糖果屋的帅哥

Look at all these people
瞧瞧这些人
just sitting here and not tipping,
也不给小费 就会坐在那里
working on their computers.
啪啪啪地玩电脑
This guy has a brand new Apple.
这家伙有一台全新的苹果电脑
I've been eating the same apple for a week.
而老娘同一个苹果啃了快一周
I blame Steve Jobs.
都怪史蒂夫·乔布斯[有工作]
These people are more like Steve I have no jobs.
这些人更像是"史蒂夫·没工作吧"
All right, that's it.
好吧 真是够了
Earl, I need to get the wireless router.
厄尔 给我无线路由器
Oh, is that what this is?
原来那玩意是干这个的啊
I thought it was a cookie warmer.
我还以为是饼干加热器呢
Attention deadbeat diners.
听着 你们这些蹭网客
You can't just sit here all night and only order coffee.
你们不能点杯咖啡 就赖一整晚
This is not a Starbucks.
这又不是星巴克
And I know that because we don't sell
而且一看我们这里不卖
Norah Jones cds or bananas.
诺拉·琼斯的CD或是香蕉就知道
注释：诺拉·琼斯 美国著名女爵士歌手 星巴克经常放她的音乐
This is the router for the free wi fi.
这是能提供无线网络的路由器
And that is a waitress who needs to make some tips.
而这位是需要挣点小费的服务员
Seriously, guys, I need actual cash.
说真的 伙计们 我要的是钞票
This guy just offered to pay me in ideas.
那家伙居然想用创意来付账
If I pull this plug, the internet will go down.
如果我拔掉这个插头 网络就会没掉
And you
而你
that sad email you're in the middle of writing to your ex boyfriend,
写给前男友的可怜兮兮电邮会没掉
the one you shouldn't send anyway gone.
反正你也不应该发给他
And you
而你
That vaguely pornographic anime film
花费了三小时
you've been illegally downloading for the past three hours gone.
非法下♥载的色情动漫 也会没掉
And you that screenplay you've been writing,
而你 埋头写的破剧本
you can keep working on it, but we all know how it ends:
你可以继续写 不过我们都知道结局
with you moving back in with your mother.
就是你搬回去跟你老妈住
Now, who's gonna order?
现在谁想点餐呀
Great, I'll go get some menus.
很好 我去拿菜单
Here, Caroline, put this back.
给 卡洛琳 把这个放回去
Ooh, my cookie warmer.
可惜了我的饼干加热器
Table ten just ordered cocktails.
第10桌刚点了杯鸡尾酒
Yeah, 'cause we're that kind of a place.
她以为我们这里有多高级啊
Does anyone know how to make Sex On The Beach?
谁知道"性感沙滩"怎么做呀
注释：性感沙滩"是一种鸡尾酒 字面上是"沙滩上做♥爱"的意思
Easy.
很简单
I put on my speedo and wait.
我穿上三角泳裤 之后就能了
Those girls have been drinking for hours.
那俩妞喝酒喝好久了
Just press every button on the gun and add rum.
随便加饮料 然后混朗姆酒就行了
Look at them. Not a care in the world.
瞧瞧她们 无忧无虑
Having a great time.
开心自在
I hate them. I hate them, too.
我讨厌她们 我也讨厌她们
I hate them more.
我比你更讨厌她们
I hate that you hate them more.
我讨厌你比我更讨厌她们
So jealous.
羡慕嫉妒恨啊
Okay, ready for party of four.
好了 四人座准备好了
Excuse me. Pardon me.
借过 抱歉
Excuse me. Okay.
借过 好了
Hey, baby!
宝贝
Looking good. Mm, always.
美呆了 向来如此
I'll be in my booth.
我就坐我老位子
Sophie, you cannot take up a whole booth alone.
苏菲 你不能一个人占四个人的座位
There are people waiting. You must leave.
有人等着呢 你得离开
Go stand in the corner now!
快给我滚去墙角罚站
Before I bend you across my knee and spank you
不然我就当着全班同学的面
in front of the whole class.
把你按在我膝盖上打屁♥股
Well, I was going to stand in the corner anyway.
我本来就要去角落里站着
But tomorrow night, smaller table.
不过明晚 你只能坐小桌子
Go stand in the corner now!
快给我滚去墙角罚站
Okay, I'm over being jealous of them.
好了 我现在不羡慕她们了
Still? What are they
还在笑 她们干嘛呢
Sitting on vibrators?
都夹着根电动棒吗
Let it go.
别管她们了
They're not having that good of a time.
她们才没那么爽呢
No, Max, we're not having that good of a time.
不 麦克斯 是我们没那么爽
All we do is work.
我们只能埋头工作
When's the last time we took a day and just had fun?
上次不上班出去玩是什么时候的事了
I mean, those two idiots remind me
那两个白♥痴让我想起
how much fun it was when I'd go out to lunch
以前我跟闺蜜下馆子
and have cocktails with my girlfriends
边吃午饭边喝鸡尾酒
and watch them pretend to eat.
看着她们假装吃饭的好时光
I think you're talking about day drinking,
你是想找我白天喝酒吧
And I think I like it.
我喜欢
All right, let's do something fun.
好吧 那我们得好好玩玩
I'll put on my bolo tie and my best vest
我会系上领带 穿上帅气背心
and take my girl out to eat.
然后带我的妞下馆子
So, what is this lunch spot you're taking me to?
你带我去的是什么餐厅
Is it french?
法国餐厅吗
Do you think the chef will send an amuse bouche to the
你觉得主厨会送咱们一份开胃菜吗
注释：amuse bouche开胃菜与amuse bush搞笑阴毛音似
No, but this morning I shaved a smiley face into my bush,
不会 不过今早我"那里"剃了个笑脸出来
and it's very amusing.
也很开怀哦
You know what?
你知道吗
It's just so fun to get dressed up
盛装打扮一番
and have someone wait on us for a change.
然后让别人来服务我们 真的很好玩
I even bought new panty hose from dooahnay rayahdey.
我还特意从"装腰店"买了一双新的连裤♥袜
You mean Duane Reade?
你是说药妆店吧
Oh, is that how you pronounce it?
那店是这么叫的吗
Well, we're here. Better get in line.
我们到了 快去排队
Oh, there's a line. Popular place.
哇 还要排队 很受欢迎嘛
What's the name?
餐厅名叫什么
Soup kitchen." That's a cute name.
施粥坊" 名字真可爱"
Soup kitchen
国外的穷人食物救济站
Very Williamsburg.
有威廉斯堡的穷酸感
Like, "let's take our upscale urban bistro
感觉像"老板故意把高档小餐馆
and make it seem like it's just a soup kitchen open to everyone,
弄得像是为大众开放的食物救济站"
but it's not really a soup kitchen."
但其实不然"
Oh, that's nice. They let them use the bathroom.
真好 这家店的厕所谁都能用
And sit at a table.
桌子也谁都能坐
Oh, my god! This is really a soup kitchen.
天啊 这就是一家食物救济站
This is your idea of treating me to lunch?
你说请我吃饭 就是来这里吃吗
We're not homeless.
我们又不是无家可归的人
No, but we are soup less.
但我们是无汤可喝的人啊
And it's not just homeless people who eat here.
而且又不是只有无家可归的人来这里吃饭
Okay, maybe they're the target audience.
好吧 或许他们是主要客群
Look, there's a lot of other people
瞧 这里还有很多其他人
who can't afford to go out to eat.
也没钱下馆子吃饭
You're right.
你说得对
Why are there so many hipsters here?
为什么这里这么多嬉皮士
Because this place isn't just for people who don't have jobs,
因为这里不但有没工作的人
it's for people who don't want them.
也有不想工作的人
Well, it does smell good.
好吧 闻起来还不错
Excuse me.
打扰一下
We'd like to take a look at your lunch menu.
我们想看看你的午餐菜单
Menu changes every day.
菜单每天都在变
Also, there is no menu.
而且我们这里没菜单
There's, like, four things.
这里只有四种菜
Oh, okay. So what do you recommend?
那好吧 你有什么好建议
Oh, what do I recommend?
要听听我的建议吗
Don't share needles, and and use condoms.
别共用针头 记得要戴套[预防艾滋病]
But you didn't hear that last one from me.
不能跟人说我教你们戴套哦
Are nuns even allowed to be sarcastic?
修女可以这么毒舌的吗
If they are, I have some serious thinking to do about my future.
如果可以 那我要认真思考下未来的职业了
This sloppy joe is the most amazing
这个碎牛肉三明治[邋遢乔]是我吃过
terrible thing I've ever eaten.
最好吃的糟糕食物
I love that it's basically pre chewed,
我超喜欢它是先被人"嚼"碎的
so all you really have to do is swallow.
所以不必费劲嚼 直接咽下去就行
So good,
好吃死了
I used to have these every day when I was a kid.
我小时候每天都吃
Well, then I guess your childhood wasn't all that bad.
那你小时候过得也不算太悲催嘛
We couldn't afford the real Manwich mix,
我们买不起真正的碎牛肉堡
so my mom's boyfriend, dirty Carl,
所以我妈的男朋友 脏人卡尔
used to bring us leftover meat scraps
就会给我们带回别人吃剩的肉渣
and then bash 'em together with old ketchup packets
然后用他在废车场的烂车里捡来的
he'd found in cars at the junkyard.
旧番茄酱包搅拌到一起
Now I understand why you think this is a nice restaurant.
我明白你为什么会觉得这里是好餐馆了
Have you noticed the more you drink,
你有注意到喝得越多
the better this place gets?
这地方就变得越美好吗
I've noticed the more I drink,
我倒是注意到喝得越多
the better everything gets.
一切都变得越美好
Why don't we drink every day?
为什么我们不每天都喝酒呢
Some of we do.
我就是啊
I'm having a great time.
我玩得很开心
Thank you, Max.
谢谢你 麦克斯
Well, yesterday, you were so bummed about your life,
昨天你还为自己的生活感到失落
I thought I'd take you somewhere
我就想把你带去
you could feel good about yourself.
能让你自我感觉良好的地方
Okay, I've been wanting to say this the whole time.
好吧 有句话我想说很久了
I feel like we're the hottest people in this room.
我觉得我们是这里最正点的人
Is that terrible? Yes.
这么说是不是很坏啊 是呀
Speaking of hot people...
说到正点的人...
Wait.
慢着
Are we drunk or do we finally have one brain
是我们喝醉了 还是我们终于
and the same taste in guys?
对男人的口味变得一致了
I don't know,
我也不知道
but this is suddenly my new favorite restaurant.
但这里突然成了我最喜欢的新餐馆
Let's go get ourselves some of that man wich.
走 咱们去来个"人肉三明治"
I kind of like "drunk Caroline"
我有点喜欢"醉鬼卡洛琳"
way more than the other Caroline.
多于其他时候的卡洛琳
I kind of like her better, too.
我也有点更喜欢这样的她呢
Excuse me, sisters.
打扰了 修女
Do you know the guy who just came in here?
你认识刚刚进来的那个男的吗
The cute one. He's so cute, right?
长得帅的那个 他超帅的 对不对
His name is Andy,
他叫安迪
and he just opened a candy store across the way.
他刚在对面开了一家糖果店
Shut up! Candy?
不是吧 糖果
I love candy.
我超爱糖果的
Question:
提问
what would make this day even better?
什么能让今天更美好点
Candy?
糖果
You should totally go for the hot guy.
你真应该去追那个帅哥
Or you can go for him.
或者应该你去追他
Let's think about this.
咱们考虑一下
He's clean and not a drug addict,
他身家清白 又不吸毒
so he's more my type.
所以更适合我
Well, he's got a store full of candy and a penis,
他有一整店的糖果和一根肉♥棒
so he's more my type.
所以更适合我
You know what?
不然这样
Go for it. You've got dibs.
你去追 我让给你
Aww, that's so nice of you, Max. Yeah,
麦克斯 你真好 当然
and while you're doing him in the back room,
当你在后面跟他翻云覆雨时
I'll be pocketing some candy.
我会顺点糖果进口袋
Oh, no. It's closed.
别呀 关门了
Hey, Max, you know what'd be fun?
麦克斯 你知道做什么会好玩吗
If we threw that trash can through the front window?
用那个垃圾桶砸烂他的前窗吗
I was gonna say we should leave him a note.
我本来是想给他留张纸条
And what would be fun about throwing that can through a window?
而且砸垃圾桶有什么好玩的
Have you ever done it? It's fun!
你试过吗 超好玩的
Oh, the sign's turned around.
牌子翻过来了
He can see us.
他能看见我们
He's smiling at us.
他在冲着我们微笑呢
Should we go in?
我们该进去吗
If I learned anything as a child,
如果我小时候有学到什么
it's when a stranger offers you candy,
那就是陌生人要请你吃糖时
you say yes.
你一定要接受
Hi.
你好
We thought the sign said you were closed.
我们看到牌子 还以为你关门了呢
Yeah, I turned it around. I wanted you guys to come in.
对 我翻过来了 我想你们进来
Come with me *
跟我来 **
注释：1971年电影《查理与巧克力工厂》歌曲"纯真想象" 也曾在动画电影《瓦力》中出现
and you'll be *
你将置身于 **
in world of pure imagination *
梦想中的世界 **
If this isn't your thing,
如果你们不喜欢这歌
I also have some sabbath and some beastie boys.
我还有些重金属和朋克音乐
So, if this is "Candy Andy's sweets and treats,"
如果这里是"糖果安迪的糖果盛宴"
Are you Candy Andy?
请问你是糖果安迪吗
Oh, please. We hardly know each other.
拜托 我们还不熟
Call me Candrew Andrew.
请叫我糖德鲁·安德鲁
I'm Caroline, and this is Max.
我是卡洛琳 她是麦克斯
Max, say something.
麦克斯 说话啊
Can't. It's all too wonderful.
失语中 这一切太美好了
Look at all the candy crammed in this little space.
瞧瞧这小地方塞满了糖果
It's like we're inside Willy Wonka's colon.
我们仿佛来到了威利·旺卡的结肠
注释：威利·旺卡是《查理与巧克力工厂》电影中的男主角
Thanks.
谢谢
Yeah, it's kind of the look I was going for too.
没错 我就是想要这种效果
And I know it's accurate
我之所以布置得这么到位
because I had the Oompa Loompas help me.
是因为有奥柏伦柏人帮我
注释：奥柏伦柏人 在威利·旺卡的工厂中干活的小人常把doom pa dee doo
挂嘴边 可代表任何词的无义词
They were expensive,
他们工钱很高
but what are you gonna doom pa dee doo?
但你能怎么办呢
Normally I'd ring the bell after something that golden,
通常成交或者做完事 我会按一下铃
but I don't want to scare you.
但我不想吓着你
Well, now I have to hear the bell.
你说完 没听到我会好奇死的
Now that's all I want to hear.
这下我心愿达成了
Do you do free samples?
你这里提供免♥费试吃吗
You do, by the way.
看样子是有
Let me hook you guys up. On the house.
我带你们都尝尝 免♥费的
Marry this guy right now.
快嫁给他
It's a small store. I can hear you.
这家店很小 我能听见哦
Good. Moves things along faster.
很好 这样你们进展能快点
Hey, come by the Williamsburg diner sometime.
有空来威廉斯堡餐厅坐坐
We work there.
我们在那里打工
We'll give you free samples of food
我们免♥费请你试吃
You shouldn't have to pay for anyway.
压根不值得付钱的餐
So, what brings you in to this neighborhood?
你们怎么会来这一带呢
Oh, we were having lunch at the
我们来吃...
This ...is a really adorable space.
你这里真是太有爱了
Thank you.
谢谢
You know, candy is my passion.
我对糖果一直很有爱
Yeah, I said it. Always has been.
是有点怪 但我一直都爱
Even as a kid, I would have my G.I. Joes
小时候玩玩具 就爱让特种部队玩具
sell Sweet Tarts to my Transformers.
卖糖给变形金刚玩具
Gum drops, gummy bears, gummy worms,
橡皮软糖 小熊软糖 小虫软糖
gummy hot dogs, gummy pizza.
热狗软糖 披萨软糖
Ooh, I just had a gummy gasm.
看得我都软糖高♥潮了
So what was your favorite candy as a kid?
你小时候最喜欢什么糖果呢
Actually, I didn't eat a lot of candy as a child.
我小时候没怎么吃糖呢
Okay, I'm gonna overlook that because you're pretty,
看在你漂亮 刚我就当没听到
but maybe we could talk about
有空一起喝杯咖啡
your terrible childhood over coffee sometime.
聊聊你的悲惨童年如何
Yeah?
答应啦
I'd leave you two alone,
要不是糖果太诱人
if this place wasn't filled with candy.
我早闪开让你们俩"独处"了
Okay, so what's your favorite flavor? Coconut.
那你最喜欢什么口味 椰子
And I'm walking to the "C"S.
容我看看C区[coconut椰子]
The candy's alphabetical?
糖果还按照首字母排列的吗
Now I'm marrying you too. Okay.
我现在也要嫁你了 好的
Let's see. Seconut watermelon slice.
椰香西瓜糖
How's that sound?
这个如何
Um, not so good.
不太好
Actually, please don't say anything more about candy.
可以别再提糖果了吗
Is it hot in here?
这里是不是很热啊
No, it's awesome in here.
才不会 是很棒才对
Boston baked beans?
波士顿闷烤豆
Didn't know they weren't real beans till I was 20.
我到20岁才知道他们是真的豆子
Please stop.
别说了
Is it cold in here?
这里面是不是有点冷啊
Is it hot and cold in here?
这里是不是又冷又热啊
Max, I feel weird.
麦克斯 我有种怪怪的感觉
Relax, it's just your lady parts waking up from
别紧张 是你的"小妹妹"在从冬眠中醒来
hibernation.
Again, small store. Can hear everything.
店小 都听得见哟
I am so sorry. Pardon me.
对不起 请见谅
Oh, uh, are you okay?
你没事吧
I'm fine.
我没事
Max, I am not fine.
麦克斯 我有事
I'm gonna be sloppy Joanne in about two seconds.
再两秒我就要成"邋遢乔安"了
Tiny, tiny store.
店真的很小
Do you need to use the
你要用...
No. We're fine.
不必不必 我们挺好
We'll just be going. Nice to meet you.
我们要先走了 再见
Nope, I'm not gonna make it. Where is the
不行 来不及了 洗手间在...
Right right there.
就在那边
I'm sure she'll be all right.
她肯定没事的
I'm just gonna step outside.
我先去外面站会
The sound of someone throwing up makes me
听到呕吐声让我也想...
Oh, dude, I've been trying to not throw up this whole time.
我刚也忍着不跟着吐很久了
Whew, what happened there, right?
刚里边是发生了什么事了呀
Feeling better?
你好点了吗
Did she tell you she projectile puked soup and sloppy seconds
她有跟你说她吐了一地的东西
all over a really cute guy and his floor?
在人家帅哥的店里吗
Let me put it this way, Caroline.
我这么说吧 卡洛琳
In my heroin days, that would have been
在我还吸海♥洛♥因那会 首次约会
a perfectly acceptable first date.
发生这档事都还不算糟呢
I don't understand it.
我就不懂了
We ate the exact same thing.
我们吃了一样的东西
How could you have not have gotten sick?
你怎么吃了一点事都没有
You must still have "rch girl" stomach.
你大小姐的胃吃不惯
I'm used to poor food.
但我穷人的胃早吃惯了
What made you sick made my skin clear up.
你吃了要病 我吃还能皮肤变好呢
Hi, girls. Hey, Sophie.
姑娘们 你好啊 苏菲
I'll be in my booth.
我坐我老位子
Well, this is weird.
奇了怪了
It's okay. You didn't know.
算了 不知者无罪
Don't let it happen again.
下不为例
Okay, good bye now.
好了 你们走吧
Sophie, what do you think you're doing?
苏菲 你刚是在干啥呢
What? They were sitting in my booth.
怎么 他们坐了我的卡座
It is not your booth, it's my booth.
才不是你的 卡座是我的
If it was your booth, wouldn't it have a booster
如果是你的卡座 怎么没有儿童垫高椅呢
seat?
Oh, Sophie wants to dance? We gonna dance.
苏菲你想玩 我陪你玩到底
Max. Hi.
麦克斯
It's Andy. From the store.
是我 安迪 糖果店的
The guy who let you walk out
让你偷拿一管口红糖
with a push pop in your pocket.
而不逮住你的店老板
That wasn't a Push Pop, Andy.
那一根可不是"口红糖" 安迪
I was happy to see you.
很高兴再见
Well, you're gonna be even happier in a minute.
那你现在要更高兴了
Yay!
爽耶
But these come with a catch.
我这是先礼后兵
Invites for Caroline and you
我邀请你跟卡洛琳
to a party at my candy store.
来参加♥我店里的派对
But maybe don't wear that uniform.
来的时候还是别穿这身制服吧
People are gonna think you're a giant Sugar Daddy.
会被误认是人形"蜜糖老爹"糖[黄色包装]
So, she's still going at it, huh?
她还吐着呢
Such a skinny girl.
这么瘦的姑娘
How much more can come out of her?
还有多少能吐啊
Nah, she's just a little embarrassed.
不是啦 她是有点羞于见你
Something about self esteem. I don't know.
自尊之类的事情在作怪吧
She throws it around like it means something.
她老把自尊搞得煞有其事的
Well, I'd love her to come. No pressure.
我很希望她能来 别有压力
But if you can talk her into it,
但如果你能说服她来
there'll be unlimited candy for you
我就会请你吃糖
for the rest of your life.
免♥费吃到你死的那天
Look at him, stealing my bit.
看那男的 还抄袭我的招
The candy man came with invitations
糖果男来邀请我们
to a party at his store.
去参加他店里的派对哟
What, you think I wasn't listening at the door?
你觉得我有可能不偷听你们对话吗
I heard everything.
我全听到了
All the vomit jokes. I heard them all.
挖苦我呕吐的话 也都听见了
Jewelry, already?
都送我珠宝首饰啦
Your new husband likes to throw the cash around.
你的新老公喜欢四处撒钱啊
He is not my new husband.
他才不是我的新老公
And now he never will be.
也没机会了
Ooh, bubble tape.
泡泡糖带呢
I finally meet an adorable, sweet guy.
好不容易遇见了可爱嘴甜的男人
A guy so sweet, the word "sweet"
他甜到都有一家
is next to his name on actual real estate.
甜"[糖]与他名字合一的店了
And I completely destroy any chance I have with him.
但机会全都被我自己搞砸了
You didn't destroy anything.
你什么都没搞砸啊
And it's good to let him know right off the bat
而且让他一开始就知道
that you have a gag reflex.
你容易"反胃想吐"也好[口♥交不便]
Oh! Oh, that's lovely.
承您吉言啊
Happy Valentines' day.
祝你情人节快乐好吧
I am not going to that party.
我死也不去那个派对
I can never see him again.
我没脸再见他了
Well, do you mind if I still go?
那你会介意我去吗
Being in a candy store after midnight
在糖果店里待到午夜过后
is on my bucket list.
是我死前愿望之一呢
Funny, I thought that was the impossible one.
我以前还以为这是最不可能的一条呢
You should go. Have fun.
你去吧 玩得开心点
I think you're missing out,
不去会损失很大哦
because you two are perfect for each other.
你们俩可是天生一对
You're like Hansel and Gretel.
像童话《糖果屋》里的男女主
They were brother and sister.
他们是兄妹好吗
So?
那又怎样
So, no Caroline, huh?
卡洛琳不来啊
Uh, no. She couldn't make it.
她来不了
Well, I'm feeling very sad,
我好伤心啊
but you'll never know it.
但你绝对看不出
You're fine.
没事的啦
You don't seem to be short on other female party guests.
你的派对也不缺美女
Oh, come on. They're fiends.
她们就只是朋友啦
Some of them I know from the neighborhood.
有些是附近住户
Some I worked with on Wall Street.
有些是我在华尔街的老同事
Wall Street?
华尔街啊
Did you have a little candy tray
你以前推糖果小车
you walked around with? I wish.
在那一带叫卖吗 我倒想
That would have been awesome.
那肯定很有意思
I was stuck in an office pushing stock
我以前就坐在办公室里
in pharmaceutical companies.
替制药公司搞股票
Wait.
等等
You know people who have access to pills?
你还认识能搞到"药"的人啊
And just when I thought you couldn't get any better.
你棒得都要无极限了
Yeah, one day, I went into the firm,
然后 有天我去上班
and there was no firm.
发现没班上了
Bankrupt. Boom.
公司破产
End of job, no money. Nothing.
没工作 没钱 全没了
And after I drank nonstop for a week,
我连喝了一周闷酒后
I figured, hey, now I can do what I've always dreamed of.
灵光一闪 发现自己终于可以追梦了
Open a candy store, be my own boss.
开家糖果店 当自己的老板
So I used all my savings and opened up this place.
我花光积蓄 开了这家糖果店
And pretty soon,
要不了多久
Candy Andy will rule the world of sweets and treats.
糖果安迪将一统糖界天下
That sound braggy? No.
会太臭屁吗 不会
All right, kick everybody out,
好啦 赶其他人回家吧
and let's go back to my place.
然后跟我回家去
Ah...Max, no offense,
麦克斯 无意冒犯
but I'm more into your friend.
但我喜欢的是你朋友
Um, Andy, no offense,
安迪 无意冒犯
but I'm more into the candy than the Andy.
但我喜欢的是你的糖果
I want you to come to my apartment
我想你来我家
and say hey to Caroline.
跟卡洛琳打个招呼
I was right.
我之前说的没错
You two are perfect for each other. Yeah?
你们两个是天生一对 真的吗
I mean, it would be nice to hang with her
反正这裤子也不沾到呕吐物
in pants I don't care about.
趁机去找她也挺好
She's not here.
她不在家
She must have taken the horse for a walk.
可能是去遛马了
Wait, you have a horse,
等等 你们有马啊
And I'm just hearing about this now?
你们居然不炫耀
I have a candy store and it's out of my mouth,
我只是开家糖果店
in the first 30 seconds.
就在初见30秒内炫耀了
Be right back. I have to pee.
稍等一下 我尿个尿
She'll be okay with me being here, right?
她不会介意我来这里的吧
Yeah, she was just embarrassed. She'll get over it.
没事的 她羞愧而已 会过去的
What are you doing? Knock first!
你干嘛呢 先敲门呀
Why are your legs up in the air like that?
你双腿怎么开在空中啊
And why were you holding the shower head
还有你为什么还把莲蓬头
down by your oh!
放到你下...
I'm sorry.
抱歉抱歉
I thought you'd be home feeling bad for yourself,
我以为你会在家自怨自艾
not feeling your bad self.
而不是自爽自嗨
What are you doing home already?
你怎么这么早回家了
Why aren't you at the Candy Andy party?
你不是去糖果店的派对吗
Oh, don't look at me like that.
少用那鄙视的眼神
It's not like I'm the only person
搞得好像全世界
in the world who masturbates.
只有我一个人会自♥慰
Also, Andy's here.
对了 安迪来了哦
We wanted to surprise you.
我们想给你个惊喜
But then you surprised us.
你倒是给了我们个惊喜
It's not a big deal.
没什么大不了的
That kind of situation happens to a lot of people.
很多人都发生过这尴尬事
Who? Who has that ever happened to?
谁 都谁发生过这种事了
I know this might be a delicate area right now,
现在提这个话题有点敏感
but I'm thinking you should probably pay more
但我觉得以后咱们家的水费
than half of our water bill.
你得付一半以上
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
I need some hot tea to warm me up.
我需要杯热茶暖暖身子
There's no hot water in our building
早先我想洗澡
when I tried to take a shower.
发现我们大楼没热水了
That's because it's all in Caroline.
因为都跑进卡洛琳身体里了
Max!
麦克斯
You are too tense.
干嘛这么敏感啊
Here. Take this and relax a little.
来吧 来让你放松一下
Eh?
如何
This doing anything for you?
舒缓"一点了吗
Well, I'll be in my booth.
我去坐我老位子了
Hello, Sophie.
你好啊 苏菲
What are you doing in my booth?
你在我的卡座里干啥呢
It's not your booth, it's my booth. And look.
才不是你的卡座 是我的卡座 还有
All the other booths are taken.
其他卡座都被人占了
So you'll have to sit at small table,
你得像其他独自前来的客人
as is customary for lone diners.
独自一人坐小桌子了
This is my booth.
这是我的专座
It's okay, you didn't know. Okay, bye bye now.
没事 不知者无罪 你们走吧
Hello, Max. Check out my new booth.
麦克斯 快看我的新专座
I think it's better.
比旧的还棒呢
Oh, no. I don't want to see him again.
惨了 我不想再见到他
Look, he's already seen you at your worst.
他都已经看过你最坏的一面了
You vomited and masturbated. That's your full range.
你最惨也就呕吐跟自♥慰了
Hi.
你好啊
Look, I know you're really embarrassed about
我知道你肯定还觉得...
Well, everything.
那些事丢人
And there's really nothing I can say
我也知道无论我说什么
to convince you not to be.
你还是会觉得丢人
So...
所以呢
Who's embarrassed now?
这下我也丢人了吧
And to further my embarrassment,
为了更丢人
I will now do gymnastics in public.
我将在公众场合做体操动作
That is not embarrassing. It was amazing.
那才不丢人呢 根本帅呆了
All right.
好吧
Well, then come back to my house and watch me masturbate.
那你跟我回家 我也自♥慰给你看
Or we could just get coffee.
也可以一起去喝杯咖啡
Yay, I'm so happy! Thanks, Max.
我好高兴哦 谢了 麦克斯
No, not for you. For me.
不是替你高兴 是替自己
I'm getting unlimited candy and maybe some pills.
终身免♥费糖果 而且还可能有"药"