校园时代

Schooled S01E03

Part 3 Nov. 27, 2019, 12:12 p.m.

像以前一样你支持我
As always, you got my back.
打扰下
Excuse me!
我对所有的拥有健康生殖器官的女性教职工
I have a business proposition for all female staff
有一个工作提议
with healthy reproductive organs.
我很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我决定要繁衍下一代了
I have decided to procreate,
在这里感谢大查理的建议
thanks to the advice of Big Charlie here.
所以我想在这里找一个
And so, I'm looking for a partner who can help me
能帮助我创造梅勒家下一代的伙伴
bring forth the next generation of Mellor.
等孩子降生后谁知道呢
And after it's born... well, who knows.
我想我们只能顺其自然
I guess we'll figure it out on the fly.
所以
So!
谁有兴趣
Who's interested?
没人
Nobody?
真震惊
Shocking.
我可以给你我的答案
I can give you my answer.
你的求婚性别歧视厌恶女人
Your proposal is sexist, misogynist,
幼稚荒唐
infantile, and ludicrous.
但是我接受
And I accept.
那个什么情况
Okay, what is happening right now?
我来告诉你什么情况
I'll tell you what's happening.
我刚刚成为了地球上最幸福的男人
I just became the happiest man on Earth.
抱歉
Sorry.
一个婴儿
A baby.
今晚是家长之夜虽然格拉斯科特告诉我
It was Parents' Night, and even though Glascott
不要和里德的爸爸对着干
told me not to challenge Reed's dad,
我没法放弃去帮助一个学生
I couldn't just step aside when it came to helping a student.
艾伦艾伦·布科兹嗨无数莱妮·刘易斯
Alan. Alan Buccholz. Hi. Lainey Lewis.
我们前几天见过
We met the other day
你差点碾着我的脚
when you almost ran over my foot?
不没印象
No, nothing.
我想着家长之夜应该是
I thought Parents' Night would be a good time
聊我的课的好机会
to talk about my class.
好吧就当聊过了
Okay, well, consider it talked about.
现在如果你不介意的话
Now, if you'll excuse me,
我要去大学真正在乎的
I'm going to move on to some classes
那些课那里了
that colleges actually care about.
那真可惜因为你的儿子要挂科了
Well, that's a shame, 'cause your son is failing.
什么挂科回来
What, hey! Failing?! Come here!
等等等等
Hold on, now. Wait a second.
-你刚是什么意思 -没什么
-What was that? -?Ah, it's fine.
去那些真正的课那里吧
Head on over to the real classes.
别这样拜托音乐课真的有可能挂科吗
Oh, come on. Ple-- Is it even possible to fail music?
我是说真的
I mean, really.
哆来咪嘿叭啊哩叭
Do-re-mi, hey-bop-a-ree-bop.
看我刚得了一个A
See? I just got an A.
里德要是想过
For Reed to pass,
他就得参加摇铃合唱团的演出
he has to perform in the bells recital,
但他没法参加
which he can't do
因为他被那些AP课程弄得不知所措
'cause he's so overwhelmed by all the AP classes.
他当然会不知所措
Of course he's overwhelmed!
我在培养他接我的班
I'm grooming him to take over my business!
他做CEO肯定比他做什么街头公告员
He's gonna make a lot more money as a C.E.O. Than a, what?
挣得多多了
A-A town crier?
"听一听听一听"
"Hear ye, hear ye!"
那些人最多一年只能挣4万美金
Those guys make about 40 grand a year, tops.
-最多 -你儿子很喜欢我的课
- Tops! - Your son loves my class.
你不在乎他是否开心吗
Don't you care if he's happy?!
他是个孩子
He's a kid!
他本就应该过的糟糕
He's supposed to be miserable!
嘿嘿嘿发生什么了
Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?
这位老师正试着让我儿子开心
Your teacher here is trying to make my son happy!
你为什么要这么做
Well, why would you do something like that?
因为你说过把学生放首位
Because you said, "The student comes first"!
不你让我被某个说胡话的蠢货
No, uh, you have me confused with some confused idiot
给搞糊涂了
who says stupid stuff.
你和我需要严肃地聊一聊
You and I need to have a serious discussion
关于艾伦·T·布科兹计算机实验室的事
about the Alan T. Buccholz Computer Lab.
早上9点准时在你办公室
9 a.m. sharp, your office.
你看这就是为什么我让你别掺和
You see? That's why I told you not to get involved.
现在我得应付一个生气的父亲了
Now I gotta deal with an angry parent man.
这不就是你的全部工作吗
Isn't that your entire job?
不大部分而已
No! Most of it.
我想做的只是做对学生有益的事
All I wanted was to do what's best for the students.
就当我疯了吧但我以为这才是我们在这的意义
Call me crazy, but I thought that's what we were here for.
我查了很多生育的方法
I've looked into many fertility options,
但那都太贵了而且不够有人情味
but they're so expensive and impersonal.
你的时机掌握得真好
Your timing was excellent.
我们都年过40了还没有孩子
Well, we've both wound up childless over 40,
所以我们干嘛不在一起对吧
so might as well team up, right?
我没有孩子
I am childless
因为我选择不要孩子
because I choose to be childless,
我年过40因为我选择年过40
and I am over 40 because I choose to be over 40.
好吧
Fine.
现在我们有很多东西需要达成一致
Now, there are multiple items we need to agree on.
首先是受孕
First off, conception.
显然有人工受孕
There's obviously the artificial way,
当然也有自然
and then, of course, there's the natural --
-人工受孕 -你确定
- Artificial. - ?You sure?
-人工的 -那就这么定了
- Artificial. - All right, then!
接下来头六个月
Next, I will be cocooning the baby
我会把孩子裹在我胸上
for the first six months on my chest
来模拟子♥宫♥怀孕的感觉
to approximate the feeling of the uterus.
-我也想这么做 -不好意思
- I want to do that, too. - Oh, I'm sorry,
你有个我不知道的子♥宫♥吗
do you have a uterus that I don't know about?
好吧你可以裹着孩子
Well, fine, but you can cocoon the baby
那我来裹着你
and I'll cocoon you.
你多重大概150磅
What do you weigh, about a buck 50?
-没人能裹着我先生 -我可以
- No man will cocoon me, sir! ?- I can!
你抱着孩子到处走的同时
I'll wrap you up and carry you around
我要把你裹起来带着你到处走
as you carry the baby around!
好吧你不能在一个人裹着另一个人的时候裹着他们
Okay, you can't cocoon someone who's cocooning someone else!
没准我们可以让孩子的教父
I think maybe we let the baby's godfather
来做决定
make the call on this one.
我不想当教父
Don't want to be the godfather.
那要是我和丽兹都死于空难的话
Well, who's gonna raise the baby
谁来养这个孩子呢
if Liz and I both go down in a plane crash?
抱歉我们会一起飞去哪呢
I'm sorry, where would we be flying together?
巴哈马这本来是个惊喜的
The Bahamas. It was gonna be a surprise.
-我肤色很浅 -我们可以租个小木屋
- I'm fair-skinned. - We'll rent a caba?a!
能不能不要跑题好好聊养孩子的事
Can we please stay on the subject of raising the child?
-请讲 -孩子由我来养
- Please. ?- I will be raising the child.
你可以提前预约来见孩子
You can visit at pre-arranged times --
但不能突然造访
no unscheduled pop-ins.
但是小查理需要知道他的父亲就在旁边
But Little Charlie needs to know that his daddy's nearby!
等下小查理是谁
I'm sorry, who's Little Charlie?
是孩子的名字以CB的名字取的
It's the baby's name! After CB over here.
这名字其实还挺好的
Oh, that's actually quite nice.
男孩女孩都能用
It works for a boy or a girl.
居然在这一点上达成共识
That you agree on?
不我们之间没有任何共识
No, actually, we don't agree on anything.
瑞克我以为这就是
Rick, I thought this was just going to be
两个同事在教师休息室里
a business transaction between two co-workers
做一次商业交易
in a teachers lounge.
我并不明白这么简单的问题
I don't understand how such a simple idea
为何会如此复杂
got so complicated.
我不知道我只是觉得也许
I don't know. I thought maybe, you know,
我们可以成为家人
we'd...be kind of like a family.
-什么声音 -是我的电子宠物
- What is that? - That's my Tamagotchi,
但是我没听过它发出这种声音
although I've never heard it make that noise before.