多元一家人（2020）

爸爸
Da-ad?
爸爸
Da-ad?
艾米莉
Emily?
我做了个梦
I had a dream.
我知道你会怎么死
I know how you're gonna die.
什么
What?! ?
什么 怎么了 怎么了
What's -- What's happening? What's happening?
她刚说她知道我会怎么死
She just said she knows how I'm gonna die.
我们买♥♥过人寿保险吗
Do we have life insurance?
能把iPad给我吗
Can I have my iPad?
我想看木乃伊的照片
I want to look at pictures of mummies.
她可以看吗
Can she?
什么 不行
What? No!
去睡觉
Go to bed!
那我好歹能吃根冰棒吗
Can I at least have a Popsicle?
她可以吃吗
Can she?
-不行 不行 -不行
- Uh, no? No! - ?No.
不行 去睡觉
No. Bed.
你要是吵醒你妹妹 以后就别看《儿童国家地理》了
If you wake your sister, no more "National Geographic for Kids."
比尔 你刚刚是威胁要通过
Bill, did you just threaten to punish her
夺走《国家地理》来惩罚她吗
by taking away geography?
是的
Yep.
我会说到做到的
And I'll do it, too.
她对古埃及的痴迷很诡异
Her obsession with Ancient Egypt is very weird.
我爱她 但她实在太怪了
I love her, but she is just strange.
她会给她的香蕉取名
You know, she names all her bananas
然后吃的时候又会模仿他们的尖叫
and then does their screams while she eats them.
我们是糟糕的家长吗
Are we bad parents?
可能吧
Probably.
她一个朋友都没有
She has zero friends.
真希望她能交到一个
You know, I wish she could just make one.
这肯定就是她老师让我们去参加会议的原因
Must be why her teacher's making us come in for this conference.
没错 肯定是坏消息 对吧
Yeah, it's gotta be bad news, right?
不然老师就会直接发短♥信♥了
Or else the teacher would just text us.
为什么人们不能在短♥信♥里发坏消息呢
It's like, why don't people just text bad news?
就是啊 你是希望在我们听到坏消息时盯着我们吗
Yeah, what, do you want to stare at us while we get bad news?
那简直太变♥态♥了
I mean, t-that's psycho.
我们家女儿是疯子 她老师是变♥态♥
Our daughter's insane, and the teacher's psycho.
我们弄明白了 不错的凌晨两点聊天 亲爱的
Well, we figured it out. Great 2:00 a.m. talk, sweetie.
她吵醒宝宝了
And she woke the baby.
够了 不准再看埃及相关节目了
Okay, that's it! No more Egypt!
我讨厌死日出了
I hate the sunrise.
是啊 我也是
Yeah, me, too.
什么都还没发生 我已经累了
I'm already exhausted, and nothing's even happened yet.
嘿 看看这个脸书提醒
Hey, look at this Facebook reminder.
十年前的今天 在伯利兹的激流漂筏
10 years ago today -- whitewater rafting in Belize.
等等 跟你接吻的人是谁
Wait, who's that guy you're kissing?
你啊
That's you.
哇 我当时头发好多
Wow! I have so much hair.
是啊
I know.
我懂
I know.
但现在这种生活更好
But this is better.
对吧
Right?
嗯 嗯 绝对地
Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.
合家闹翻天
你在画什么
Whatcha drawing?
我的生日派对
My birthday party.
是吗 你最好给你的朋友留点空间
Yeah? You better leave room for your friends.
不 我画完了
No, I'm done.
早上好 我的天使们
Good morning, my angels.
-早 妈妈 -早
- Good morning, Mom. - Morning.
嗨 奶奶
Hi, Grandma.
嗨 奶奶
Hi, Grandma.
我的药今早
My medications are interacting with each other
在以很令人愉快的方式互动
in a very pleasant way this morning.
-吃吧 宝贝们 -好吃
- Here you go, kids. - Yummy!
或者她们想要吃一点我的麦麸麦片
Or -- Or maybe they'd like some of my bran cereal.
-拜托 别又提起这个 我受不了 -上帝赐我力量
- Please, not this again. I can't. - Give me strength, Jesus.
不好意思 但是就跟所有美国人一样
I'm sorry, but, like all Americans,
这些孩子需要更多的纤维
these kids need more fiber.
她们是50岁的警♥察♥吗 她们不会有事的
What are they? 50-year-old cops? They'll be fine.
你尽管笑 但如果你不摄入足够的纤维
Oh, you laugh, but if you don't eat enough fiber,
我知道你会怎么死
I know how you're gonna die.
听着 妈 如果我们给她们麦麸麦片 她们不会吃的
Look, Mom, if we give them bran, they won't eat it, okay?
看着
Watch.
看吧
See?
看到了吧
You see?
我们就这么允许她把她麦片打翻吗
Are we just going to let her throw her cereal?
是的 两岁小孩就会这么做
Yes, that's -- that's what 2-year-olds do.
但她们或许不会
But they might not,
前提是我们齐心协力制定惩罚后果
if we team up together to establish consequences.
就像你以前威胁要送走我的狗那样吗
Like how you used to threaten to take my dog away?
没错 那招奏效了
Exactly! That worked!
通过恐惧
Through fear!
好吧 比尔
Okay, Bill,
你们这一代人打击"麦麸土匪"的开明方式是什么
what's your generation's enlightened way of stopping the bran bandit?
来 宝贝
Here you go, sweetie.
看
See?
我的麦片
My pops!
真乖 露露
Good, Lulu.
奶奶总不能把你送走吧
Grandma can't take you away.
我要给你的邮箱发几篇文章
Prepare to be e-mailed several articles.
话说 记得我妈两年前因为生病
Hey, remember when my mom moved in with us two years ago
而搬到我们家吗
because she was sick?
然后病好了就再也没有离开
Then she got better and never left?
那简直是最糟糕的奇迹
It was the worst miracle.
亲爱的 我爱她
Honey, I love her,
但我们不能让她的负能量影响到我们
but we cannot let her negativity get to us.
不不 别担心
No, no, don't worry.
我们绝不会像她对我们那样对我们的孩子
We will never treat the kids the way she treats us, okay?
我们必须有意地保持积极向上的精神
Look, let-- let's just make a conscious decision to be positive, huh?
知道吗 我喜欢这主意
You know what? I like it.
要不这样 要不我们各说一件
How about this -- how about we both say something
-我们心存感激的事 好吗 -好
- that we're grateful for, okay? - ?Okay.
-我爱你 -我爱丹 那个给我们修剪树的人
- I love yo-- - ?I love Dan, the guy who trims our trees.
嗯 他很厉害
Yeah, he's good.
给 宝贝 我去给你拿书包
Okay. Here you are, kiddo. Let me grab your backpack.
比尔 你拿上她的午餐了吗
Oh, Bill, did you get her lunch?
嗯嗯 拿了 拿了
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
比尔 我不记得
Bill, I don't remember
我当年养你的时候像这样匆匆忙忙的
rushing around like this when I was raising you.
看来我当时井井有条
I guess I was organized.
谢了 妈
Thanks, Mom.
亲爱的 是漏水了吗
Hey, babe, is this a leak?
我和一个承包商结婚可不是为了过这种生活
You know, I did not marry a contractor to live like this.
我们得把桶藏起来 丘伊要过来了
We gotta hide that bucket. Chuy's coming over.
什么 为什么
What? Why?
因为我找不到
Because I couldn't get any
其他能送我上班的兄弟了
of my other brothers to drive me to work.
拜托 别让他进屋 好吗
Oh, come on. Don't let him in the house, okay?
我受不了他那股乐观的消极劲儿
I can't deal with his upbeat negativity.
他其实很体贴 乐意助人
He really is caring and helpful...
还招人烦 讨厌死了
and annoying and so freakin' awful.
我爱他
I love him.
这倒是说得通了
That lines up.
糟了 他在车道上了
Crap. He's in the driveway.
快去快去 赶紧出门
Oh, just go. Just go. Get out the door.
-别担心这个... -好的
- Don't worry about -- -- Okay.
你好吗 大舅子 很高兴见到你 小丘
What's going on there, bud? Good to see you, Chu.
我知道你们拉不下脸求助
I know you guys are too proud to ask for help,
所以我妻子布丽和我