多元一家人（2020）

Granny Sanny.
听着 有时当奶奶的
Look, sometimes grandmothers
必须坚定自己的立场...
have to put their foot down --
我认输 好吧 好吧
Oh, darn it! Okay, okay, okay!
给你一盒果汁
A juice box for you...
给你一盒果汁
a juice box for you...
也给奶奶一盒果汁
and a juice box for Grammy.
你那盒为什么那么大 奶奶
Why is yours so big, Grandma?
因为奶奶们很容易口渴
Grandmas get very thirsty.
干杯
Cheers.
我需要地图才能走出你深邃的双眼
I'm gonna need a map to get out of your eyes.
因为我迷失在你的美眸里了
'Cause I am so lost in them.
我们此刻看起来不太浪漫
We are not looking very romantic right now.
夸我一下
Give me a compliment.
你不应该思考那么久
This should not be taking so long.
和孩子相处久了 我们的调情技巧都生疏了
We are really rusty from hanging out with the kids.
好了 回见
Alright, see you guys soon.
怎么 约会之夜先生困了吗
Well, Mr. Date Night feeling sleepy?
跟不上我们了
Can't keep up with us?
什么
What?
不 当然不是
No. No, no.
你们能帮忙看着外套吗 就几分钟
Hey, can you watch these for a few minutes
我们要去找个安静的地方做♥爱♥
while we go find a quiet place to make love?
什么
What?!
我和丘伊做♥爱♥时不喜欢穿着外套
Chuy and I like to make love without our jackets.
那我们怎么办
Well, what about us?
你这是什么意思
What do you mean?
是啊 比尔 你这是什么意思
Yes, Bill, what do you mean?
要是我们也想在体育馆里做♥爱♥呢
what if we would also like to make love in this arena?
这样好了 你们先帮忙看我们的外套
Here's the plan -- you watch our jackets,
待会儿我们再帮忙看你们的外套
and then we'll watch your jackets.
这种事要在哪里做啊
Where is any of this happening?!
我们知道一个地点 等我们完事后告诉你
We know a spot. We'll tell you when we're done, okay?
他们回来后我们要怎么办
What are we gonna do when they get back?
我可不知道
I don't know.
老天 你妹妹用那块积木把我砸得好惨
Boy, your sister really conked me with that block.
她这人非常好斗
She's very aggressive.
我没想到照顾你们会这么辛苦
I thought it would be easier taking care of you two.
也许你♥爸♥说得没错
Maybe your father was right.
或许我现在做不到了
Maybe I can't do this anymore.
别担心 奶奶 你做得很好
Don't worry, Grandma. You're doing a great job.
我们只是喜欢挑战别人的底线
We just like to test limits.
你们这点是遗传我的
You get that from me.
我爱你 奶奶
I love you, Grandma.
我爱你 小宝贝
Oh! I love you, sweetie.
露露
Oh, Lulu!
奶奶的红酒到哪里去了
Ooh, what happened to Grandma's wine?
天呐 你喝掉了吗
Oh, my God. Did you drink it?
我不知道呀
I dunno.
我妈还没回复我短♥信♥ 已经一个多小时了
My mom hasn't texted me back. It's been over an hour.
她一定只是在忙啦
I'm sure she's just busy.
这位女士每隔10秒就看一次短♥信♥
This is a woman who checks her texts every 10 seconds,
虽然她总共只有两个联♥系♥人
even though she only has two contacts.
好了 别慌张
Okay, let's not panic.
你忘记电池门事件了吗
Have you forgotten Batterygate?
最好的情况是...
Best-case scenario --
她暴毙了 孩子们正在吃她的尸体
she died and the kids are eating her.
或者无事发生 她们都好得很
Or nothing happened and they're totally fine.
好吧 你说得对
Okay. Alright. You're right.
我应该只是自己吓自己
Probably just being crazy.
但万一你不是呢
But what if you aren't?
听着 如果你想走 我们现在就走
Look, if you want to go, we can go.
其实我玩得挺开心的
Well, I'm having a great time,
但你很担心 所以别管我了
but you're worried, so forget about me.
我们走吧
Let's go.
好吧 所以 你想走吗
Okay, so -- so, you want to go?
你想走 我才想走
Well, I only want to go if you want to go.
宝贝 我很激动能在这个体育场做♥爱♥
Babe, I am so excited to make love in this arena, okay?
所以除非你想走 我才会走
So, I'll only go if you want to go.
直接告诉我你到底想不想走吧
Just tell me if you want to go or not.
不 你先告诉我你想不想走
No. You tell me if you want to go,
然后我再说我同不同意
and then I'll tell you if I agree.
好吧
Okay.
不如数到三 一起说出我们的想法
Why don't we both just say what we want to do on three?
好的
Okay.
一 二 三
One, two, three.
-我想... -我想..
- I want to -- - I want to --
我觉得所有人都死了 我吓坏了 我们走吧
I think everyone's dead. I'm freaking out. We gotta go.
谢天谢地
Thank God.
二位 到你们了 快把外套脱掉
Hey, guys, it's your turn. Take your jackets off.
我们得走了 比尔想走
We're gonna go. Bill wants to go.
第四条规矩
Rule number four --
先结束约会之夜的人就输了
whoever leaves date night loses.
你们输了
You lose!
丘伊 我们既不在乎你傻兮兮的规矩
Chuy, we don't care about your stupid rules
或者你的约会之夜 好吗
or your date night, okay?
我们只想确保我们的孩子平安无事
We just want to make sure our kids are okay.
好吧 再见了 浪漫
Okay. Bye-bye, romance.
好了 满意了吗
There. You happy?
这下我们都患上链球菌性咽喉炎了
Now we both have strep!
我们匆匆赶回来也太傻了 大家都还活着啊
That was stupid to rush home. Everyone's still alive.
孩子们都没事
The kids are okay.
我们就...
Let's just...
在外面静静待会儿吧
at least take a few minutes out here by ourselves.
好的
Okay.
对不起 我也不知道我为什么变得疑神疑鬼的
I'm sorry. I don't know why I got so paranoid.
因为为人父母真的很难 宝贝
Because parenting is hard, babe.
而且我们精疲力尽
And we're exhausted.
露露每天晚上3点都会醒来
I mean, Lulu wakes up every night at 3:00 a.M.
是啊 她就跟个小马克·沃尔伯格一样
Yeah, she's like a little Mark Wahlberg.
你知道吗
You know what?
我根本就不想像丘伊和布丽那样
I don't even want to be like Chuy and Brie.
他们在公共场合就黏糊又恶心
They're all sloppy and gross in public.
是啊
Yeah.
她的背部还粘了一块热狗包
She had a hot dog bun stuck to her back.
这一直都是我们的约会中我最喜欢的部分
This was always my favorite part of our dates.
想着你会不会让我进入你家
Wondering if you'd let me in your place.
我总会假装或许我不会让你进去的
I'd always pretend like maybe I wasn't gonna let you in.
那很好玩
That was fun.
我不知道你是怎么做到成为如此出色的母亲的
You know, I don't know how you manage to be such an amazing mom
同时还保持着绝对的性感
and... still be so damn sexy.
这才叫夸赞嘛
Now, that is a compliment.
-是吗 -是的
- Oh, it is? ?- Oh, yeah.
我知道现在要出去玩很不容易
You know, I know it's hard to get out right now,
但我们至少每天晚上可以出来 在这里聊聊天
but we should at least come out here every night,
当然是等大家都睡着以后
after everyone's asleep, you know?
我们可以称之为「偷偷摸摸的走廊好时光」
We could call it our "Sneaky porch time."
我们都知道那是不可能发生的
We both know that's not gonna happen.
是啊
Yeah.
情况如何啊
How'd it go?
好极了
Great!
那就好
Great.
不过有件事...
There was one thing, though --
好吧 开始嘲讽吧
Okay, get your dig in.
不 不 就...
No, no, it's --
就是出了点小乱子
It was a simple mix-up.
我当时在跟艾米莉说话
I-I was talking to Emily,
然后露露把我的一杯红酒端跑了
and Lulu took off with my glass of wine.
露露喝醉了吗
Lulu got drunk?!
不 没有
No! No.
她把大部分的酒都倒进了鱼缸里