尴尬的秘密

Whoever tipped me in monopoly money
那个小费给大富翁假钱的混球
can go directly to jail.
可以死去监狱了
A dollar?
一块钱假钞吗
Fake money and they're still under tipping.
都用假钱了 他们小费还照样给这么少
Oh, look. I love it when people
你看 我就喜欢看到
dress guinea pigs up in adorable costumes.
别人给宠物天竺鼠穿上可爱制服
Han, you look like Babe Ruth.
阿憨 你看起来像贝比·鲁斯
注释：贝比·鲁斯 美国棒球史上最伟大球员之一 名字"贝比"也有婴儿的意思
Well, Baby Ruth.
不 是婴儿·鲁斯
Maybe you two can kiss my sweet ass,
滚你们俩丫了个蛋[亲我屁♥股]
because this outfit's a home run.
我这制服跟全垒打一样棒好吗
I'm putting a team together for the restaurant league.
我要组一个队去参加餐厅界棒球联赛
Well, Han, I would play, but you know,
阿憨 我很乐意加入 但你也知道
I've got this hip thing,
我有屁♥股问题
注释：hip 一词多义 有潮流跟屁♥股的意思
meaning, I'm too hip.
我有"太潮不打球症"了
What about you two?
你们俩个呢
I'm telling you, I'm a great ball player.
相信我 我可是个棒球高手[玩蛋蛋高手]
No, I'm a great ball player.
不 我才是玩蛋蛋高手
I know how to cup
我懂如何同时握住
and tickle mine at the same time.
还给我的蛋蛋搔痒
I'm talking about America's favorite pastime.
我是说美国人最爱的娱乐消遣啦
Oh, so am I.
我这招也是啊
Well, I'm in. I have a really good arm.
我加入 我有威猛的投球手臂
Go over there, Han. Let's have a little catch.
去那边吧 阿憨 我们来丢个几球
All right, here we go. All right.
好的 准备来吧
Go deep. Go deeper, Han.
再退一点 再退[深]一点 阿憨
A phrase no other woman will ever say to him.
这话绝对"不会"有女人对他说
Throw it, and don't be afraid to bring the heat.
投球吧 使出全力 不用怕
Too much heat.
力道过猛了
Ball one...and two. Game over.
一球 双杀蛋 本局结束
I seem to have forgotten a crucial part of my uniform.
我好像忘了穿这制服最重要的那部分了
Need a cup, Han?
需要杯子[护裆]吗 阿憨
You ladies can wait in here.
两位女士 请在这里等
Brian, before my father comes in,
布莱恩 在我爸进来前
how are his spirits?
他的精神状况如何
You know, for someone who's looking
以一个要面对六十到一百年
at 60 to 100 years in prison?
刑期的人来说
Pretty good.
还算不错
I'll bring him right in.
我现在去带他过来
Hey, Bri, anyone get killed today?
小布 今天有人被杀咩
You ask me that every time, Max,
麦克斯 你每次都问这问题
and every time I tell you,
我也每次都回答你
it's a white collar prison.
这是关押高智商罪犯的监狱
Got it. Anyone get shanked with a Mont Blanc pen?
懂了 那有人被高档钢笔捅了吗
Yo, B, one more thing.
布布 还有件事
On Lock Up: Raw, they always spray the guards
监狱剧集《破茧威龙》里 犯人每次
with a mixture of urine and feces, so
都会泼粪跟尿 所以...
Max, please, can we go one day without you mentioning that?
麦克斯 你能别每次都提这事吗
I wonder why my dad wanted us
我挺好奇我爸为啥要我们
to rush out here and see him today.
今天立刻赶来见他
He probably wants a conjugal visit.
他想要来一发"情人探视"吧
Max! Relax!
麦克斯 别这么大反应
With me.
是跟我来一发啦
There they are, the light of my life
你们来啦 我生命的光芒
And her bouncer. Hi, daddy.
以及她的保镖 老爸
Hey. Max.
麦克斯
Oh, we startin' this? No foreplay?
直接就上啦 不来点前戏吗
Listen, I'm sorry to make you come all the way out here
抱歉让你们俩大老远跑来一趟
on the God help me subway,
而且还是坐"地铁" 我都不忍心说这词
but I actually need a favor.
但我其实需要你们帮个忙
Help me break out.
帮我逃狱
I'm kidding.
开个玩笑啦
Daddy, it's so amazing you can joke,
老爸 你有心情开玩笑是很好
but maybe not around Max.
但不要在麦克斯面前开 好吗
She's already offered to skin a guard alive
她已经放话要替你活剥狱卒的皮
and walk you out of here wearing him.
让你披着人皮走出去
Well, we know it works.
你明明知道这招可行
All right, listen.
听我说
This woman who used to work for me
这个以前在我手下工作的女人
is being paid a million dollars
要被人以百万美元收买
to write a tell all book about me.
写一本我的私密全揭秘档案
A million dollars?
一百万啊
How much can I get for a tell all book about Caroline?
那我写一本卡洛琳的揭秘书能拿多少钱
Chapter one: "Sleep farts."
第一章 "边睡边放屁"
Max, please, can we go one day without you mentioning that?
麦克斯 你能别每次都提这事吗
The woman's name is Sandra Rosenthal.
那女人的名字叫珊卓拉·罗森索
Caroline, do you remember her?
卡洛琳 你记得她吗
Yes, the one who lied on her resume.
记得 那个履历上说谎的女人
The one who couldn't even add, and worse than that,
那个加法都算不好 而且更离谱的是
she wore brown with black together.
她还穿衣还黑色配棕色
I like brown and black together.
我就喜欢黑色配棕色啊
I know.
我知道
Wait, why would anybody pay that woman so much?
等等 为什么有人愿意出这么高价啊
What is she saying she has on you?
她说她有你什么把柄
Well, she's claiming she was fired
她声称自己被解雇
because she had insider information
是因为她知道整起庞氏骗局的
about the ponzi scandal,
内幕消息
and that we were sleeping together,
还说自己跟我发生过关系
which we weren't. Of course you weren't.
但其实没有 当然没有
You would never sleep with someone
你才不可能睡一个
who wore brown with black together.
穿黑配棕色的女人呢
Man, I haven't seen this much hatred
50年代后 我就没看过有人
toward brown and black since the '50s.
对黑跟棕色[人种]这么严重的鄙视了
Anyway, I wanted you to hear it from me first,
总之 我想先知会你这件事
because she's about to go on Piers Morgan live,
因为她准备上皮尔斯·摩根的访谈节目
and she can say whatever she wants.
然后她就会大放厥词 胡说八道
No, she can't, because I'll be there to refute her lies.
不会的 因为我会去驳倒她的谎言
I'll defend you with dignity and class
我会以尊严与格调
and my new lipstick I just found on the subway.
外加地铁上捡的新唇膏 来替你辩护
Wow, Piers Morgan. That dude's legit.
皮尔斯·摩根呢 那家伙可牛逼了
He's got a show, he's got Piers 1 Imports.
不但主持节目 还有一家家具店
I don't know what I'd do without you, princess.
小公主 没有你我真不知道怎么办
You're the only person I can trust.
你是我唯一能信赖的人
Now, get out of here,
好了 你先走吧
cause I gotta speak to Max privately for a second.
我有些话想单独跟麦克斯说'
Oh...Sure.
好吧...
Okay, I Just go.
好吧 我... 快闪边吧
Daddy wants to talk to me privately.
你爹爹想跟我"单独聊聊"呢
Love you, sweetie. Love you, daddy.
宝贝 我爱你 老爸 我也爱你
Brian, I'll just be right outside.
布莱恩 我就在门口等
So, Max...
麦克斯...
You know I'm all talk, right?
你知道我只是耍耍嘴皮子的吧
I need you to tell Caroline something
我想你帮我跟卡洛琳说件事
I couldn't bring myself to say.
这事我不好意思对她说
This woman is also claiming
那女人也宣称
I have a small penis.
我有只"小小鸟"
Wait.
等等
So I stayed behind to see it?
所以你留我来"赏鸟"洗刷污名吗
No.
不是啦
I want you to tell Caroline so she'll be prepared,
我想让你告诉卡洛琳 让她做好心理准备
cause I'm pretty sure that's the lie
我蛮肯定她就是靠这个谎言'
that got the book sold.
来让那本书大卖
How big of a lie?
她这谎水分多"大"
Oh, a really big one.
相信我 非常"大"
So, what did you and my father talk about?
你都跟我爸聊了些什么
I don't want to tell you. I'm uncomfortable.
我不想告诉你 我难以启齿
You're uncomfortable?
你也会难以启齿吗
This must be bad.
这事肯定很严重
You've never been uncomfortable in your life.
我就没见你有过难以启齿的话
Is it drugs? Cancer?
他染毒了 得癌症
Oh! Did he fall in love in prison?
还是他在监狱里有了基友
I'll be fine with it. You can tell me.
我能接受这事 你可以告诉我
When we had money, I was very active in the
我家还有钱的时候 我常去参与林荫大道
Park Avenue
straights for gay doormen alliance.
直人支持基门卫联♥盟的活动
Is this some kind of weird gang,
他们这是怪胎帮派
or did a game just let out?
还是刚有比赛结束啊
Max, come on. Tell me.
麦克斯 你就告诉我嘛
Fine, the woman's gonna say your father has a small
好吧 那女人会说你爸爸有个"小...
Sir, your vuvuzela is very loud, and very 2010.
先生 你的呜呜祖拉又吵又过时
注释：2010年南非球迷世界杯现场的特有的助威喇叭
My father has a what?
我爸爸有个什么
He has a small
他有个"小...
Seriously, the game's over.
拜托了 比赛都结束了
And how on earth you have a wedding ring is beyond me.
像你这种人居然还还结婚了 真是理解不能
What is she gonna say about him?
那女人要说我爸什么
I can't hear you! She's going to say...
我听不到你 她会说...
your father has a small penis!
你爸爸有只"小小鸟"
He thought it'd be less awkward if I told you.
他觉得我来告诉你会比较不尴尬
Was it?
有咩
I can't believe that Sandra Rosenthal woman.
我真服了那叫珊卓拉·罗森索的女人
There's another lie.
这又是一个弥天大谎
Why, have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it!
怎么说 你见过吗 当然没有
I never want to see it.
我这辈子都不想看到
Have you seen your father's penis?
你看过你爸的鸡鸡吗
If I did, it was waving good bye.
有的话 它也是在跟我挥鸡告别
Max, I've thought a lot about it,
麦克斯 我想了很多
and I can't sit there while that woman
我不能就这么让那女人
waves my father's penis in Piers Morgan's
就这么在主持人面前谈我爸的鸡鸡[甩他脸上]
You're lucky it's not Anderson Cooper,
你该庆幸这主持人不是安德森·库珀
安德森·库珀 美国知名男同性恋记者 作家与电视主持人
cause he'd be giggling up a storm.
因为他肯定会笑得花枝乱颤'
I have a plan.
我有个计划
My goal on this show is gonna be to discredit that woman
我上节目就是要证明那女人的话是假的
and tell people, even though my father did a bad thing,
而且要告诉大众 虽然我爸爸做过坏事
he did some wonderful things as well.
但其实他也做过很多好事
Look, here he is working with UNICEF.
这是他联合国儿童基金会帮忙
Here he is rebuilding haiti.
这是他帮忙海地灾民重建家园
Oh, this is just a cute picture of him water skiing
这张只是一张他玩划水的帅照
at a charity event on Lake Tahoe.
是在太浩湖的慈善活动上呢
What's the charity? White men without golf clubs?
给没钱买高尔夫球杆的白人募款吗
So that's my plan, and hopefully,
反正我是那么计划的啦
going on that show will put an end
希望上完节目后
to all these ridiculous rumors about my father.
能让坊间关于我爸的谣言停止
Hey, Caroline.
卡洛琳
Yeah.
怎么啦
The word on the street is your dad's got a weenis.
外面都在传你爸有只"小小鸟"
Sophie, how did you hear about that?
苏菲 你上哪听来的
Oleg told me.
奥列格告诉我的
It came up on my Google penis alerts.
消息出现在我的谷歌鸡鸡搜索警报
I like to keep current, see what the trends are.
我喜欢在时事尖端 跟随流行"鸡"态
You don't want to be that middle aged guy
你也不会想当一个长着别人
wearing the same penis you had in high school.
多年前就有的同款鸡鸡的中年男子吧
Great, now, it's all over the internet
这下好了 网上传遍了
And my shoulders are all up around my ears.
我肩膀都耸起来到我耳旁了
Look, I'm too tense to even shake my head "no"
你看 紧张到都没办法对那女骗子
at that liar woman, which was gonna be my key move.
摇头反对了 这可是我最重要的动作呢
I need a massage, but I'm broke.
我好需要按♥摩 但我又没钱去
Caroline, I'll give you a massage.
卡洛琳 我可以帮你按♥摩啊
Get ready for a sad ending.
准备好迎接失望的结尾
And beginning, and middle.
还有失望的开头以及过程
There.
来啦
Oh, yeah.
爽吧
How does that feel?
感觉如何啊
Like baby spiders are dancing on my shoulders.
感觉像小蜘蛛在我肩膀上跳舞
You're the first Asian I've seen
你是我见过第一个
that can't give a massage.
不会按♥摩的亚洲人
Hey, Caroline, I'll treat you and Max
卡洛琳 我请你跟麦克斯
to a massage at my fancy spa.
去我那家高档美容院按♥摩吧
Cool! I've never been to a spa.
好啊 我从没去过呢
The closest I've been is sticking my arm
我做过最接近按♥摩的事
in the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens.
也就是把手臂伸进药局里的血压测量计
Wait, that's for your arm?
等等 那是给手臂用的吗
Thanks for the massage, Han.
谢谢你帮我按♥摩 阿憨
It was very nice Oh, you're still doing it.
你人真好 你还在按啊
I had no idea.
我完全没感觉
That was a mazing!
这真是爽歪了
I mean, a guy rubbed me for an hour
一男的揉了我身上整整一小时
and didn't expect anything back?
而且完全不用我肉偿
This massage stuff could catch on.
按♥摩这玩意必须得火啊
I could not let go during my massage.
我按♥摩时还是无法宣泄自己的压力
Oh, was letting go an option?
这里可以"宣泄"的吗
I was close, but I didn't want to get halfway there
我当时都差点要"泄"了 但我怕才按到一半
and have the management throw me out or something.
就会因为我"宣泄过度"而被人赶出去
I'm just so tense.
我真的好紧张
Piers Morgan asks some difficult questions.
皮尔斯·摩根常会问很难的问题
Last week, he asked the Spring Breakers cast
上周他才问了一部无脑卖肉电影的演员们
their thoughts on the North Korea situation.
对最近北韩的形势有何看法呢
Sorry.
抱歉
Max, this is a quiet room. We have to be quiet.
麦克斯 这里是静修室 我们得安静点
Hi, girls!
女孩们
Oh, I'm getting myself some fancy water.
我要来喝杯高档纯净水了
Look, they got lemon, orange, and cucumber.
他们有柠檬 橙子 跟黄瓜呢
It's like a slot machine over here.
感觉跟老虎机里一样
Oh, I just had the best bamboo massage.
我刚才享受了人生中最棒的竹子按♥摩
Oh, they kept whacking me with it
他们不停的用竹子打我
until I confessed to stealing that bread when I was seven.
直到我承认我七岁那年偷了条面包才停手
Oh, what a load off.
真是如释重负啊
Caroline, you still look a little tense,
卡洛琳 你看起来还是有点紧绷
but I guess having to talk about your father's junk
不过想到你要上国家电视台
on national television will do that to a girl.
谈论你爸爸的"小鸟" 的确压力很大
I will not be speaking about
我不会在节目上
my father's "junk" on television.
谈论我爸爸的"鸟"
No, I can't have lunch tomorrow.
不行 我明天不能出来吃午餐
I'm doing Piers Morgan live.
我要上皮尔斯·摩根的节目
You won't believe what just happened.
你不会相信刚才发生了什么事
You joined a demonic cult?
你加入了邪教吗
Sandra, the liar writing the tell all book,
珊卓拉 那个写揭秘书的女骗子
just walked in.
刚刚走进来了
She's getting a day of beauty too?
她也来一日美容之旅啊
This is like the gayest training for a fight ever.
这大概是最基版的大战前训练地了
sandra?
珊卓♥拉
Right this way.
这边
Lay face down.
脸朝下躺
I'll give you a few minutes and I'll be right back in.
你先放松几分钟 我马上过来
Perfect. I really need this massage.
很好 我超需要做按♥摩
Promoting my new book is exhausting.
宣传我的新书真是累死人了
I'm sorry if that sounded braggy,
如果像是在自夸 那真是抱歉啦
but I guess that's how you sound
但当一切如鱼得水时
when things are going so great for you.
人说起话来也趾高气扬
That poor masseuse is gonna be forced to listen to
那位可怜的按♥摩师要被迫听她
her yammer on about her dumb book.
喋喋不休地抱怨她那本烂书
But then again, mine had to hear me constantly say,
不过话说回来 我刚一直对我那位按♥摩师说
don't be afraid of the boobs.
不要害怕这对大胸器
We should be hearing about that dumb book
我们应该去听听她怎么说那本烂书
so I know what I'm up against.
好让我知道该出什么招
If there was only a way to get in that room.
前提是 得想办法进那个房间
Oh, anyone can get into any room if they really want to.
人生没有过不去的坎 也没有进不去的地方
I mean, do you think that I was invited
你真的觉得2004年的游艇展面试
to the audition for the 2004 boat show?
我是受邀进去的吗
Yeah. Go.
真的 快去吧
I'll take care of that masseuse.
我来对付那个按♥摩师
Sophie, you're not gonna hurt her, right?
苏菲 你不会伤害她吧
No. I'm gonna try tipping her first.
不会 我会先用小费打发她
I'm back.
我回来了
Yes, I was just out in the hall with you,
没错 刚才在走廊里的人是我
now, here I am in the room with you,
现在在房间里的人也是我
the same person.
都是同一个人
Just keep your head down, don't look up,
头别抬起来 不要往上看
and relax.
放轻松
You're not gonna talk a lot, are you?
你不会一直说个不停吧
No, but you should feel free to.
不会 但你可以随意说
whatever's on your mind or in in that book.
无论是你的想法 还是你那本书
What?
什么
What was that? That?
那是什么声音 那个吗
That's just me, alone,
那是我 一个人
creating a healing space with energy and sound.
用能量和声音营造出一种治疗氛围
Lots of sound.
音量越大越有效
So you're writing a big book.
听说你在写一本大作
Do you want to tell me all about that?
想跟我分享下内容吗
Well, it's about this guy, Martin Channing.
这本书是关于马丁·钱宁
Oh, he is very nice and very respectable.
他人非常好 非常值得尊敬
You won't think that after you read my book.
你看了我的书之后 就不会这么想了
I am really gonna stick it to him.
我要狠狠地捅他一刀
Okay, now, you're just pushing me.
好了 你现在简直是在使劲推我
Uh, how did you
你是怎么...
Uh...How how did you do that?
你是怎么做到的
It feels like you have three hands.
感觉好像你有三只手
That's how good I am.
这说明我很厉害
This is supposed to be a hot stone massage.
这应该是热石按♥摩疗法
Comin' right up.
马上给您做
The hot stones.
热石
All right, here come the ho o ot stones.
好啦 热石来了
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's nice.
对 就这样 真舒服
I'm really loosening up.
我开始觉得放松了
Oh, well, then let's loosen you up some more.
那让你再放松多一点
More stones.
再来点石头
More stones!
再来点石头
Yeah, I'm got paid a lot of money for my tell all book,
我那本揭秘书能拿到一大笔钱
and I am really gonna tell all.
所以我真的会全盘揭秘
Not there! Not there.
放错了 别放那里
What? What is going on in here?
这是怎么回事
Well, what is happening here, Sandra,
珊卓拉 事情是这样的
is you're about to go on national TV
你要去国家电视台上大放厥词
and tell America lies about my father.
当着全美国人的面胡说八道
He never slept with you.
他从未跟你发生过关系
Did he never sleep with me in your bedroom,
那他也从未在你卧室的粉红公主床上
on your pink canopy bed?
跟我发生过关系吗
You know what? That never happened.
你心知肚明 根本没发生过这种事
That's insane. You're crazy.
那真是荒唐 你是个疯子
Well, it's my word against yours.
反正没人能证明谁对谁错
You're gonna be very embarrassed on TV.
你一定会在电视上丢人现眼
But not as embarrassed as you're going to be in the spa lobby,
但你最丢脸的时刻 是在美容院大厅
when I tell everyone that I was touched inappropriately
因为我要告诉大家 卡洛琳·钱宁对我实施了
by Caroline Channing.
不当的身体接触
You are not gonna tell anybody that.
你不会告诉任何人的
Who's gonna stop me?
谁管得住我
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
I was listening outside the door.
我刚一直在门外面听着
Everything okay?
有啥问题吗
Max, I don't know if I can do this.
麦克斯 我不知道我是否能应付
What if Sandra's telling the truth?
万一珊卓拉说的是事实呢
She did know about my pink canopy bed.
她的确知道我有张粉红色的公主床
How would she know that?
她怎么会知道的
Because everyone knows barbie comes with a dream car,
因为全世界都知道芭比有一辆粉红小车
a pony, and a pink canopy bed included.
一匹粉红小马 还有一张粉红公主床
There he is. There's Piers Morgan, live.
他来了 皮尔斯·摩根真人
Do you think it's too soon to ask him
你觉得现在就管他要家具店折扣
to give me a discount at Piers 1?
是不是有点太唐突了
He looks dignified, like he's not gonna ask about a penis.
他看着挺高尚的 估计不会问鸡鸡的事情
But what if he does?
但如果他问起来怎么办
Max, I can't do this. Give me your phone.
麦克斯 我好害怕 把手机给我
You need to remind yourself
你得时刻提醒自己
of the person your father used to be.
你父亲以前的样子
Look, here he is working with UNICEF.
瞧 这是他跟联合国儿童基金会共事
And here he is water skiing on "Lake rich person."
这是他在"富人湖"里滑水
Look at that smile. Is that the smile of hold up.
瞧那个笑容 是不是...等下
What's coming out of the left leg of his swim shorts?
他泳裤左裤腿冒出来的是什么东西
I think your father's junk is trying to tell me
我觉得你爸的鸡鸡在试图告诉我
there's gonna be six more weeks of winter.
离冬天还有六个星期
注释：这句话源于北美的土拨鼠日(2月2日) 那天是从冬天向春天过度的关键标志
如果土拨鼠离开洞穴并能看到它的身影就预示着冬天还有六个星期如果看不到它的身影 那么冬天不久将会结束
What are you saying?
你在说什么啊
I'm saying, someone had a tip slip,
我是说 有人的"鸟"不小心探头出来了
and that is not a small tip.
而且那只"鸟头"还不小哦
And as a waitress and a loose woman,
作为一名服务员和一名荡♥妇
I know a small tip when I see one.
只要我看见头 我就知道那只鸟大不大
Here.
看这里
Sorry, sorry.
抱歉 抱歉
She just showed me a picture of Anne Hathaway's new haircut.
她刚给我看了安妮·海瑟薇的新发型
Well, this is good,
这不错
because it can proves that woman is lying.
因为能证明那女人在撒谎
Yep, you just have to show this to Piers.
对啊 你可以把这拿给皮尔斯看
I told you, I'm not going near my father's penis.
我说过 我绝不会提及[靠近]我爸的鸡鸡
All I have to do is point out
我只需指出
that that woman has no finance skills.
那女人根本不懂理财和金融
Unlike her, we are taking the high road.
不像她 我们要采取高尚的手段
Max, are you sending that to yourself?
麦克斯 你是把照片发你手机上吗
I'm here with Sandra Rosenthal,
今天的嘉宾是珊卓拉·罗森索
Who's just signed a huge book deal
她刚签了一份超值钱的书约
to do a kiss and tell
揭发臭名昭著的金融家
on disgraced financier Martin Channing.
马丁·钱宁的种种隐私
Welcome to you, Sandra. Hello, piers.
欢迎你 珊卓拉 你好 皮尔斯
Thank you for allowing me to tell my story.
谢谢你邀请我上台讲述我的故事
It's a story, all right.
只是个故事而已
Wow, so we're right into it.
我们十分想听
Okay, well, let me catch up.
好的 让我先介绍下
My other guest is Caroline Channing,
另一位嘉宾是卡洛琳·钱宁
daughter of martin Channing, who, to put it mildly,
马丁·钱宁的女儿 说得委婉些
is claiming that your book, Ms. Rosenthal,
她声称罗森索女士的书
is a bunch of bull.
完全就是狗屁连篇
That's right, Piers.
没错 皮尔斯
It's pure rubbish,
按你们英国人的说法
as your people say.
就是"通篇胡扯"
That was perfectly American.
那完全是你们美国人的说法
Right, then, let me start with you.
好吧 那先从你开始
Well, to catch everybody up, Ms. Rosenthal's
事情是这样的 推动罗森索女士作品的
large book advance
really has to do with something that turned out to be,
最"大"动力 是她揭露某物的真相是...
by your words, very small.
用你的话来说 "非常小"
Comments, Ms. Channing?
有何评论 钱宁小姐
I'd rather not comment about that, Piers,
我不发表任何评论 皮尔斯
because I have class, but I do have a question
因为我有格调 但我的确有个问题
for Ms. Rosenthal, who was hired by my father
要问我父亲曾经聘用过的珊卓拉女士
because she claimed she had a degree in finance.
因为她声称自己是金融学的学士
Ms. Rosenthal, if a train carrying 27 passengers
珊卓拉女士 一辆载有27个人的火车
leaves Grand Central Station at 9:00 A.M.,
早上9点离开中央车站
travels 800 miles to Chicago, arriving at 5:00 p.M.,
于下午5点到达800英里外的芝加哥
how fast was it traveling?
请问火车的速度是多少
Well, I
这个嘛
Simple math, piers.
超简单的数学题 皮尔斯
miles an hour.
每小时100英里100
I'm sorry? That's your answer.
你说什么 你问题的答案
Sorry, I'm a bit of a mathlete.
抱歉 我也算是个数学高手
Impressive.
真厉害
I've got a math equation for you.
我也有个数学问题要问你
If a 3 inch train is entering a tunnel,
如果一辆3英寸长的"火车"开进"隧道"
do I even know it's there?
那"隧道"能感觉到吗
Ladies, this isn't Maury Povich.
女士们 这不是毛里·波维奇无下限的节目
Piers, I am simply trying to illustrate
皮尔斯 我只是单纯想说明
that she should have been able to answer it,
如果她够格胜任金融工作的话
had she been qualified for her job in finance.
她应该可以回答那个问题才对
Everything that I am writing in the book is true, Piers.
我书里所写的一切内容都是真的
There is nothing that I have said
我说的任何东西
that she can prove is untrue.
她都无法证明是假的
Wait a minute, why is there a woman under my
等下 为什么会有个女人在我桌子底下
Oh, is there, Piers?
有吗 皮尔斯
Yes, my father defrauded a lot of people,
没错 我的父亲是骗了很多人的钱
and he's paying a price for that,
他也为此付出了代价
but I'm not gonna sit by silently while she exploits him
但她为了自己的利益而消费我父亲时
With lies for her own gain.
我绝对不会袖手旁观
Piers, there's so much about my father
皮尔斯 我想告诉您
I want you to know, like he
很多关于我父亲的事情 比如...
What is this?
这是什么
Well...I know what this is.
我知道这是什么
I've got one.
我也有一根
But whose is it, and why am I looking at it?
但这是谁的 为什么要给我看
It's my father's.
那是我父亲的
He had a bit of a tip slip.
他的"鸟"不小心探头了
Madam, I don't know what you're looking for in a man,
女士 我不知道你想要什么样的男人
but this...
但这个男人
is far from inadequate.
明显是"神雕大侠"
In fact, it's so far from inadequate,
老实说 与你描述差距太远
that I'm bringing this interview to an immediate close.
我要马上结束本期访谈
Your book and you lack any credibility.
你和你的书都没有任何可信度
That's it.
到此为止
Can you hook me up with a discount at Piers 1 Imports?"
你能帮我搞到皮尔斯家具店的折扣吗""
Hey, you know, they'll probably come to you one day
很可能某天出版商会对你有兴趣
and want a tell all book.
想出一本你的揭秘书
Remember, we already have chapter one, "Sleep farts."
记住第一章已经有了 "边睡觉边放屁"
Chapter two: "My new stepmom Max."
第二章是 "我的新后妈 麦克斯"
Max, am I gonna have to defend my father forever?
麦克斯 我会一辈子都得替我爸辩护吗
Probably, but don't worry,
可能吧 但别担心
I'll be there to help. Thank you.
我会帮你的 谢谢
cause it's a wife's job to defend her husband.
因为保卫丈夫 是妻子的职责'
It makes me sad to think he's gonna be in prison
我一想到他要在监狱度过余生
for the rest of his life.
就觉得很难过
Don't think of it like that. He's not just in prison.
别这样想嘛 他不是在监狱
He's in Africa working with UNICEF,
他是在非洲跟联合国儿童基金会共事
He's in Haiti,
他在海地
he's water skiing on "Lake rich person,"
他在"富人湖"上滑水
and he's on the desktop of my computer.
他还在我电脑的桌面上
I should delete that.
我应该删掉那照片
Where'd I leave my phone?
我的手机放哪里了
Oh, god, are you guys looking at the picture of my dad?
天啊 你们不会是在看我爸的照片吧
We are. Respect.
是的 钦佩不已啊
So very much respect.
敬仰之情有如滔滔江水 连绵不绝
Eh, I've seen better.
我见过更棒的
Every day.
每天低头就能看见
Give me that.
还给人家啦