多元一家人（2020）

那是2001年9月10日
September 10, 2001.
老天
Oh, boy.
我在学校舞会上看到了布丽·冈萨雷斯
I spot Brie Gonzalez at the school dance,
于是我对我兄弟丘伊说"她归我了"
and I turn to my brother Chuy, and I say, "Dibs."
之后呢 他们竟然结婚生子了
The next thing you know, they're married and have kids,
仿佛我没说要先占有她一样
like I never had dibs.
真是难以置信
That's crazy.
我应该住在他的房♥子里 跟他的家人生活在一起
I should be living in his house with his family,
他才应该是昨晚遭遇床垫爆♥炸♥的那个人
and he should be the one whose air mattress exploded last night.
你不能对大活人享有优先占有权
You can't call dibs on a person.
我觉得是可以的
I think you can, you know?
我站在你这边
I-I'm on your side.
虽然今天是路易斯的葬礼 但对我来说死的是丘伊
It may be Luis' funeral, but it is Chuy who's dead to me.
死得透透的
Forever.
我妹妹太没礼貌了
My sister's so rude.
顺便说下 我叫贝尼西奥
I'm Benicio, by the way.
我...也叫贝尼西奥
I'm...also Benicio.
你们是唯一来的家人
You're the only family who showed.
当然了
Well, of course.
我什么都参加
I show up to everything.
其他兄弟呢
Where are the other brothers?
我不知道 我们刚去了贝尼西奥家孩子的生日会
I don't know. We just saw Benicio at his kid's birthday.
贝尼西奥不会还在说他的优先占有权吧
Hey, Benicio isn't still talking about dibs, is he?
是的 他还在说
Yeah, he was.
你也知道他这人的
You know how he is.
是啊 我了解他
Uh, yeah. I know how he is.
好了 该去完爆这场葬礼了
Well, time to go crush this funeral.
比赛一小时后开始
The game starts in an hour.
别担心 亲爱的 我们坐在后面
Don't worry, babe. We'll sit in the back.
-如果时间太久 我们就开溜 -好的
- If it goes too long, we'll sneak out. ?- Okay, okay.
比尔 乔
Bill! Jo!
前面有位置 快过来
There's seats up front! Get over here!
有一整排呢 快来坐我边上
Look at this whole row! Come with me!
好吧 听着 丘伊都不怎么认识路易斯
Okay, look, Chuy barely knew Luis.
-最多十分钟完事 -好的
- This'll be 10 minutes, tops. ?- Okay.
首先我想感谢陆龟爱好者群体
First, I'd like to thank the tortoise community
感谢你们的大力支持
for your incredible support.
关于路易斯你们有什么话想说的
What can you say about Luis?
没有
Nothing.
很好
Good.
但我有什么想说的
But what can I say about Luis?
实在是太多了
A whole buttload of stuff.
糟了
Bad.
路易斯喜欢棒球
Luis loved baseball.
他不会落下任何一场落基山队的比赛
He watched every Rockies game.
每年162场啊
162 a year!
为缅怀他
In his honor,
让我们静默哀悼162个片刻
we will now take 162 moments of silence.
一
One...
比赛五分钟后就开始了
Game starts in five minutes.
你就录像吧
Oh, just start recording it.
二
Two...
一百零一
101...
路易斯为什么喜欢陆龟
Why did Luis love tortoises?
谁在乎啊
Who cares?
它们行动缓慢
They're so slow,
大家都不喜欢慢的东西
and everyone hates when things go slow.
是啊 阿门
Yeah, amen.
着什么急呢
What's the rush? Hmm?
每个人都急匆匆地赶去下一个地方
Everyone's in a hurry to get somewhere
比现在所在之地更好的地方
better than where they are.
而我们匆匆擦身而过的瞬间
And all these things that we rush past...
那些就是生活
...well, that's life.
慢下来
Slow down!
享受生活
Enjoy your life!
活得
Live.
像
Like.
一只
A.
陆龟一样
Tortoise.
他每次总能在结尾感动到我
He always gets me at the end.
谢谢丹佛 大家晚安
Thank you, Denver! Good night!
听着 我得赶紧离开这
Okay, look, I-I got to get out of here
免得有人给我剧透比分
before someone tells me the score.
-我们车里见 好吧 -好
- I'll just see you at the car, okay? - Okay.
比尔 你看比赛了吗
Bill, did you see the game?!
不 妈 别说 我录像了
No, Mo-- Shh, shh, shh. I recorded it.
等等 我录的东西呢
Wait, where is it?
电视问我要不要录像
Oh, it asked if I wanted to record it,
但我觉得没必要 因为我已经在看了
but I didn't see any reason, 'cause I was already watching it.
就是如此
And there you have it!
科罗拉多历史上最伟大的复出胜利
The greatest comeback victory in Colorado history!
我为没看到比赛的人感到惋惜
I feel bad for anyone who missed it!
你别碰遥控器 我正录像呢
Please don't touch the remote. I'm recording something.
周末比平时更糟糕 周末比平时更糟糕
It's worse than the week! It's worse than the week!
周末比平时更糟糕
It's worse than the week!
比尔
Bill!
不
Oh, no.
我刚做了噩梦 是...
I just had a nightmare it's --
今天的确是周日
It is Sunday.
孩子们还在睡觉 所以
The kids are still asleep, so...
让我猜猜 你想吃薄煎饼
Let me guess. You want pancakes?
不 我想吃麦片
No. Cereal.
乔乔 周日你有什么安排
So, JoJo, Sunday plans. What do you got?
有...
Uh, there's...
什么都没有
...nothing.
没有派对 我家那边一个活动都没有
No parties, nothing with my family.
天呐
Oh, my God.
我梦想有这一天太久了
I have dreamed of this day for so long.
我懂的
I know.
结果等这一天终于到来 我却不知所措
Now that it's here, I have no idea what to do with it.
我有个主意
Ooh, I have an idea --
什么都不做
nothing.
好好放松
Just relax.
-没错 -对吧
- Oh, yes. ?- Right?
太好了 没错 就待在家里放松
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just stay home and relax.
天呐 那听起来太棒了
Oh, my gosh. That actually sounds amazing.
我们得离开这里
We got to get out of here.
我们能做什么
What can we do?
别说那个...
And don't say...
否则她们会逼我们带上她们
or they will make us do it.
看电影吗
A movie?
电影 我们要去看电影啦
Movie! We're going to a movie!
哎呀糟了
Oopsie doodle.
行 我们会带你去看电影
Fine, we'll take you to a movie,
但看完电影你今晚必须做家庭作业
but then you have to do your homework tonight.
好棒 我去拿外套
Yay! I'll get my jacket!
好了 听着 宝贝 看完电影后
Okay, look, babe, after the movie,
我带孩子们去美食街
I'll take the kids to the food court,
你就可以去做美甲了
and you can get your nails done.
然后再喝一瓶红酒 昏睡过去
And then a bottle of wine and oblivion.
我都等不及了
Can't wait for that.
我是真的等不下去了
I literally can't wait for that.
我现在就要去喝
I'm gonna make that happen right now.
好了 你去发动车 我带孩子们出来 好吗
Okay, you get the car, I'll get the kids, okay?
孩子们 快点 我们要出发了
Kids! Come on! Let's go!
我找不到我的外套
I can't find my jacket!
艾米莉的外套
Emily's jacket.
你昨天落在葬礼现场了
You left it at the funeral yesterday.
谢谢 但我们赶着出门
Thank you, but we -- we really got to go.
我很快就说完 请进屋
Oh, I'll be brief. Please, come in.