东邻西舍

The Neighborhood S03E10

Part 3 March 10, 2021, 11:48 a.m.

我和她说了不好笑
I told her that wouldn't work.
我的职业日嘉宾的工作特别酷
My career day guest has the coolest job ever.
我也不想吹牛但他和超级英雄也差不多了
I don't want to brag, but he's pretty much a superhero,
他叫马尔科姆·巴特勒
and his name is Malcolm Butler!
谢谢你哥们
Well, thank you, G-man.
也算不上超级英雄啦但话说回来
I don't know if I would say superhero, but then again,
一般超级英雄都这么谦虚
that's exactly what a superhero would say.
作为一名保安我的工作是保护人们的安全
Now, as a security guard, my job is to keep people safe.
所以我总是确保
Which is why I always make sure...
你们好啊小地球人
What's up, tiny Earthlings?
你在开玩笑吧
Are you kidding me?
这太酷了
This is so cool.
伙计们这是马蒂
Guys, this is Marty.
他他是那个谁的弟弟
He's, uh, uh, what's-his-name's brother.
抱歉我迟到了伙计们我的宇宙飞船
Sorry I'm late, guys. It was hard to find parking...
太难找停车位了
for my spaceship.
-好就在上面的停车场 -好的
- Okay, it's in that parking lot up there. - Okay.
我真的很高兴你决定这么做
You know, I'm really glad you decided to do this.
毕竟你越健康
After all, the healthier you are,
我们做朋友的时间越长
the longer we get to be friends.
是啊我也想过这一点
Yeah. You know, I thought about that, too,
但我还是鼓起勇气来了
and then I decided to do it anyway.
很好我们到了把车停这里
Good, we're here, so pull in that space.
好的
Okay.
等等
Wait a second, uh...
我没看到医生办公室啊
I don't see a doctor's office.
我只看到了酒吧餐厅
All I see is a Dave & Buster's.
因为这就是我们要去的地方戴夫
Because that's where we're going, Dave.
友谊快乐
Happy friendiversary.
卡尔文我们应该去帮你做结肠镜检查
Okay, Calvin, we are supposed to be going to your colonoscopy,
而不是把童年天真的乐趣
not combining all the innocent fun of childhood
和成年酗酒的乐趣结合起来
with the alcoholic fun of adulthood.
我知道但是结肠镜检查只是我的事
I know, I know, but a colonoscopy, that's just about me.
友谊是咱俩的
A friendiversary is about us.
你都不知道我等了多久才听到这些话
You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words.
但是不行卡尔文
But no, Calvin, I won't do it.
你的健康太重要了
Your health is too important.
拜托
Oh, come on.
还有什么比一整天
What could possibly be more important
和你最好的好朋友在一起
than spending a full day of uninterrupted fun with your...
更重要呢
...Bff?
这招太贱了卡尔文
That is a dirty trick, Calvin.
更糟糕的是你没有告诉我我都没穿
And what's worse is you didn't tell me so I could have worn mine.
戴夫你怎么说
Come on, Dave, so what's it gonna be?
到底要不要庆祝
We gonna do this or what?
卡尔文我也不知道
Calvin, I don't know.
好吧这样吧
All right, okay, how about this?
我们玩一局娱乐滚球
We play one game of Skee-Ball.
如果你赢了我就去做结肠镜检查
If you win, I go ahead and get my colonoscopy.
如果我赢了你就让我最近排空的结肠
If I win, you treat my recently evacuated colon
尝尝热鸡翅和啤酒
to hot wings and beer.
既然这样好吧
Okay, you know what, fine.
如果只有这样才能让你做检查那就这么定了
If that's the only way that I can make you do it, then I'm in.
太好了我们走吧
Great. Come on, let's go.
但是提醒一下背心看起来要酷得多
But FYI, that shirt would look a lot cooler as a tank top.
他回来了
Well, there he is.
世界上第一个蠢货航♥天♥员
The world's first jackass-tronaut.
别生我的气
Hey, don't be mad at me.
孩子们投票在手球场上画一幅我的壁画
It's not my fault the kids voted to have a mural of me
又不是我的错
painted on the handball court.
恭喜你马蒂
Well, congratulations, Marty.
你正式赢得了职业日让我看起来像个笨蛋
You officially won career day and made me look like a chump.
拜托伙计我不是这个意思
Oh, come on, man, that's not what I meant to do.
那你是什么意思
Well, what did you mean to do?
马尔科姆从我们小时候起
Malcolm, ever since we were kids,
你总是很酷而我是书呆子
you were always the cool one, but I was the nerd.
死宅那个
The geek. The...
就是老爸以前喊我的那个
whatever else Dad used to call me.
你是说死读书和小聪明
Oh, you mean like poindexter and brainiac.
我最喜欢的是死宅巧克力
My favorite was dork chocolate.
他还写在我的生日蛋糕上了很难忘啊
It's hard to forget that one when he wrote it on my birthday cake.
我知道这听起来很蠢
I mean, I know it might sound dumb,
但我真的很想能回学校一天
but I was really excited to go back to school for a day
做一个我没做过的酷男
and be the cool guy I never was.
拜托伙计你很酷啊
Oh, come on, man, you were cool.
得了吧
Oh, yeah, right.
不我是认真的马蒂
No, I'm serious, Marty.
我是很自信
I mean, I'm a really confident dude,
但如果我穿着破宇航服走进教室
but I think I would have felt ridiculous
我会觉得自己很可笑
walking into that classroom in a damn space suit.
但你不是
But not you.
你太有范了
You owned it.
如果这都不叫酷
And if owning who you are is not cool,
弟弟那我不知道什么才叫酷了
then, little brother, I don't know what is.
-是挺酷吧 -是啊
- It was pretty cool, right? - Yeah.
供应午餐的女士还把她的电♥话♥号♥码给我了
And the lunch lady even gave me her phone number.
瞧伙计你应该留着那套服饰
You see, man, you should keep that suit.
今天是供应午餐的女士
A lunch lady today,
也许明天就是60岁以下的人了
maybe someone under 60 tomorrow.
我也想留着
I wish I could keep it.
可惜这是价值百万的绝密原型
Too bad it's a top secret prototype worth a million dollars.
什么你从戒备森严的机构
What? You snuck a million-dollar space suit
偷了一套价值百万的太空服
out of a high-security facility
就为了惊艳一群四年级学生
to impress a bunch of fourth-graders?
你疯了吗
Are you crazy?!
我也说不好但我告诉你什么更疯狂
I don't know, but I'll tell you what's crazier.
你要帮我把它偷偷放回去
You're gonna help me sneak it back in.
不可能我为什么要拿我的工作冒险
There's no way, man. Why would I risk my job to do that?
因为我是在你值班的时候偷出来的
Well, because I snuck it out on your watch.
-拿上宇航服赶紧走 -好的
- Grab the suit. Let's go. - Okay.
太好了
Yes!
再来个30 你今天就必须做结肠镜检查了
Another 30. You are definitely getting your colonoscopy today.
这不公平
This isn't fair.
你没告诉我你擅长娱乐滚球
You didn't tell me you were great at Skee-Ball.
没错因为如果我说了
That's right. Because if I did,
你可能就会选打地鼠了
you might have picked Whac-A-Mole.
打那些可爱的小家伙的头
It just makes me feel weird
我是真的有点下不去手
smashing those cute little guys over the head.
我还是可以赢的
Well, I can still win this thing
只要我滚到角落的100分
if I get that hundred in the corner.
拜托卡尔文根本没有人能成功
Please, Calvin, nobody ever hits those.
你不如现在放弃吧
You might as well give up now.
如果我把球滚进洞里
If I get this ball in that hole,
那就没人能碰我的屁♥眼♥了
that means no one's getting near mine.
你是怎么做到的
How the hell'd you do that?
我真的在努力拯救自己的屁♥股♥
Well, let's just say I was literally fighting to save my ass.
好吧卡尔文你赢了
Okay, you know what, Calvin, fine, you win.
但我不我不明白
But I don't... I don't get it.
你是我认识的最坚强的人之一
You know, you are one of the toughest guys I know.
你为什么这么害怕一个小小的医疗检查
How are you this afraid of a minor medical procedure?
我害怕的不是检查戴夫
It's not the procedure I'm afraid of, Dave.
好吧那是什么
Okay, well, then what is it?
如果他们发现了什么呢
What if they find something? All right?
我刚得到一份健康证明
I just got a clean bill of health.
我想在领先的时候退出
I want to quit while I'm ahead.
卡尔文这是什么意思
Okay, Calvin, what does that even mean?
意思是哪怕我病了我也不想知道
It means if I'm sick, I don't want to know.
缇娜说48个男人中就有一个会得结肠癌
Look, Tina said that one out of 48 men get colon cancer.
如果我是48号♥怎么办
What if I'm number 48?
好吧但是这样并不能阻止你生病
Okay. But not knowing doesn't keep you from being sick.