多元一家人（2020）

The little desks and the little chairs.
简直就是所小学校啊
It's like a little school.
就是啊 这里是幼儿园
It is. It is a preschool.
那个毫无疑问
That is, without a doubt,
是我见过的最棒的沙箱
the finest sandbox I have ever seen.
谢谢
Thank you.
当然了 我们非常重视安全问题
And, of course, we take safety very seriously.
显然 这里是不允许出现坚果的
Obviously, this is a nut-free zone.
那可能是个问题
Oh, well, that might be a problem
因为露露是个小疯子[坚果]because Lulu is a bit of a nut.
坚果可能会导致一些学生丧命
Nuts can kill some of our students.
好了 乔 别胡说
Yeah, Jo, come on.
先失陪下
Excuse me.
希望这地方 不会让人害怕
So, I hope... you know isn't intimidated.
-这可是很大的一步 -我懂 我懂
- This is a big step. - I know. I know.
这让我一下子醒悟了 想到很多
It's all kind of hitting me, you know?
她已经不是小宝宝了
She's not a baby anymore, and, uh,
我们 不会再有小宝宝了
we're not -- not having any more babies.
老天啊 当然不要
Dear God, no.
没错 到此为止了
No. That's it.
就这样 别再生小宝宝了
It's like... no more babies.
我爱小宝宝
I love babies.
抱歉
Sorry.
你现在也正式进入教育体系了 露露
Well, you're in the system now, Lulu.
一切都结束了
It's over.
祝你好运
Good luck.
露露 我知道这地方很大 很吓人
Lulu...I know this place is big and scary,
但你知道吗
but you know what?
几天后 你就会交到新朋友
In a few days, you're gonna make some friends and --
再见
Bye!
小贱♥人♥
That bitch.
她知道我们现在在情感上有多脆弱吗
Doesn't she know how emotionally fragile we are right now?
现在要怎样
So, now what?
接下来我们步行把艾米莉送去她的学校
Well, now we walk Emily next door to her school,
在上班前 我们还有45分钟
and we have 45 minutes until work starts,
所以我们可以享受个...
so maybe we have a...
车内派对
Car party!
我盯着我的手♥机♥
I have been staring at my phone
已经整整八分钟了 没有任何人打扰
for eight solid minutes without anyone interrupting.
话说 你知道我们换了个新总统吗
Hey, did you know that we had a new President?
群众对此的反应 非常两极化
Reaction... is real mixed.
我迫不及待每天都浪费这段时间了
I cannot wait to waste this time every day!
我不打算做任何负责的事
I'm not gonna do anything responsible.
-好棒 半包没吃完的小金鱼饼干 -快给我
- Score. Half-eaten baggie of Goldfish. - Oh, give me!
来 接着
Here, catch.
投喂成功
There we go.
这是我们有史以来最棒的约会
This is our best date ever.
天呐 这说起来好可悲
Oh, God. That's sad.
不 这棒极了
No, this is amazing.
是幼儿园打来的
It's the preschool.
喂
Hello?
好的
Okay.
好的
Okay.
-发生什么事了 -嘘
- What's happening? - ?Shh!
好的 谢谢 我们马上就来
Okay, thank you. We will be right in.
-谢谢 -发生什么事了
- Thank you. - ?What happened?
露露咬了卡斯帕
Lulu bit Casper.
那个...
So...
卡斯帕是个孩子吗
Casper is a child?
竟然有人给孩子取名叫卡斯帕吗
Someone chose to name their child...Casper?
卡斯帕是著名卡♥通♥角色「鬼马小精灵」
我猜你应该经常听到
Guessing you've heard all
-有人用鬼马小精灵来开玩笑... -我经常听到
- the "Friendly ghost" Jokes -- - I've heard them.
他们都是孩子嘛
I mean, they're kids.
咬人这种事是时有发生的 对吧
Biting's a thing that happens, right?
也没什么大不了的吧
It's not that big a deal.
妈妈
Mommy!
我的天呐
Oh, my God!
我们也正好在学关于樱桃的知识
We're also learning about cherries.
好吧
Okay.
太好了 你们回来了
Oh, good. You're home.
这看上去简直跟我一模一样吧
Doesn't this look exactly like me?
今晚喝酒的时间提前了 是吧
Hitting the wine a little early tonight, huh?
我跟你说 我们是意大利人
I'm telling you, we're Italian.
这解释了我为何那么喜欢意面
That explains why I love pasta.
也解释了我为何那么喜欢"长通粉"
Definitely explains why I love penne.
因为我昨晚跟你们说过长通粉的意思是...
Because I told you last night that "Penne" means --
-行了 我们知道了 -你能别说了吗
- Yeah, yeah, we got it! - Would you stop talking, please?
"大长茎"
...penis.
露露第一天上学怎么样
How was Lulu's first day?
-很好 超好 特别好 -棒极了
- Oh, it was amazing. It was really, really great. - So good!
我们不会把孩子咬人的事告诉她的 对吧
We're not gonna tell her about the biting, right?
绝对不能 对她或丘伊都不能说
Oh, never. Her or Chuy.
我的天呐
Oh, my God!
但愿这只是意味着我们跟帕西诺有血缘关系什么的
Hopefully, that just means we're related to Pacino or something.
我刚在露露的书包里发现了这个
I just found this in Lulu's bag.
这上面说她 咬人
It says she's a-a... a biter?
"事故报告"
"Incident report"?
学校已经当面告诉我们了
Well, the school already told us.
他们还要写个书面报告吗
They also have to write her up?
这份报告长达8页
This thing is eight pages long!
竟然还有推荐阅读材料
There's recommended reading?
怎么成我们要做家庭作业了
How did we end up with homework?
艾米莉的幼儿园就没搞过这种事啊
They never did this kind of thing at Emily's preschool.
是啊 他们唯一给我们打电♥话♥的那次
Yeah, the only time they ever called us
是因为我们的支票被退回了
was when our check bounced.
监控录像拍到的画面真的很瘆人
The pictures from the security cameras are very disturbing.
露露向上看着摄像头 脸上挂着诡异的笑容
Lulu looks up at the camera and laughs.
我觉得她咬卡斯帕是为了寻找刺♥激♥
I think she bit Casper for a thrill.
妈 小孩子咬人是正常的 没事
Mom, kids bite, okay? It's fine.
你念一年级时
Well, you did have
的确出过用身体"摩擦"积木的事故
that "Rubbing yourself against blocks" incident in the first grade.
妈
Mom!
什么
What?
不是 我...
No, I-I...I was...
把积木在裤子上擦干净
cleaning them on my pants.
话说 你♥爸♥就挺喜欢咬人的
You know, your dad was a biter.
不过我偶尔觉得还挺享受的...
Not that I didn't enjoy it from time to time --
打住 打住 打住 快打住
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
咬人 竟然咬人
A biter? A biter?!
你是怎么知道的
How do you know?
我是理事会成员 我会收到所有的事故报告
I'm on the board. I get every incident report.
为什么
Why?
这事必须处理好
This needs to be handled.
好吧
Okay.
好吧 露露不跟我们家姓
Okay, uh...Lulu doesn't have our last name.
她跟比尔姓 那挺好的
She has Bill's last name, so that's good.
我可以找人帮忙
Um, I can call in some favors.
我们要把监控录像存盘偷出来
We can steal the footage.
我们要主动出击
And we need to go on the attack.
我们要摧毁卡斯帕
We are gonna destroy Casper.
我刚刚也是同样的想法
I was thinking exactly the same thing.
你的智慧和你的美貌一样出众
Oh, you are as wise as you are beautiful.
丘伊
Oh, Chuy.
能让我们吃零食吗
Can we have a snack?
好了
Okay.
你们能回避下 让我们跟露露谈谈吗
Could you two give us a sec so we could talk to Lulu?
或者 就站在那里吧 随你们的便
Or...just stay right there. Whatever.
嘿 露露
Hey, Lulu?
今天你做了一件 不太好的事
Today you did something that was...not okay.
我觉得这话根本没效果
I don't think that really sunk in.
孩他妈 说几句