多元一家人（2020）

露露
Lulu!
露...
Lu...
你敢信吗
You believe it?
她踢进了五个球
She scored five goals.
公平地说 她是趁守门员睡觉的时候踢进的
Well, to be fair, it was the goalie's nap time.
骄傲就是这种感觉吗
Is this what pride feels like?
我以前从没感受过
I've never felt it before.
你们把我留在了车里
You left me in the car.
亲爱的 实在太对不起了
Honey, I'm so sorry.
没事 你钥匙也没拿
It's okay. You also left your keys.
等等 你一个人在车里
Wait. You were in the car alone with the ‐‐
没错 她把车挪了个位置
Yeah, she moved it.
-什么 -逗你的
- What?! - I'm kidding.
逗你的 逗你的
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.
我得去给露露换衣服
I've got to go change Lulu.
她因为胜利激动不已
She got so excited about the victory,
拉屎在裤子里了
she literally pooped herself.
你在干什么
Whatcha doing?
玩解密游戏
My puzzle game.
艾米莉 如果你想跟妹妹一样踢足球
You know, Emily, there's still time to sign you up
我们还来得及给你报名
if you want to play soccer like your sister.
我不想踢球
I don't want to kick the ball.
我感觉我在伤害它
I feel like I'm hurting it.
我们得给她找个解密游戏以外的爱好
We've got to get her into something besides that puzzle game.
嗯 她太善良了
Yeah. She's a sweet kid.
世界会毁了她
The world is gonna destroy her.
乔
Oh, Jo,
我发现你经常落下钥匙
I notice you lose your keys a lot.
是吗
Do I?
是的
Yes, you do.
正因此我觉得你会喜欢我新买♥♥的包
That's why I thought you'd like my new purse.
有个专门放钥匙的口袋
It has a special key pocket.
还有放手♥机♥的地方
And a‐a holder for your phone.
酷
Neat.
我把这个特别的小袋子称作"口香糖区"
And I call this little special pouch "The gum zone."
真好
That's really great.
是不是很喜欢
Don't you just love it?
谨慎说话哦
Careful.
是 我喜欢
I‐I do.
我超喜欢
I--I do just love it.
我就知道你会喜欢
I knew you'd love it.
所以我也给你买♥♥了一个
So I got one for you, too!
耶
Yay.
现在你不会一团糟了
Now you won't be a hot mess.
你只会很性感
You'll just be hot.
跟我一样
Like me.
我们得处理下她的礼物
We have to do something about her gifts.
我不能用这个包
This cannot be my purse.
看上去就像是个巨大的猩猩睾丸
It looks like a giant gorilla testicle.
简单模仿下 十年前的我
Quick impression--me, 10 years ago.
我试着背这个包出去 但我做不到
I gave this bag a shot, but I can't.
一只鹰试图抢走它
A hawk tried to steal it from me.
在我认识你之前
You know, before I met you,
我从不换床单 也没有任何问题
I never changed my sheets, and it was fine.
要是你妈不把钱
You know if your mom would stop
都拿去买♥♥这些破礼物
spending all her money on terrible gifts,
或许她可以出点买♥♥杂货的钱
maybe she could, like, chip in on groceries instead.
我知道 她总是把所有纤丝奶酪都吃了
I know. She keeps eating all the string cheese.
-给我 -是我的奖杯
- Give it to me! - My trophy!
该你上了
Your turn.
嘿 怎么了
Hey, what's going on?
露露不肯把她的奖杯给我
Lulu wouldn't give me her trophy.
艾米莉
Oh, Emily.
你知道获得奖杯的最佳办法是什么吗
You know the best way to get a trophy?
露露把她的给我
Lulu gives me hers?
不 你像露露一样 凭借踢足球赢得奖杯
No, no, you earn one by playing soccer, like Lulu.
不 我不想失去我的周末
Nah. I don't want to lose my weekends.
你不用踢一整个赛季
You know, you don't have to play a whole season.
你的丘伊舅舅有个足球培训班
Your Tío Chuy has a soccer clinic,
如果你去上一天的课
and if you try it for a day,
你就能得到一座参与奖杯
you get a participation trophy.
就一天吗
Just a day?
你保证我会拿到一座奖杯
And do you promise I'll get a trophy?
-是的 -行
- Yes. - Fine.
我们这是在犯错误吗
Are we making a mistake here?
当然啦 不过你在说什么
Definitely, but what are you talking about?
我不想靠贿赂让艾米莉参与体育运动
I don't want to bribe Emily into playing sports.
她为什么不能像我们以前那样单纯喜欢上体育
I mean, why doesn't she just like them like we did?
亲爱的 你记得我们当时在医院
Babe, you remember that moment in the hospital
跟另外一对夫妇在一起吗
when we were alone with that other couple?
记得
Yeah.
我们没有抱错孩子吧
Did we take the right kid?
我的超级明星外甥女来了
Alright, my superstar niece is here.
以及艾米莉
And Emily.
你好 丘伊舅舅
Hi, Tío Chuy.
你去跑几次自杀式折返跑
Why don't you go run a few suicides,
我们稍后开始
and we'll start in a minute?
丘伊
So, Chuy,
我们费尽心思鼓励才说服艾米莉今天过来的
it took a lot of encouragement to get Emily here today, so...
你不知道怎么激励你的孩子
Ah, you don't know how to motivate your kid,
所以你需要我介入 拯救你家
so you need me to step in and save your family.
我懂的
I got it.
没错 这正是我们想说的
Yep, that's exactly what we were gonna say.
乔 我爱那个包
Hey, Jo, I love that purse.
行了 够了 我绝对不要了
Okay. That's it. It's gone.
孩子们 你们多半知道我是谁
Kids, you probably know who I am.
本地足球传奇 丘伊·罗德里格斯
Local soccer legend, Chuy Rodriguez.
今天是我的荣幸
Today it is my honor
向你们介绍最美的运动
to introduce you to the most beautiful game ‐‐
足球
soccer.
然后你们都将得到奖杯
And then you'll all get trophies.
耶 耶 耶 耶
Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!
足球只有几条简单规则
Soccer has just a few simple rules.
第一条 只能用脚
Rule number one--you can only use your feet.
不能用手
No hands.
好吧 现在提问有点早
Okay, little early for questions,
不过你有什么问题 艾米莉
but, uh, what's up, Emily?
我们为什么不能用手
Why can't we use our hands?
因为足球已经存在几千年了
Well, because, uh, soccer's been around for thousands of years,
从来没有人用过手
and no one's ever used their hands.
什么事
Yes?
以前的人是不是没有手
Did people used to not have hands?
什么
What?
不 不 不 人们...人们有手的
No. No, no, no. People ‐‐ People had hands.
那他们为什么讨厌用手
Then why did they hate them?
我们先别聊手的话题了
Let's not talk about hands.
如果你不想聊手
If you don't want to talk about hands,
那你为什么主动提起
then why did you bring it up?
好了 改变计划
Okay, change of plans.
我们来短跑吧
Uh, we're gonna do some sprints.
所有人绕着雪糕筒路障跑步
Okay, now, everybody run between the cones.
你在做什么
What are you doing?
你不准我用手
I'm not allowed to use my hands.
你可以用手系鞋带的
Well, you ‐‐ you can use your hands for that.
我这辈子都没遇过如此令人费解的事
This is the most confusing thing that's ever happened to me.
我也是
Me, too.
我妈妈送你的包呢
Where's my mom's purse?
关于那个啊
About that.
糟了
Oh, no.
你知道我爱你妈
You know I love your mom.