多元一家人（2020）

这一场又被大雪毁了
and then this one gets snowed out.
显然老天爷不希望我们结婚
Clearly, God does not want us married.
不过...
But hey ‐‐
如果我们被雪困在家里
if we're snowed in...
那他们也一样
Then they are, too.
等一下 这太棒了
Oh, hold on a second. This is great.
我们已经尽了礼数 邀请了双方家人
I mean, we get all the credit for inviting our families
但又不用真的见到他们
without actually seeing them.
太爽了
Yes!
我们再婚吧 宝贝
Let's get remarried, baby.
听着 你会不会先去刷牙
Listen, are you gonna brush your teeth first?
你刷的话我就去刷
I mean, I will if you will.
-但如果你不打算刷 那我也懒得刷了 -好
- But if you're not gonna, then I won't bother. - Okay.
好了 艾米莉 该为我们主持婚礼了
Okay, Emily. Time to marry us.
婚礼不是应该很特别吗
I thought weddings were supposed to be special.
这就很特别啊
This is special.
但一个人都没来 而且你穿着牛仔裤
But no one's here, and you're wearing jeans,
爸爸的口气又很臭
and Dad's breath stinks.
这感觉的确有点太低调
I mean, this does feel a little low‐key.
不 这样很完美
No! It's perfect.
我们和我们创造出来的孩子齐聚在此
We are here together with the children we created
在我们一起搭建的家里
in the home we made.
好吧 你说得对
Okay. Yeah. You're right.
艾米莉
Emily?
今天我们在这里相聚...
We are gathered here today ‐‐
那是什么声音 俄♥罗♥斯♥战斗机吗
What is that? A Russian fighter jet?
我们是不是被朝鲜入侵了
Are we getting "Red Dawn"‐Ed?
是我们公♥司♥的卡车
It's our company truck.
什么 怎么开来的 路都被封了
What? How? The roads are closed.
他们在车头装了扫雪犁
Well, they've hooked up a snow plow,
我们的家人全都挤在车上
and our family is crammed inside!
好吧 乔 快过来 过来
Okay, Jo. Come on! Come on.
我们赶紧进行仪式 免得被他们毁掉
Let's finish really fast before they can ruin it.
我愿意 你愿意...
I do. Do you ‐‐
太好了 你们来了
Oh, good! You made it! Hey.
既然人都到齐了 开始吧
Well, now that you're all here, let's go!
等一下 我得把羊肉切片摆盘
Not yet! I have to butterfly the lamb.
我得烫好乔的裙子
I have to steam Jo's dress.
你们家的双卡带录音机在哪儿
Hey, where's your double cassette deck?
求你们了
Please.
能不能让我们举♥行♥我们想要的简单仪式
Can we just have the simple ceremony we want?
乔 放轻松 你是新娘
Well, Jo, relax. You're the bride.
这事的重点不在于你
This isn't about you.
你带歌♥后辛迪·劳帕的卡带了吗
Did you get the Cyndi Lauper?
好了 大家都听我说
Okay, guys. Listen.
不好意思 各位
Excuse me. Fellas?
妈妈
Mom?
好了 够了
Alright. Enough!
听着 今天的主角只有两个人 乔和我
Look, today is about two people, okay? Jo and me.
如果你们此刻不能让我
Now, if you can't let me marry my damn wife
以我们喜欢的方式迎娶我心爱的妻子
who I love, right now, the way we want,
那大门在那边 好走不送
then there's the door.
我有足够的雪地鞋
I've got plenty of snowshoes.
我觉得他在吹牛
I think he's bluffing.
是啊 得要12只雪地鞋呢 他不可能有
Yeah, that's like 12 snowshoes. No way.
雪地鞋在哪儿呢 比尔
Where are the snowshoes, Bill?
好吧 被你们识破了 我没有
Okay, fine. I don't have them.
我们为什么就不能用我们想要的方式结婚呢
Why can't we just get married the way we want?
因为你们的方式不够特别
Because yours isn't very special.
就是很不性感
And it's ‐‐ it's just not sexy.
你们到底知不知道爱情有多脆弱
Do you even know how fragile love is?
知道
Yes.
那就拿出该有的样子
Then act like it.
我们比你们付出了更多的努力
You know, we have put in a lot more effort than you guys.
我做了一件婚纱
I made a dress.
布丽做了顿大餐 贝尼西奥带来了音乐
Brie cooked a feast. Benicio brought music.
双胞胎编排了
And the twins created
一段极具野心的舞蹈
an ambitious piece of choreography.
而你做了什么
And what did you do?
移走了沙发
Move the couch?
比尔 我能跟你谈谈吗
Bill, can I talk to you for a second?
我也不想承认
I hate to admit it,
但他们确实大费周折破坏了我们的事
but they did put a lot of work into ruining this for us.
你知道 有了孩子让我明白
You know, having kids has taught me
你要么为正确的事奋斗
you can either struggle for what's right
要么服软 早点结束
or just go limp and finish sooner.
我想早点结束 我们服软吧
I want this to be over. Let's go limp.
好极了
Perfect.
在婚礼上服"软"是每个男人的梦想
It's every man's dream to go limp on his wedding day.
好了 各位
Hey, guys.
你们赢了 好吗 都满意了吧
You win, okay? Is everybody happy?
好了
Alright.
桑迪 去陪我穿婚纱吧
Sandy, let's get me in that dress.
好
Okay.
比尔 我能借点衣服吗
Hey, Bill, can I, uh, borrow some clothes?
我开除雪车把裤子都打湿了
Mine got soaked hooking up the snow plow.
那个 丘伊 我们不是一个码的
Uh, yeah, well, Chuy, we're not exactly the same size.
拜托 我们当然是一个码了
Pbht! Come on, man. Yeah, we are.
哇 好美的婚纱
Wow. Great dress.
我们决定不用格纹布
We decided against gingham.
我们觉得乔穿不出格纹布的风采
We didn't think Jo could pull it off.
现在我们该后空翻了
This is where we were going to do a backflip.
取而代之 我们以一个优美的侧手翻来满足你的愿望
Instead, we honor your wishes with a tasteful cartwheel.
好了 各位
Okay, everybody.
谢谢我来到这里
Thank me for being here.
新郎新娘现在要念出他们当年的婚礼誓词
The bride and groom will now read their original vows.
不是吧 就这
So...really? That's it?
你完事了
You're done?
今天的主角不是我
Today isn't about me.
比尔
Bill...
我保证我会珍惜每个时刻
I promise to cherish every single moment.
乔
Jo...
我向你保证我会永远对你耐心
I pledge you everlasting patience.
哪个没儿女的傻缺写的这个
What childless idiots wrote these?
我们当年太无知了
We knew nothing.
我们直接开始重要环节吧
Should we just hit the big stuff?
好的
Okay. Deal.
比尔
Bill...
我保证我会全心全意爱你
I promise to love you with my whole heart.
你笑的时候 我会陪着你笑
When you laugh, I will laugh with you.
你哭的时候
And when you cry...
我会嘲笑你
I will laugh at you.
乔
Jo...
我保证我会一直陪在你身边
I promise to always be by your side...
直到你转向我说 "够了"
until you turn to me and say, "That's enough."
然后
Then...
然后我就会离开
Then I will leave.
现在吗
Now?
是的 宝贝
Now, sweetie.
我能给你的永远都达不到你应得的
Look, you deserve more than I could ever give you,
但是 我还是给你买♥♥了样东西
but, uh, I went and got you something anyway.
想着你该换个戒指了
Figured your ring could use a little updating.
比尔
Bill.
真漂亮
It's beautiful.
我什么都没给你买♥♥
I didn't get you anything.
没事 没事
Ah, no, no, no, you know?
看上去是贴心的那个人就是最棒的礼物了
Looking like the thoughtful one is the greatest gift of all, so...
你可以亲吻我妈妈了
You can kiss my mom now.
好的
Okay!
开始了
Here we go!