太空部队（2020）

有两个人分别叫作“恶心”和“啊噢” 是什么人啊？
Then just two people named "Ew" and "Uh-Oh." Who are these people?
这是我的体系 完美无瑕 我会对人进行描述
That is my system. And it's flawless. I put things in to describe people.
这样比记住名字容易多了
It is way easier than remembering names.
是怎么描述我的啊？ -不重要 就写了你的名字
What am I in here as? -Doesn't matter. Just your name for--
不 我看看
No, let me see.
事实如此 你就是英雄
Well, you are. You are a hero.
好吧 说真的 陈有什么不好？
Okay, let's just be real. What's wrong with Chan?
噢 没什么不好 陈非常好 真的
Oh, nothing. No. Chan's great. Truly.
我真的很喜欢和他一起玩
Yeah. I really like hanging out with him.
我只是还没准备好全身心投入
I'm just, like, not ready for a full-time thing, you know?
如果他派一个职业说客来 那很明显他疯了
And if he's sending in a professional wingman, it is clear he's lost his mind.
他绝对作好了全身心投入的准备
He's definitely ready for a full-time thing,
所以如果你还没准备好和他处朋友…
so if you're not ready for a relationship…
没准备好
No.
我觉得你不该睡他
Know what? I don't think you should be sleeping together.
他是一只珍贵而脆弱的小鸟
I mean, he is a precious, delicate little bird.
对
Yeah.
你说得很对 有这样的事分我的心也不好
No. Yeah, you're totally right. Um, and I don't need this noise anyway.
那就不找陈了
So, no more Chan.
好的
Good.
你能帮我跟他说吗？ -不能
Can you tell him for me? Hmm? -No.
你希望我去跟他说？ -对
You want me to tell him? -Yeah.
我不想去跟他说
I don't wanna tell him.
陈博士 麻烦你看一下我电脑上的东西
Dr. Chan, I want you to look at something, please, on my computer.
希望你给一些科学意见
I just want your scientific opinion.
这是不是异常？
Is this anything?
这种细菌物种表现出很不寻常的行为
This species of bacteria is exhibiting very unusual behavior.
麻烦你仔细看一下
I just want you, just… for a moment, just watch it closely
看看有没有…
and see if… if it shows any signs of…
啊！天哪！
Whoa! Jesus!
妈的！
Shit!
你们中招了！
Got you, bitches!
中招了！
Got you!
70年代在麻省理工学院就是这么干的
That's how it was done at MIT in the '70s.
现在依然有效
Basic, yet effective.
厉害
That was a nice one.
提升士气 完全免费
A morale booster, free of charge.
不用谢
You are welcome.
天哪！ -游戏开始
God. -Let the games commence.
啊！不是吧！
Oh! Jeez, no!
放进去 剪断
To drop… snip.
防御外星人的演示文稿有进展了吗？
Making any progress on that PowerPoint? -Thanks, hon.
有进展 长官 我们已经安排了最出色的人员在做
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. We have our best people working on it right now.
哎呀！
Wha-- Gah!
怎么了 内尔德？ 是曼妥思土制炸♥弹♥吗？
What's going on there, Naird? Is that a Mentos IED?
部长先生 我再给你回电♥话♥
Mr. Secretary, I have to call you back.
你真是一团糟啊 内尔德
You are a mess, Naird. An absolute mess.
谁做的？
Who's responsible for this?
马克 你可能不明白创新的过程
Mark, I don't think you understand the creative process.
对于创造性思维来说 玩是至关重要的
Play is essential to the inventive mind.
不对 不对 是你不明白
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand.
创意和捣蛋有很大的区别
There's a big difference between creativity and screw-arounds.
捣蛋会导致政♥府♥雇员失去工作
A screw-around is how people who work at government agencies lose their jobs
也会导致政♥府♥部门被其他部门兼并
and how government agencies get folded into other government agencies.
我就是觉得搞笑
I just thought it was funny.
搞笑？
Funny?
知道我觉得什么搞笑吗？
You know what I think is funny?
有人把冰淇淋弄到下巴上却不知道
Someone who gets ice cream on their chin and doesn't know about it.
动物骑在别的动物身上
Animals riding on other animals!
扮鬼脸！
Goofy faces!
裤裆被打中！
Somebody getting hit in the crotch!
狗穿着裤子走路！
A dog walking around in pants!
或者狗去吃花生酱！
Or a dog trying to eat peanut butter!
这才是幽默！
That is humor!
爸 只是整点恶作剧罢了
Dad, it was just a silly prank.
对 整我
Yeah, on me.
也是整美♥利♥坚♥合众国
And on the United States of America.
哎呀
Yikes.
他真的生气了
He sounds genuinely hurt.
我觉得我们过分了
Yeah, I think we took it too far.
要不我们还是 静下心来做谋杀火星人手册吧
Maybe we buckle down and power through that murder Martian manual.
不要再捣蛋了
No more screw-arounds.
马洛里博士 你放这里就行了
Dr. Mallory. Uh, you can leave that here.
他不希望被打扰
He doesn't want to be disturbed.
他还在生气？
Still miffed, is he? -Mm-hmm.
演示文稿完成
PowerPoint complete.
给你 老大
Here you go, boss.
不错嘛
Hmm. Pretty good.
给布拉德当实习生？
Interning for Brad?
英雄但鲁莽的选择
That's an heroic but reckless choice.
你♥爸♥觉得演示文稿怎么样？
So what did your dad think of the PowerPoint?
不生我们的气了吧？
Are we all good now?
噢 这个啊 他还没看完
Oh, that. Uh, he didn't finish.
嗯 他出来的时候挺生气 说要去负六楼
Yeah, he came out upset. Said he was going to subbasement six.
负六楼？下面有什么？
Subbasement six? What's down there?
我不知道 -是他怄气的地方吗？
No idea. -Is that where he goes to sulk?
我怎么知道？ 我第一天来 我是实习生
Why would I know that? It's my first day. I'm an intern.
他还好吧？
But is he okay?
他似乎对什么事挺生气的
He seemed pretty upset about something.
我也不知道 他不想说
I… I don't know. He didn't wanna talk about it.
这是哪里来的？ -从我爸抽屉里拿的
How'd you get that? -Uh, took it out of my dad's drawer.
负六楼
SB6.
谁知道呢？
Huh. Who knew?
那谁来带头道歉？
So, who is gonna lead the apology?
我想这是我的工作
Hmm, I would think that's my job.
搞什么啊？
What the fuck?
床单盖住的是什么？
What is that under the sheet?
不知道
No idea.
是蹼状的手吗？
Is that a webbed hand?
神啊！
Clear. -My God.
噢 在动了
Oh, it's moving.
神啊！马克 小心！
Oh! Oh God! -Mark, watch out!
不要啊！ -马克 打他！
No! -Mark! Mark, strike him!
你们他妈的！
You motherfuckers.
你们中招了！彻底中招了！
We got you! We got you so good.
很厉害 牛
Well done. Bravo.
应该看看你们的表情 -是啊
Should've seen your faces! -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
你也是一伙儿的？
You were in on this too?
你们上当了吗？
Did you buy that? -We bought it.
我们上当了 -我突然动起来 提升紧张气氛
I tried to start it subtly and let the tension build.
安吉拉是一位勇于冒险的女性 她有一个自♥由♥的灵魂
See, Angela is an adventurous woman and a free spirit.
当然 她是英雄
And, of course, she's a hero.
英雄很忙
And heroes have a lot on their plate.
我知道 我已经喜欢她了 你还给我看这个干嘛？
I know. I already like her. Why are you showing me all this?
嗯 好的 你让我去找她谈你们的事 对吧？
Yeah. Okay. You know how you asked me to go talk to her about you guys?
对 然后呢？ -嗯 我去谈了
Yeah. And? -Okay, I did.
我们谈过之后的结论是
We decided that
也许你们现在谈恋爱并不是最佳时机
maybe now is not the best time for you guys to date.
什么？我让你去帮我当说客 你就是这样帮忙的？
What? I asked you to be my wingman. This is how you help?
我是在帮你 我关心你 不希望看见你受伤
I am helping you. I care about you. I don't wanna see you get hurt. Okay?
我的结论是这样的
So here's my pitch.
结束了
It's over.
什么？
What?
你帮她来和我说分手？
Are you breaking up with me for her?
是的 但不是因为你的原因 而是因为她自己
Yes, but it's not you. It's her.
她有别人了吗？ -当然不是
Is she seeing someone else? -Of course not. Of course not.
她决不会这样对你
She would never do that to you.
那是为什么呢？ -她现在不能谈恋爱
Then what is it? -She can't be in a relationship right now.
我根本不用谈恋爱啊
I don't have to be in a relationship at all.
什么关系我都接受 -陈
I'm cool with whatever. -Chan. Chan.