多元一家人（2020）

《我们且静观其变》[节目]"We're gonna watch what happens."
"精彩"是什么
What's Bravo?
我不知道 就是乔看的一个节目
I don't know. You know, something Jo watches.
你们敢信吗
Can you believe it?
这些鸡肉只要3.99美元
This chicken was $3.99.
我买♥♥了一大堆
I bought a ton of them.
好吃得不得了
It's as good as it gets.
妈 你能去开门吗
Uh, Mother, would you get that?
因为我是懒猪
I am very lazy.
大卫·普朗克
Dave Plonker?
桑迪·贝塞斯达·桑德斯
Sandy Bethesda Sanders?
你这个满口谎言的人♥渣♥
You lying sack of shit!
好吧 我活该挨骂
Okay. I deserved that.
你也该得到这个
You also deserve this.
这里比我家有意思多了
This is way better than my house.
抱歉 大卫
Sorry, Dave.
我刚才饿到脾气暴躁
I was hangry.
等等 所以你们整整35年没见过面了吗
So, wait, you guys haven't seen each other in 35 years?
这也太巧了 对吧 乔
That is a huge coincidence, huh, Jo?
真不敢相信这些鸡肉只卖♥♥3.99美元
I can't believe these chickens were $3.99.
你一点都没变 桑迪
You haven't changed a bit, Sandy.
你还是能找到超便宜的鸡肉
You're still finding bargain chicken.
记得那次我们在北卡罗来纳州吗
Oh, remember that time in North Carolina?
-25美分 -25美分
- 25 cents! - 25 cents!
知道吗 在今天以前
You know, up until today,
那是我这辈子经历过的最疯狂的事
that was the craziest thing that ever happened in my life.
我也是
Me, too.
你一点都没老
You haven't aged a day.
真的吗
He hasn't?
对不起
I'm sorry.
我们当年闹得那么不愉快 实在太...
The -- The way we left things, it was just...
我太愚蠢了
I was so stupid.
当年我就是觉得自己经历的不够多
I just thought I wasn't experienced enough.
现在我真的已经经历过所有事了
Well...now I've experienced literally everything.
这真的不可能啦
Well, that's literally impossible.
但我再没遇见过像你这样的女人
But I never met another woman like you.
都怪我
Oh, it was my fault.
我总是扯开嗓子骂你
I-I-I-I just kept screaming at you
就因为你到处乱丢内♥裤♥
when you'd leave your underwear everywhere.
我现在不♥穿♥内♥裤♥了
I just don't wear them anymore.
-我... -妈 妈 妈 妈
- Me -- - ?Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom! Mom, Mom!
你如果想说"我也不♥穿♥" 没关系
It's cool if you want to say "Me either,"
但我想先离开这里 拜托了
but I would like to leave the room first, please.
这孩子说得对 我们应该单独约出去叙旧
The boy is right. We should catch up solo.
你今晚想跳上我的公猪
How'd you like to hop on my hog tonight,
我们像过去那样骑乘一番吗
and we go for a quick ride, like old times, huh?
这是黄腔吗
Is that a euphemism?
你有头盔吗
Do you have a helmet?
我有两顶
I have two.
很大
Big ones.
我无法区分
I can't tell.
没什么比散发奶油香气的霞多丽红酒
Nothing pairs better with vitamins
跟维他命更搭
than a buttery Chardonnay.
我真的涌起一阵健康的兴奋感
I'm literally catching a healthy buzz.
是丘伊 问玛塔有没有做俯卧撑
Uch. It's Chuy, making sure Marta did her push-ups.
我要给他发一个《办公室》里的斯坦利的表情包
I'm sending him back a text of Stanley from "The Office"
像这样...
going...
知道吗
You know?
我知道 那个表情很贴切
Yeah, I know. It's a good one.
我做完俯卧撑了
Finished my push-ups.
玛塔 来 坐下
Marta, come. Sit down.
我们来谈谈
Let's talk for a second.
今年在学校过得怎么样
How's school this year?
我不知道
I don't know.
爸爸逼我上所有的荣誉课程
Dad's making me take all honors classes,
我还得参加管弦乐队
and I also have to do orchestra
因为他说大部分小提琴手都是处♥女♥
because he says that most violinists are virgins.
那你喜欢玩什么
What do you do for fun?
爸爸说考上大学就会很好玩
Dad says getting into college will be fun.
听起来你做的全是你♥爸♥想让你做的事
Sounds like you're doing everything your dad wants.
你自己想做什么
What do you want to do?
我不知道
I don't know.
从来没人问过我
Nobody's ever asked me that before.
真的吗
Really?
亲爱的 这很可悲
Honey, that's very sad.
我爸妈叫我做什么 我就做什么
I just do whatever my parents tell me to do.
我也是
Me, too.
玛塔 你15岁了
Marta, you're 15.
有一些事你可以开始自己做决定
You can start making some of your own decisions.
他们真的不让我这么做
I'm really not allowed.
老天 没人能懂我们 玛塔
God! Nobody gets us, Marta.
我小的时候 我爸跟你♥爸♥一模一样
You know, growing up, my dad was exactly like yours.
他太严格了
He was so strict.
他甚至都不允许我打排球
I mean, he wouldn't even let me play volleyball.
但我的兄弟们却想干什么都行
Meantime, m-my brothers were out doing whatever they wanted.
最终 我不得不为这事正面找他对抗
And, finally, I-I-I had to confront him about it.
那真的很艰难
And it was really hard,
但是 你知道吗
but...you know what?
我觉得那让他更加尊重我了
I think it actually made him respect me more.
我知道你♥爸♥是个严厉的人
I know your dad is intense,
所以不管你什么时候想喘口气
so whenever you need a break,
都可以来这里
you can always come here.
-谢谢你 姑姑 -没事
- Thanks, Tía. ?- Yeah.
你们知道吗
You know what?
这种时刻需要吃冰淇淋苏打水才行
This calls for an ice cream soda.
我爸说我只有在紧急情况下才能吃冰淇淋
My dad says I'm only allowed to eat ice cream in an emergency.
一个决定不会毁了你的人生
One decision won't ruin your life.
那我先去拿一下我的杯垫
Let me go get my coaster.
不用
No.
玛塔 你就在这桌上留下一圈水渍
Marta, you are gonna leave a ring on that table...
你一定会很喜欢的
and you're gonna like it.
感觉真是太爽了
This feels so great.
瞧瞧
Look at that.
那一圈水渍构成了奥♥运♥会图标的第五个环
That ring made the fifth circle of the Olympic logo.
S-O
S-o.
"所以"
"So."
凭借这个双字母加分 我一下得到3分
With the double-letter score, that's three points.
哇 瞧瞧你
Wow! Look at you!
性感火♥辣♥
Hot stuff!
我必须取消掉 我没办法去约会
I need to cancel. I can't go on a date.
跟我们说说是怎么回事
Tell us what's going on.
大概我刚看到大卫的时候 肾上腺素飙升
I-I-I guess I was flying on adrenaline when I saw Dave.
我不是十几岁了 我已经71岁了
I'm not a teenager. I'm 71.
我没办法去约会
I can't go on a date.
妈 听着 在你昨天做检查之前
Mom, listen, before your test yesterday,
你说你希望能跟你爱的男人在一起
you said you wished you were with the man you loved.
我不知道大卫是不是你要的那个人
I don't know if Dave's the guy,
但你必须开始寻觅才行
but you gotta start looking,
因为医生说你会活到十亿岁
'cause the doctor said you're gonna live to be a billion.
我想拥有 你和乔这样的感情
I'd like to find what...you have with Jo.
乔已经名花有主了 所以...
Well, Jo's taken, so...
那可不一定吧
I don't know.
再说了 你穿得这么漂亮
Besides, it'd be a crime to waste that killer outfit
跟你肥胖痴傻的儿子待在一起可太浪费了
hanging with your giant, simple son.
你真是太贴心了
You're so sweet.
我去
I'll go.
谢谢
Thanks.
好吧 行吧
Okay. Alright.
不 我们就...
No, we'll just --
不好意思
Excuse me.
看来我应该从那边绕过来才对