东邻西舍

The Neighborhood S03E13

Part 1 April 15, 2021, 9:25 a.m.

你在看什么
What are you watching?
没什么马尔科姆搬走了
Oh, nothing. Now that Malcolm's moved out,
我在删他之前录的节目
I'm deleting all his shows off the DVR.
《新闻60分》时间到了
60 Minutes, time's up.
雨林纪录片
Documentary on the rain forest?
小雨小雨快停下
Rain, rain, go away.
《老友记》
Friends?
我都不记得里面有我们黑人
I don't recall seeing any of our people on that.
那是我录的
I was recording that show.
我就爱看白人自找烦恼
You know I love watching white people invent problems.
我只希望录像机和我一样享受自♥由♥
I just want the DVR to feel as free as I do.
不再有争吵不再有顶嘴
Like, no more arguments, no more backtalk.
马尔科姆住在这里的记忆
The memory of Malcolm living here is fading faster
消失得比他的屁♥股♥印还快
than his butt-print on that couch.
其实我正想和你说这事呢
Well, actually, that is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.
既然马尔科姆不在了
Now that Malcolm's gone,
我们就有更多
we're gonna have a lot more time where's it's just...
独处时间了
you and me.
我明白
I get it.
你是说我们可以随处撒欢了
So you're saying we could get freaky wherever we want to.
这张椅子怎么样
What about... what about this chair?
或者去厨房♥
I mean, or the kitchen?
壁炉旁边也不错
Maybe over by the fireplace.
你想在哪留下第一个屁♥股♥印
I mean, where do you want to make our first butt-print?
我不是这个意思
That is not what I meant.
我是说可以把注意力转移到自己身上
What I mean is, we're free to focus on us.
尝试新事物拓展视野
You know, try new things, expand our horizons.
说得难听点就是
Yeah, that just sounds like a fancy way of saying:
做我不喜欢的事
doing stuff that I don't like.
别这样宝贝
Aw, come on, baby.
我在考虑去社区大学上什么课
I was looking at community college classes we could take.
比如这个你看
Like here. Look.
《绘画入门》
An Introduction to Drawing.
宝贝我的生活已经很充实了
Babe, look, I got all the fun I need right here.
有扶手椅遥控器
I got my chair, I got my remote,
录像机已清空可以录好多出糗节目
and an empty DVR to fill with blooper shows.
我知道上帝爱他所有的子民
I know that God loves all His children,
但他显然更偏爱我
but clearly, He loves me more.
好吧
Okay, fine.
你可以在家摸鱼
You could sit at home and do nothing.
我要出去拓展视野了
I am going out and expanding my horizons.
我坐在这也能拓展视野
I'm expanding mine, too-- right here in this chair.
东邻西舍
第三季第十三集
肯定会很好玩
This is gonna be so much fun!
不敢相信卡尔文宁愿在家坐着也不来
I can't believe Calvin would rather sit at home than come with us.
他觉得和好朋友厄尼一起看出糗视频
Yeah, his idea of fun is watching blooper shows
才是最好玩的
with his buddy Ernie.
我就是不明白为什么男人那么喜欢
I just don't understand why men go so nuts
看其他男人裆下遭殃
watching other men get hit in the nuts.
他的损失就是我的收获
Well, his loss is my gain.
和最好的朋友一起画画喝酒
What could be more fun than spending an evening
共度一晚
with my best friend,
还有什么比这更快乐的
doing art and drinking wine?
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
-他们这没有酒 -我知道
- They're not serving wine. - I know.
但我有
But I am.
我自以为很了解你没想到你还藏着这手
Just when I thought I knew you, more ghetto shows up.
欢迎参加《绘画入门》课程
Okay. Welcome to Introduction to Drawing.
我是你们的老师黛博拉
I'm your instructor, Deborah.
先跟大家道个歉
I apologize in advance.
今晚的第一节课本来应该是水果篮素描
We were supposed to kick off tonight sketching a bowl of fruit,
但我男朋友
but my boyfriend was too busy
忙着打游戏忘了去超♥市♥
playing video games to swing by Trader Joe's.
所以我们直接跳到人体绘画
So instead, we're gonna skip right to figure drawing.
掌声欢迎我们的模特安东尼奥
Please welcome our model, Antonio.
杰玛他只穿了一件袍子
Gemma, this guy's just wearing a robe.
现在没穿了
Not anymore.
象吃马
Bishop takes knight.
我喜欢叫它
Or, as I like to call it,
出洋"象"了吧
"bish, please."
你爱叫什么叫什么不过
Well, call it what you want, but...
将军
checkmate.
老混象
Son of a bish!
兄弟们你们肯定想不到我在地下室找到了什么
Guys, you are never gonna believe what I found in the basement.
你找到什么了
Um, what'd you find?
是沃尔特写的一本书的手稿
It's an old manuscript for a book Walter wrote.
他肯定是搬家的时候忘了
He must have forgotten it when he moved out.
真的吗那个怪老头写过书
Seriously? That cranky old dude wrote a book?
书名是什么
What is it?
《教笨蛋叫别人笨蛋》
Calling People Dummies For Dummies?
我觉得应该是悬疑小说
Actually, I think it's a mystery novel.
听听书名
Check out the title.
《死于谋杀》
Dead Because of Murder.
如果杀人凶器是烂书名我们已经结案了
Well, if the murder weapon was a terrible title, I think we found it.
这样吧
Yeah, you know what?
你来念一段马蒂
Read a little bit, Marty.
肯定很好笑
Oh, this is gonna be hilarious.
开始了第一章
Okay, here we go. Chapter one.
我站在雨中闪电划破天空
"Standing there in the rain, lightning streaked the sky.
我盯着穿红裙的女人
"I stared at the woman in the red dress
知道了三件事
"and knew three things--
她很年轻她很漂亮
"she was young, she was gorgeous,
她死了
and she was dead."
沃尔特写得不错嘛
Damn, Walter, that's pretty good.
开玩笑写得太棒了
Are you kidding me? It's great.
那个老混象文笔真不错
That old son of a bish can write.
接着读马蒂
Yeah, keep reading, Marty.
别担心我已经停不下来了
Oh, don't worry, man, there's no way I'm putting this down now.
-读给我们 -读出声
- To us. - Out loud,
-马蒂拜托 -读给我们听马蒂
- Marty, come on. - To us, Marty.
一棒正中裆下
Ooh, a bat to the crotch.
难以直视
That is hard to look at.
是啊再看一遍
Yeah, I know. Let's watch it again.
好
Yeah.
宝贝你好厄尼
Hey, babe. Hi, Ernie.
你好缇娜
Hey, Tina.
宝贝美术课怎么样
Hi, baby. How was your art class?
太离谱了你们不会相信的
It was crazy. You're not gonna believe this,
有个裸体模特
but we had a nude model.
裸体露了多少
Nude? Oh. How nude are we talking?
边境以北边境以南
North of the border, south of the border,
还是整个国家
or the whole country?
这么说吧大西洋到太平洋我都看光了
Well, let's just say I saw everything from sea to shining sea.
这样的话请允许我仔细看一下地图
In that case, allow me to take a peruse of the map.
好的
Okay.
给你
There we go.
等等等等
Wait. Hold on.
这哪是模特
This ain't no damn model.
这是裸体男人
It's a naked dude!
什么
What?
我知道我也很惊讶
I know. I mean, I was surprised, too,
但我画得很好看吧卡尔文
but I did a really good job. Look, Calvin.
是的真是太好了
Uh, yeah, almost too good.
宝贝你连看都没看
Baby, you're not even looking at it.
你给他画个裤子我就看了
Well, I will when you draw him some pants.
等等等等等等
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
你不知道你妻子
You didn't know that your wife
整晚都盯着一个裸体男人
was gonna be staring at a naked dude all night?
你这才叫一棒正中裆下
Talk about a bat to the crotch.
不是那样的厄尼
It's not like that, Ernie.