多元一家人（2020）

挠痒痒僵尸
Tickle zombie!
挠痒痒僵尸
Tickle zombie!
丘伊和布丽到了
Chuy and Brie are here.
天 我讨厌人们说要来做客
Aw, man, I hate when people say they're gonna come over
结果就真的来了
and then they come over.
请别干那事
Please don't do that thing
男人跑掉 留下女人
where the men run off and leave the women alone.
嗯 绝对不会
Yeah, yeah. No way.
-比尔 出来 -好
- Bill, outside. - ?Yep.
抱歉 我无能为力
Sorry, there was nothing I could do.
男生和玩具不解的情缘
Boys and their toys.
我终于可以和我的小姑子独处了
Some alone time, finally, with my sissy-in-law.
告诉我一切 乔
Tell me everything, Jo.
孩子们都挺好的
the kids are doing pretty good.
那太好了
Yeah, that's great.
我有重大新闻
I have some big news.
我要生了
I'm giving birth.
我的天
Oh, my God!
诞生一家新公♥司♥
To a new business!
你这么说很误导人
That's a very misleading way to say it.
我要成为一名女首席执行官
I'm gonna be a She-E-O
负责一个活力多层次直销公♥司♥
for a dynamic multi-level marketing firm
专门售卖♥♥这种耳环
selling earrings like these.
也就是金字塔骗局
So, a pyramid scheme?
不
No.
这些耳环都不是埃及的
None of this is Egyptian.
最棒的一点是 我可以雇用你
And the best part is, I can hire you
去帮我招人
to hire people to work for me,
然后我就可以做你的老板
and then I can be your own boss!
比尔
Bill?!
那辆新的科迈罗真酷 丘伊
Hey, that's a cool new Camaro there, Chuy.
如果布丽雇用乔参与她的金字塔骗局
Yeah, well, maybe if Brie hires Jo in her pyramid scheme,
你们也能买♥♥得起
you'll be able to afford it.
你们来这是干什么的来着
What are you guys doing here, again?
有道理
That's a good point.
亲爱的 我们得走了 不然赶不上那部电影了
Hey, amorcita, we gotta go if we're gonna make that movie.
好的 周年纪念快乐
Okay. Well, happy anniversary.
你为什么会觉得今天是我们的周年纪念日
Why would you think it's our anniversary?
因为你们不带你们孩子出门
Because you're going out without your kids.
你...
You...
我和布丽每周都有约会之夜
Brie and I have a date night every week.
你们没有约会之夜吗
You guys don't have date night?
我们结婚了 我们有约会全人生套餐
We're married. We have a date life.
这不好笑 乔
That's not funny, Jo.
你得为你的婚姻抗争
You have to fight for your marriage.
是啊 乔
Yeah, Jo.
约会之夜让我和丘伊
Date night is how Chuy and I connect
得以在精神和身体层面上难分难舍
on a spiritual and physical level.
我们做的一切都是前戏
Everything we do is foreplay.
包括这个
Even this.
现在
Right now.
好吧
Okay.
话说 我喜欢那辆科迈罗 新科迈罗车
Hey -- Hey, I like that Camaro! New Camaro?
总之
Anyway...
你们哪天该跟我们一起约会
you should join us for a date some night.
知道吗 就这周末
Hey, you know what? This weekend,
我们有空中铁匠乐队演唱会的多余门票
we have two extra tickets for Aerosmith.
也许这能拯救你们的婚姻
Maybe that'll save your marriage.
谢谢 但我们的婚姻很好
Thank you, but our marriage is fine.
那你们怎么接吻次数比我们少
Then how come you kiss less than us?
这又不是比赛
It's not a competition.
你们要输了当然不承认啦
Well, maybe not when you're losing.
-不 你们才输了 -不 你们输了
- No, you're losing. - No, you're losing!
不 你们输了
No, you are!
不 你们输了 无限翻倍
No, you are, times infinity!
你哥哥真是个疯子
You know what? Your brother's crazy.
我们不是输家[废柴] 对吗
We're not losers, right?
再见了 废柴们
So long, losers.
你去哪儿
Where are you going?
这是周五夜啊
It's Friday night.
我要和闺蜜去玩密室逃脱
The gals and I are going to an escape room.
逃脱这间屋子了
First room escaped!
你在干什么
What's going on here?
奇怪的问题 不过
Weird question, but, um...
我们相爱的程度跟你哥嫂一样 对吗
we're just as in love as your brother and his wife, right?
不妙 丘伊影响到你了 他那一套
Oh, no. Chuy got in your head with his whole
"我只是想帮你
"I'm just trying to help you
因为我比你好 兄弟"
because I'm better than you, bro."
但是讲真的 我们上次
But seriously, when was the last time
不带孩子出去是什么时候了
you and I went out without the kids?
那家有红色雅座的餐厅不算吗
Oh, what about that restaurant with the red booths?
你是说露露出生的那家医院自助餐厅
You mean the hospital cafeteria when Lulu was born?
不
Oh, no.
丘伊是对的吗
Is Chuy right?
那就太糟心了
Oh, that would suck.
为什么我们不怎么亲热了
Why don't we make out more?
因为自从我们有了孩子后
Because since we had kids,
我们中至少有一人会一直嗓子疼
at least one of us has had a sore throat at all times.
我看着你
Hey, I look at you,
我看到的仍然是一个性感的帅哥
and I still see a big, sexy hunk of beef.
我看着你
Well, I look at you,
我看到的是一个个子更小 但同样性感的美女
and I still see a smaller, yet equally sexy hunk of beef.
我的...
I have a very...
嗓子很疼
...sore throat.
不
Oh, no.
我也是
So do I.
杀死僵尸
Kill the zombie!
-好 来吧 -去睡觉
- Okay. There you go. - Go to bed!
爸爸
Daddy!
去睡觉
Yeah, go to bed.
我们要去看那场演唱会
We are going to that concert.
好
Okay.
我需要你的帮助
I need your help.
那个密室逃脱比我想象的难多了
The -- the escape room was a lot harder than I thought.
帕蒂被困在炼金术师的书房♥里了
Patty's stuck in the alchemist's study.
你觉得他们还能找到帕蒂吗
Do you think they'll ever find Patty?
妈 我不知道
Mom, I don't know.
坏消息 我找不到保姆
Bad news. I can't find a babysitter.
好吧 我也不能贸然打电♥话♥找女高中生帮忙
Okay, well, I can't just start cold-calling high school girls.
我有个大胆的想法
Here's a crazy idea --
不如我们让养大你
what if the woman who raised you
同时又在这蹭吃蹭住的那个女人
and lives in our house -- for free --
来照顾我们的孩子
babysits our kids?
不 绝对不行
No. Absolutely not.
我们说好了在电池门事件后 不让我妈看孩子
We agreed my mom is not allowed to watch the kids since Batterygate.
宝贝 她养大了你 你怎么还不放心
Babe, how is it that you don't trust your mom
让她照顾我们的孩子呢
with our kids and she raised you?
正因为是她养大的我 我才不放心让她看孩子
I don't trust my mom with our kids because she raised me.
凭良心说
You know, in all fairness,
电池门事件可能发生在我们任何人身上
"Batterygate" could have happened to either one of us if we were home.
别 你别这样 别对我妈公平
Don't -- Please don't do that. Don't be fair to my mom.
她是我们唯一的选择
She's our only option.
我们把运动摄像机绑在艾米莉脑袋上怎么样
What if we strapped a GoPro to Emily's head?
你们知道我不欢迎不请自来的人
You know how I feel about drop-ins.
桑迪 比尔和我今晚要去看演唱会
Sandy, Bill and I were gonna go to a concert tonight,
我们在想 也许
and we were wondering if, perhaps,
你能帮忙带孩子
you could watch the kids?
你也这么想吗 比尔
Is that what you want, Bill?
我老婆怎么想 我就怎么想
I want whatever my wife wants.
终于招了
Here it is.