阶梯之间（2022）

The Staircase S01E08

Part 7 June 14, 2022, 5 p.m.

I mean, we played on the same ball team.
等等谁出现在了幻想里
Wait, wait, who was there?
游击手
The shortstop.
那一刻我意识到自己
At that moment, I realized that I had
非常喜欢女性
a great attraction for, for females,
但也喜欢男人
but for guys also.
而那是我不得不隐藏的一面
And that that was something I was going to have to hide.
你父母知道吗
Did your parents find out?
有一晚我父亲发现我们
One night, my father found us,
只是尝试
just, you know, experimenting.
他十分生气
He got so mad.
还动了手
Violent.
我记得坐在车里
I remember sitting in our car
就在车♥库♥外收听电台
outside the garage listening to the radio.
只有我我母亲
Just me, my mother,
马♥勒♥第五交响曲
Mahler's Fifth Symphony,
和我淤青的眼睛
and my black eye.
在那之后我知道说谎是更简单的办法
After that, I knew it was easier to lie.
更安全
It was safer.
就这些吗
Is that it?
你还有什么想说的吗
Is there something else you wanted to say?
我一直觉得
I always felt
你在第一次审判期间
there was something you were holding back
有所隐瞒
during the first trial.
我不清楚是什么但确实有
I don't know what, but there was something.
是的没错
I was. There is.
关于凯瑟琳我撒谎了
I lied about Kathleen.
她从不知道
She never knew.
我没有告诉过她自己的那一面
I never told her about that side of me.
起初人们问到
You know, in the beginning when people asked,
"她知道那些男人的事吗"
you know, "Did she know about the men?"
我告诉他们 "她当然知道
I, I told them, "Of course, she did.
她了解我"
She knew me."
我期盼那就足够了
And I'd hoped that would be enough.
但大家反反复复地问所以...
But then people ask again and again, so...
但其实没有我们从没有谈过
But no, no, we never talked about... it.
我永远没办法鼓起勇气告诉她
I could never make the leap to say to her,
"这就是我"
"This is who I am."
要鼓起勇气实在非常困难
To make that leap is, is very difficult and...
我没有对凯瑟琳说出口
I didn't make the leap with Kathleen.
我肯定觉得很内疚
I'm sure I felt guilty, you know.
但当你瞒过了某些事
But when you get away with something
并且一直没被人发现
and you keep getting away with it,
你就会觉得 "没什么大不了的"
it becomes, "Oh, it's alright,"
你明白吧
you see?
我真希望自己告诉了她
I wish I could have told her.
不知道她会说些什么
I wonder what she would have said.
她肯定会做正确的选择
She'd have made it right.
你杀了凯瑟琳吗
Did you kill Kathleen?
凯瑟琳的死是意外
Kathleen's death was an accident.
这男人
是个骗子
他对所有事撒谎所有事
一直以来他都在撒谎
对但也许这是他想停止撒谎的方式
你真的这么想吗
我不知道
该怎么想
我不知道
但我知道
没有他你会更开心
让
Jean...
他没有
他没法不撒谎
妈麦克
Hey, Mom. Hey, Mike.
我已经开始收拾来看你们了
I'm starting to get packed up to see you guys soon.
如果天气好的话
Um, I was thinking of driving down
我打算开车来看你们
if the weather wasn't so bad
也许路上顺便看看朋友
and maybe seeing some friends on the way.
但无论如何我很期待圣诞节见到大家
But anyway, I can't wait to see you guys for Christmas.
我真的很需要一个手表疯狂暗示
I really need a watch, wink wink.
我爱你
I love you.
凯瑟琳抱歉这么晚致电
Hey, Kathleen. Sorry to call so late,
但我们明天有个电♥话♥会议
but we have to do a conference call tomorrow
在你飞去多伦多之前
to get on the same page about Toronto
要商量一致
before you fly out.
周末电♥话♥会议很糟糕我知道
A work call on the weekend. It sucks, I know,
但我得把文件发给你
but I need to send you the presentation.
给我回电就这样
Call me back, okay.
海伦
Hey, Helen.
糟了你不会已经睡了吧
Shit, you're not sleeping, are you?
好是什么文件
Yeah. Okay. So what is it?
该死我忘记把笔记本带回来了
Oh shit. I forgot my laptop at the office.
我最近太不在状态了
Oh, I've been so out of it.
这样吧发麦克的邮箱
You know what? Uh, send it to Mike's e-mail.
嗯是...麦克
Yeah. It's, uh... Mike?
麦克你的邮箱是多少
Mike, what's your email?
什么干嘛
What? Why?
我工作用
Well, I just... I need it for work.
好吧
Oh, okay,
是mpwriter@gte.Net
it's mpwriter@gte.Net.
邮箱是mpwriter@gte.Net
Mpwriter@gte.Net.
对没错
That's it. Alright.
好
Okay.
谢了海伦晚安
And thanks, Helen. Good night.
什么事
What was that about?
是海伦
Oh, it was Helen.
-海伦是谁 -普里斯林格我的手下
- Helen? - Prislinger. She works under me,
有个推介文件我要过目一下
and there's a presentation I have to review.
我一会用你的电脑看
So, uh, I'm gonna have to check it on your email.
好
Okay.
-可以吗 -当然
- Is that alright? - Of course.
别工作了
Don't work.
明早再看吧
Just look it over in the morning.
今晚我们放松好好享受吧
Let's relax and enjoy the rest of the night.
凯特琳来电♥话♥了
Caitlin called.
是吗她说什么了
Oh yeah? What'd she say?
她要开车回来过圣诞节
She's driving down for Christmas.
她要带孩子一起回来
She's bringing the baby.
他已经胖乎乎了
He's getting really chubby.
你跟玛吉谈过了吗
You talk to Margie?
还没有
Not yet.
等她状态好了我再跟她谈
I'll talk to her when she's back up.
你得跟她谈谈麦克
You have to talk to her, Mike.
你让她难过了
You really upset her.
你都没跟她谈过她离婚的事
You never even talked to her about her divorce.
-这种事拖不得 -我会谈的
- You can't put these things off. - I will.
至少玛莎好多了
Martha's doing better, at least.
她终于在做自己想做的事情了
She's finally doing what she wants.
她今晚有舞蹈表演
She's got this dance recital tonight.
玛吉会去她们在一起
Margie's there. They're together.
理应如此
The way they should be.
真的吗
Really?
我以为她在工作
I thought she was working.
她是这么说的所以没能来
That's what she said, why she couldn't make it.
她肯定不能错过演出
Well, she wasn't gonna miss the show.
她们都很好
They're all okay.
你也会没事的
You'll be okay too.
你为什么不告诉我
Why didn't you tell me?
有那么一瞬
There was a moment
我知道自己是谁
where I knew who I was.
但也就是那一瞬
But it was just a moment.
然后我有个各种不同身份
And I became one thing after another.
我离那一瞬越来越远
I got further and further from that moment.
然后你出现了
And then you came along...
离那一瞬如此遥远
so far from that moment.
那不是谎言
It wasn't a lie.