金色年代

The Goldbergs S03E02

Part 2 Dec. 8, 2019, 10:31 a.m.

有着蒸蒸日上的表演事业
and a thriving acting career
他扮演的是少女迷恋的对象
where he plays the thinking girl's heartthrob.
伙计你说的是克里斯汀·史莱特
Dude, you're just describing Christian Slater.
不是吧你没救了
Seriously? You're a lost cause.
是你问的
Well, you asked.
如果像克里斯汀·史莱特这样的人走进来
Look, if a guy like Christian Slater walks through that door,
我向你保证我会和他参加返校节舞会
I promise you I will go with him to homecoming.
克里斯汀·史莱特吗
Christian Slater, huh?
你要全世界最酷的男生没问题
You want the coolest guy in the world. You got him.
说什么
What's that?
没什么我刚放屁了
Nothing, I just...Farted.
我放屁了
I -- I farted.
我放屁了我得走了
I fart-- I got to go.
杰夫有了计划时
While Geoff was hatching a plan,
我则是完全没了办法
I was out of options.
我的小抱抱天使回来了
There's my tiny snuggle angel.
别说了
Stop it!
我不小也不抱抱也不是天使
I'm not tiny or snuggly or angel-y.
今天在学校不顺吗孩子
Tough day at the office, kiddo?
糟糕透了我将在音乐剧里领唱
The worst. I got the lead in the musical.
宝贝儿太棒了
Schmoo, that's fantastic.
这是你一直希望的
That's all you've ever wanted.
不再是了
Not anymore.
脸上狂爆青春痘腋窝臭死了
My face is breaking out, my pits are stinking,
我的声音完全飘忽不定
and my voice is very, very unpredictable.
我终于得到了千载难逢的角色
I finally get the part of a lifetime,
但我只会让自己出丑
and I'm gonna just humiliate myself.
没有青春期的奇妙旅程
Ah, yes, the wondrous journey through puberty.
根本不奇妙可怕极了
It's not wondrous. It's awful.
你算是来对地方了
Well, you've come to the right place.
不是吧
Oh, no.
帮你是我的责任小弟
It's my duty to help you out, baby bro.
只有大甜甜能指导你
Only big tasty can guide you
熬过许多人口中的"青春气"
through what many call "the pubening."
没人这样说
No one calls it that.
首先别再洗脸
First, stop washing your face.
你会经历亮晶晶油腻腻的几个月
You'll go through a very shiny, greasy couple of months.
但最终你的天然油脂会达到健康的平衡
But eventually, your natural oils reach a healthy balance.
-他为什么这样做 -我不知道
- Why does he do this? - I don't know.
第二不擦刮胡膏而且反着刮
Second, always shave dry and against the grain,
对着毛囊走"Z"字形
attacking the follicles in a jerky, zig-zag pattern.
第三永远别用除臭剂
And third, never use deodorant.
那只是大公♥司♥用来骗你钱的谎言
That's just something that big corporations made up to take your money.
在腋窝里简单擦一层凡士林
Simply apply a healthy layer of vaseline to the armpit
把臭味密封起来
and let it seal in the stink.
-他还在说 -他是好意
- He's still going. - He means well.
我是你的智囊我挺你兄弟
Think of me as a resource. I'm here for you, bro.
谢谢你宝贝帮了大忙
Thank you, boopie. So helpful.
忘掉你刚才听到的一切
Forget everything you just heard.
要说有人理解你的处境那就是你妈妈
If anyone understands what you're going through, it's mama.
无意冒犯妈但你不知道我有多难受
No offense, mom, but you have no idea how hard this is for me.
拜托我看着两个孩子
Please, I've watched two children
经历了"青春气"
go through the pubening.
见鬼我自己也在9岁时经历了
Heck, I even went through it myself at the tender age of 9.
这不是好事
It wasn't ideal.
别人以前叫我"咪♥咪♥莉"
They used to call me "Booberly."
但这是我们每个人
But this is just something all of us
都必须亲身经历的
had to suffer through on our own.
你也一样
Now you will, too.
或者完全跳过
Or... Completely skip over.
在我的指导下我会让这可怕的阶段
With my guidance, I'll take this horrible time
变得顺利简单甚至会有点小乐趣
and make it smooth, easy, and maybe a little bit fun.
你是说能把我从青春期中拯救出来吗
Are you actually saying you could save me from puberty?
不她不行
No! She can't.
对我就是这个意思
Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.
事到如今我还怕什么
At this point, I got nothing to lose.
让我看看你的能耐女士
Show me what you got, lady.
我把信任给了妈妈
While I put my faith in my mother,
杰夫·施瓦茨将他的信心给了克里斯汀·史莱特
Geoff Schwartz put his in Christian Slater.
向你问好
Greetings and salutations.
你家真漂亮
Lovely home you got here.
怎么回事你怎么说话像笨蛋一样
What's going on? Why are you talking like a jackass?
爱丽卡说她要克里斯汀·史莱特所以我这样
Erica said she wanted a Christian Slater, so here I am.
我知道没什么机会
I know it's a long shot,
但我觉得您女儿棒极了
but I just think your daughter's amazing.
如果您同意我想带她参加返校节舞会
And if you approve, I'd love to take her to homecoming.
爱丽卡
Erica!
有位绅士来求婚了
You've got a gentleman suitor.
您真是好人金先生
You're one of the good ones, Mr. G.
绅士什么
A gentleman what?
向你问好
Greetings and salutations.
我滑滑板经过极限运动什么的
I was just skateboarding by, gleaming the cube and whatnot.
我想我们可以去吃冰沙
Thought we could go grab a slushie.
我的天你是在模仿克里斯汀·史莱特
Oh, my god, are you trying to impress me
想以此打动我吗
by acting like Christian Slater?
-有用吗 -没
- Is it working? - No.
你的夹式耳环刚刚掉了
And your clip-on earring just popped off.
听我说我
Okay, look, I-I just --
我觉得你非常棒
I think you're great, okay?
我从二年级就这样想了
I have since, like, second grade.
我知道我答应了表妹
Now, I know I made promises to my cousin,
但我们能一起参加返校节舞会吗
but maybe we could go to homecoming together?
杰夫你真好
Oh, Geoff, this was sweet,
但我有严格的"白♥痴♥勿扰"准则
but I have a pretty firm "no moron" policy.
-问下我属于白♥痴♥范畴吗 -当然
- Question -- am I in that category? - For sure.
好吧我就当你愿意考虑下
Uh, so, um...Okay, so I'll put you down for a "maybe."
老天真是个笨蛋对吗
God, what a putz. Am I right?
在那一刻我爸意识到
At that moment, my dad realized that perhaps
他爱品头论足的性格可能影响了女儿
his judgmental nature may have rubbed off his daughter.
他决定做点什么
And he decided to do something about it.
没想到这么多有趣
Wow, who knew so many interesting
有魅力的年轻人上这所学校
and attractive young men went to this school?
我想他们还行吧
They're okay, I guess.
很多小伙子看起来
Yeah, lots of fellas who look like
值得去了解一下
they'd be worth getting to know.
我应该多认识些人
I should put myself out there more.
看那个戴时髦围巾的
Oh, look at that one with the stylish scarf
还有素描本我打赌他是诗人兼画家
and the sketchbook -- a poet and an artist, I bet.
那是丹
That's Dan.
他很害羞但我想我可以打开他的心扉
He's shy, but I think I could crack open that nut.
那位帅哥怎么样
Hey, how about that hot shot?
他游泳吗身材很像游泳运动员
Is he a swimmer? He's built like a swimmer.
看他的肩膀他肯定游泳
Look at those shoulders. He swims, for sure.
你闭嘴好吗
Will you shut up?
我根本没和你说话
I'm not even talking to you.
我希望你也没和我说话
Well, I certainly hope you're not talking to me.
听我这个不喜欢旁人的人一句劝
Hey, take it from someone who doesn't like people.
如果你把自己封闭起来你会错过很多
If you close yourself off, you're gonna miss out on a lot.
-我爸要我多约会吗 -这是返校节
- So my dad wants me to date more? - It's homecoming!
肯定会有一个不错的人值得你给他一次机会
There's got to be a nice guy somewhere who deserves a chance.
你说得对
You're right!
我会邀请丹午餐时和我坐一起
I'm gonna go ask Dan to sit with me at lunch,
看那家伙喜欢什么
see what makes that guy tick.
谢谢了爸爸
Thanks, dad.
太棒了
Yes, this is amazing!
你♥爸♥终于对你说了些有智慧的话
Your dad actually provided you with real wisdom for once.
冷静我没说我要参加舞会
Chill, I didn't say I was going to the dance.
我只是说如果有白♥痴♥邀请我我会考虑
I just said I would consider it if an idiot asked me.
明白我们会低调自然地把消息传出去
Got it. We'll play it cool and casually spread the word.
注意了全校同学
Attention, entire school!