真人秀节目大乌龙

That's it for tonight.
打烊啦
Time to count the tip jar.
是时候来数数小费了
Hand condom.
手部避孕套
I can't believe you.
你真是让人咋舌啊
Using protection is so five years ago.
直到现在还采取安全措施
This is Williamsburg.
这里是威廉斯堡
There's a good chance even the dollars have herpes.
连钱都可能携带性病病毒的
Well, if those singles have herpes,
如果那些单身钱都有性病
They should just lie about it till they get married
那他们应该把病情隐瞒到结婚之日
Like everybody else does.
就像所有人一样
Oh, good, you're still open.
噢 太好了 你们还没打烊
Oh, yes, we are. What can I get you?
噢 是的 还没 您需要什么?
Everything in the register.
收银机里的全部钱
Oh, my god. It's a hipster hold-up.
噢 我去 潮人都来打劫了
Hand it over. I have a gun.
把钱交出来 我有钱枪
Well, I have a death wish so that's not gonna work.
我就想死 所以你这招不管用
Look, pal, we work at this cupcake window
朋友 我们在这蛋糕窗口
from 2:00 to 4:00, six nights a week,
从两点工作到四点 每周工作六晚
and that is after eight hours of slinging hash
而且还是在旁边家破餐厅辛苦工作
at the diner next door for lousy minimum wage,
八小时后 就赚那么点点的钱
which a bunch of rich politicians out in... Help me out.
可是那群有钱的政客 身处... 帮帮我
Washington.
华盛顿
What she said... don't wanna raise.
就她说的那地方... 不给我们涨薪
Then, we walk home to our illegal one bedroom apartment,
然后我们还得走回自己的非法单间
get three hours of nyquil induced sleep
靠着吃感冒药才能睡上三小时
before we have to get back up and share a bowl
之后起床 我们只能分食一碗
of spanish language cheerios.
西班牙语版的脆谷乐
It's the same thing but the "C" Wears a sombrero.
都是脆谷乐 只是包装盒印有墨西哥帽
So, no, I am not about to give you our hard-earned money.
所以 我不会把这血汗钱给你
And if you're gonna shoot me, better aim good.
如果你要开枪打我 最好瞄准点
'cause if you miss, I will climb over this counter,
否则 如果你失手了 我就会翻出这个柜台
tear off your head, and it'll be our new tip jar.
揪下你的脑袋 用来做新的小费瓫
Yeah, I just robbed pizza pizza.
好吧 我刚打劫了披萨店
Here's a $20.
这是二十块钱
Have a good night.
祝你晚上愉快
I have a way with people.
我对付人很有一套
Look, I just saw that our cupcake competition,
我刚看到咱们纸杯蛋糕的竞争对手
"Brooklyn Bitty Bites," went out of business.
那家布鲁克林的美味结业了
Yup, it's being changed into a medical marijuana store.
是啊 那变成了一家卖药用大♥麻的
I already have my hole-punch card.
我这还有一张集孔卡
Buy four brownies and the fifth buzz is free.
布朗尼蛋糕买四赠一
Brooklyn Bitty Bites beat it!
布鲁克林的美味倒闭啦!
Yeah! We won!
耶! 我们赢了!
Eat it, red haired lady and your asian daughter!
见鬼去吧 红毛女还有你的亚洲闺女!
Max, them going down right after the death
Max 这店是紧跟着纸杯蛋糕巨头
of the cupcake giant, "Crumbs," is scary.
克兰布斯店倒闭关门的 太吓人了
It's like there's a serial killer out there
就像是一个连环杀手在追杀
coming after cupcakes.
纸杯蛋糕
Well, he should be easy to outrun,
那他应该很容易逃脱
'cause that'll be one fat dexter.
因为有个胖胖的嗜血法医
Seriously, we have a big problem.
严肃点 我们要摊上大♥麻烦了
I'm back!
我回来啦!
And there's our little problem.
我们的小麻烦来了
Wow, you don't usually see the ventriloquist's dummy
一般很难看到腹语表演者的玩偶
out of his suitcase alone.
独自从箱子里跑出来的
Hello, Earl. Hello, Caroline.
哈喽 Earl 哈喽 Caroline
Hello, reason I do two hours of phone therapy
你好 你这个劝我在上班前要接受两小时
every Wednesday before work.
电话治疗的人
So, did you all miss me?
大家想我吗
You were gone?
你有出门吗?
'cause I swear I just saw you yesterday.
我发誓我昨天还见到你
Wait, maybe that was a cat.
等等 有可能我见到的是猫
I was gone, people!
我出门了 同志们!
To San Francisco for a convention.
去旧金山参加一个会议
The restaurant and diner association.
餐饮协会
"RADASS."
简称为"拉丝"
You were at something called "RADASS" In san francisco?
你在旧金山参加了一个叫"拉丝"的东东?
Are you sure it wasn't "Redass"?
你确定它不是叫拉稀
I am not gay. I'm restaurant curious.
我不是去搞基 我只是关心餐厅发展
I discovered an exciting new item for our menu.
我找到了一个适合咱们餐厅的新菜
No way. No new menu additions.
不要 菜单已经满了
I already lie awake in bed
我都担心得睡不着觉了
worrying about how high the food bar is here.
担心食物堆积得过高
Pick up! Pulled pork.
端菜! 手撕猪肉
And it's good 'cause before I pulled it,
这道菜味道会很好 因为我在撕之前
I gave it a dry rub.
因为我已经给它做了个干擦
It's $4 toast.
新菜是标价四美元的土司
$4 toast?
四美元的土司?
That's $5 more than our toast is worth.
比我们现在的土司还贵五美元
Delicious, homemade artisan bread.
美味的手工面包
At first, I was reluctant to put something so big in my mouth.
起初 我有点人抗拒把这么大的玩意塞进嘴里
But the hot butter drizzling down my chin
但是当那热呼呼的奶油顺着我的下巴流下
was my sticky reward.
是我黏糊的嘉奖
Han, that toast is trendy foodie food.
Han 这个土司太前卫了
It'll die here, like my soul did.
它会死在这里的 正如我的灵魂
Our customers are just plain, normal people.
我们的顾客都是些庸人 凡人
Hey, everybody!
嘿 同志们!
And Sophie.
以及苏菲
Guess what?
你猜怎么着?
guys want me on Tinder.
有个人在交友应用上给我点喜欢
Oh, !
噢 !
Now it's !
现在是!
How long have you been on Tinder?
你用交友应用多久了?
Ten minutes!
10分钟!
Oh, look, oh, my gosh!
噢 看啊 噢 我的天啊!
This guy's a plumber. Are you kidding me?
这家伙是个水管工 是真的吗
Yes, that's a match!
好的 牵线成功!
And this guy isn't even wearing a shirt!
这男人连衣服都没穿
That's another big yes!
又一个成功!
Oh, gosh, girls, I'll be over here,
天啊 姑娘们 我要去自己的专座
Looking at boys in my booth.
坐着欣赏这些小鲜肉们
Hey, I know a girl who met her husband on Tinder.
嘿 我知道有个女的在交友应用上遇到她老公
No, wait, she saw her husband on Tinder.
不对 她是在那看见她老公
Hey, are wheelchairs sexy?
嘿 轮椅是不是也很性感?
I guess it depends on who's in one.
我觉得这得看是谁坐在那上面
I say no.
我拒绝了
Hold the presses.
先不点了
I just got a new tweet from my gal,
我刚收到我闺蜜发的新推特
Kim Kardashian.
她叫金·卡戴珊
Oh, she just bought her some new boots in Manhattan.
噢 她刚从曼哈顿买了好多靴子
Kim Kardashian is epic.
金·卡戴珊是个传奇
She was on the cover of Vogue. She's on fire.
她上了"服饰与美容"的封面 火到不行
So? I've been on fire.
那又怎样? 我也曾经火过
That's the last time I try witchcraft for the free snacks.
那是我最后一次试图用魔法获得免♥费零食
I love the Kardashians.
我爱卡戴珊家族
They're like the Kennedys but with bigger asses.
她们就像肯尼迪家族一样 只不过屁♥股更大
Text me next time.
下次给我发信息
This whole talking thing is insane.
打电话会让我抓狂
Hi!
嗨
Who would I talk to about finding the owner
请问一下我要怎么才能联♥系
of Max's homemade cupcakes?
Max手工蛋糕店的老板
That's Max. I'm Caroline.
这位就是Max 我是Caroline
We're the owners of this store.
我们是这家店的老板
And about four pairs of socks.
穷得只剩四双袜子•
Great. Wonderful. Such a cute shop.
好极了 非常好 这家店很可爱
Would you be interested in having a popular...
你们是否有兴趣让一个很受欢迎的...
Yes.
好的
I didn't finish my sentence.
我还没说完
Sorry, I just haven't heard the word "popular" in so long.
抱歉 我只是很久没听到"受欢迎"这几个字眼了
Oh, yeah, she's over.
嗯 是啊 她太老土了
She's the Blockbuster video of people.
她是那种会去租录像带的人
Would you be interested in having
请问你们是否有兴趣让一个
a popular reality show filmed here?
很受欢迎的真人秀在本店拍摄?
Y...
好...
I'm so sorry. I have to take this.
非常抱歉 我得接个电话
Just a minute.
一分钟
What?
搞毛啊
Just say it already. Come on.
说吧 快点
Max, this is great. Think of the exposure.
Max 这太好啦 想想曝光度
I wonder which reality show it is.
我比较好奇是哪部真人秀
Ooh, maybe and Pregnant is doing
也许"少女妈妈"正在拍摄
a "Where are they now" segment and they found me.
"看看她们的近况"环节 然后找上了我
Or that one about you, "Here comes honey boobless."
或者是找你的 "平胸甜心来了"
Do you have any idea who I am?
你到底知道我是谁吗?
You just do what I say or you are out!
照我说的做 不然滚出去
Okay.
好
Mommy loves you.
妈妈爱你
Sorry, my baby's Nigerian.
抱歉 我孩子是尼日利亚人
I mean, if you're gonna live here, learn the language.
要想住在这里 就得学英语
Jeez.
天啊
So what are we thinking?
你们意下如何?
We'd love it. We're in. What show?
大爱 我们加入 哪个节目?
Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
与卡戴珊姐妹同行
Finally, God opens a door.
上帝终于为我们开了一扇门
And I'm closing a window.
所以我要关一扇窗
Max!
Max 住手!
She's overwhelmed. Big fan.
她是个忠粉 所以太激动了
Do you have a card?
有名片吗?
Mm-hmm. And listen, text me.
给 听着 给我发短信
Don't call. It freaks me out.
别打电话 我会抓狂的
Just give me one good reason
给我一个理由
why we shouldn't keep up with the Kardashians.
为什么不和卡戴珊姐妹同行
I'll give you five good reasons.
我可以给你五个
Kim, Kamber, Klondike...
金 坎伯 克朗代克...
and the little ones, Krispy and Kreme.
小的那俩叫"香脆"和"奶油"
Not even close.
根本不对
Fine. Kim, Kooky, Kool aid,
好吧 金 饼干 "酷爱"饮料
and the little ones, Kaptain and Kangaroo.
小的那俩叫"船长"和"袋鼠"
It's Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kylie, and Kendall.
是金 克特妮 克洛伊 克莱和克恩黛儿
That mother has some nerve, naming a kid
她们的妈妈真大胆 竟然给一个也许
who's probably never even read a book "Kindle."
从未看过Kindle电子书的孩子起这名字
We need this.
我们需要这个机会
Everyone watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
所有人都看"与卡戴珊姐妹同行"
It's like Dancing with the Stars,
就像没有明星版的
but without the stars.
"与星共舞"
So, dancing with the stars.
与星星共舞
Okay, tell me one good thing about this show that I hate,
好吧 这让我讨厌的节目 你给我说个优点出来
'cause I've never seen it.
因为我从来没看过
Well, it's all about this family
这个秀讲的是一个家庭
and their struggle to...
他们努力地想要...
keep up.
同行
Yeah, okay. I've never seen it either.
好吧 我也没看过
Sophie, thank you so much for letting us come up
Sophie 真是太感谢你了 让我们在下班后
after work to watch your TV.
到你家来看电视
Max turned our old one into a bong.
Max把我们的旧电视给炸了
That was another time I was on fire.
那时候我也火了一把
Well, which episode do you want to watch?
你们想看哪一集?
"Kim gets a new hat."
"金买了新帽子"
Or "Kylie cries at Coachella"?
还是"克莱在科切拉音乐节痛哭"?
Or "Khloe gets a bikini wax"?
还是"克洛伊来了次比基尼蜜蜡脱毛"?
Now that one's a classic.
这集太经♥典了
How many of these do you have DVR'd?
你录了多少集?
Well, I got on this TV
这个电视录了集
and on the one in the bedroom.
卧室里那个录了集
I like to go to sleep with the sound of Kim's voice.
我喜欢听着金的声音入睡
It's so comforting when she says,
她说这句话的时候太怡人了
"this is super awkward."
"真是超级尴尬的"
And you know, sometimes she arches her back
要知道她有时候会弯下腰
when she says it, like this.
做这个动作说
"This is super awkward."
"真是超级尴尬的"
This is super awkward.
真是超级尴尬的
You know, I bet you if I stayed in Poland,
我打赌如果我留在波兰
my sisters and I would have had our own show.
我和姐妹们也会有自己的真人秀
It would've been called, Keeping Up with the Kachinskis.
名字就是"与卡金斯基姐妹同行"
It's too bad we all didn't live to see .
可惜她们没活到岁就死了
It's not cute.
真不好
You know I need someone to make me laugh.
你知道我想有人能逗笑我
Where's Kim? Kim is always late.
金在哪儿? 她老是迟到
Stop!
住手!
Thanks, guys.
谢谢 各位
That's it, we're done. Money.
就这样 结束了 给钱吧
Hey, get the hell out! It's morning!
嘿 你们出去! 都早上了!
I know, I know, but we couldn't stop
我知道 但是看着她们无所事事
watching them do nothing.
让我们看上瘾了
This show is freaking genius!
这真人秀太厉害了!
Is the blonde one crying?
金发妹子是在哭吗?
Mm-hmm. Kris and Kim are in Vienna
恩 克丽斯和金在维也纳的时候
and someone stole Kris's Bottega bag
有人偷了克丽斯的宝缇嘉定制包
and her Chanel clutch with the matching pumps
香奈儿手包 以及她在巴黎买的
that she bought in Paris.
配套高跟鞋
All right, well, I have to go take my morning tinkle.
好吧 我要去吃早晨醒神药了
But when I come back, I want you two to be out of here
但我回来的时候 你们必须得走
because I need that swing for my exercises.
因为我需要那个秋千做运动
We have to do this show.
我们必须参与这个真人秀
It'll be so great for our business.
对我们的生意很有好处
The only way we'd get more exposure
否则要想得到同样的曝光度
is if Orlando Bloom and Bieber bitchslapped each other
除非是奥兰多·布鲁姆和贾斯汀·比伯
in front of our shop.
在我们店门口对扇耳光
Who cares about our business?
谁还管我们的生意呀?
I want that mother to adopt me!
我要那妈收养我!
Her kid makes a sex tape, she turns it into millions.
她家小孩拍了个性♥爱录像带 她能用它赚了几百万
The only thing my mother ever did with my sex tape
我拍了个性♥爱录像带 我妈竟然只是
was copy it and give it to her boyfriend.
拷贝了一份给她男朋友
I'm so excited.
我太兴奋了
Max, this is what I look like when I'm happy.
Max 这就是我高兴时候的样子
You've never seen it.
你从来没看到过
Please call me by my new name, Khlamydia Kardashian.
请叫我的新名字 克拉米迪娅 卡戴珊
Don't say anything stupid like that.
千万别说这样的傻话
I won't have to say anything.
我什么都不会说的
Kris will see me and recognize me
克丽斯看到我的嘴唇和大胸
as one of her own with my lips, my boobs,
以及我想住富人区的念想
and my willingness to live in some place called Calabasas.
就会觉得我是她亲生的
They're here. My life changes now!
他们来了 我的人生要改变了!
This is what I look like happy.
这就是我高兴时候的样子
You've never seen it.
你从来没看到过
Hi, we are so, so excited about this.
嗨 我们真的是非常兴奋
There has been a change.
情况有变
They're not coming.
她们不来了
It's too far to walk in heels.
穿高跟鞋走过来太远了
See? She might as well have been my real mom
看看 她也许真的是我亲妈
'cause she just chose a heel over me.
因为她选了高跟鞋而不要我
Hi, here I am to meet Kiki, my bff.
嗨 我是来见我的闺蜜金金的
And look at my new dress! Twinsies!
看看我的新裙子! 和她同款的!
They certainly are.
肯定是同款
Sorry, she's not coming.
抱歉 她不来了
We had to film them in Jamba Juice instead.
我们在姜巴果汁店取景了
Oh.
噢
Well, this is super awkward.
这真是超级尴尬的
Stupid Kardashians!
愚蠢的卡戴珊姐妹!
Kim, Kankels, Krank,
金 大脚踝 臭脾气
and the little ones, Kegel and Kickball,
小的那俩叫"性♥爱运动"和"儿童足球"
You can kiss my keister.
才不屑你们拍马屁呢
Max, stop it! I'm trying to sleep.
Max 停下! 我想睡觉
Well, sorry, but I'm pissed and it's : anyway.
抱歉 但我很生气 反正也点半了
What's going on?
你怎么了?
Even one tweet from Kim would have exposed us
金哪怕发一条状态 她那两千两百万的
to million followers.
粉丝就会知道我们了
Scientology doesn't even have those numbers.
基督教科学派都没那么多教众
They screwed us. I know.
我们被耍了 我就知道
That is why I'm making hate cupcakes
所以我在为卡戴珊姐妹
for the Kardashians, see?
做恶意满满纸杯蛋糕 瞧
"Eat it,""Bite me,"
"吃屎""去死"
and these three... "Get""A""Job."
还有这三个... "找""攻""做"
Oh, and one for the mom that says, "I still love you,"
还有一个以防万一 是给她妈妈做的
just in case.
"我还爱你"
Now come on, get up.
快点起床
Your son needs to go out and take an -foot crap.
你儿子要出去散步拉屎了
No, I'm done.
不 我罢♥工了
If everyone's done with cupcakes, so am I.
如果大家都不要纸杯蛋糕了 我也不要了
I'm done pretending that everything's gonna work out.
我不想再假装一切都会顺利了
In our reality show, it's not.
在我们的真人秀里 一切都糟透了
Look, get up, or I will close this bed with you in it,
听好了 现在起床 不然我就把你连床一起合起来
and your new reality show will be True Life: I live in a wall.
你的新真人秀就是"真人真事: 我住在墙里"
I'm not getting up. Ever.
我绝对不会起床的
Aah! Max, stop, stop it! Stop it!
啊! Max 住手! 住手!
Put me down! Put me down!
放我下来! 放我下来!
What's happening?
怎么了?
I can't lift my head.
我抬不起头了
Did I have a stroke?
是不是中风了?
Calm down. No one has stroked in your bed
冷静点 没人在你床上中风过
Since... What is it, going on a year?
除非... 做上一年?
Max. My hair is caught.
Max 我的头发被夹住了
My hair is caught! My hair is caught!
我的头发被夹住了! 我的头发被夹住了!
Who are you yelling at?
你在对谁吼呢?
The whole situation! Do something!
这该死的状况! 想想办法!
Let me look.
我来看看
Oh yeah, it's all caught up in the bed gears here.
没错 都卷进床的齿轮里了
Oh my god, I have a bed with gears
天啊 我的床竟然有齿轮
and my hair is caught in it!
我的头发还被夹住了!
Ooh, nope.
不行
It's really all stuck up in there.
真的完全卷进去了
It's so odd.
太奇怪了
I don't know how a thing like this could happen.
真不知道怎么会发生这种事
Uh, you put me up into the wall.
是你要把我翻到墙上的
And now I'm trapped in a murphy bed
现在我被卡在折叠床上
like some welfare rapunzel.
就像个倒霉版的长发公主
Stop panicking, I'll get a scissors.
别惊慌 我有剪刀
Oh, yeah, yeah! Get the scissors.
对 没错! 快去拿剪刀
Then plunge 'em into my heart 'cause I'd rather die
然后一下扎进我胸口 因为要剪头发
than cut my hair.
我宁愿死
Okay, Max, I think I have something that might work,
好吧 Max 我想到办法了
but you have to promise me
但你得保证
that you will never bring this up again.
不会再提起这件事
What? The fact that your head
什么事? 你的头卡在
is stuck to your bed?
床上这件事?
Sorry, that's coming up again.
抱歉 我肯定会再提的
Go into my nightstand
去翻我的床头柜
and get my cinnamon-flavored make-up remover.
然后把我那瓶肉桂味的卸妆油拿出来
You mean the lube?
你是说润滑油吧?
Can we please call it make-up remover?
我们能不能就叫它卸妆油?
Please! I need us to do that.
求你了! 就这样叫吧
It's almost empty.
快用完了
Man, you've removed a lot of make-up.
天啊 你还真是卸了很多妆
Stop it! Just squeeze some out
别说了! 挤点出来
and put it on the parts that we need to move.
涂到我们想要润滑的部位
Yeah, I'm familiar.
这个我在行
Ew!
呃!
Please tell me it's working.
拜托告诉我这方法有用
I'm trying, but I don't think I can get your hair out.
我在试 但我觉得没法把你的头发救出来
Good news is, I think we can fit a penis in there.
好消息是 我觉得可以轻松插入了
Who could that be?
会是谁?
A rapist we've done most of the work for.
我们经常为之卖命的强♥奸犯
Oh, we were just talking about you.
我们正好说到你
Max, you gotta help me with the bread for Han's toast.
Max 你得帮我做Han要的土司面包
I've already burned ten of these.
我已经烤焦十条了
Turns out the only thing I can successfully bake is meth.
事实证明我能成功烤出来的只有兴♥奋♥剂
Oleg, come to the bed. I need you!
Oleg 快到床上来 我需要你!
All right!
好啊!
Only took you four years, but I'm here, baby.
尽管等了四年时间 但我就在这里 宝贝
No, it's not like that, Oleg.
不 不是你想的那样 Oleg
Just get over here!
快点过来!
Okay.
好的
Hold this.
拿好
Earl, what are you doing here?
Earl 你在这里干什么?
Oleg called me when he couldn't get Caroline
Oleg打电话给我 说他没法让Caroline
to stop the screaming.
停止尖叫
Hi, Max. Earl gave me part of a brownie.
Max 嗨 Earl分了我一块布朗宁
Turns out, glaucoma and having hair stuck
事实证明 青光眼和头发被夹住
take the exact same prescription.
治疗的方子完全一样
Look!
快看!
That's right, you mothers!
这就对了 伙计们!
I did it!
我做到了!
I made the perfect bread!
我烤出了完美的面包!
You're a chef who took hours to make one loaf of bread.
你是个厨师 却花了个小时才做出一条面包
Stephen Hawking was more successful at the -yard dash.
史蒂芬·霍金百米跑的成绩都比你好
And you... You are aware
还有你... 你知不知道
that I went all the way into Manhattan,
我跑去曼哈顿 给金·卡戴珊
cupcake-bombed Kim Kardashian's hotel,
住的酒店送了一堆恶意纸杯蛋糕
and you're still just laying here, right?
结果回来你竟然还躺着
Didn't you have to pee?
你不用嘘嘘吗?
I held most of it in.
大部分尿我都憋住了
This is crazy. You've been here all day.
真是疯了 你都这样一整天了
Let's just cut your damn hair already.
我们还是把你的头发剪掉吧
I wouldn't be me without my hair.
没了头发 我就不是我了
I can't live without it.
我活不下去的
Yes, you can.
你能活下去
You have lived without money,
没有钱 没有电
you've lived without electricity,
没人陪你做活塞运动
you've lived without plumbing.
你不都活下来了
What do you think got me through it?
你觉得我是靠什么撑过来的?
My hair.
我的头发
I'd be like, "Lost all my money, the toilet's clogged,
我就想 "钱都没了 马桶堵了
still got my hair."
幸好我的头发还在"
Darling, I don't think those brownies are kicking in.
亲爱的 我想那些布朗宁可能不够劲
I also have some lollipops.
我还有棒棒糖哦
I hope you're happy.
我希望你满意了
I didn't see anything through the peep-hole,
猫眼里什么都没看到
so I'm guessing it's Han.
所以我猜是Han来了
Ah, hello!
你们好!
I have an open diner and no diner staff!
餐厅开门了 员工却没影了!
Han, look, I made perfect bread.
Han 看呀 我做出了完美的面包
Oh, wow. It's bigger than I'm used to.
哇 这比我习惯的尺寸要大得多
Let me just take a minute and breathe.
让我冷静一下 深呼吸
And I'm sure I can take it all in.
我确信自己可以完全吞进去
Well, if you need any help,
如果你需要帮助
Caroline's got some make-up remover.
Caroline有卸妆油的
Kiki tweet, Kiki tweet, Kiki tweet!
金金发了 金金发了 金金发了!
She's saying "Kiki tweet"!
她是在说"金金发了"!
How did he understand that? Is he part dolphin?
他怎么听懂呢? 难道他是海豚人?
Kim Kardashian tweeted a pic of my mean cupcakes
金·卡戴珊发了我那些恶意蛋糕的照片
and said, "Max's homemade cupcakes #notcool."
然后写着 "Max的手工纸杯蛋糕 #不厚道"
Oh, my God, Kim Kardashian hates someone I know!
天啊 金·卡戴珊竟然讨厌我认识的人了!
That went out to million people!
两千两百万的粉丝都看到了!
- I'm so sorry. - Why?
- 我很抱歉 - 干嘛道歉?
Do you know how many people can't stand the Kardashians?
你知道有多少人受不了卡戴珊姐妹吗?
Our cupcake window will be packed!
我们的蛋糕店窗口会被挤爆的!
Cut me loose.
快来剪掉
Hey, Caroline, we're finally about to scissor.
嘿 Caroline 我们终于要动剪刀了
Are you sure?
你确定吗?
We got a business to run.
我们有生意要做
Cut it, I'll be fine.
快剪 我不会有事的
Aah!
啊!
Yeah, you're gonna need that lollipop.
好吧 你还是吃根棒棒糖吧
Yeah, I know, those Kardashians are the worst.
我明白 卡戴珊姐妹最讨厌了
That's why I don't keep up with them anymore.
所以我再也不跟她们同行了
All right, Max. Okay, that's it.
好了 Max 挺不错的
Just one left. Not bad.
只剩一个了 是不错
And your hair's not bad either.
你的发型也不错
Yeah, now,
现在是不错
after the emergency trip to that salon.
幸好我及时赶到发廊
When you got done with me,
在你刚剪完的时候
I looked like a baby bird on chemo.
我看上去就像只做过化疗的小鸟
I'm sorry I had to use the last of our savings for my hair cut.
抱歉我花光了最后的积蓄去剪了这个头发
- No, you're not. - No, I am not, I love this.
- 你才不抱歉 - 没错 我爱这个发型
Hi, I'm Kim.
嗨 我是金
I just wanted to say sorry
我只是想来道歉
that we didn't film here the other day.
我们那天没有过来拍摄
It almost hurts to look at her.
光看着她 我就快被亮瞎了
I know how hard us girls really work
我知道你们两个为了生意
to keep our businesses going,
有多努力工作
so I'll take a cupcake
所以我会买个小蛋糕
and I'll totally tweet about it for real.
然后认认真真发一条微博
Thank you so much.
太谢谢你了
Here, here, here, here, here.
这个蛋糕 拿着 拿着
We can't break a $, and anyway,
块的我们找不开 无所谓了
this is so on the house.
这个就当我们请的
Oh, thanks.
谢谢
Cute hair.
发型很不错
Wait. Real quick...
等等 就一个问题...
Do you think your mother would adopt me?
你觉得你妈妈会收养我吗?
This is super awkward.
这真是超级尴尬的