前夫总动员（2011）

The Exes S02E12

Part 1 March 18, 2021, 1:21 p.m.

我们的助产课真的上完了
Well, we're actually done with lamaze.
我们毕业了
We graduated.
是的你知道吗我会想念
Yeah, you know, I'm gonna kind of miss
全班同学的
all our classmates.
泪汪汪的姑娘
Weepy girl.
紧张得冒汗的汉子
Sweaty, nervous guy.
"要孩子挽救婚姻"的夫妇
"Having the kid to save the marriage" Couple.
我想他们应该想个比
I think they could've come up with a better way
给我们看那恐怖片
to send us off, though,
更好的送别方式
than to show us that horror film.
你是说那个分娩录像
You mean the birthing video?
对就是说那个
Yeah, that.
你有看到从那儿出来的东西吗
Did you see all that stuff coming out of there?
像是世上最恶心的滑水道
It's like the world's most disgusting water park ride.
Eden 那很美
Eden, it's beautiful.
那是世界上最自然的事
It's the most natural thing in the world.
那是因为你不用把一大罐蛋黄酱
Says the woman who doesn't have to push
从你身体里挤出来
a costco-size jar of mayo out of her canoochie.
好了我现在之所以
Okay, the only thing keeping me
还没完全发疯
from completely freaking out
就是因为知道到时你会在我身边
is knowing you'll be by my side.
没问题我绝对会陪着你
You got it, right by your side.
我要去眯一会
I'm gonna go nappy.
- 你是我的支柱 Holly - 支柱很结实宝贝
- You're my rock, Holly. - Rock solid, baby.
谁
Yeah?
- 嘿Holly - 哦嘿
- Hey, Holly. - Oh, hey.
听着我在走廊里发现一些东西
Uh, listen, I found some stuff in the hallway.
婴儿湿巾润肤霜--
Baby wipes, vaseline--
还有乳♥头♥霜
And nipple cream.
要么这是Eden的要么就是我对Haskell
Either it's Eden's, or I just learned way too much
- 了解太深 - 啊
- about Haskell. - Ah.
这是助产班的分别礼物谢谢
Well, it's parting gifts from Lamaze class. Thanks.
啊想一想再过几个星期
Ah, just think... In a few weeks,
你就将亲眼目睹
you're gonna be witnessing first-hand
生孩子的奇迹了
the miracle of childbirth.
- 真令人兴奋哈 - 我做不到 Stuart
- Pretty exciting stuff, huh? - I can't do it, Stuart!
我做不到
I can't do it!
什么你做不到什么
What, what, what? You can't do what?
Eden生孩子时我不能呆在手术室里
I can't be in the room when Eden gives birth.
你当然能
Well, sure, you can.
这是世界上最自然的事
It's the most natural thing in the world.
别跟我说那句废话
Don't give me that crap!
我看过分娩录像了
I saw the film.
比电锯惊魂里流的血都要多
There was less gore and blood in saw ii.
天啊
God!
我无法忍♥受看着我爱的人受苦
I can't stand to see people I love in pain.
哦
Oh!
我疯了我在想什么啊
I'm in way over my head. What was I thinking?
听着 Hubner夫妇呢
Well, listen. What about the Hubners?
我是说她是他们的代♥孕♥妈♥妈♥
I mean, she's their surrogate.
他们不和她一起进手术室吗
Aren't they gonna be in the room with her?
不会
No.
她不想让他们呆在那儿幸运的混♥蛋♥
She doesn't want them there, lucky bastards.
她希望一个可以信赖的朋友陪她
She wants someone there she can trust, a friend.
我该怎么办
What am I gonna do? Well,
你很幸运你走廊对面就住着
fortunately, for you, you live across the hall
一个受过很多训练值得信任的
from a highly-trained, trustworthy
医生
medical professional.
那位外科医生几个月前搬走了
That surgeon moved out months ago.
- 不我是说我 - 哦
- No, me. Me! - Oh.
我是牙医普通人的疼
I'm a dentist. People's pain?
啐对我来说算不得什么
Pfft. Means nothing to me.
哦我不是这个意思的
Oh, that-- that came out wrong.
我是说我很愿意
What I mean is, I'd be happy
在产房♥里陪Eden
to be in the delivery room with Eden.
- 真的吗 - 嗯
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
谢谢你 Stuart
Thank you, Stuart.
- 你救了我的命 - 呃我是牙医
- You just saved my life! - Well, I'm a dentist.
职责所在
It's what we do.
- 嘿伙计们 - 嘿
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
- Eden能接受吗 - 嗯
- So how'd Eden take it? - Mm.
- 接受什么 -我没说出口
- Take what? - I couldn't tell her.
说什么每次我想要说的时候
Tell her what? Every time I tried,
她就会抬头看着我
she'd look up at me
用她那双小鹿斑比般怀孕的大眼睛
with those huge, Bambi pregnant eyes,
- 管我叫支柱 - 什么支柱
- and call me a rock. - What rock?
听着你必须告诉她不能再拖了
Look, you have to tell her. You can't put this off.
够了
Enough!
没人能孤立Haskell
Nobody puts Haskell in the corner.
很好听着 Holly不能
Fine. Look--look, Holly can't handle
去产房♥陪Eden
being in the delivery room with Eden,
所以她让我替她
so she asked me to step in.
他是牙医
He's a dentist.
他只接受过下颌部位的训练
His medical training ends at the chin.
为什么不问我
Why was I not asked?
很显然 Holly更希望
Look, obviously, Holly felt comfortable
代替她的是一个受过高度训练
that in her stead was a highly-trained,
- 受人尊敬的-- - 嗯嗯嗯
- highly-esteemable-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah,
你也进去
you're in, too.
听着在告诉她之前
Look, I gotta get Eden in a really good mood
我得让她心情好点所以今晚
before I tell her, so tonight,
我们带她去一家高档餐馆
we're gonna take her to a fabulous restaurant,
让她吃昏迷
let her eat herself into a food coma,
然后就在她快要失去意识的时候
and just as she's slipping out of consciousness,
我就告诉她那个她打算依靠的温柔女人
I'm gonna let her know that the gentle female presence
换成你们两个小丑了
she was counting on is now gonna be you two clowns.
伙计们我有个问题
Guys, uh, I got a problem,
- 需要你们的建议 - 怎么了
- and I need your advice. - What?
- 出什么事了 - 去参加游艇上的大趴体
- What's the matter? - Does one wear Prada or Armani
我是穿普拉达呢还是阿曼尼呢
to a bangin' party on a yacht,
哥今晚要去那儿逍遥
'cause that's where big papa's gonna be tonight!
当然穿普拉达
Definitely wear the Prada,
因为我要穿我的山寨阿曼尼
because I'm gonna be wearing my Armani knock off,
我可不想看起来跟你是双胞胎似的
and we don't wanna look like twins.
- 不行 - 行
- No, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes!
哦天啊这太好了
Oh, my God, this is perfect!
比吃晚餐还要好
Even better than a dinner.
听着我得让Eden有份超好的心情
Look, I gotta get Eden in a really good mood,
大游艇上的趴体绝对行啊
and a party on a bangin' boat would do it!
邀请函上没写"带上你爱强人所难的朋友"
The invitation didn't say "Bring your pushy friends."
好吗这是个商业趴体
All right? This is a business party
在我老板游艇上举办我是去工作各位
on my boss' yacht. This is my job, people.
- 但Eden是你的朋友 - 嗯
- And Eden's your friend. - Hmm.
那个怀孕的小女人
That little pregnant woman is doing one of the most
正在做世上最无私的事
selfless things a person can do,
而你就不能带她
And you can't bring her
上船开心一下吗
on a boat to make her happy?
这可不是
That's not the Phil
- 我认识的Phil - 我也觉得
- that I know. - Nor I.
偶恨你们
I hate you people.
好
- - Okay.
- Holly 这船简直不敢想象 - 你开心吗
- Holly, this boat is insane. - Are you happy?
- 嗯 - 都是我为你弄的
- Yeah. - I made it happen for you.
记住功劳都在我
Remember, big points for me.
嘿到那儿去 Eden 抓住我的手
Hey, there, Eden, grab my hand.
好的 Holly带着我
That's okay, Holly's got me.
- 她是我的支柱 - 是的
- She's my rock. - Yeah, well,
其实有后备总没有坏处
it never hurts to have back up.
是的以防你的支柱像蓝奶酪一样塌了
Yeah, in case your rock crumbles like bleu cheese.
- 你们怎么那么慢 - 哦我们不得不去
- What took you guys so long? - Oh, well, we had to stop