想必你现在明白它的作用了
You heard me say it was the shim!
我不都说是垫木了吗
I don't know what a shim is.
我哪知道什么是垫木啊
I thought it was just one of those things you say.
我还以为又是个街头词汇之类的
What did you think it could be?
那垫木还能是啥意思啊
I thought it was a cool word blend.
我还以为是混词之类的啊
You know, like she/him for a transsexual a shim.
称呼变性人用的"他与她"混合词[音似]
You thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our stove?
你觉得有迷你变性人托着我们的炉子吗
Yes, Max, I'm that tired.
没错 我累到真这么以为
I thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our stove.
觉得有一个迷你变性人正托着我们的炉子
This is a disaster, and our oven at home's too small.
这下悲剧了 我们家的烤箱也不够大
What are we gonna do now?
我们现在怎么办啊
Oh, good, you're still here.
太好了 你们还在
Don't anybody leave. Our night just got worse.
大家不许走 我们今晚倒霉透了
Don't come any closer, super gonorrhea!
别再靠近我了 超级淋病妹
I'm sorry to say we lied to get off our shift.
对不起 我们为了翘班撒谎了
But we have to bake 1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow,
但我们得在明天前烤出一千个小蛋糕
and our oven broke at the shop, and we need to use yours.
但我们店里的烤箱坏了 得借用你的
You lied to me, and now you want a favor?
你撒谎骗我 现在还要我帮忙啊
Yes. Han, we know it's a big favor,
是的 阿憨 我们请你帮这个大忙
and it probably looks even bigger to you,
在你眼中可能看起来显得更大
but I'm sure you can see past our lie.
但我相信你会原谅我们的谎
And if you can't, you can get up on that chair,
如果你真不能原谅 那你就起立
I could put you on our shoulders...
我让你坐上我肩头玩...
Long story abnormally short, will you help us?
长话超短说 你愿意帮忙吗
Well, those 12 short jokes really primed me.
你那无数矮子嘲讽惹到我了
Fine, you can use the oven
但好吧 你们用吧
and any of the supplies you need.
其他东西也都随你们用
Thank you. We really need to fill this order.
谢谢 小蛋糕真的非做成不可
I'll stay and help.
我留下来帮手吧
I also had something to fill,
我也有些事得"做"
but I'll just text Sophie and tell her I'm working.
但我还是短信苏菲说我在工作吧
I'll help too.
我也留下帮忙
I can't bake, but I can sit and lift the spirits.
我不会烤东西 但坐着与鼓舞士气很在行
as long as there are spirits.
只要能有酒[士气]喝就行了
It's open bar, right, Han?
无限畅饮对吧 阿憨
Okay, I'm in too.
好吧 我也加入
Earl, make me a sea breeze,
厄尔 给我来个海风鸡尾酒
easy on the breezy.
微风就好别太烈
You know, because of my childhood,
由于我的儿时阴影
I won't be able to process the fact
我对你们现在
that you've all just done something nice for me,
留下来帮手的好心举动反应无能
So if I run into you in ten years and start crying,
所以如果十年后 我遇见你们时突然大哭
this is what it's about.
哭的就是现在这一刻
900 and counting. Comin' through.
九百个小蛋糕 新鲜出炉
Where do you want them?
你想让我放哪
Put 'em over here, next to the world's slowest helper.
这里 就放在史上动作最慢的帮手旁边
It took you longer to make that one cupcake
你裱一个小蛋糕的花比
than it took James Cameron to make Avatar.
詹姆斯·卡梅隆拍一部《阿凡达》还慢
注释：这部电影耗时了4年的时间拍摄
Well, I been doing this for two minutes,
这活我♥干了两分钟
and I have to say...
不得不说...
not for me.
不适合我
But you know what is for me?
你知道我适合干什么吗
Another free cognac.
再"干"一杯免♥费白兰地
Ready for another sea breeze, Han?
准备好再来一杯海风了吗 小憨憨
Not before I get this right.
等我弄好了再说
And you don't want to see me on two sea
而且你不会想看到我两杯海风下肚后的样子
What happens, you become Lindsay Lo Han?
会怎么样 你会变成"林赛·蠢憨"吗
注释：好莱坞著名女星林赛·罗韩 经常爆出酗酒酒驾丑闻
Okay, let me show you how it's done.
好吧 让我来教你怎么做
There, you feel how that is, Han?
这样 感觉到了吗 阿憨
Uh, yes. Ok.
有吧 好的
Now just squeeze that bag.
现在用力挤那袋"奶油"
Good. Little harder.
很好 再用力点
Good. Little harder.
很好 再用力点
I'm humiliated.
丢死人了
It's okay, Han,
没关系啦 阿憨
it happens to a lot of guys their first time.
很多男人第一次都会这样
Get yourself a tissue and clean yourself off,
赶紧像别人那样 拿张纸巾
like everyone else.
擦擦干净
Han, you're off the bag.
阿憨 这活你不用干了
I'm moving you to batter.
我要派你去搅面粉
It's not a demotion, it's just that you stink at this.
这不是降职 只是你裱花太烂
I wanna give you something easier.
我想让你去干点容易的
Max, you just got that all over your apron.
麦克斯 你的围裙弄脏了
I'll wipe it down. Mine's a mess too.
我来帮你擦干净 我的也脏了
Ooh, pretty slick move.
哇 动作真熟练
You wanna try for my bra next?
下次想试试脱我的胸罩吗
Yeah, baby,
好啊 宝贝
I'll take off your bra.
我来帮你脱胸罩
What the hell was that?
那声音是怎么回事
What? It's my guy voice.
怎么了 那是我的男声啊
That's your go to guy voice?
你学男声就是这样啊
Is his identity being protected on Dateline?
日界线新闻节目有保护你这变态的身份吗
Well, what's your guy voice like?
那你的男声是什么样
I'm doing it right now.
就现在这样啊
I'm gonna take a quick pee break.
我要快快地去尿个尿
I don't know, I think you might be making the drinks
不知道 或许是你调的酒酒劲太强了too strong.
We're not drunk, Oleg, just punchy.
我们没有醉 奥列格 只是神志模糊而已
I'm just drunk.
我单纯是喝醉了
It was so nice of everyone to stay that long.
大家能留下来陪我们到这么晚 真好
Everything's baked except for those.
除了这些 其他的都烤好了
We've gonna make it, Max.
我们能搞定的 麦克斯
Andy sent me a cat and a dolphin kissing.
安迪发给我一张猫咪和海豚的接吻照
I hope they go all the way. I'm dying to see their baby.
希望它们不只接吻 我好想看它们爱的结晶
A cat dolphin? Yes!
猫豚 棒呆了
I don't think that's healthy.
我觉得这样不好吧
Well, if they're in love,
如果真的相爱
it's really none of your business.
那关你屁事啊
Why are you texting him in the middle of the night?
为什么大半夜你还给他发短信啊
In fact, why is he still up?
老实说 为什么他还没睡
Is he talking about me?
他是不是在打听我啊
You look upset.
你看起来不爽
Do you want me to stop texting him?
你要我别跟他发短信吗
No. It's fine.
不用 没关系
It's just I'm tired and we're almost finished,
只是我累了 活也差不多干完了
and I just wanna go home.
我现在只想回家
Got it. I'm so hot.
收到 我热死了
Let me just get this hair off my neck.
等我先把头发扎起来
Max, why are you wearing only one earring?
麦克斯 为什么你今天只戴一只耳环
What are you talking about? I'm wearing two.
你瞎说什么 我明明戴的是两只
That's weird.
奇了怪了
Where is it? Is it in my hair?
还有一只呢 是不是在我头发里
No, no. Did it fall down?
没有啊 是不是掉下来了
Yeah, check your boobs.
快检查下你的咪♥咪
That's where you found the remote.
上次遥控器就是在那发现的
It's not it's not anywhere on me.
不在 不在我身上
Well, when's the last time you saw it?
你最后一次看见它是什么时候
I don't know, but it couldn't have gone far.
我不知道 但肯定在这附近
I was in this area pretty much the whole night.
我几乎一整晚都在这里
You mean over the batter?
你是说在面粉糊上方吗
No, no, no. Nothing, nothing, nothing!
没有 没有 没发现 没发现
No, no, no, no. Nothing, nothing, nothing!
没有 没有 没发现 没发现
No, no, no, no, no! Nothing, nothing, no!
没有 没有 没发现 没发现
It's not here, which means
不在这里 那就意味着
it's in one of those already baked cupcakes.
那只耳环在其中一个做好的小蛋糕里
Let's go. We have to start pulling these apart.
来吧 我们得开始逐个掰开找
Really? Come on, don't be ridiculous.
来真的啊 拜托 别小题大作嘛
Look, worst case scenario, one of the 1,000 cupcakes
最坏的情况不过也是 在一千个小蛋糕中
has an earring in it.
有一个里面有只耳环
We'll tell them it's a surprise.
跟客人说是惊喜礼物就好啦
No, the worst case scenario is someone bites into it,
不行 最坏的情况是有人吃到那个小蛋糕
rips their lip open, and sues us.
把嘴唇弄破了 然后把我们告上法庭
Let them sue us. We don't have any money.
随便他们告 反正我们没钱赔
And that's why we'll go to jail.
所以我们就会进监狱
Yep, I'll be locked up raw
没错 我会被关进大牢
and forced to be someone's girlfriend.
然后被迫做别人的女玩物
I mean, I'm a bad girlfriend out of prison.
我在监狱外已经是个坏女友了
It's not gonna be any easier with big joan.
跟监狱大姐大在一起 能好过吗
Calm down.
淡定
If we go to prison, I'll be your girlfriend.
如果我们进监狱 我来做你的女友
Until someone hotter comes along,
直到有更性感的妞进来取代我
cause that's the way it goes in prison.
监狱里都是这样'
Start looking.
开始找吧
I am not going to smash 900 cupcakes.
我才不要捏烂我辛苦做的九百个小蛋糕
Then we'll just have to start over.
那我们只好全部重做啦
Oh, no, I would rather hitch a ride west
不要 我宁愿搭个顺风车去西部
注释：美国西部有些地方还存在着一夫多妻家庭
and become a sister wife.
然后跟别的女人共事一夫
This is crazy. Can't I just text them
这太疯狂了 就不能发短信
and tell them we can't do the job?
告诉他们 这活我们干不了吗
No, you can't text them. We need the money.
不 你不能这样做 我们需要这笔钱
And stop with all the texting.
别老发什么破短信了
Maybe if you were thinking less about
或许如果你不是整天想着
texting with my ex boyfriend,
跟我的前男友发短信
you wouldn't have lost your earring in the first place.
你就不会弄丢你的耳环
You should have just said it.
这话你早就该说了
You have a problem with me texting Andy.
你不爽我跟安迪发短信
I do not have a problem with it!
我才没有不爽
Oh, good, 'cause he's my friend too.
很好 因为他也是我的朋友
You'd think your loyalty to your best friend
你不觉得你对最好朋友
and business partner would be more important
和生意伙伴的忠诚度要比
than some stupid animal friendship!
那些白♥痴的动物友情重要得多吗
I mean...
我是说...
I'm surprised I even have to tell you that, Max.
我真吃惊这种话得我亲自说出口 麦克斯
It's kind of girl code.
这可是"闺蜜法则"
Oh, I am way to tired to hear "girl code."
老娘太累 不想听什么狗屁"闺蜜法则"
Shut it down.
别说了
Girl code, Max.
闺蜜法则 麦克斯
Girl code.
闺蜜法则
Shut up, Caroline.
闭嘴 卡洛琳
Shut up!
闭嘴
I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response.
我都不屑于对此做出反应了
Yeah, that was the goal, bitch.
没错 这就是我的目的 贱♥人
I don't have time for this.
我没空跟你吵架
I have to find an earring that you lost
我得在这一千个小蛋糕里
in one of these thousand cupcakes, bitch!
找出你不见的那只耳环 贱♥人
The thousand cupcakes that you forgot to tell me about!
是你忘记告诉我要做这一千个小蛋糕
And the girl code means that when a girl
闺蜜法则就是说 当你的闺蜜
breaks up with someone,
跟别人分手时
you don't interfere with their boyfriend,
你不会跟她们的男友搅和在一起
because she needs some distance.
因为你的闺蜜想跟他保持距离
Well, why didn't you tell me that
那你为什么不在14小时前
When I asked you 14 hours ago?
我问你的时候告诉我
Hey, Max. I got your text.
麦克斯 我收到你的短信
I'm here to help.
我是来帮忙的
Um, that was a pre girl code text.
那条是在闺蜜法则出现前发的
I thought we maybe needed a backup
在厄尔醉倒 我把小憨憨弄哭后
after Earl passed out and I made Han cry.
我觉得我们可能需要个后备帮手
Andy, on the list of things I feel guilty about in life,
安迪 在我人生中内疚之事的榜单里
calling you to help in the middle of the night
半夜叫你来帮忙这件事
is number two.
排名第二
It would be number one
本来能荣登榜首
if I hadn't pushed that girl down the stairs
但榜首是那个我因为想更早进入
to get into the 9♥8 degrees concert before her.
9♥8度乐队的音乐会 而被我推下楼梯的女生
Well, it was 9♥8 degrees.
那可是9♥8度啊
People had to die.
人必需得死啊
Okay, let's stop all this joking
好了 别装没事开玩笑了
and get down to why I really came here.
认真说说我来这里的真正原因吧
Come on, Caroline, love me.
求你了 卡洛琳 爱我吧
Did you just say, "Caroline, love me"?
你刚是说 "卡洛琳 爱我吧"吗
No, I said, "Caroline, glove me."
不 我是说 "卡洛琳 套我吧"
what kind of loser would say, "Love me"?
要多卑微才会求人说 "爱我吧"
Unless you do.
除非你真爱我
So how you doing?
你过得怎么样
I'm okay.
还行
A little tired.
就是有点累
You know, I've been thinking about you a lot.
我最近常常想起你
Pretty much all the time since we broke up.
自从我们分手后 我一直在想你
Um, maybe I overreacted to your whole
或许我对你沉迷于工作
obsession with work thing, you know?
这件事有点反应过激
Well, you are here at 4:00 A.M.
你之所以凌晨4点还在这里
cause I needed help making 1,000 cupcakes in four hours.
是因为我得在4小时内做出一千个小蛋糕'
One might call that obsessive.
或许有人会称其为"沉迷"
One might.
有人会
Or pretty much everyone might.
又或者人人都会这么说
And, Andy,
安迪
just know that even though it didn't work out,
即使深知我们之间不可能了
I do glove you.
但我真的"套"你
I glove you too.
我也"套"你
Now, get the cupcakes out before they burn.
现在赶紧在烤糊之前 把小蛋糕都拿出来
I don't have the energy to do this all again.
我没有精力再重做一遍
Ah, there's the girl I broke up with.
我甩了的工作狂女友现身了
Everything's ready to go out there.
外面一切东西都准备好了
I've had my hands in more boxes tonight
我的手今晚进过的箱子
than a gynecologist at a free clinic.
比免♥费诊所妇科医生的手进过的阴♥道还多
It's not that funny.
没这么好笑吧
Stay up another 27 hours,
等你27个小时不睡觉
it'll be the funniest damn thing you ever heard.
这会是你这辈子听过最好笑的一句话
Well, that's the end of it.
都结束了
Yeah, I think it is.
是啊 结束了
Max, I'm talking about more than the cupcakes.
麦克斯 我说的不只是小蛋糕
Yeah, I could tell by your Bradley Cooper tone.
是啊 我能从你布莱德利·库珀式的音调里听出
注释：布莱德利·库珀 好莱坞著名帅气男星 外貌跟安迪蛮像
So what, it's not gonna work out between you two?
怎么了 你们俩彻底不可能了吗
No.
是啊
And I think we have to break up.
我觉得我们必须分手
I thought you already broke up.
我以为你俩早就分了啊
No, I'm talking about you and me.
不 我是在说我和你
You're dumping me?
你要甩了我啊
Wow, last guy who dumped me,
上一个甩我的男人
I burned down his house and moved.
我把他的房子烧了 然后搬走
Still wanna continue this conversation?
还想继续这个话题吗
Max, it wouldn't work.
麦克斯 这样不行
I would always be asking you about Caroline.
我会一直跟你打听卡洛琳
Look, I get it, it's weird.
我明白 这样很奇怪
People don't usually stay friends with their friend's ex,
人们一般不会跟自己朋友的前任成为朋友
But then, cats don't usually become friends with dolphins.
可是猫咪一般也不会跟海豚成为朋友啊
But sometimes, for no apparent reason, it happens.
可有时 缘分就是这么奇妙
Yeah, I just wish I was as grown up
是啊 我只希望我跟
as a cat or a dolphin.
猫或海豚一样成熟
I hear ya.
我懂你意思
So what's next, breakup text?
那接下来是什么 分手短信吗
Nah, that's just gonna lead to makeup text,
不要 发了之后就会有复合短信
and then we're back in a vicious cycle.
然后我们就这么恶性循环下去
All right, I'll just stop by your place,
好吧 那我只好去你家一趟
pick up my cds, my t shirts,
拿回我的CD和T恤
and the 3 grand I left there.
还有留在你家的三千块
Max, you've never been to my place.
麦克斯 你从来没去过我家
See, this is why I'm breaking up with you
瞧 这就是我要跟你分手的原因
You're a liar.
你个骗子
See you in small claims court, bub.
索赔法院见 伙计
Well, we did it, Max.
我们做到了 麦克斯
We made $4,000.
我们赚到了4千块
And as far as Andy and I go,
关于我和安迪
I think we're in the right place,
我觉得我们像现在这样正好
because when he said he'd been thinking about me
因为当他说他分手后
since the breakup,
每分每秒都在想我
I realized I'd only been thinking about the cupcakes.
我才意识到自己每分每秒想的都是小蛋糕
Oh, please, god, shut up.
天啊 拜托把嘴闭上
Thank you. I was dying to shut up.
谢谢 我的嘴也超级想休息
Look, it's a text from the place.
是顾客发来的短信
They loved the cupcakes.
他们很喜欢我们的小蛋糕
Wait, why do I have your phone in my apron?
慢着 为什么你的手机会在我的围裙里
No, my phone was in my apron.
不可能 我的手机是放在我的围裙里
Unless I handed you the wrong apron
除非我当时擦完围裙后
after I wiped them down.
错把我的递给你了
What?
什么
What?
果然
Oh...Your earring.
你的耳环
I had it in there the whole time.
它一直在我这里
Oh, we're idiots!
我们俩白♥痴
We're two very different kinds of idiots,
虽说是两种完全不同类型的白♥痴
but we're idiots.
但我们都是白♥痴
And yet, somehow we work.
然而不知何故 我们俩超搭
We're the most unlikely animal friends.
我们就像非比寻常的动物朋友
I don't know about that, but a picture of me nursing you
我是不知道啦 但我给你喂奶的照片
would definitely go viral.
绝对会在网络上爆红
Good night. Good night.
晚安 晚安
Where you going?
你要去哪里
I'm too tired to pull my bed down.
我累得没力气把床弄下来了
I'm sleeping with you.
我要跟你一起睡
No, you're not. You have super gonorrhea.
不行 你可是有超级淋病