多元一家人（2020）

是吗
You do?
当然啦
Of course.
但包是非常私人的物品
But a purse is enormously personal.
所以才叫「私包」
That's why they call it a purse.
"私人"和"包"发音相近
是吗
Really?
不是
No.
这你都信 老公
Oh, my God, babe.
听着 亲爱的 我知道这要求很过分
Look, hon, I know it's a lot to ask,
但你并非下半辈子都得用这个包
but you don't have to use it the rest of your life.
用到她死就行了
Just the rest of hers.
你不明白
You don't get it.
对你来说不一样 因为你真心喜欢她送的礼物
It's different for you, because you actually like her gifts.
什么
What?
我才不喜欢
No, I don't.
你不喜欢吗
You don't?
不
No.
我满10岁以后
Every birthday since I was 10,
每年生日她都送我一件格子衬衫
she's given me a plaid shirt.
你以为我喜欢格子衬衫吗
You think I like plaid shirts?
是啊
Yes.
你天天都穿格子衬衫
You wear one every day.
这就像我的牢笼
This is like a prison to me.
我想穿夏威夷衫
I want to wear Hawaiian shirts.
夏威夷衫啊
Hawaiian shirts!
那听起来很可行
That sounds very doable.
你为什么不直接跟她说
Why don't you just talk to her?
你以为我没试过吗
Oh, you don't think I've tried?
2005年时 有一次我刚开始说
Once, in 2005, I started to,
她就像你去年撞死的那只负鼠那样看着我
and she looked at me like that possum you ran over last year.
永远别再提起它
Don't ever bring him up.
好吧 听着 在你们家
Okay, look, i‐i‐in your family,
如果你们不喜欢什么 就直接告诉对方 对吗
if you don't like something, you just tell each other, right?
是啊
Yeah.
但我们家不是这样的
Well, that's not how we do it.
你以为如果你说实话会发生什么
What do you think is gonna happen if you're honest?
-会破坏整个系统 -什么系统
- It would destroy the system. - What system?
永远不说出内心想法
The system of never, ever saying what you think
以避免释放一辈子没表达出来的情绪的系统
to avoid releasing a lifetime of unexpressed emotions.
你疯了
You're crazy.
我们去接孩子们吧
Why don't we go get the kids?
好吧
Okay, sure.
她们在哪儿
Where are they?
体育馆
恭喜你
Congratulations.
我知道参与奖杯很傻 但是...
I know participation trophies are stupid, but ‐‐
傻透了
So stupid.
艾米莉能拿到 我很激动
I'm excited for Emily to get one.
-我也是 -嗯
- Me too. - Yeah.
她需要赢一次
She needs a win.
光是说服她参与
I mean, even just getting her to participate
就已经是巨大成就
was a huge accomplishment.
是的 他们应该给我们颁一个奖杯
Yeah, they should give us a trophy.
爸爸 妈妈
Mom, Dad,
我没拿到奖杯
I didn't get a trophy.
什么
What?
丘伊舅舅没给我
Tío Chuy didn't give me one.
丘伊 搞毛啊
Chuy, what the...
你说过每个孩子都能拿到奖杯的
You said every kid gets a trophy!
前提是他们参与 艾米莉没参与
If they participate. Emily did not.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
艾米莉一脚球都没踢过
Emily didn't kick the ball once.
她花了六小时 试图用脚喂自己吃三明治
She spent six hours trying to eat a sandwich with her foot.
她的怪异程度上升到了新境界
Well, that's a new level of weird.
好吧 丘伊 但她来了
Okay, Chuy, but she was here,
所以艾米莉应该得到一座该死的奖杯
so Emily should get a damn trophy.
乔 出席和参与是不一样的
Jo, attendance is not the same as participation.
如果我给她
If I give her one,
那参与奖杯就毫无意义了
then a participation trophy means nothing.
说得没错 奖杯只是一块破塑料
Exactly. It's just a piece of plastic.
丘伊 别这样
Chuy, come on.
她这几年都拒绝参加体育运动
She's been refusing to play sports for years.
听着 我们好不容易才说服她来这里 好吗
Look, we finally got her here, okay?
如果艾米莉今天得不到奖杯
If Emily doesn't get a trophy today,
我想她永远都不会尝试运动了
I‐I don't think she's ever gonna try sports again.
这么说你们搞砸了六年
So, you guys screw up for six years,
却指望我在六小时内解决问题
and you expect me to fix it in six hours?
你之前亲口说了这是你要实现的目标啊
That's exactly what you said you were gonna do.
尽管我很爱我的外甥女
As much as I love my niece,
等我死后到达天堂之门时
when I get to the pearly gates,
我可不希望上帝对我说
I don't want the big guy saying,
"你为什么撒谎说艾米莉参与了
"Why did you lie and say Emily participated?
我以为本地足球传奇丘伊·罗德里格斯不会这么下作"
I expected more from local soccer legend Chuy Rodriguez."
我要在点评网站上毁了他
I'm gonna destroy him on Yelp.
你们保证过如果我去参与那个傻兮兮的活动
You promised if I went to the stupid thing,
我就能得到一座奖杯
I would get a trophy.
是 但你没真的踢足球啊
Yeah, but you didn't actually play soccer.
谁在乎啊
Who cares?
我只想要奖杯
I just want a trophy.
艾米莉 如果爸爸和我去工作
Emily, if Daddy or I went to work
但却什么都不做
and didn't do anything,
你觉得我们还能拿到工资吗
do you think we'd still get paid?
这对我来说其实是个灰色地带
Mm, it's kind of a gray area for me.
你懂的 政♥府♥部门的工作
Yeah, you know, government work.
你们总是变动规则
You're always changing the rules.
在有孩子前
Before kids,
你想象过会遇到这样的问题吗
did you ever imagine having a problem like this?
"我不想吃花椰菜"这种吗
"I don't want to eat my broccoli"?
当然啦
Sure.
"不想做家庭作业" 倒是听说过
"Not gonna do my homework." Heard of that.
"我不喜欢玩乐"
"I don't like fun."
简直是闻所未闻
It's not something they tell you about.
她唯一做过的不会抱怨的事
The only thing she ever does without complaining
-就是玩解密游戏 -我知道
- is that puzzle game. - I know.
我以前一直想着等她长大点就会好些了
I kept thinking this was gonna get better as she got older.
但现在她长大些了 却并没有变好
But now she is older, and it's not better.
我们给她尝试了那么多活动 钢琴 芭蕾
We've tried so many activities--piano, ballet.
在即兴表演中 她甚至不肯假装有工作
She wouldn't even pretend to have a job in improv.
我记得这事
I remember that.
她不断说着"我是没工作的闲人"
She kept saying, "I'm unemployed."
我也说不清 我们不能放弃她
I don't know. We--We can't give up on her.
我们必须想办法让她对什么事感兴趣才行
We j--We have to find a way to get her interested in something.
你们在聊什么呢
What are you talking about?
我们在说要让艾米莉对什么事感兴趣才行
We were just saying that we need to get Emily interested in something.
你们一定要让艾米莉对什么事感兴趣才行
Oh, you need to get Emily interested in something.
是啊 我刚就是这么说的
Right, yes, I‐I just said that.
但是 话说 既然我们都在闲聊...
But, hey, you know, since we're all talking...
怎么了
Yes?
你给我买♥♥的那个包 非常贴心
The purse you got me--very thoughtful.
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
是的
Yes.
不过 一个包...
However, a purse...
我...
I...
-就是... -乔把那个包弄丢了
- You know-- - Jo lost the purse.
是的 是的 没错 简直太疯狂了
Yes, yes! Yes. It's so crazy.
你给我买♥♥了那个包 好让我不会丢钥匙
You bought me the purse so that I wouldn't lose my keys,
结果我连包都丢了
and then I lost the purse
那个包本该帮助我不丢钥匙才对
that was supposed to help me not lose my keys.
我猜 我大概需要一个包来装我的包
I guess--I guess I need a purse for my purse.
好吧
Okay.
天呐 我做不到
God. I couldn't do it.